lorainekv recommends…

A Call for Cisgender Action

How Cisgender People Can Help

Change in everyday institutions, such as your school, office, home, church, and non-profit organizations won’t happen overnight. However, you can speed up that process by showing peers, colleagues, and bosses that gender inclusive environments are important to everyone.

Hi Genderfork friends, this is lorainekv checking in. This article is my own piece – I wrote it to get some queer visibility going on Medium.com. Please feel free to leave me your feedback and ideas, either in the comments below or within Medium. Thank you!

You can call me… Dani, Dan.

I identify as… I’m used to female, but Genderqueer is how I feel as an identity.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … Again, I am used to “she” but at times I would rather be “he” or “sir.” ;)

I’m attracted to… femmes. Strong, fiery, opinionated, smart, fierce femmes. Pretty, genderqueer cismales, the more make-up, the better!

When people talk about me, I want them to… see me as Dani without pronouns.

I want people to understand… how I feel and how I look don’t always match up, and I like it like that. When someone makes a “mistake” about my gender, I am not offended, instead I feel what I am trying to do is working.

About Dani, Dan.
I am a DJ and learning about carpentry. I like blurring every kind of line and making people think more than they would like to. With my music I make myself vulnerable and wish to make my listeners feel the same.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Kei!

I identify as… genderfluid/neutral or “hash brown.”

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I don’t really care about “she” or the occasional “he,” though I’d prefer “they/them/their.”

I’m attracted to… people who shine in their natural light, whatever color it is.

When people talk about me, I want them to… smile?

I want people to understand… how dumb society’s rules are! We are not two genders. There are masculine and feminine energies, and they spin back and forth.

About Kei!
Profoundly scatterbrained. ISFP. Some kind of artist. Draws infrequently. Plays GarageBand for fun. Inspired by Buddhism and Japanese culture. Wants to be a taiko player. Tumblr: monkeysome.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Elliot or EJ, depending on what my gender is doing that way. Pick one you prefer, I won’t mind.

I identify as… a transmasculine, bigender, agender, genderless, very queer asexual goth-hipster.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … he/him/his or ey/em… Well any gender-neutral pronouns but ey/em are my preference. “He” for when I’m feeling like a complete lad, ey/em for when I feel too good for your gender boundaries.

I’m attracted to… no one, I’m what they call asexual. Well, more or less. I’ll occasionally crave sex or indulge in it, but it’s very rare and it’s not at a specfic person. Technically I’m on the asexual spectrum and I’m grey-asexual, but often I’ll just refer to myself as asexual due to me never really experiencing sexual attraction.

Now for romantically, I’m sort of greyandroromantic (I romantically like masculinity but only very occasionally). I don’t experience infatuation or crushes, I just fall head over heals in love with someone on the masculinity side of the gender spectrum occasionally.

That being said, I think about 90% of people are cute and adorable. Gender-non-comforming men, non-binary folk, boys with long hair, girls with short hair, girls with bright hair, body mods, people who are adorably dorky, people with tattoos and piercings, short guys, tall guys, short girls, tall girls. I just think every outcast of any description is beautiful.

Basically~ I like adorable, dorky intelligent people who can be my non-repressive romantic interest who respects my occasional boundaries. Quite specific? Good job I managed to find it then.

When people talk about me, I want them to… be respectful, realise that how they treat other people who don’t quite fit sexuality or genderwise can effect me, realise not everyone fits into a binary gender or sexuality. Accept not everyone is interested in romance and sex (at least, not most of the time) and also realise that if they want to ask me questions about my identity that’s just fine (I’ll happily answer anything as long as it’s respectful). I just wish they’d avoid assumptions about me.

I want people to understand… how many people don’t fit into the gender-binary, how many people aren’t sexuals or romantics, I don’t care if people make mistakes… As long as they are polite and respectful about it.

About Elliot or EJ, depending on what my gender is doing that way. Pick one you prefer, I won’t mind which.
I go by Elliot most of the time. I’m a writer, working up to the professional level piece by piece. I’m fairly passionate about reading and try to keep an open mind about everything. I’m pretty much at home in a dusty library, with a cat and a cup of cocoa. Also, rooftops. I also like cuddling people platonically on rainy days.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… J, I guess … I get new nickname wherever I go.

