Question: Am I Demiflux, Demifluid, or Genderfluid?

Gabe asks…

Hello, my name is Gabe (not my real name). I am for sure panromantic. I am still confused about sexuality, though I am most likely Demisexual. I am also confused about my gender. I have been going by genderfluid, but upon researching more about gender, I have started questioning it.

I have come upon the terms “Demiflux” and “Demifluid” I was beginning to think, I may be one of those. When I fluctuate between being female, male, both, or neither, I still feel a small tiny bit of male inside. (I was born as a female. I am not out to anyone about anything, yet) I was thinking I was a Demiboy. But I feel a small part Boy, sometimes the rest is female, sometimes I feel like both. It may not make sense, but sometimes half of me is boy, the other half is boy and girl? I am unsure and new to these terms, so I’m not sure what I am.

I also wanted to ask, can a genderfluid person be demiboy and genderqueer/genderfluid at the same time?

Can genderfluid fluctuate between demiboy, female, male, both, etc. Thank you very much!

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 1st, 2015 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 5 comments »

5 Responses to “Question: Am I Demiflux, Demifluid, or Genderfluid?”

  1. LJ

    Hi! Yeah, a genderfluid person can be a demiboy if s/h/e feels that way:

    If you think about it, they’re just words: I feel my identity as both transmasculine and agender, which, if you look at the roots of those words, don’t fit together. You might think how can a person be both masculine and not gendered? Stuff like that. But that’s how I feel. I’m trans, I’m masculine, I’m trans towards the masculine side of things, and I feel like I have no central gender. Whether it makes sense to others doesn’t bug me, because those words feel right to me. I’ve identified as transfeminine, and gotten bugged about it because I’m DFAB. They said I couldn’t be transfeminine because I started feminine. I didn’t agree because I was trans. And feminine. So what? I’ve made up my own labels, all sorts of weird things. And, of course, since my gender is a fluid thing, I have accepted and rejected so many of my own labels depending on everything, because not only do certain words fit day-to-day, but certain words fit era-to-era in my life.

    So those are the words I use for myself. But then, if I want to explain something to someone, I use different words, ones that might not fit right, like genderqueer (too umbrella for me), transgender (not really accurate in terms of everyday usage), or non-binary (which is silly, because everyone’s that, kind of). Depending on the situation, any number of words is useful. Like on forms. If there’s a medical form asking me for my sex and it gives 3 options (male, female, trans), I check the trans option because that’s how they’ll be best able to help me, even if that’s not quite right. Or if I’m talking to someone about my transsexual transition, I’ll use “non-binary” because that explains that I am not transitioning from one side to the complete other. I am transitioning from F to X, not F to M.

    It sounds like you have some kind of boy soul. And then a fluctuating solar system of gender around it. Something like that. It sounds cool ;)

    Genderfluid, to me, is a huge term that encompasses anyone who moves through gender identities. So if someone floats from a girl identity to a boy identity and back in one day, that’s genderfluid. Or someone who floats from girl to boy and back in six months, genderfluid. Someone who one day feels like a man, one day feels like a woman, one day feels like a demiboy, one day feels agender, and one day feels pangender, genderfluid. Etc.

    When in doubt, consult the Latin routes. Or Greek. Or whatever they are.

    Peace :D


  2. Claude

    Let me start by saying that the definition of Genderfluid in LJ’s text above is quite great.
    And a little quote, I just love the image too much! :
    “It sounds like you have some kind of boy soul. And then a fluctuating solar system of gender around it. Something like that. It sounds cool ;)”

    Within any day, hour, minute, second, etc, I float from any of those labels to any other one. That gender”fluid” is sometimes thicker, sometimes thinner, so those changes can be really fast or quite slow. It’s not even all the same fluid. Stereotypically, boy would be blue liquid, girl would be pink liquid, but every other color of the rainbow (and some others) is in there too. And this is all getting mixed by a mixer on crack. Now the crazy part is that all those never really mix or everything would become one uniform color (whatever that would be…). Nooo, that would be way too easy. It’s like there’s a little window looking into this whirling vortex of genders and whatever is seen at that very moment in the window is pronounced to be the grand and whole TRUTH! Sometimes later, that truth changes to something else and this is the new TRUTH. And on, and on. It’s like an old punk song, that said, and I paraphrase : I never lie; I change my mind all the time. Mostly, what I would like to do is to unplug the system shouting those truths all the time…

    (I’m supposed to be quite smart, but I’ve been thinking about this for about 35 years and I yet have to stick it in my head that it will never be resolved satisfactorily for my intellect. The problem is that my emotions and my intellect don’t seem to talk to each other, so the cogs in my head keep on spinning.)

