Not a part of me

Someone wrote…

I don’t want to dislike my breasts. In themselves, they’re not that bad. They didn’t do anything evil. They just don’t feel like a part of me. And as long as they’re there, it’s considered not OK for me to go bare-chested, which is a constant reminder that people read me as female. And a constant reminder of the gender inequality of our society.

Would I feel better with a “masculine” chest? I don’t know. I’ve considered binding, but I already have some breathing issues due to anxiety. It does feel better when I’m wearing a sports bra, but I also want to be able to love my body naked and exposed. As of now, I’m not sure if I’ll manage to integrate the breasts with my intergender identity, or decide to remove them. But most of the time, I just wish I didn’t have this struggle at all.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on January 8th, 2014 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 7 comments »

7 Responses to “Not a part of me”

  1. Fox

    I’m right there with you, would that I could just be free of it, oh how much lighter I’d feel. I’d love to love all of myself, and the conflict that’s created by one area feeling so foreign is painful- I just don’t think I’ll ever come to feel as though my chest is a part of me. It’s a grey area, as it’s not specifically gender related (at least for me), and thus less relate-able. Nice to know there’s more people who feel the same…cheers to a happy resolution, in whatever form!


    Anonymous replied:

    “it’s not specifically gender related (at least for me), and thus less relate-able”…

    It’s refreshing to hear someone else say this… I keep thinking about the “practical” sides of top surgery (less chance of breast cancer, no need for binders, and my messenger bag strap or seat belt no longer being a pain in the chest). It’s nice to know I’m not alone! (It is also amazing how often I find myself saying that as I do more and more research and the world of genderfluidity opens up to me!)


  2. anta

    I have an ambivalent relationship with my breasts. They’re just there. I don’t really mind them, I just don’t want people to see them, so I bind lightly (they’re not very big). I don’t want to have them removed, because I kind of like how I look topless, and even though removing the breasts would mean that I wouldn’t have to bind, I have no idea what I’d look like without them, and I think it’s better to be satisfied with my naked than my clothed self.

    I hope you can resolve your situation in a way that pleases you.


  3. Charlie


    I wish I had something better to say, but you nailed it.


  4. Leigh

    I know exactly how you feel. I’ve never really liked my boobs. In fact, I remember the first time I tried on a shirt that showed off my curves, I cried and had an anxiety attack. I’ve since come more to terms with them, but I’m sti discovering “what” I am. I believe, so far, that I’m pansexual, though I tend toward guys, but I’m not sure if I’m male, female, gender queer or what. We’ll have to wait and see. Best of luck to you!


  5. VPT

    I feel the same — they’ve never felt part of me, but I’m mostly comfortable with them day-to-day. I think of them like an unsightly but manageable medical condition like ‘swollen glands’ or something (which they kind of are in an evolutionary sense I suppose).

    It was breasts that made me articulate to myself that I somehow categorised myself *with* males in spirit, rather than just being a girl who had male friends and some traditionally male hobbies.

    When I was 11 and about to start high school I already had a C cup (now sadly DD). My mother (understandably) decided I really should start wearing a bra. One day that summer we were out shopping and when I realised we were heading for the lingerie department of the store for the first time I actually hid and then walked out of the store so we couldn’t buy the bra that day.

    My mother was actually cool about this and didn’t say anything or try again for a little while. But when I thought about it and imagined myself in a bra as my personal daily clothes permanently, I felt strongly: ‘don’t *separate* me from the musicians, friends, people I feel affinity with’, meaning, ‘don’t separate me from males’.


  6. chris

    this describes my experience so much. I’ve thought about top surgery but I’ve had so much health issues I just can’t face more surgery. I do bind sometimes, but I haven’t found a way to make it really work. I don’t hate my breasts but they just aren’t me.


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