I identify as… male, but I’m supposed to be FTM, but never feel like that. Just cuz my body used to be 100% female doesn’t mean I’m female too. I’m just another human being, and that’s about it, really.

I’m First Nation from northern Canada and an Alaskan native. Had top surgery, and I hope one day to get bottom surgery, but I’m broke right now and it looks like it’s gonna be the way for loooooooong time cuz I can’t really work. Always been male and thought everyone else felt so awful inside like me when I was growing up. Hopeful to get bottom surgery sooner rather than later. ;)

As far as third-person pronouns go, … he/him/his – no exceptions.

I’m attracted to… someone who will actually go on date with me and have a sexual relationship and not turn around and treat me like shit cuz of my body! I used to work in sex trade, and that was the only kind of relationship I ever had where I wasn’t threatened afterward. Most “normal” people I try to date just in end threats to out me or threats to my life. Would just be nice have a decent sexual relationship with someone that I can be close to. I have gone out with men, women, gay guys, bi etc. I don’t know what my orientation is and I don’t care!!!!!!!!! People have real hard time with that, but honestly one day I hope to find the right person, get married and move up north. Run trap line out in the bush and live off the grid. That’s my dream. No kids though, I’ll stick to being an uncle or a godfather. ;)

When people talk about me, I want them to… just be decent with me. Know I have FASD (fetal alcohol syndrome disorder) and developmental delay. Also sometimes I don’t understand everything people say and my memory can be real bad. Try real hard but my brain just sucks sometimes. Just be nice and not be rude to me or make fun of me. Make it so we can laugh. I love to make people laugh, I do it all the time. Also don’t be a racist prick.

I want people to understand… I’m happy just as male, don’t want to be known as FTM, but just wanna be able to have normal sexual relationships and be happy with a partner. Also, I have disabilities, so I don’t act like a regular person. Hate being discriminated against by people cuz of disability an/or body. I want to try to have physical relationships.

My culture is also real important to me. I’m First Nation from Canada, and culture is very important to me in what I do every single day. Proud of my culture and what I do. Pretty easy going kinda guy, love to make people laugh and have a good time. Don’t do drugs or drink no more, was an addict over 10 years to hard drugs and alcoholic for two. Never wanna go back to that hell.

I’m a very spirit-driven person, mostly got to do with my culture. I love to do that work with my culture cuz it helps me get through the day. Any chance I get I go swimming, doesn’t matter what the temperature of the water is. You can’t stop me from going swimming. I swim all year, even when there’s a few feet of snow on the ground! I don’t have family, was put in foster care when I was a kid, and family don’t want nothing to do with me no more and that’s not gonna change soon. They’re mostly just junkies and drunks anyways. That’s about all I can think of anyways…sorry if I don’t write so good.

About J
21/male/First Nation/Canada
I started my transition when was 13 and I don’t live out at all. And that’s the way I like it. ;) Still like to be involved with people who accept me for me and don’t judge me based on who I am cuz I can’t change that. I am the way I was made by my creator to be. Love talking and writing to people that I can be honest with just for fun.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Lake Forest.

I identify as… gender neutral/gender queer.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … they/them, ze/hir.

I’m attracted to… feminine women, masculine women, gender queer, feminine men, masculine men, and all gender non-binary identities.

When people talk about me, I want them to… realize that their categorizing of gender identities hurt me.

I want people to understand… gender is fluid, and you can ask questions if you are open to learning.

About Lake Forest
I am 18 years old in college in Chicago. I am trying my best to navigate the world of gender identity. I like all people and I am open to life at its finest.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Risa.

I identify as… female to those who need a category, which is convenient sometimes – I need clothes that fit and doctors and gym instructors to know how my body works or is shaped – but I hate to be confined to the boundaries often associated with gender and sex.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I wish they weren’t gendered. I’ve gotten used to living with “she,” but it would be awesome to be acknowledged as “he” once in a while. I like the concept of using those neutral pronouns, but honestly they just sound weird to me.

