Of the unknown ahead of me: I have decided that this is the year I make my stand and stop hiding the beautiful woman i can be inside of the male body I inhabit. Not entirely sure how that’ll be accomplished or where that will take me. Little bit scary, that.
Of how people will react to the way I choose to present myself to the rest of the world: never been possessed with an abundance of self-esteem to begin with, so venturing out into the world while trying to present myself as a gender I have not been socially conditioned to be, and have few of the generally accepted physical attributes of is also a bit scary. Will I be accepted? Yeah, in some places by some folks, I’m sure. Will I be laughed at? Probably. But I’ll just need to do my best to deal with that. Will I be physically attacked or assaulted? Hope not, but i know this still happens more often than most folks realize. So I will do my best to be safe, and i will put up a hell of a fight if need be.
Of never “really being a woman”. Is it enough to have the self-perception that you are female? Is it enough to wear the clothing that society considers to be feminine? Do I need to have surgery to get all the way there? Or is that still just artificial? Will I always still “really” just be a man because of the way I was born? I perceive myself as a woman, and i am attracted to women – can I call myself a lesbian? Or am I really just a man trying to appropriate a culture I can never really be part of?
Of dying alone. Of never being able to fully achive self-acceptance, and therefore being unable to fully accept the love and affection of another.
What’s your experience?