    Some days, I’m having a lot of fun with all this. Other days, I would wish it all away… but then, which one would I keep… I truly, truly… don’t know… And so it goes, even theoretically.

    So, the trick is to enjoy the ride as much as possible. Try to let go of labels a bit and just be yourself, whatever that is at whatever moment.

    Just an example to finish with : I changed departement about 2 years ago at work, so got a whole new set of colleagues, some I knew a bit, most not at all. When Halloween came that first year, I crossdressed for the day; it wasn’t perfect but very bloody :-) Most people were very impressed with it, maybe because of what I became VS my physical self. Since that day, I have been very fluid at work and my whole team just rolls with it. Some people more, some less, but I think I never felt this good at work.

    Have fun!

    Don’t give up!

    Hugs and kisses!!!


    Stobartjay replied:

    Hey everyone! Really pleased to have found this post! I feel your struggle, I’ve been trying to get a grasp on my gender identity for 12 years or so now and still can’t find the words or actions to take? I’m a faab, feel a constant internal sense of male while I feel a small internal shift to female in certain Situations, like if I’m with a friend or gushing over a girl or I’m listening information to an old song/gig that takes me back to a particular time. I’m mostly fine with my body in most senses (minus the feeling of one missing sexual organ at times) and have struggled expressing my masculinity all my life because I’m very fem looking, softly spoken and gentle as a person. It’s lead me to feel like I’d need to medically transition to achieve this at least. But I like having long dark (died black hair and looking andro I guess. So to speak, I would also feel pressure to have my breasts removed I think if I took T which I don’t want to do as I see them as a part of me. I also am unsure if I would want all its side effects such as the increase body smell and receding possibility along with facial hair permanency (which at times I’d love) can’t lie. Though I think I’d also feel like I had to comply to another role of being male if I transitioned (which I would struggle with) as it’s stands I feel I have much more freedom in terms of expression in general i guess, like especially clothing and emotional expression as a faab. I’m also a bit flux when it comes to partners so am unsure how this would work once I started looking like a guy and having to act as one in all senses sexually (which I’m most parts I’d love) but again I also like to embrace my female side to a small percentage :) not sure if any one else can identify or has similar experiences with there gender identity but I’d love to hear other experiences!

    Keep well and best wishes to all, Thanks for reading :)


  3. Parker Kleinman

    Hey, I’ve actually been wondering the exact same thing. I identify as gender fluid and my friends are all super supportive about it (basically my whole friend group is gay or is something different then their sex.) I’m biromantic and not sure about my sexuality(being gender fluid, I mainly want to do it with boys but sometimes I’m a girl so I’m heterosexual but when I’m a boy I’m homosexual, etc.) I’m not out as gender fluid, I’m sort of out as bi. Basically, I was born female at birth and I know I’m not a solid girl, I know that, but I might be a Demi-boy, but I sometimes feel more girly and sometimes feel just no gender. So I was wondering if instead of, say, ‘I feel more like a boy but I kinda feel like a girl,’ I could just say ‘I feel like a Demi boy.’
    So basically, this is awesome! My bestie is a Demi-girl, so she can probably guide me through Demi-fluidness. Thanks for reading this, sorry I’m just kinda ranting. <3 :)


  4. Kao

    I’m really not sure if this is relevant to the question or not, but thanks a bunch to everyone who said something because it’s helping me figure it out. From what was said, (I’m new to this section of genders so if I’m wrong I’m really sorry I don’t mean to offend at all) I think the difference between demiflux and demifluid is that demifluid is a gender that changes like the “gender blender” from above and whichever gender is showing at that moment is how you identify as in that moment, while demiflux is all those genders at once?

    I don’t know if I’m saying the demiflux part right, but that’s how I feel about gender, in a way. I’m okay with being a girl, but if I label myself as a girl, or even demigirl, I feel kind of weird about it. I feel more comfortable with the idea of being a boy, but actually calling myself one, even if it’s as demiboy or something more fluid than just the binary boy, it feels wrong. In short, I guess it’s like I’m okay with being “girl” but I hate the idea of it, and I’m okay with the idea of being “boy” but I wouldn’t be okay being one or calling myself a boy.

    From just that it sounds like I’m agender or something like that, but that doesn’t fit either. I don’t know if it’s because of all the heteronormality in society and I need to get over my feelings about it because it’s internalized phobias or if demiflux really is the right word for me. I know I could leave it as genderqueer or an umbrella term, but I want to understand myself in-depth if I’m going to decide to.


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