John Moore asks…

Could people recommend any novels featuring genderqueer characters or themes? Thank you :D

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Karen asks…

I utterly belong to this community. I am in my 50’s and would like to meet androgynous, gender-ambiguous people of similar maturity (whose day-to-day experience is closer to mine than the 20-something year olds featured here who all seem quite wonderful–just very, well, young).
Where do I go?

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Wiley asks…

Hey there!

It’s already July, and as usual, I am scrambling around trying to come up with genderneutral/genderbending Halloween costume inspiration. (I am pretty crafty, so I usually start early and go all-out.) I could go as something trite like a ghost or a skeleton, but those are very run-of-the-mill. I could also stick to the staples of going as a concept/item like a bunch of grapes, but I am sick of being inanimate objects/concepts to avoid being strictly a man or a woman; just because I want a neutral costume doesn’t mean I am less of a person.

Anybody got ideas?

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Anonymous asks…

I am studying abroad in London this fall, and I was wondering what the atmosphere is like for someone who is blatantly gender nonconforming. Are people generally accepting/ambivalent? What’s the public restroom situation like? Are there any places I should avoid going unless I’m passing either way really well?

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Riley asks…

What does it mean when someone doesn’t feel like they match their gender do to sexual inexperience? I’m 25 and a male-bodied virgin. I’ve had sex with boys. I’ve enjoyed it. As a child I enjoyed dressing up as a girl, fantasized about being a girl and in some cases being the female heroine in cartoons geared towards girls (sailor moon). I still desire and occasionally dress as a girl now (in secret).

Everyone I know says there is nothing inherently feminine about me. That I come off as a complete guy. My lack of sexual experience makes me feel different. I feel huge amounts of anxiety even thinking about approaching women. I don’t even know if I would like sex with a girl.

Sometimes I think I am a girl. Other times I’m not sure. When I’m angry or upset is the only time I identify as having “male” qualities. I don’t know what to do. I sometimes wonder if I have a gender at all… Has anyone else ever felt like this? What does this mean?

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Duo Spiritus asks…

What gender neutral terms are there to speak of one’s child?

I identify as Two-spirit and my mother is really accepting, but she wants to respect my gender and use some sort of neutral term to describe our relationship. Child seems demeaning, offspring sounds detached, and spawn has a negative vibe (according to her) — so what do y’all suggest? We’re open to other languages as long as they’d be recognizable.

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El asks…

My teen (age 15) has expressed a strong need to begin hormone therapy, how do I help her begin this process? Do we see a doctor? If so, what kind? Or do we start with a trans-friendly therapist? I’m utterly at a loss.

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Jess asks…

I have just identified myself as asexual. I am 56 and more in touch with my masculine side I believe, than my feminine. I hate fussy, frilly clothes and even as a child I would not wear the “frillies” my friends liked.

My question is..where can I find affordable androgynous clothes in the UK? I have searched the net but so far I’ve not been too successful.

I live in East Anglia.

Thank you
Jess.

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Anonymous asks…

What does it mean when your gender involuntarily changes?

I’ve had several phases in my life where I’ve felt or wanted to be male, but it seems to wax and wane and I have periods of time where I’m okay with (or at least tolerate) being a woman.

Some days I look in the mirror and think my boobs look pretty rocking. Some days I look and really wish I saw a flat man chest staring back at me. Even when I’m okay with being a girl, I like thinking about dressing up in suits and being called ‘he.’ I’ve always toed the line between tomboy and girly girl.

It’s been this way for as long as I can remember, from angrily casting off all girliness and trying really hard to fit in with boys one week to happily playing with barbies the next, but it’s getting stronger now. My last period of dysphoria, I was really, solidly convinced I was trans, but then that withered away and I felt alright with being a girl.

Is this genderfluid? I can’t seem to get a straight answer about what that word even means. What am I?

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YourQuestioningAlly asks…

I really enjoy complimenting people on how they look. But, I’m always slightly afraid of saying the wrong thing when trying to compliment an androgynous person. Should I use “beautiful” or “handsome,” are there gender neutral compliments I could use, or should I just compliment people on their style?

