Narrowing It Down

Someone wrote…

I am 14. Can someone who knows a bit more about gender and sexuality narrow this down for me? If so, much appreciated. So…

I am transmasculine (I feel slightly male, but not wholly), but also identify as another gender. Labelling myself as also Agender sounds incorrect to me. I feel as if I DO have a gender, but it is not male nor female, but yes, I DO feel like I’m teetering on the edge of the male-side of things.

So, maybe third-gendered, or I’m a Demiguy?

Also, I like to dress very androgynously, and like to keep people questioning if I’m male or female. I would feel very flattered if someone mistook me for a male, and I would feel understanding if someone mistook me for female, but anyone who straight up said “You are a man” or “You are a woman”, would make me feel uncomfortable.

And, lastly, since I am not male or female, I would not refer to myself as straight or gay. Though rare, I can be attracted to a cis, straight male, but I strongly prefer an androgynous person: Long hair, soft spoken, feminine features, but still born a male, and with a shapeless, male-like body. Preferably, someone like early 1970’s Robert Plant. Haha.

Anyway, is this a type of sexuality?

So, sorry for the rambling. Many thanks to whoever decides to help.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on December 12th, 2015 at 08:00 am

Category: questions, your voice 3 comments »

3 Responses to “Narrowing It Down”

  1. Anonymous

    The short answer is that no one else can tell you what your gender is. That’s a good thing – it means that if someone tells you you’re a girl and you know you’re not, then they’re in the wrong, not you – but it also means that only you can work out what you are. Your understanding of what your gender is will change as you grow older, and what you call your gender or your sexuality will change too. You may be impatient to put a label on your gender, but it’s important to remember that just because you identify as one thing now it doesn’t mean you have to identify as it forever. I’m considerably older than you, and although my gender is settled my sexuality feels fluid, and I don’t have a single term that I use to describe it, and that’s basically OK!

    You describe the kind of person you’re attracted to, and ask ‘Is this a type of sexuality?’ Well, yes. There are as many sexualities as there are people in the world. Whether there’s a label for your sexuality that already exists, I don’t know. Labels are useful, but what we feel is more important than what we call it.


  2. Hodge Podge

    I like the “demi” labels, as although I’m basically a trans woman the whole notion of binary gender is a little surreal to me. If that works for you then go for it. It’s unlikely you’ll ever be able to explain your genders feelings with a single word though, unfortunately.


  3. Anonymous

    Wow, my original question took a while to finally be posted. Thanks, to everyone who replied. I found out, that, yeah, it was way more than one word, but it’s not unfortunate (to me, at least). I know it’s pretty impatient to need to label yourself, like I had, but without a label it’s kinda like, e.g.: not having a name. It’s confusing, just to clarify.

    Anyway, thanks :)


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