Question: Boyfriend starting T, causing him to pull away!

Julia asks…

I’m currently dating a wonderful FTM guy who is about to start taking testosterone. Things have been going great! I fully support him and he appreciates it. However, two weeks ago, he made his official appointments to start T and ever since then he has been pulling back a lot.

He’ll get stressed, and normal “mushy” behaviours that are usual for us will make him all of the sudden feel pressure, when before, he was definitely the more romantically aggressive one.

He says he’s not sure what’s up but it started when he made those appointments and things got “real” for him. He also says he worries about changes with him to come and doesn’t want our relationship to sour bc of it and have that bad association with his T process. Up until now though, we’ve had no issues and his fears have been the only thing to CAUSE any issues. However, when I say I understand and I’ll give him some space, he flips and is back to being overly mushy again. A few days later, it’s a 180 flip the other way and back again. The recurring cycle hurts me and is hard bc I feel like must walk on eggshells bc I never know how he will react.

Has anyone experienced this? Is it really stress due to start T? Will it pass? What can I do to help? Should I just let him alone and just be a friend?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on March 17th, 2014 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 3 comments »

3 Responses to “Question: Boyfriend starting T, causing him to pull away!”

  1. theocraticjello

    It’s only been two weeks.

    This is a huge decision for him. We all process the stress of making this decision differently. I had the largest argument I’ve ever had with my partner the night before my first doc appointment for T. It was stress. We were both worried about our relationship, about if things were going to change, and about whether each of us was willing to stay in the relationship.

    It might take a few months to shake out. In the scheme of things, that’s not very long to process such a massive decision. I’m three months on T, and it took me that long to be really sure my partner wasn’t going to dump me the minute I started showing physical changes. There is a lot to worry about.


  2. mik

    The stress in the starting T process is essentially due to the fact that one is going somewhere without knowing what the journey will look like. It can be scary if one thinks to the whole picture, or one can just take it day by day and enjoy all the changes he’s going through :)
    Tell him it wont change who he is and the nature of your relationship, because your love and your support has nothing to do with it.
    Communication is the key, and also letting him some space and time. It can be a bit challenging some days but he will surely find new comfort zones and feels better and better with himself.
    I’m 8 months on T and wow, i’ve never felt so good in my life, even if sometimes i get confused about stuff in my mind hehe
    It really doesnt worth to break a good relationship just because he worries about what MAY happen!! Good luck :)


  3. fluffy

    It’s called “puberty.” MAAB folks can relate.


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