Someone wrote…

I’m female-assigned and genderqueer. I try to present in a tomboyish/androgynous kind of way most of the time, but it never seems to work.

I can go out wearing a binder and a scowl and hetero men still assume I must be interested in having sex with them. I could have top surgery and bottom surgery and go on hormones for twenty years and people would still see my broad hips and delicate face and think, “A female! Ready to mate!”

It’s not that I even mind being female-bodied, or even being feminine some of the time; it’s the reaction that these things get from others that’s so toxic.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on January 16th, 2013 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 7 comments »

7 Responses to “Toxic”

  1. mredydd

    my feelings exactly.


  2. davidbare

    Dear Toxic…. big hug…. welcome to hell!! you just described (more or less) some 69 years of my life…. couple of clues…. and if you want to talk my email is attached… I’m in Australia… however…. I’m male assigned and genderqueer (gq)…. I’m built like a 6’3″ football front row… and played it as a kid… except inside I’m a tall (gorgeous legs, mane of hair) elegant female…. so we’re mirrors kind of… you understand – many wont… my maleness cannot be hidden by any degree of surgery…. other than remove my heart and soul and do a Dr Frankenstein… BUT REMEMBER HOW THAT ENDED!!! the ‘genetics’ reformed him to the hunch back dwarf!!! so what you and I have is what we have…. it aint gonna change…. so I became a reclusive girl…. outside world I was david, job and all the trimmings,,, quietly at home and with friends I was ME…. dressed how I wanted… EVERTHNG!! Once I even walked the length of Kings Cross in Sydney in Full drag,,, I got more wolf whistles than you could poke a stick at… AND… NOBODY gave me shit!! 6’3″ + heels and wig and fishnets etc…. awesome… they all moved aside… was hilarious… the party was a waste of time… the JOURNEY there was unbelievable…..
    Let me ask you a question… sit for a moment … look inside BOTH of you and look at the BALANCE… 40/60, 30/70, 10/90, 50/50…… male female, female male – for the record I’m 50/50…. then look at your answer… what you are looking at is a path through life…. a fabulous path…. you can be BOTH, you can be one or the other, but not all at the same time…. your boy and girl inside can live in perfect harmony with each other and you can let them out whenever its appropriate…. one at work, unless your get a gltbq job… and one socially… be true to yourself is the only rule… For the record I never considered surgery beyond about 5 seconds… I LOVE BOTH MY SELVES… Actually what you have is female body with a male strength of purpose, scary, what I have is male body with an awesome female sense of gentleness (I’m always mum!) good luck.. david. xxoxox <3


  3. Dana

    I’m still new to the term genderqueer.
    So, what upsets you is the fact men you encounter see you as female automatically, when you rather be seen as a gender-fluid person?


  4. sam

    I feel a very similar way, can’t say it’s the same because it’s probably way different. But I like that I am a women most of the time, but it is the assumed sexuality that people put on me that I can’t stand. Please don’t think about having sex with me just because I’m a female because I probably wouldn’t enjoy having sex with you or very many other men for that matter. Ya know?


  5. Maximillian711

    No offence, but I’ve been on T less than a year and almost noone assumes me to be a girl now, so yes, you have a point, but please don’t write everything off because of your birth sex. (In fact, yesterday I got hit on by a straight woman – quite nice but very out of my usual realm of experience).

    But yes, there will always be people who make assumptions about your sexuality in one way or another.


  6. anonymous

    encounters in public spaces suck, getting to the end of your rope because you don’t think your body will ever be accommodating of better sucks, horrible entitled straight men suck
    i’m sorry you had to deal with all this, and i hope you have something in your life that makes you feel better


  7. Anonymous

    I can relate to your experience. Hang in there & stay true. xo


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