Question: Dilemma!!

Katie asks…

Ok.. so my names Katie and. I think I might be trans??

I’ve always been known as ‘acting like a dude’ and stuff, and in the past year my closet has been filling up more and more with guys clothes too! I like looking and feeling masculine. I really don’t like having boobs either. Sometimes if say, I’m wearing a swimsuit and it flattens my chest it makes me feel a lot more confident. I’m still sort of confused because I might just be an confused tomboy. To be honest I’d much rather be a guy, cis-passing and everything. The one thing I’m not interested is surgery and proper realignment (excluding top surgery!). I’m worried that because of that I can’t be a ‘real’ trans guy, or a guy at all for that matter.

(Also I don’t think I could ever fit a masculine name for myself!) I’m only 13. So is it just better to wait and just see what happens?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on December 26th, 2015 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 3 comments »

3 Responses to “Question: Dilemma!!”

  1. Anonymous

    Hi! I’m pretty close to your age, and I relate to your story some, so I’ll try my best to help. Honestly, I think you should wait and just see what happens. You should just do a bit of research; check out the list of gender identities and pronouns, try some on, and consider what you feel most at ease with.

    And on the name bit, if you don’t feel fully connected with masculine names, as it seems, you can always try out some unisex or androgynous names.

    If you’re doubting yourself still, after you’ve done your research, dig deeper; there’s always more. Like…
    – Do you consider yourself partially, but not wholly, masculine? You may want to check out transmasculine.
    – Do you identify partially, but not wholly, as a man (and maybe a bit of something else)? You may want to check out demiguy.

    (And remember: a transman is a real man, so if you consider yourself a man: you are a man, despite what others say. You are never faking it.) Good luck!


  2. Anonymous

    Also, you don’t have to want or get surgery to be a trans guy.


  3. David

    Hi Katie,

    I recently asked some five year olds what they think makes a person a boy or a girl. They all told me pretty much the same thing: boys have short hair and wear “cool” clothes; girls have long hair and wear “cute” clothes. Not a single child mentioned anything about breasts or genitals.

    I think those kids have it right. For too long, adults have been confusing body shape with gender. Boyishness and girlishness are mental attitudes, not physical attributes. We need to create a world where everyone is free to be whatever they are.

    The five year olds taught me that all you need to do to change your gender is to put on different clothes, and maybe re-style your hair. No one should be forced to endure the pain of constantly squishing sensitive but bulgy parts of their bodies (or having expensive, irreversible medical procedures) just to be respected as the kind of person they already are. Who are we fooling, anyway?

    So Katie, you do not need to apologize for being a boy with breasts. You are not any less of a boy because of them. Sure, people will question you about it. It might be enough to say, “I’m a boy, and I expect you to treat me like one.” If that fails, find your inner hardass and respond to those questions in the rudest, most boyish way you can think of. The more you act like a boy, the more people will treat you like a boy, and that includes using the foulest sort of language when people mistreat you.

    One more thing. Somewhere at your school there is a girl with balls. She is shy and hurt, and doesn’t know really how to fight for herself. Please find that girl and stick up for her right to be a girl. It will help both of you.


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