Long before “that” existed…

Someone wrote…

I am 54 and non-binary long before “that” existed. I tried to fit in the TV and/or the TS world when I was younger but was just as alone there as I am now. I’m scared to continue and to lose the life I have now as a rural, red state, grandparent with a spouse I love.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on April 21st, 2017 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 2 comments »

2 Responses to “Long before “that” existed…”

  1. David

    I think there must be thousands of people who feel the way you do. Although you didn’t directly say so, I’m guessing that your gender presentation (to the world) is masculine, but inside you feel more mixed. At the same time, you don’t feel alienated from mainstream society, so being part of a “fringe” group is not appealing. (Hopefully I got that right). And you already mentioned lots of things that are important to you, that you don’t want to lose.

    Unfortunately, girlish boys living in the United States face major social obstacles whether we are 4, 14, or 54. Some of us have settled on “boy on the outside, girl on the inside” as a compromise between social acceptance and the way we really want to present ourselves. That can apply to clothing, and also to attitudes and everyday actions, like being kinder, gentler, and more polite than the average guy.

    No matter what our age, we can let our feminine side shine through by listening and helping more than any ordinary guy would. And though we might not wear skirts and dresses, maybe we can be a little more colorful than the average dude.

    As for politics, I also live in a “red state”, but there are still lots of people here who think there’s more to life than bourbon and bowhunting. Spending time with forward-thinking, positive people has made quite a difference for me. The “open and accepting” churches are one place they hang out and dream up good works.


    Anonymous replied:

    This is really important. Thank you so much for taking the time to help people like me. I’m young, but I live in the deep south and I feel misunderstood every day. Most people where I live are incredibly judgemental, and finding someone who not only doesn’t judge me but also understands what I’m going through is a rare and special thing. I’m actually afab, but I feel basically the same way you were describing, but switched around. Feminine clothing and other things like that almost always have felt wrong for my personality and state of mind in some way, but as I’ve gotten a little bit older, I’ve gotten better at figuring out what parts of expressing myself I will actually be able to pull off in a place like this.

    Right now, I’m going through a rough time and have to live with my parents still. I work very hard and have a concrete plan to move out asap. But of course, some things can’t be entirely avoided. I love my family, but they don’t understand and are almost never accepting of me about gender. I have nightmares sometimes that they find out more than they already know, and I walk around feeling anxious the whole next day.

    To be completely honest, I have one close friend who I met a couple years ago. They moved away this past year, and I’m really missing the only person I know in person who understands me right now. Online friends are a wonderful thing and have done so much to help me, but nothing can substitute for the comfort you feel when you’re sitting in silence with someone who understands you, and you know you don’t have to say anything but just allow yourself to finally be content. My friend wants me to move to where they live, and I would really like that, as it’s been a dream place for me to live for so long anyway. My friend knows I’d be very happy living there, and it’s hard for me to wait that long while I keep working to get to it, but I’m not gonna stop.


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