I would do ANYTHING to be perceived as an androgynously beautiful “pretty boy” type. But I fear that there is NO WAY to do this. I am so uncomfortable with “she” and “her” and “[birth name]” and hearing ‘ma’am’ or ‘lady’ literally makes me sick to my stomach.
I am four foot ten (you can’t even imagine how much that sucks…it goes along part and parcel with my gender angst and makes it even harder for me to have an androgynous body because there is NO PLACE for the “female” ass and hip and thigh body fat to go!).
I just wish for the day that I could find a way to be the androgynous boy I feel I am–no matter how much surgery is needed. But with my height, features and family genes, it seems impossible.
If I try to dress in the androgynous style I like, and wear baseball hats (which I DON’T like–too frat boy) and no eyeliner, I’m considered a ‘butch dyke’ when I don’t see myself as a masculine female who likes women.
If I dare to put on eyeliner (in glam-rock David Bowie style, btw) and show my short yet still hipster-y (hate using that word, but had to describe it somehow) haircut and still wear my androgynous clothes, I get “pretty laydee” this and come ons by straight men that make me want to puke.
I just can’t win.
What’s your experience?