Oscillating Identities

Someone wrote…

I was so certain of my female identity. I was coming out to more and more people. I was figuring out how to be an adult woman and not an adult man. Now I’m not so sure. There are masculine parts of me that still come out. Am I more bigender than transgender? I keep oscillating between identities.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on March 4th, 2014 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 6 comments »

6 Responses to “Oscillating Identities”

  1. Victoria

    I have similar feelings at times. I still have to spend most of the time in the male identity I was born into, and only get to let the feminine side of myself out on weekends. During the week I usually fell like I am just deceiving everyone around me trying to pretend to be male. Yet, sometimes when I look at myself dressed and made-up in my femme identity I can only see a middle-aged man trying to look like a woman. Other times, I can see the woman peeking out through the male appearance, and I can look at myself in my femme appearance and only see a woman. *shrug* It is being bi-gendered or is it a matter of shifting levels of self-esteem and/or confidence? I really don’t know. do the best you can today, and try to do better tomorrow.

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  2. Callista

    You are yourself.

    I don’t think anyone quite fits into society’s definitions of gender. Practically every woman out there has some “masculine” traits–and it’s not because she’s partly male, really; it’s just that those happen to be some of her traits, and she is who she is. Note I say “She”–because having masculine traits doesn’t make a person male! Otherwise, every female firefighter, plumber, lumberjack, and engineer would have to swap genders, and last I heard, most of ‘em were perfectly happy being females. :)

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  3. Jesse

    Gender is a spectrum. We’re all on it. We move about. Nobody stays put, even if they think they do. I know cis people more genderqueer than some die hard trans folk. It’s all just labels, so don’t sweat it.

    Be yourself, enjoy what you like today. Be kind and caring of others and they will, eventually, reciprocate. Do not insist on agreement, settle for a little understanding.

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  4. Victoria

    Callista and Jesse – you both bring up very good points. I guess, for me, it’s mostly a matter of learning to be comfortable with who/what I am so that I can more confidently present myself as myself to the rest of the world. Seems easier said than done most of the time, though. For better or worse I’ve decided that this year is the year I do my best to let go of my fears and inhibitions and let my feminine self shine through for the world to see. Or at least that’s the plan. So far getting out of the house dressed femme on a regular basis, and going to a make-up artist this coming weeke-end for a make-over tutorial on how I can better present myself. So definitely some progress. At the same time, no matter what, I still need to learn to accept myself before I can expect anyone else to do so. And maybe I’m not “fully” a woman, but I am definitely more female than i’ve ever been male despite the physiology I was born with. that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

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    Jesse replied:

    Victoria, thanks. I never meant to make it sound easy or simple. We are social animals and unless you’re a complete sociopath, you take notice of other people’s attitudes and opinions. You do have to figure out what you think you are today and that isn’t easy.

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  5. Davina

    Victoria
    I echo your thoughts entirely. While I feel feminine pretty often and want to present as such, I know I have a male part too. So, like you, I’ve also decided that I need to explore my femme side more, by venturing out in the company of other people. So, I have taken the plunge, and booked myself to go to one of these conventions for trans people, in May. At least I’ll be able to meet other like-minded people, even if it’s not truly an interaction with Joe Public.

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