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This has been an interesting thread. I came to it looking for inspiration for a term of address for a sci-fi setting. I wonder whether "Ji" could work. From Hindi/Punjabi it is usually a suffix. E.g. Mamaji, Papaji, Babaji etc... respectful terms for mother, father and 'father, uncle, priest' (I think). As Ji I already gender neutral it could be used on its own. More info.. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/-ji Example: Thank you Ji. Excuse me Ji...
- One on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
My name is also Dani and I'm pansexual and genderqueer. I just thought that that was a really fun coincidence! Hope you're doing well <3
- Dani G. on One Year
In this case, it could be Dear Patron......... something to contribute 'Yes' or 'No' to your request of fundraising. Thankyou
- dp mantha on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Hey Mac! I had to reply to this. I'm AFAB Genderfluid, generally not masculine. My birth name is McKenna, and it's frustratingly feminine. I'm very young, and I think they won't understand, but I've been sure for 2 years. Anyway, I believe my parents will be accepting but confused. My sister is pan, is going to a queer summer camp, and has lgbtq+ friends, and they're fine with it all. I once asked my mom if she believed there was third genders. She said she knew about Androgynous, Agender, And Genderfluid, but she didn't know about others. If I were you, I'd try that, and if they are accepting, then go ahead and do what feels right! I hope everything goes fine! Remember that you are valid, and stay safe! /Mack/
- Mack on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
I always thought "parent" was genderless.
- Jessica on Question: Gender-neutral family names
Genderless parents are normally referred to as 'rens'. For example: "I'll have to ask my ren" or "I love my renny"
- Anonymous on Question: Gender-neutral family names
I totally understand the whole "not 100% a girl." Ever since my hair has grown out, people refuse to except my NB gender. When I had short hair and would sometimes dress as a man and sometimes as a woman, there was no problem. But now that I look very feminine, suddenly I am making everything up and it's just a phase.
- Rachel on Profile: Sam
I am 17 and I am going through the same thing. I was born female but I have never really felt that just female fit. I cut my hair short once and I dressed like a man some days and like a woman others and people accepted it. Now that my hair is longer and I look more "traditionally" feminine. It's been harder for me to explain to people that I am non binary. They think it's more for attention than my actual identity. But when I had short hair they acceptsd my change between male and female looks. I don't get why people won't now. Is it just because I don't fit what they think non binary should look like? idk I am confused and don't know what to do and I don't quite know why I am telling you all this. I guess your experiences are just similar to mine and make me fee validated as someone who is also non binary.
- Rachel on Profile: Max
Hello! I am writing a generic fundraising letter to a number of businesses for a high school boosters group. I do not know the names/titles of the individuals who will be receiving these letters. In the past, I have always said, "Dear Sir/Ma'am," which seems a little friendlier and more respectful than, "To whom it may concern." However, gender neutrality is important, so I found myself wondering what to say. Reading through the comments, I am wondering if it would be reasonable to say, "Dear Sir/Ma'am/Mx." What do you think? Thank you!
- Beth on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
I'm 55, soon to be 56, and I just opened up yesterday to my wife about being genderfluid. She was amazingly supportive. I'm born male and some days I absolutely fit the part. Many days, however, my feminine attributes want to be expressed. I feel like I'm at the start of a very exciting, somewhat scary journey. One day at a time.
- Michael on Question: Older but genderfluid
What kind of foods would boost t?
- Blake on Question: Tips for masculinizing feminine faces?
Thank you so much for this post. I feel like I've known about these things for a while now but can't really make my mind accept them and practice them. now's the time. thank you for the encouragement :)
- insureance rates in Blue Springs, MO on Profile: Aster
If one was to attend a renaissance faire, what would be acceptably old-timey formal pronouns? ( Instead of Lord and Lady or Sir and Madam)
- Chogiwa on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Max, if you haven't already, ask your sisters if they think your parents 'know'... and (if you haven't already ;) ask your sisters if they 'knew' ...
- Fran on Profile: Max
I don't understand why we feel the need to label people or put them in a tick box. The government are really bad for putting us in boxes for their reports. This is something that needs to change and the labels be dissolved.
- Clw1066 on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
When writing a letter to someone who you are unsure of their gender I always put "Dear sir/madam," or "Mr/Mrs Johnson". That stops you sounding presumptuous. I work in the public sector and what I tend to do is avoid mentioning any terms for gender and once I know their name, just use that. The best way to go about it is to tell them who you are so they can reply with who they are. Most of the time their name will tell you all you need to know.
