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Someone wrote…

I’m not female, I’m not male… I’ve always loved my body, liked the flattering curves. I still enjoy myself and honestly I don’t really understand what’s going on right now. I’m a lesbian, and I’ve always liked girls. But lately I don’t feel like one, I don’t want a sex change (though somedays I just wake up and fight with the suffocating urge to be male.) But in my head I’m not male or female.. I’m human, somedays I wear lipstick and low cut shirts, others I cover up my chest and wear baggy jeans. I think words like male and female are silly, especially when it comes to how people dress. Because by saying that someone is dressing like a boy you are admitting that you have succumbed to the pressuring way our culture sees people. I am me, not female nor male. I am a spirit trapped within a body. A body I love, a body I hate..

I am so many things, but I’m not your label.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

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Julia asks…

I’m currently dating a wonderful FTM guy who is about to start taking testosterone. Things have been going great! I fully support him and he appreciates it. However, two weeks ago, he made his official appointments to start T and ever since then he has been pulling back a lot.

He’ll get stressed, and normal “mushy” behaviours that are usual for us will make him all of the sudden feel pressure, when before, he was definitely the more romantically aggressive one.

He says he’s not sure what’s up but it started when he made those appointments and things got “real” for him. He also says he worries about changes with him to come and doesn’t want our relationship to sour bc of it and have that bad association with his T process. Up until now though, we’ve had no issues and his fears have been the only thing to CAUSE any issues. However, when I say I understand and I’ll give him some space, he flips and is back to being overly mushy again. A few days later, it’s a 180 flip the other way and back again. The recurring cycle hurts me and is hard bc I feel like must walk on eggshells bc I never know how he will react.

Has anyone experienced this? Is it really stress due to start T? Will it pass? What can I do to help? Should I just let him alone and just be a friend?
Thanks!

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

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Someone wrote…

Today, I changed my gender on Facebook from female to pangender. I noted that the pronouns I prefer is they/them. It felt really good.

Just lately I’ve had to fill out a lot of forms. Each time, I’ve found it harder to face the either or question of gender. Which box do I check? Why am I forced to make this choice over and over. That’s not even accurate. A choice implies, it’s my decision what box I’m put in. Today, I actually got to make a choice.

Freedom, relief and gratitude all flowed through me. And so, I did more than just change my profile. I wrote about my experience on Facebook. It’s a small start but I have realized this is my fight too.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Reposted via I Like Bois.

“This day is very significant to me, It represents the beginning of MY NEW beginning. It’s been a long journey trying to discover who I really am. I think one of the hardest things in the world is not being able to be yourself around those you love. Sometimes we have to fight to live our own life in our own way.”

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You can call me… Lorenzo.

I identify as… genderfluid.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … call me “he” and “she,” switch between them or use whichever one comes to mind first.  c:

I’m attracted to… people. I am panromantic and fall in love with someone’s personality before anything else. I also may be gray-pansexual or demi-pansexual (I’m still a virgin so I don’t know yet).

When people talk about me, I want them to… recognise me as a person, not a boy or a girl. My gender changes with mood or situation, so I change multiple times a day! I’d rather people treat me as me rather than a gender.

I want people to understand… that my gender is not a big deal. I also wish non-binary genders were more recognised in society so you don’t have a lot of trouble trying to explain yourself when someone asks things related to it.

About Lorenzo
I’m 19 and studying animation in college. The whole gender thing started only over a year ago! I tend to wear clothes of both genders but don’t mix them. I go out as whatever gender I feel the night before or when I wake up and hope that people recognise me as that gender (people have and haven’t, so you never know). I also hope I feel close to that gender or at least neutral so I don’t get paranoid feeling the opposite of what I’m wearing.

» Define yourself. «

Submitted by john Hartil, the model and photographer.

“Just a day working on the computer.”

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Someone wrote…

I’ve just discovered what being “genderqeer” is. I’ve finally found myself!

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Submitted by Micah, the model.

“This was for my friend’s wedding. It was the first time I went to a wedding where I felt myself, free to wear what I please, with no judgment, and even if there were people who questioned my clothing, I was so oblivious to it because I felt so free.”