I’m attracted to… men who look good dressed up like a girl; women like Amelie Mauresmo.

When people talk about me, I want them to… be interested in who I am and not shy away just because I am different. Also, not to hold static assumptions.

I want people to understand… I am not a bad person!! I like being honest about who I am and what I like, and I wish other people would appreciate that.

About Risa
I love playing sports and going to the gym. I also like writing songs and wish I had the inspiration to write a hundred of them. I am bilingual and bicultural, sometimes socially awkward and occasionally feel romantically impaired, but want to change the world and make it a better place someday.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Ivan.

I identify as… androgynous.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I’ve never been particular.

I’m attracted to… anyone.

When people talk about me, I want them to… look past my appearance. I’ve identified as “androgynous” for close to half of my life, and during that time, I’ve had others devalue my work and efforts under the guise of “being from an ugly girl.”

I want people to understand… that regardless of how I identify, I’m still a person – not an object to be mocked, not a thing to be fixed, not a physical embodiment of social ineptitude.

About Ivan
29-year-old fashion and music writer, although I’ve been hesitant to “brand” myself on social media. I’ve also been working on a novel with an androgynous protagonist, although that’s probably one of those things that won’t ever see the light of day.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Sophia.

I identify as…

1. A woman, and a trans woman if you need to know, though I wish I could forget about both of those and just go with “person.”

2. A femme feminist.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … “she” is good. I have to say I’m pretty embarrassingly binary … by which I mean, proudly binary and proud of my non-binary friends, lovers and allies! (What a comeback!)

I’m attracted to… women, non-binary genders and non-hairy, feminist men. Well, I can deal with hair if everything else is in top shape, but patriarchy kills my attraction instantly.

Despite being femme myself, I do like femme women a lot. I guess I like them just as much as butch and androgynous women, though in a different way.

Now that I live as a woman, it seems a bit harder to find femme women who also happen to be into me, and that’s a little disappointing.

When people talk about me, I want them to… forget about my gender for once! I don’t want to be “the trans person,” I want to be just a normal abnormal person like anyone else. Stop objectifying me by my gender status. (And while we’re at it, I want what every other trans person probably wants: to be treated and accepted as my gender rather than as my gender assigned at birth)

I want people to understand… that they don’t know what being trans means. They should stop assuming stuff.

About Sophia
I started transitioning a bit more than a year ago and, it has been a roller coaster. If we didn’t have calendars, I’d assume I started at least 10 years ago.

As for my work, I call myself a writer. I don’t earn much money yet, but it is what I do full time. I try to help my readers become better people and change the world. You can check me out at www.sophiagubb.com.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Zack.

I identify as… an FTM, but more as a third gender. I am looking forward to my top surgery, and I’m not planning on going on T. I legally changed my name, but I have not changed my gender marker yet.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I prefer male pronouns.

I’m attracted to… feminine women. I call myself Queer, not lesbian.

When people talk about me, I want them to… see me for who I am. See me for my personality and don’t worry about me being male or female. That only matters if you want to date me.

I want people to understand… it does not matter whether you are male or female. Understand what is in my heart and my head. Care about people for the good in them, and don’t judge for how they look.

About Zack
I am an operations manager for a manufacturing company, and I also do graphic design on the side. I try to enjoy life, and I love living in sunny Florida.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Toby Amber.

I identify as… a changeable combination of outer maleness and inner femaleness, modulated by fickle but cornucopias neurochemistry.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I don’t mind. It depends on what people think sounds right considering what I’m wearing at the time. In boolean situations it’d be “she.”

I’m attracted to… clever, sensible and sane bisexual females.

When people talk about me, I want them to… say “I’m so glad Amber has finally appeared!” Or to realise that their problem with me is inversely proportional to my caring about it.

I want people to understand… that gender is socially constructed, and thus demonstrably distorted: biology shows that the possible combinations and interactions of neurology and physiology far exceed the limits of normative social control – through taboo, purity, and other concepts born of fear and ignorance – whose barbaric cultural traditions are our unfortunate but not inevitable inheritance.