- Clw1066 on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Hi Harley! I´m 13, and genderfluid, and pansexual! Kind of a weird coincidence, huh? I would say to have an argument ready. Explain why you feel this way. Have evidence to back it up. Parents don´t take their teenage children seriously, but if you have a strong bank of knowledge and explanations ready, they will realize that you are aware that this is who you are. Your identity is valid, and you are lovely. Good luck! I believe in you! ~ Emerson
- Emerson on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Hi Caro! I´m 13, and after coming out to my parents, they WERE supportive, but warned me that me being gender-fluid might indeed just be a phase. But I´ve been struggling with this since I was 10. I am gender-fluid, and I really doubt that will change. So here´s my advice: You are old enough to know yourself(although people may tell you otherwise). If you know you are gender-fluid, you ARE gender-fluid. Your thoughts are 100% valid. Like the lovely Scrat said before, if your parents aren´t supportive, find people who are, who love you for you, and surrond yourself with them. You can do it! I believe in you! ~ Emerson
- Emerson on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Hi Alex! I just figured out recently that I´m gender-fluid, and I was having a very hard time with it, but I am doing better(yay)! I already came out to my crush(who identifies as queer and has a nonbinary girlfriend) after Dance class, and she was very supportive, and told me that was incredibly brave of me to tell her when I was visibly nervous, which made me smile. I´m coming out to the rest of my friend group tomorrow, I´m a little nervous but they will all be very accepting. My half of my friends are part of the LGBTQ+ community, so I feel a little calmer, but its still scary as frick. I hope coming out went well for you. Wish me luck! Stay strong! I believe in you! ~ Emerson
- Emerson on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
This is very interesting. My concern is with cover letters for job application. In this case you want to use an honorific to imply respect, you don't want to presume to use their first name, and Mx can be interpreted by the recruiter as a typo. :/ Certainly a gamer term is not appropriate in that situation.
- Will(ow) on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Wow. Vindication! For many years now I have had gender-switchy moods from time to time. Often when I am under the stress pump but not always. I'm in my late 60's with a lovely and tolerant wife and new age 20's daughter. My daughter understands, my wife does not although is passive tolerant about it. I can wake feeling more fem today or revert to strong male persona. As a result, working with tolerant wife, I've created a space where I can dress "comfortable" as androgynous, and do so most days. It puzzles people when out and about, is that a he or a she, until I speak in my male voice. Only when on holding office or at a family funeral do I dress overtly male. But mornings can be a pig to not over do it. It's not strong enough to go transwoman and lose my dear wife of 43 years.
- TJ on Gender mood swings.
K lindo ?????
- Anonymous on The X in Latinx
I think there must be thousands of people who feel the way you do. Although you didn't directly say so, I'm guessing that your gender presentation (to the world) is masculine, but inside you feel more mixed. At the same time, you don't feel alienated from mainstream society, so being part of a "fringe" group is not appealing. (Hopefully I got that right). And you already mentioned lots of things that are important to you, that you don't want to lose. Unfortunately, girlish boys living in the United States face major social obstacles whether we are 4, 14, or 54. Some of us have settled on "boy on the outside, girl on the inside" as a compromise between social acceptance and the way we really want to present ourselves. That can apply to clothing, and also to attitudes and everyday actions, like being kinder, gentler, and more polite than the average guy. No matter what our age, we can let our feminine side shine through by listening and helping more than any ordinary guy would. And though we might not wear skirts and dresses, maybe we can be a little more colorful than the average dude. As for politics, I also live in a "red state", but there are still lots of people here who think there's more to life than bourbon and bowhunting. Spending time with forward-thinking, positive people has made quite a difference for me. The "open and accepting" churches are one place they hang out and dream up good works.
- David on Long before "that" existed...
Breasts are one of the major cues people use to guess a person's gender, so it's certainly understandable that your child wants to eliminate that source of confusion. Assuming that the surgery is done competently, I don't see any downside (other than the typical surgical risks). There are good reasons to stop with "top" surgery and not have the "bottom" surgery. First, it's not the main factor in misgendering (and if need be, one can wear a packer). Second, genital surgery can result in significant loss of sensation, tender spots, and complications such as fistulas. Third, if one is intimate enough with someone to allow access to that area, it's probably wise not to hide the fact that one used to be a girl.
- David on Question: Parent is unsure
So glad I found this question! Female genderqueer is definitely something you can be; I feel this way too, although I didn't have a word for it before, so thanks for that. I'm female, and I feel female, however there's also a nagging sense that I'm simultaneously not female in an indefinable way. I usually describe it as "not entirely female." P.S. I also struggle with the question of whether I'm attention seeking or following the trend at the moment any other thing that would invalidate my evolving sense of my gender. I don't think I am, because I don't think I would put this much thought,time and effort into something that I wasn't more invested in than that.