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Zac recommends…

Really interesting photographer.

Note: some of the photos show (artful) nudity.

» Recommend something. «

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Someone wrote…

I’m a genderqueer who has birthed two children and now feel all kinds of messed up about my gender, not that I ever felt comfortable with it.

My hetero male partner loves me to bits, but doesn’t understand why I “want to make myself less beautiful”. I have started getting fit, and love the way the muscles look on my body. The sharp angles that are appearing as I approach a body fat percentage that suits my image of myself – not male or female, somewhere in the middle.

He tells me that he wouldn’t mind me “role-playing” as a man (or maybe he thinks I’ll be role-playing as a butch dyke? I don’t understand), and thinks I’m trying too hard to label something that isn’t important because I’m in a straight relationship anyway…but if it isn’t important, why do I want to care so much about what these conflicting feelings and thought patterns mean?

Most people who know I’m not straight (even though I’ve been in a long-term monogamous hetero relationship) just think I’m bi, a term which sits as well with me as “woman” does. For some reason, female doesn’t seem so bad?

I don’t know how to deal. I need to do some thinking, but it’s very hard when my partner keeps reinforcing my femininity when I don’t want him to.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I know I’m pretty in dresses and kitten heels, mom, but I don’t get why you can’t see that I’m just as gorgeous in my own way wearing skinny jeans and loose sweaters..

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Kickstarter for a project to make a line of pink shirts for all little ones.

Someone wrote…

Androgyny for me is wearing men’s clothes that accentuate my curves.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

You can call me… Sage.

I identify as… a transgender female to male.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I use male pronouns (he, him, his).

I’m attracted to… whoever sparks my attention.

When people talk about me, I want them to… eventually walk away with new knowledge.

I want people to understand… that everyone is created different, that being said… some people just do not fit into what is expected from males and females.

About Sage
Well, I grow up in a small, country-like town that is full of many different types of people. 50% are the Christians/Catholics, 30% are those who identify as rednecks (even though they do not know what redneck TRULY means) or ‘hicks’. And the other 20% is other. I go to school is a predominately white school so there are only about 8 other African Americans that attend my small, 500-student school. I volunteer for GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network) Pittsburgh. Which is a Student Leader Network to ensure that those in the LGBTQUIA+ community are safe during school. I also enjoy doing things such as writing poetry and short stories, drawing, learning random things, meditating, yoga, and just meeting new people online and offline. I guess you can say I am an adventurous 17 year old Trans* guy just trying to find new ways to make a difference in this very, very small world before I die.

» Define yourself. «

Someone wrote…

Dear Amy (sic),
There may be a time when you look outside and start to see your self more. More and more people around you are presenting themselves in ways that represent their inside on their outside. This excites you. I know this because your face glows each time you see a human who blurs the boundaries of what a woman is or how a man should be. You are not so old that you are engraved and complete. There are so many more books you need to read and poems to write. So, can you stay? How about you stay?

Dear Scar.
I’d be wrong to promise no more siblings. We fall. We scab. New skin forms. A scar arrives. But how about I try not to give birth to any more on purpose.

Dear Gender.
It’s ok. You don’t need to footnote yourself. You can reference yourself as a punctuation mark. You have nothing to do with why your heart got hurt. There is someone out there who will love your awkward, your blur, your fear. You are expanding. How beautiful to arrive at a moment of clarity. Keep walking and you will find others who understand. State your boundaries, so there will be no more break-ins. Stop giving your key away. Move slower when trying to exhale out your particles.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Two older but still fascinating articles:

Someone recommends…

This is the first time I’ve ever heard of such a public, nation-wide discussion of gender. I don’t think I agree with everything they’re trying to do, but -damn- it’s inspiring that they’re taking gender equality so seriously.

Ricky recommends…

I read this and thought of everyone here. The Swedes have introduced a gender-neutral pronoun to their language so people no longer have to use ‘han’ (he) and ‘hon’ (she).

» Recommend something. «