Question: How can I cope with close people coming out before me?


My friend came out as trans out of the blue and just before I wanted to, so now I feel like if I come out people will think I’m copying them. How do I cope with coming out when others around me are as well?

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Posted by on November 7th, 2015 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 2 comments »

2 Responses to “Question: How can I cope with close people coming out before me?”

  1. kieran

    I guess for people around you who are not very open and informed it might seem you are just copying a friend. But the negative people will find anything to make you feel bad, even if you where the only one coming out they would find something to tell you that you are wrong, that it is just a phase or whatever. I am 5 months on t and my mom still thinks the evil internet made me trans. But thats her problem, not mine.

    And a bit of it is true, you are copying your friend in terms of beeing brave enough to come out. Thats it. If you are sure you identify as trans, then it is true, then no one can take that away from you.
    (You are not the first person to come out in history, so you are “copying” much more people than just your friend….so this argument is bullshit, right?)

    Sometimes we need to wait until we are sure. And you can`t stop the whole world from coming out just because you couldn`t until now. It is ok to take your time, until you are ready.
    But the fact that someone else is “faster” than you does not make your feelings unreal.

    And: if the person that came out before is a real friend, you can be sure to have someone understand you when others don`t.
    You must tell your friend that it is not your intention to take the “attention” away from them. You can tell them that they are brave and to watch them come out made you want to be as brave as them.

    (Maybe you are still very confused and YOU are afraid that you are just copying your friend? I had those doubts for very long, asked myself if I really AM trans or if my brain just sets this up to hide any other…disorder or whatever or just to find a community I could belong to.
    So, make sure YOU have no doubts about yor identity before you come out, then you can cope with the doubts of others much better!)

    I hope there is at least some little thing in my comment that helps. I tried.
    Good luck for your coming out.


    Patience replied:

    People are silly. Those who spend their lives accusing people of copying each other miss life itself. Policing others, in any way, is an inherently unproductive activity.

    Anyone who makes it a part of themselves to do that isn’t worth dealing with.


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