- Drew on Question: Female Genderqueer
In those situations, I find that "thank you" and a smile is entirely sufficient without any title. But then again, I live in California. I know the Sir/Ma'am thing is much more culturally expected in other parts of the country.
- julie on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Hey everyone! Really pleased to have found this post! I feel your struggle, I've been trying to get a grasp on my gender identity for 12 years or so now and still can't find the words or actions to take? I'm a faab, feel a constant internal sense of male while I feel a small internal shift to female in certain Situations, like if I'm with a friend or gushing over a girl or I'm listening information to an old song/gig that takes me back to a particular time. I'm mostly fine with my body in most senses (minus the feeling of one missing sexual organ at times) and have struggled expressing my masculinity all my life because I'm very fem looking, softly spoken and gentle as a person. It's lead me to feel like I'd need to medically transition to achieve this at least. But I like having long dark (died black hair and looking andro I guess. So to speak, I would also feel pressure to have my breasts removed I think if I took T which I don't want to do as I see them as a part of me. I also am unsure if I would want all its side effects such as the increase body smell and receding possibility along with facial hair permanency (which at times I'd love) can't lie. Though I think I'd also feel like I had to comply to another role of being male if I transitioned (which I would struggle with) as it's stands I feel I have much more freedom in terms of expression in general i guess, like especially clothing and emotional expression as a faab. I'm also a bit flux when it comes to partners so am unsure how this would work once I started looking like a guy and having to act as one in all senses sexually (which I'm most parts I'd love) but again I also like to embrace my female side to a small percentage :) not sure if any one else can identify or has similar experiences with there gender identity but I'd love to hear other experiences! Keep well and best wishes to all, Thanks for reading :)
- Stobartjay on Question: Am I Demiflux, Demifluid, or Genderfluid?
1) Nonbinary labels are being created all the time, feel free to create your own if you don't like the ones you see; you can always change it later. 2) Try on Mascfluid for size: A gender that is fluid in nature, and restricted only to masculine genders. Alternatively manfluid or boyfluid. 3) Perhaps Mascflux/manflux/boyflux: A gender where one feels mostly or all male most of the time but experiences fluctuating intensities of male identity. 4) If you are torn between 2 and 3, you can even do Mascfluidflux / manfluidflux / boyfluidflux. 5) This genderfluidsupport tumblr page has a long list on different labels that might inspire you as well; it also includes many non-fluid genders for others who are interested in labels.
- Anonymous on Question: What label to use for my gender?
For several years, your kid has been binding their chest every single day, despite the weather or comfort issues. That is showing diligence, determination, and a hatred for a part of their body that appears to be unrelenting. If they change their mind later in life, there is always breast augmentation. Why force someone to suffer through something they obviously despise about their body? I understand that parents worry, but being supportive requires taking steps of faith that you do not always fully understand. Given you aren't the one with the hatred of your body, you couldn't possibly grasp a full understanding. If you believe this to be a body dimorphic issue, have them go to a therapist who specializes in that particular issue first. Get the therapist to sign off that this isn't that particular issue. Whatever you decide, do it out of love not desperation or fear. <3
- Franc on Question: Parent is unsure
somehow the whole 'dysphoria' topic goes over your head. To OP: I'd say that the iud is a better option especially if the pills makes the dysphoria worse. A number of my trans friends have gotten it. The first month or two was tough but it gets better.
- Anonymous on Question: Birth Control & Dysphoria
Let your kid have surgery. They're old enough to know what they want, and being able to start college having had surgery will without a doubt make life easier for them. The summer before college is also a great time to do it because recovery does take a while, and they may well want to do internships/research/jobs in subsequent summers that recovery would make more difficult. I had top surgery when I was 16 and (now several years later) have absolutely no regrets about having done so.
- Alan on Question: Parent is unsure
@picking flowers, I also like e/em but somewhere I read that this is problematic because e sounds like he if you drop the h. Maybe that poster was British? I really like ey, since it avoids that issue (for Brits) and has the advantage of incorporating the last sound of "they" which many people like already as a gender neutral pronoun. All around think em is awesome... feels natural to me...I think it's cool that half of "they" and "them" are used to make the singular. Eir ....well, I keep trying, but I can't say it naturally in a sentence. Is it pronounced like the air we breathe, or half of "their"? When I try a few trial sentences I'm having trouble saying it naturally. Another idea might be to use "ey's" (perhaps spelled eys). For example: On the way to the store, Ey fell and broke eys clavicle." I'm not a fan of the singular they, not because of grammar but because of some confusion and misunderstandings I've been experiencing as more and more people in my circle of friends have started using it. For example, here's something a friend said to me--with the names and locations changed to protect the innocent: "I'm not sure Zander and Janet are together anymore. They had moved to Poughkeepsie together because of Janet's job. Zander hated it there, and now they moved to Ohio." I was like, wait, WHAT, who moved? If this had been an ey or e pronoun it would have been clear. And granted, the speaker should have taken the time to say that Zander moved to Ohio, while Janet stayed in Poughkeepsie. But it's a fact that people speak quickly and sloppily, and a distinction between singular and plural pronouns can be very helpful in aiding comprehension under less-than-ideal circumstances. There's a great precedent for a singular gender-neutral pronoun: The Swedish "Han." From what I hear it's working very well there...