About Toby Amber
Artist, eccentric, and secretly busy first-novelist. Lately come out to family and colleagues as transgender (no intention to change bodily, but social transformation means everything to me, I’m learning a new personality), enabled by the acquisition of wigs, clothes that fit me and rebuilt self-respect after many years spent wandering lost.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Terry or Terri.

I identify as… a guy most of the time.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … “he” until you know me.

I’m attracted to… transgender people of intelligence and wit.

When people talk about me, I want them to… say what they really feel.

I want people to understand… I want people to understand, not judge.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Raye.

I identify as… androgynous or gender neutral. More like a woman than a man, but more like a boy than a girl.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I love they/their/them, I use these when referring to myself but feel discomfort asking friends, to in case of unwanted questioning from others.

I’m attracted to… people who are humorous, caring and easy going. Mainly masculinity, with a hint of femininity so I can embrace my masculine sides in relation to them.

When people talk about me, I want them to… consider how I identify if they know. And ask me if they’re not sure about something.

I want people to understand… That it’s confusing to explain because it’s a confusing way to feel, and that I’m not trying to be difficult.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… “the trans boy with the thorn in his side”

I identify as… a trans fag top who dearly misses his lost gay boyhood. Therefore, I am over-obsessed with recapturing it, through skateboarding, surfing, listening to The Smiths, and watching melodramatic films about pretty gay adolescents.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … he. And not, “He? heeheeheehee you’re a fucking girl!!” Unfortunately I’ve heard this crap before.

I’m attracted to… beautiful sensitive fem boys who like to be topped and don’t care that my big cock isn’t attached to me permanently. Boys who know that no matter how much a top I am in bed, I am a total sensitive basket case sissy outside of it.

When people talk about me, I want them to… NOT compare me to “Joan Jett” or “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” or ANYTHING ELSE related to “tough bad-ass girl dyke.” Zero-to-four for the LOSE, people. I am not tough OR bad ass, nor am I a girl, nor do I like to fuck girls or get fucked by them. Sorry to interrupt your little world where every person declared female at birth, who doesn’t identify with that, is automatically considered a ‘tough dyke’.

I want people to understand… that had I been born with a dick, I would not have to fight so hard for anyone to understand who I am. Instead, I would fit perfectly into your ‘sad prettyboy faggot’ box. Not that fitting into a box is ideal either (it sucks as well), but it appalls me that my misfortune with the gender lottery has made EVERYONE unable to understand me or question my gender/sexuality (“But you’re pretty! How do you want to be a boy?” “Are you sure you’re not a lesbian?”) when if I HAD won the gender lottery, I’d be perfectly comprehensible to them. Sad and arbitrary.

About “the trans boy with the thorn in his side”
I love cats, writing, scuba diving, paragliding, melancholy music, cultural critique, my amazing boyfriend, gay boy porn (trans and cis), surfing, skateboarding, reading, fantasizing, drinking, sleeping, my flat chest, baseball (my bf and I turn baseball games into homoerotic fantasies), and wishing that there were future lives so I could have a dick, because I feel (and always have felt since the age of eight) that I have a phantom limb attached to me “down there,” which is incredibly frustrating.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Jaybird.

I identify as… a Boi. I know there are lots of definitions of Boi. But for me, I use it as a term that means a female-bodied person that doesn’t necessarily identify with any gender specifically.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … They/Them/Their.

I’m attracted to… I am attracted to women. I don’t consider myself a lesbian or gay. I’m just simply attracted to women. I like feminine, intelligent, funny, kind, caring woman (just like my girlfriend lol).

When people talk about me, I want them to… talk about me in a positive way.

I want people to understand… I don’t really care what gender you consider me. I just don’t want to be associated with being a girl or a woman. Because I’m not. I’m not confused about my gender. I just get to see the world through different perspectives every day. Don’t mistake me for a confident stud. I’m not usually dominant. I’m just as insecure as anyone else. I have my flaws and accepting them is just like everyone else’s journey to self-acceptance.

About Jaybird
My name is Jaybird. I’m a math major, and I love it. I aspire to be my current math professor someday. He’s great. I like food, art, music, dance, working out, men’s fashion etc.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Sasha.

