Question: How to cope?
Someone asks…
This kind of sounds like a really obvious question but:
How do you deal with gender dysphoria?
Recently, it’s been horrid. It started with three people using my birth name in one day, and after that, I’ve noticed every single little misgendering (I’m defining misgendering as any stranger calling me my assigned gender including pronouns and nouns, and anyone I personally know calling me the wrong nouns and, if I’ve come out to them, pronouns). I know about the reminding, like repeatedly reminding people I know to call me the right things in a gentle way that acknowledges their attempts. I know about walking myself through their position, putting myself in their shoes that it’s hard for them to get it right. I know about allowing myself to [internally] call them ignorant when they disregard my needs and simply don’t care. I know coping skills like affirmations and breathing techniques to calm myself down.
I also know that they think that my gender is “inconvenient.” I also know that the majority of them don’t care, won’t care, or won’t ever understand no matter how much they care. I also know that there is no way to be properly gendered every time, as a non-binary person who will never be okay with the f/m boxes that SO many people only know about. I also know that I am not okay with coming out to random strangers right off the bat – why should I have to put my entire identity right out in the open when I don’t even know them? It’s violating.
So I have no idea what to do. How do I cope with this? It’s unbearable, and since there is no way I can have people stop misgendering me on a daily basis, how can I deal with it?
Thank you so much. <3
Please post your response in the comments below.
» Ask Genderfork «
Category: questions One comment »
April 18th, 2015 at 4:24 am |
From my experience(transitioned 8 months ago at 40 y/o) the first part was therapy. If you have or can find a therapist who will support you, please do that. I spent over a year coming to terms with myself before I dealt with other people. When I finally came out, one of the first lessons I learned (the hard way) was how much easier it was for others to use the right pronouns when I was comfortable with myself. For a while, I couldn’t see how my body was changing others perceptions. My gender presentation is not an acting role, but tightening up when I saw a pronoun coming made it more likely for them to use the wrong one. Now I’m much happier with myself, and I don’t get scared, and the right pronouns come out a lot more. There are times I have to remind people (mostly family members) the correct name/pronoun, and I still have to correct people on the phone to use the right honorific. That one still saps me. It is unfortunately a long process. I hope I stayed in topic of your question. Be happy being you, and releasing others perceptions. (This is not easy,IMHO)
[Reply]