- Interested in Ey/Eir/Em on Question: gender neutral pronouns
Okay but now I really want to see someone call a prince "Your Royal Highnor" vis a vis "actor/actress" XD
- Annie on Question: gender neutral terms of affection for friends
I just discovered this website while searching around the web for gender neutral pronouns, and started reading the different profiles. I was amazed when I read your profile, because it is almost exactly how I would describe myself, including the name Jay (I go by Jill but I have taken to Jay in my mind as a great gender-neutral alternative). I too am agender and currently express in what is seen as a feminine way, though I prefer androgynous expression for myself. I just thought this was incredible. If you read this, I hope you enjoy knowing that there are others with similar identities in the world.
- Anonymous on Profile: Jay
This girl online has taken to calling me little one, and little bean fren P
- Anonymous on Pet names
Honestly, when I'm trying to get a member of wait-staff's attention, I just say, "excuse me," or "hi, pardon me, but..." I simply don't use gendered words at all.
- Evan Alexander James on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Uhhh, my biggest concern that brought me here is gaining someone's attention. Like, if you work in a setting where you don't know people's names (e.g., coffee shop, salesperson, customer service), and need to gain his/her/their attention. Do you say, "you" with a gesture, "you there"? This is a legit question.
- Anonymous on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Not to question your identity or anything, but I'm curious as to why you identify as cisgender. You don't really sound cisgender, you sound a little more genderqueer.
- Anonymous on Profile: Khonsu
Using bandage is very unhealthy and unsafe NEVER USE BANDAGES FOR BINDING
- Anonymous on Question: Binder help!
Radiant, phenomenal, delightful, extraordinary, genuine, heavenly, incomparable, mesmerizing, precious, ravishing, tantalizing, vibrant, zestful.
- Kyler on Question: Genderqueer Compliments?
Thank you I already started this with one friend but now I can help more people understand thx you so much
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
love this look !!
- Val on Classic Autumnal Style
honestly don't see the point in stressing over gender. everyone should just let people have their own one and not treat people differently because of it. it should be irrelevant to everything. people also shouldn't get offended if someone mistakes their gender, just politely correct them. And someone tells you their pronoun, don't be an asshole about it. Suck it up and use it, at least in front of them, its just plain good manners. Like calling someone by their name, you wouldn't call someone called Rory something else just because they don't "look like a Rory".
- Ana on Gender is Overrated!
yes, men can certainly be femme :)
- Jonathan on Profile: harri
I never developed my musculature and I am Gender Fluid ("M to F") so I decided to emphasize my feminine side a few years back, without explicitly "crossing" the gender. I tend to dress in "masculine women's clothes." I feel women's clothes fit better my body type, I just buy them noting that I am flat chested, so I buy things that look good on flat chests, and I never stray too far into the fem side. I have bought a lot of clothes over the Internet, in US and Asian websites, as well as in person at US stores. So I can give you a few pointers: As Jules mentioned there are three categories for pant lengths, tall, regular or short. On top of that you may have "Curvy" and "Petite" which basically just means that hip measurements are larger relative to the length of the pants. Pants' lengths are usually limited to 3 sizes, because women-style trousers tend to be "skinny" or show more ankle anyway, so the exact length is not so critical as with a man's dress pair of pants. For 34 inches inseam, that is really tall by women's standards. In my experience, "Short" pant length corresponds to 29 inches inseam (I'm a size 12 "short"), according to some sellers going by US Standard sizes. Note that only a few big-box sellers actually hold fast to those US Clothing Standard numbers (typically Sears/Kmart, JC Penneys, so there is a lot of variation compared to say "Forever21," not to mention some Asian seller online. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/US_standard_clothing_size I strongly suggest getting a tailor's tape measure, and if possible one that has a centimeter scale as well as inches. Why? Because with all the confusion over international size standards, a lot of online sellers especially in China and Europe and other places, have started posting charts with sizes in centimeters - and that is a really useful piece of info when buying online. Now. let's say you're not sure if you are really an American Size "8" - I suggest never assuming you're an 8, unless you actually have bought a size 8 pair of women's pants or shorts in that brand, and size 8 really did fit. Otherwise, (I'm assuming you are "M to F") consider your hips will be smaller than expected, and your "waist" larger than expected (read below). So from now on you have two different sizes to learn, one for tops and one for bottoms. So when looking in any charts provided, you have to discard any correlation to "Waist" because that "Waist" they're talking about is the Natural Waist (measured near the belly button), which would only be useful if you're buying women's high waited pants, women's skirts or a man's kilt. Basically for M to F people, their natural waist will always be larger than expected in the charts. Instead, when buying women's medium/low-waisted pants or shorts try to gauge the size of the pants by looking at your "Hip" measurements. That's the only useful number, really. The only exception to the rule is that every now and then, women's je[…]
- W on Question: Pant Sizes?
