Coming Out

Someone wrote…

I feel really guilty whenever I read other people’s positive experiences with coming out because mine hasn’t been the best and I’m so jealous all the time. I’m agender, and my mom still refers to me as female and says I “Have to be a girl” and that I “Don’t get a choice”. I can’t come out to the rest of my family because most of them are really transphobic and would probably get me kicked out, and the only friend I could live with lives a very long way away…

And although most of my friends are decently respectful most of the ones I had when I came out for the first time barely ever remembered my name and pronouns, even though they *never* forgot a mutual friend’s when he came out… Plus they think I’m aromantic just because I’m asexual, and I’m not and it sucks… But hey, my best friends right now are really really good about remembering my name and pronouns and don’t treat me like I have to be aro just because I’m ace, and I really appreciate it, so uh… look on the bright side I suppose!

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 24th, 2015 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 2 comments »

2 Responses to “Coming Out”

  1. Xei

    My experience was that I never came out of the closet to my family, so I had a ‘secret’ life for a long time while living with my parents, mainly because I don’t want to explain the whole thing to them while knowing that my father will reject me, we already have too many issues so I just avoid him.

    Recalling my childhood I always felt more like a male but in my case it was more of the pressure that society and my family put in me as a female.

    Today I don’t really see a gender in me, I don’t mind if people use female pronouns with me, I’m biologically a female, but also don’t care if they use any other of pronouns, in my mind I don’t care the gender they think I am as long as it doesn’t mean that they will treat me in a different way.

    I’m pansexual and currently in a longterm relationship with a straight male who identified as asexual for most of his life, which in the beginning bugged me a lot since I always liked girls more, but I also realized that I’m happy with him, no matter his genitalia or preference, we are happy together and we learnt how to balance our different sex drives in a healthy way for both of us.

    You may have a difficult time right now, but as you grow up you will be able to chose the people you want to keep around and get to meet more friends who will love you for your whole self.



  2. Agender_Kiddo

    I hear you, dude. Being born a girl and then identifying as a genderfluid pansexual human being is difficult for families to understand. My whole family is transphobic and fluidphobic to an extreme. I’ve been emotionally abused, driven out of town and left on the side of the road until I “was a girl again” (I lied to get myself out of that situation) and now I’m scared to bring up the topic.

    My parents think I’m a straight girl, but recent events have left me knowing that I’m pansexual. I’ve been, very sadly, just friends with this one boy for a while and now I’m also crushing on my best friend, who’s a girl.

    While my situation is different than yours, just remember that you are perfect. Also remember to surround yourself with friends who actually understand you. My friends call me by my respective pronouns (Ge, Gim, Gier ((Ge-ar)), They, Them, Their) and they respect that even though I’m in Girl Classes at school, I’m not a girl.

    My only problem is my biological family. I came out as pansexual today to my twin sister and she didn’t know what it meant. I didn’t bother explaining as she was the one who slapped me in the face when I first came out as genderfluid. And because me parents are very religious and thinking that you HAVE to date the opposite gender, I can’t tell them yet.

    While I’m not giving direct advice, hopefully my story gives you some ideas on how to come out better. I’m also open for advice if you guys have any!


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