I identify as… genderqueer/non-binary/trans* and sometimes as a femme trans* guy. To be honest, I don’t have a one-word label for myself anymore, and I don’t think I need one. All that matters here is that I identify outside of the binary.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I prefer they/them/their. I used to ask people to use e/em/eir, but it didn’t really work. I’m cool with masculine pronouns and prefer that you don’t use feminine ones for me.

I’m attracted to… intelligence, quirkiness, open-mindedness, honesty, boldness, and confidence. As far as gender is concerned, I am panromantic. I am sexually attracted to masculine and male-identified people, masculine/butch women, and androgynous/non-binary people.

When people talk about me, I want them to… use gender neutral and/or masculine language and pronouns. I’m sick of being called ma’am, miss, young lady, she, girl, etc. The worst is when people use the masculine/gender neutral (“hey dudes”) and then correct themselves (“and dudette”).

I want people to understand… that me being queer and trans* is just one part of me, and that there’s a lot more to me.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Teacup.

I identify as… Gender queer, asexual, bisexual, and gender blind.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I have no problem with “she.”

I’m attracted to… gay men, women.

When people talk about me, I want them to… be inspired by my positive attitude and healthy lifestyle. I also want them to see deeper than the exterior, of course!

I want people to understand… that even if you look very feminine on the outside, you can feel extremely androgynous on the inside.

About Teacup
I’m a personal Pilates trainer in New York City.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Nicole.

I identify as… female, but I’ve been questioning genderqueer recently.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … female.

I’m attracted to… humans! I believe everyone is beautiful inside and out!

When people talk about me, I want them to… focus on my personality, niceness, humor (wittiness) and musical likings.

I want people to understand… I’m human and experience ups and downs like everybody else. I’m sensitive and also expressing myself is very much a challenge right now…but I gotta stay optimistic!!

About Nicole
I’m a nice, introspective, funny, and curious 24-year-old female, musically inclined. I can play a mean guitar, drum set and bass guitar :)

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Lain or Lainy.

I identify as… Genderqueer or Ungendered.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I still go by “she.” My voice makes it awkward to go by anything else. If gq pronouns were more widely understood, I would probably shift my preference. I’m not open to being that lesson in understanding for the people around me at this point in my life … maybe soon though.

I’m attracted to… Feminine women. Confidence. Creativity. Spirituality. Laughter. Connection.

When people talk about me, I want them to… talk about the positive impact my presence in their lives has made.

I want people to understand… love can be found outside the binary. That they don’t have to be afraid or shy away from people who are different. And they don’t have to be embarrassed if they call me “he” and then realize I’m a “she.” I find it entertaining and humorous :)

About Lain or Lainy
Social Media Marketing Director, Photographer, Graphic Artist, Poet, Entrepreneur, Graphic Designer, Creative Expression Addict.

» Define yourself. «

You can call me… Orselina

I identify as… Genderqueer. Not necessarily “fluid” or “agender,” I’m kind of the “missing link” between male and female. I’m biologically female, but I always say I am too big a presence to be encompassed by one gender. I’m not *just* female, I’m not *just* male – I’m both.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I’m not uppity about it. I get called “ma’am” and “she” all the time. If it really concerns you “they/their” is fine :)

I’m attracted to… the short answer is, “I’m Pansexual.” The real answer is, “I’m pansexual, but…” While I can really fall in love with anyone who is intelligent and affectionate and a little offbeat, I do tend to gravitate towards powerful, rugged, charismatic, influential men and butch women. I also am a sucker for big hands, big eyes, big asses, facial/body hair (on any gender), and musical talent (especially classically trained singing voices OMG!!!).

When people talk about me, I want them to… dance.

I want people to understand… that life is musical theatre. Don’t just tell me how you feel. Widen your eyes as the orchestra swells, take a deep breath, and belt out your feelings as you dash across the stage, even if that stage is a supermarket.

About Orselina
I am a genderqueer, Pagan, tattooed lover of classical music and musical theatre. I’m working on an opera, which is my lovechild. Emotional, dramatic, hairy, wry, and restless, I’m a force with which to reckoned.

» Define yourself. «