Hey there! It's perfectly valid to feel fluid. I know from my own experience there are periods of time where I question whether I should choose a more binary identity because it's a difficult place to be outside of the realms of male and female. Whatever gender you feel fits you is the perfect descriptor for that day. It's tough for others to understand sometimes as they adjust to the shifts in expression, but you know you best! Some days I don't feel like I have a gender at all until someone genders me and I'm reminded that it's a pervasive thing in society. It's taken a long time to be confident to just be me and feel comfortable with my ever-changing feels about my gender, but I finally feel secure in expressing myself. It's definitely a journey!
- Anonymous on Question: fluid? demigirl?
Foods that boost estrogen production in ur body
- Alexander on Question: Tips for masculinizing feminine faces?
I had the same issue. what i did is i looked up my own size by comparing online size charts of online stores. or google some size charts, see what inches or mm your size relates to, and then go from these inches or mm to the size in your preferred clothing size. and i also found some people to act really strange when you ask for help in a store, and others to be really kind and helpfull. that is partly what shop you go, and partly your own confidence. i found that on days that i was strugling, i would come across more insecure which would make shop staff insecure. good luck. clothing the way i want to can be a very empowering thing! enjoy!
- Anonymous on Question: Pant Sizes?
Instead of getting top surgery, you could get a breast reduction, which might help you be more comfortable on your male days. That way, on your female days, you wouldn't regret it?
- Arin on On My More Male Days
Am 57 and genderqueer. Some of us used to be called Kaikai in the older times. We were often shunned as we didn't fit into the binary genders of butch or femme. Things have greatly improved in the lesbian communities that I've been with. Taking T for gender dysphoria which is helping with my mood and attitude.
- cathexis on Question: Older but genderfluid
In my experience, women's pants don't have inseam measurements, but instead just have petite, regular, and tall (actually I'm not sure what that last category is usually called, because I'm not it). Also, those categories aren't necessarily just inseam length but sometime other proportions as well (e.g. petite tends to have a shorter rise crotch to waist). Anyway, you end up buying something that kinda fits or is maybe a bit long and then hemming. It's a pain!
- Jules on Question: Pant Sizes?
I've never understood any kind of clothing sizes that aren't strictly measurements, so I can't be much help here. Would it be possible for you to go to a store and try on some pants? That might help you gauge your size without having to talk to anyone, though I do realise that some stores scrutinise everyone who walks in and that can be horrible. Not having a lot of money, I usually buy my clothes used, and count myself lucky if I get the right waist size. If the legs are too long, I use trouser blousers to be able to walk around, but I realise that's not for everyone.
- anta on Question: Pant Sizes?
49 y/o here, but feeling like 25. One year into my nonbinary, queerfemme adventure. I'm of a masculine physique and have no intention to blur the lines with hormones or surgery of any kind. I like the way my body is and don't experience gender dysphoria or wished to have been born in a different way. Hard as it's been to come out at my age, I don't think it would have been possible before, either because of lack of resources and the different mentality prevalent in society. I love skirts, eye makeup (not foundation) and wear exciting clothing, stuff that I couldn't even relate to in the past, due to internalised transphobia and the self-acquired shame that all males are required to carry as their personal masculine 'ID'. I'm way past all that and enjoy the freedom that has brought to my experience to embrace my feelings. Aberystwyth (Wales) is a friendly and fabulous place to explore one's gender I have to say. We've got the university on one of our hills, and the population here is quite young, all of which brings an open, cosmopolitan air to an otherwise conservative, rural coastal town. I too love to receive compliments on my clothing or newest haircut, even when I know that there will always be those that don't understand what I'm doing. To date, I have to say I've been fortunate for not experiencing any verbal or physical transphobic attack.