I just really like making people feel good about themselves and don’t want to make them feel awkward while I’m trying to do it. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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Dezu asks…

I’m frustrated by my lack of knowledge on intersex issues. What are some quality resources I could access?

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Anonymous asks…

Is it possible to have a physical relationship while battling dysphoria with one’s own body? I’m worried that even if I find someone I like who doesn’t mind my body, my own fears and discomforts will get in the way.

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Bam asks…

I identify as female since that is what I have been doing my whole life, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to realize that it’s not quite what I want. I don’t want to push people to switch back and forth between male and female pronouns depending on how I feel, and I was wondering what alternatives or compromises I can make with others?

There is, also, the major issue of my parents. They have been very, very supportive of my sexuality. I came out to them as a lesbian years ago, and my parents have been nothing but happy for me. But whenever it comes to my gender, it’s a bit tricky. I predominantly dress as a male. I wear boxers, my pants sag occasionally, and I try to carry myself male. My mother hates it. She insists that I was born a girl and asks me with concern in her voice if I think I’m a man.

How would I go about explaining this to them lightly and in a way they can understand? Even if my parents are understanding, accepting people, the gender thing seems to freak my mother out.

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Anonymous asks…

I recently started talking to my moms about my gender confusion, and they want me to talk to a gender counselor/therapist. We have several trans friends who highly recommend the clinic they want me to go to, but I’m terrified at the idea. Has anyone ever been to counseling specifically for gender identity? Did you find it at all helpful? I’m scared.

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Mara asks…

How do I answer questions about the fact that I recently started wearing a binder? I don’t really want to explain because that gets really personal really quickly. Any advice to avoid answering without being rude?

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Dezu asks…

I was recently working a position that required me to speak to people over the phone. At one point I addressed someone as “ma’am,” only to realize they were biologically male. After stumbling over myself apologizing, it hit me that it was kind of ludicrous and hypocritical for me to be using “sir” and “ma’am,” with how much I try not to make any assumptions (especially binary) about people’s gender.

That being the context, does anyone in this lovely community have any ideas or experiences relating to circumventing this issue, either with alternatives to these binary/presumptuous terms, or simply a way around having to use terms like that at all?

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Anonymous asks…

To the genderqueer parents out there: what do your kids call you? Do you just settle for mom or dad, or is there a neutral parent title?

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Gemma asks…

Hi, I’ve recently decided that I want to try out using gender neutral pronouns. However, I’m not a fan of the ze/hir. I’ve been trying to look up different ones and I’m just not sure what to use. How do other people choose what pronouns they want to use for themselves?

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kyle asks…

I’ve been thinking I might be an androgyne, but there’s so much information and different ways to be classified that I’m not entirely sure if I am one. I’d like to know how I can figure this out.

I’m biologically female, but I think I can say that I feel ‘without gender’ as I don’t feel like I fit into the same category as women and have never thought myself as a man. I’m fine with having a female body, and have no desire to change it (although, I’m very curious of what it would be like if I was a man). When I see myself in a mirror, I never think ‘woman;’ it feels inaccurate and borderline uncomfortable, even though I have no issue with ‘female’.

I don’t really have any real urge to dress like a man (but it’s fun when I do, and I will if I feel like it or if I have the clothes for it); nor do I feel comfortable dressing overly feminine (although, I sometimes dress very sexy for the bar with no problems). I normally just wear tomboy kind of things. I don’t have ‘girl’ days and ‘guy’ days, like most gender fluid people seem to do, and I’m attracted to men, but curious about women (I’ve never been with one yet, so I can’t say for sure).

I’d like to know how I can explore this further. The only ideas I have to express myself is through dress, but I’m sure there are more ways to explore and feel out my identity than deciding to wear boy or girl clothes (which poses another problem: how do I ‘dress to express’ if I don’t feel like I’m neither a man nor a woman?) I’d like to explore my masculinity and femininity if I have any, but I don’t know how to do it.

If anyone has any ideas, that would be great. 100% beginner here. Any advice will do.

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GeorgeAnne asks…

I want to feel like I can keep my faith while being genderqueer. So many queer sites show me how this is impossible; I am looking for information about how it is possible. Does anyone have any resources or faith communities to recommend?

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