- Eola-Ystwyth on Question: Older but genderfluid
I have almost half a century on my back of male acculturation. More recently I came out as a transgender, nonbinary person. Due to the nature of my job, I normally dress 'male', with trousers, polo and black shoes (I'm a cleaner) but when I'm off work I wear skirts, makeup, complements, ankle boots and what not. From the somewhat nebulous definition of trans* I've embraced the term of 'queerfemme' because it defines my feelings with more precision than the formal AMAB, nonbinary label. I don't hope to be successful in trying to explain to others what 'femme' means for me, as it is a very personal feeling. On the surface it may be just a love for fashion and pretty things, but deep inside I can recognise it as an energy that flows gently, telling me that everything's OK as it is. That love for myself and the gentle interaction with the world that stems from it, is what I call 'femininity'. Ultimately, I don't think gender can be defined with a word or a mix of cleverly made up words, no matter how well they may fit a particular type of experience or circumstance. Just being oneself, in loving silence, should be enough.
- Eola-Ystwyth on Question: Is my gender fluid or flux??
I just came out to my trans friend. He was really supportive and it felt really good to have someone support me. I tried coming out to my parents, but they told me I'm just making it up. I also tried to come out to my friends, but they told me I am going to hell. Yep that felt nice. I'm hoping to get the full confidence to come out to them soon enough, but for now. I am happy with what I've done thus far.
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Dear Sophie: I'm 66 now. I have found my identity over the past 15 years as well. I tried going out as a woman but realized that I didn't want to hide my male side, ... as much as I didn't want to hide my female side, either. So I'm presenting as kind of both. I still use male pronouns, but that's mostly for convenience while we get the language straightened out. I often (more often than not) wear 'womens' clothes in public these days. This includes jewelry (earrings, bracelets, necklaces), and often nail polish (fingers and toes). I wear dresses, skirts & tops, or tunics with leggings and boots. I have kept my beard (short but not shaved off), which is mostly gray now. I have lost most of the hair on top of my head, but I usually wear a hat of some kind. I don't wear face makeup or a bra or breast prosthetics, because I am not trying to present as a woman. I shop at consignment shops and tall women clothing catalogs. Stitch Fix sent me a box and I kept 3 out of the 5 things. And ... I'm having a blast doing it! It helps that I live right next door to Cambridge, Mass., so this environment is way supportive. I get spontaneous compliments almost every time I go out ("I like your outfit." or "I like what you're wearing," or "Those are great earrings!" etc.). I go food shopping, to the bank, the post office, public meetings, etc. I even have a client who says it's ok if I show up for work in a dress. I have never gotten any flack. I'm writing a book about my experiences called "a man wearing a dress." You can see an image of the cover on my web site, www.messagerain.com Just click on the Books menu.
- Glenn on Question: Older but genderfluid
I think all those things describe me as well; I'm 62, AMAB, been dabbling with nonbinary identity issues for, oh, 15 years or so. Was married for a while to a very affirming bi woman, and oh my did that ever work. For a while. She's now identifying as lesbian, so i'm not in her demographic. I write, often from a female character's point of view. I find that helpful.
- R on Question: Older but genderfluid
I like the idea of using Mx. James (my name) while writing but I am non-binary queer. I still look fairly feminine (talking to my psych today about going on T). I get called "ma'am" at work by nearly every customer. I'm sure it doesn't help that I live in the south and everyone calls everyone "sir" or " ma'am." It's drilled into our plantains from the moment of birth. The best way I've found to get people to not call me " ma'am" was by placing a name tag on my work shortest just says, "Hello, my name is...Evan. Please use they/them pronouns when referring to me. Unfortunately, I'm still called "ma'am," and I know you can't change everyone's minds, but maybe I'll add "Mx. Or Friend" on the tag.
- Evan Alexander James on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Hey, I study German and French at school, and I identify as non-binary, but I go to an all girls school, and according to my teahers there isn't a gender neutral pronoun in either language. Anyone know what I could do, as alternating between er/sie and il/Elle is confusing for all of the people who have known me since I solely used she/her and I really dislike being misgendered. Please correct me if I'm posting in the wrong place. Thanks
- Anonymous on Question: German gender-neutral language
Genderqueer male-bodied parent here, I use DeDe :) but it is because my mom was meme and it resonates with me
- Anonymous on Question: Gender-neutral family names
What do u mean e foods?
- Anonymous on Question: Tips for masculinizing feminine faces?
Hi Anon: I know exactly what you are going through. I am a 59 year old male who has been been femme for my entire life. I find that it's easy to BE femme ( that's just what I am), the problem is being ACCEPTED as femme. It's hard to come out of the closet when people keep pushing you back into it. In the city where I live, there's a gender nonconformist group at a local LGBTQ organization that has been very helpful to me. Perhaps you can find one if SF. I would also be very happy to be chat friends with you. Please feel free to email me anytime. Take care, Brian PS: I'm still deciding on a femme name. I was thinking about Joni (as in Joni come lately). What to you think?
- Brian on What a task!
Hey :) moi je ne m\'appelle pas Max a la base mais je ne supporte plus mon nom qui est trop féminin.. J\'ai 15 ans (donc je crois que maintenant on a le même âge) et je vis en France aussi ^^ J\'ai fais mon coming out a mes amis les plus proches il y a quelques jours dans un groupe de discussion sur messenger et ils me soutiennent tous, même mon petit ami s\'en fiche tant que je me sens bien. J\'ai trop peur pour l\'instant de le dire a mes parents mais je pense que je vais écrire une lettre a ma mère pour lui expliquer sinon je n\'y arriverais pas.. Donc je n\'ai pas encore de binder alors pour l\'instant je me contente d\'une brassière de sport (c\'est vraiment pas l\'idéal ^^) Je ne sais pas si tu verra ma réponse mais est-ce que tu as fais ton coming out depuis que tu as posté ici? Tu peux me contacter par mail si tu veux: MadGhostAlex@gmail.com Ou alors j\'ai Twitter et instagram (taxicabforjosh) mais je ne t\'oblige a rien! :) J\'espère que tout se passe bien pour toi, Max
- Max on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
I have a bit of a past as well, so i get where you are coming from. i myself have panic attacks. a lot of my friends just don't understand what its like. people are often scared of something (or someone) different than themselves. just keep your head held high.
- Mikaila/Nico on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
im a teen too. its hard, but i believe that honesty is the best policy. good luck!
- Mikaila/Nico on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Ok I just saw this video of androgynous model Rain Dove and she kind of talks about her experience. It's a really positive message about being yourself. Plus she wears a really cool suit lol. https://www.facebook.com/tomboyx/videos/1453025851408842/
- Lila on I Accepted That Label
I only see a queer person stepping into their own confidence in this picture :) radical haircuts, radical self-confidence radical/rebel
- radical/rebel on a(symmetric)
I am a 56-year old man who wishes he had been born a woman. I have the same problem that you have. I want to be a FEMME male, but I am in the closet. In the San Francisco Bay Area, a amab can be openly gay/bi/trans, but it is still not acceptable to be FEMME. Talk to me, PLEASE.
- Anonymous on What a task!
One fundamentally new thing about the internet is that you can find other people like yourself without having to risk coming out. We're out here, late blooming nonbinary or other kinds of trans* folks. 62, m2f-or-something-else-non-m
- R on What a task!
I hear ya. I\'m doing school sports and am so much happier/fitter than ever. My curves and boobs are shrinking I\'m so happy
- Jace on Question: Binders and Sagging?
Exactly how I feel! Right now I'm just trying to lose weight, so they can get smaller too... It makes me feel so confused and sad. It kinda comforts me to know I'm not alone though. I just wish there was more, I don't know, information or advice or something about this...
- Akki on On My More Male Days
These comments have so far been examples of what to use when you know the person. Example: a human holds the door for you at an establishment. What pronoun/noun do you use? Thank you, human?
- Chaos on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Same. I'm trying out at the moment using he/her and she/his.
- Luke on Pronoun Limitation
hi my name is keyvan I am 23 years old I am a man And I\'m living in Asia in southern Iran. One can imagine how far apart the I thought I Perhaps an ideal life I\'m hoping with you In a faraway place If there is a possibility Send me a message keyvannni@gmail.com
- key on Profile: Atsuki
hi my name is keyvan I am 23 years old I am a man And I\'m living in Asia in southern Iran. One can imagine how far apart the I thought I Perhaps an ideal life I\'m hoping with you In a faraway place If there is a possibility Send me a message keyvannni@gmail.com
- Anonymous on Profile: RJ
hi my name is keyvan I am 23 years old I am a man And I\'m living in Asia in southern Iran. One can imagine how far apart the I thought I Perhaps an ideal life I\'m hoping with you In a faraway place If there is a possibility Send me a message keyvannni@gmail.com
- key on Profile: Tam
hi my name is keyvan I am 23 years old I am a man And I\'m living in Asia in southern Iran. One can imagine how far apart the I thought I Perhaps an ideal life I\'m hoping with you In a faraway place If there is a possibility Send me a message keyvannni@gmail.com
- key on Profile: Mar
hi my name is keyvan I am 23 years old I am a man And I'm living in Asia in southern Iran. One can imagine how far apart the I thought I Perhaps an ideal life I'm hoping with you In a faraway place If there is a possibility Send me a message keyvannni@gmail.com
- key on Profile: Sara
hi my name is keyvan I am 23 years old I am a man And I'm living in Asia in southern Iran. One can imagine how far apart the I thought I Perhaps an ideal life I'm hoping with you In a faraway place If there is a possibility Send me a message keyvannni@gmail.com
- key on Profile: Kay
hi my name is keyvan I am 23 years old I am a man And I'm living in Asia in southern Iran. One can imagine how far apart the I thought I Perhaps an ideal life I'm hoping with you In a faraway place If there is a possibility Send me a message keyvannni@gmail.com
- key on Profile: Jaidan
hi my name is keyvan I am 23 years old I am a man And I'm living in Asia in southern Iran. One can imagine how far apart the I thought I Perhaps an ideal life I'm hoping with you In a faraway place If there is a possibility Send me a message keyvannni@gmail.com
- key on My name is Emily!
In terms of articles, we aren\'t so small anymore (we have 155 pages at time of this posting) but we always need more editors. So anyone willing to help come over and lend a hand.
- miiohau on Recommendation: Gender Wiki
same, mate.
- nola on On My More Male Days
You sound like an awesome person! Also, yay for gender-less people in the woods! I am from a rural area, and I see all these gender-diverse folks in cities, but not so many in the forest :)
- Giuseppe Lowe on Profile: Zeek
It sounds like you are Pansexual rather than A tranny chaser, there was a natal female who used to go to gay clubs and was totally obsessed with Trans people, when I told her I was trans she was all over me, until I told her I was winding her up, she didn't seem so interested in me after that
- Anonymous on Question: About Tranny Chasers
Very helpful and Great information, we appreciate advise especially coming from a professional. Thanks again and keep up the great work!
- Dating Rules on Question: How do I date as a genderqueer individual?
So my name is Mackenzie, I'm 15, and I'm Genderfluid. I was born a female. I've come out to my counselor, and a couple of my close friends. I'm terrified of coming out to my parents though. They accept gays, but I don't know if they will accept being genderfluid. Some people just don't understand it and I don't think they will. I've worn guy clothes to school and I got a lot of weird looks by people that go to my school and teachers at my school, but nobody said anything. I wanna cut my hair short like a guy, and I'm slowly getting it cut off, but after I tell my parents I'm afraid they won't let me cut my hair. Plus I play sports, like 24/7. What do I do?
- Mac on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Awesome climb with the banner, Sen!
- Petey on Profile: Sen Holiday
I am a non-binary Scandinavian over 40 and I am close to giving up. I despair that I will ever find any peers. There are no spaces for me in my country and I cannot find any online communities where someone like me is represented. I feel horribly jealous of the teens and twenty-somethings who all grew up with the internet and have had access to knowledge about other people like themselves existing, language for who they are, communities to share in. There is no place online that reflects or includes someone like me. There is no place offline where my existence is acknowledged either. I feel completely unreal and it makes me wish I was dead so I didn't have to deal with this every single day.
- Anonymous on Genderfork is Looking for Diverse Submissions!
In many situations, the person's role can be used as a title, as in, "Good morning, officer," or "No, doctor," or, in a restaurant, "Thank you, server." In a letter, I would use, "Dear Electric Company Representative." In some situations, "Hello, friend" is appropriate. Or "Hello, fellow shopper." These sorts of sidesteps may not work in every situation, but I find they help a lot.
- Anonymous on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Nice to meet you too, Anna.
- Ty on Profile: Anna
I totally agree with getting rid of strictly male/female as norm. I've only recently realized how uncomfortable I am with being characterized so much based off my anatomy and I appreciate your openness. Sorry for the awkward comment, I'm awkward.
- Ty on Profile: Phoenix
This is so me. For 16 years this have happemd to me to, I'm reasintly a demiboy who has changed name And birth certificate
- Theo on Question: When do trans people realize it?
I get called cream puff, star child, and other cute little names. It really depends on interests and preferences and such. :)
- Anonymous on Question: gender neutral terms of affection for friends
i believe the above commenters are referring to just long binders- as in, the tank-top like ones (but don't quote me on that).
- jupiter on Question: Disguising hips
I like per very much
- Becca on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
ur gorgeous!! like.. wow
- sky on Profile: Adrienne
or feminine whatever u prefer
- sky on Profile: Mar
i love ur hair and tbh ur adorable in a masculine way lol
- sky on Profile: Mar
*cough*TROLL*cough* Seriously. This is not the place for you to behave in this manner. Let the kids figure themselves out and if they did want your religion I'm sure they would go hunt for it.
- Anonymous on Question: When do trans people realize it?

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