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You should get a partner. Then packing at night is REALLY fun!
- Anonymous on Quietly thrilled
Use a bunched up sock.. it’s free as fuck and barely noticeable with a loose pack.
- Anonymous on Question: Packing
Hey Cj! Great question... so in my experience with chest binding the cheapest, safest, easiest, and least noticible thing to do is to use a quad. So what this is is a combination of two sports bras, and two tight fitting tank tops. You start by putting on a sports bra, and then put the second one on backwards. You then put on a forwards tank top (small sizes for best results) and then put another on backwards. Then, if you want to, it’s not nesscesary but I do it, you can put on another forward facing sports bra on over the tank tops just to hold everything together. Make sure not to wear it for too long, and be sure that the material is flexible so you can breathe. Best wishes! D.F. Lykaios
- D.F. Lykaios on Question: Binding as a Genderqueer person
I just wanted to say that I loved this. Thanks for sharing, making the film, and posting it.
- Ravyn on Being Non-binary
Attractive could be used for either gender.
- Anonymous on Question: Compliments
Hey, Jaden, I’m in a very similar position, but I just wanted to let you know that a few months ago I got permission to wear the boys uniform at school, and I was very nervous that people would bully me for it or ask too many questions. When I wore it into school a few people asked me if they would also be allowed to wear boys clothes, but other than that everyone was absolutely fine with it and no-one even questioned it. Wearing boys uniform has made me feel much more comfortable and I hope that you can work up the courage to wear what you want with pride. Good luck. :-)
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Hi, I'm a queer cis girl who also studies German at school and I am doing a project on gender neutrality within german language for my class. I consulted my German friend on pronouns and she said that sier (sies/siem/sien) was the prefered pronouns of her nb and genderqueer friends. I'm not sure how widespread this is but she said she uses it fairly frequently.
- Anonymous on Question: German gender-neutral language
my life, yes
- Rae on Your Life
This is exactly how I feel! I have a nice wardrobe for a girl courtesy of my mom, but some days I just feel gross in those things, like I'm a Barbie doll whose curves are all wrong. Other days I'm confident in a crop top. I feel like I"m definitely female, but it's not my whole story, y'know? I just found a new label.
- Rae on Question: If I'm a demigirl am I still a woman?
I understand your predicament, I am also underage and gender fluid and came out to my grandmother just a few days ago, she didn't know what it means to be gender fluid and thought I was talking about sexuality 10 mins into the conversation. However she is a diehard liberal so she was pretty accepting even though she doesn't really understand. You parent might have a very difficult time trying to understand you, they might blame themselves, or try to fix you if they are against gays then it might be worse than that. My advice would be to first think about how homophobic they are and how they might possibly react to you being gender fluid. If you don't feel comfortable coming out than try making small changes to your appearance if you wish. I had short hair for two years before I came out. makimg small changes can really help with dysphoria. I'm hope I could be of some help to you
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
add me on facebook i can show you all of my different outfit.
- mitchell worthington on Manly Corset
I like your lil homeslice of self revelation on genderfork Would you consent to be my pen pal, perhaps It would be really cool-xciting for me to have someone s far away and yet so close (in some experiences of self? -perhaps, gender?) to bounce minds with I am 32 and 5 months. I have lived a lot, you get me ...and much struggle The reveal of your academic aspirations and fears was what probably made me reach out like this Also it's xmas ?????? and i know a new correspondence would cheer me (not to say I am (or ain't) Christian but, I mean,dark times in the sense of earth tilt and cold as well as the apparent lurching towards fascism that has me periodically scared shitless along with my personal melee of fear, and all that ... If your interested zeke_coleslaw@hushmail.com, as well as the address above Happy Winter!?????? wishing you happiness as well as peace and rest, and safety
- Zeke P. King on Profile: Ian
It is easier to make smaller changes first.... and you don\'t necessarily need to make any changes just because you are genderfluid. As for pronouns, I\'ve had a lot of genderfluid friends that started having their friends use they and she to refer to them... just do whatever feels comfortable.... and with your moms... even if they don\'t understand just remember you will be okay. Because they are your parents and they love you, they probably won\'t be too harsh. If they are really mean about certain things don\'t take it personally, they grew up in a different time and it might be harder for them to change their views, on the contrary, they might be completely okay with it or maybe even know exactly what being gender fluid means. It is important to continue being yourself and learn how to accept yourself. What others think doesn\'t really matter because honestly...it\'s not their life and if they don\'t appreciate you for who you are then that\'s their problem. Anyways, I wish you good luck!
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
It is easier to make smaller changes first.... and you don't necessarily need to make any changes just because you are genderfluid. As for pronouns, I've had a lot of genderfluid friends that started having their friends use they and she to refer to them... just do whatever feels comfortable.... and with your moms... even if they don't understand just remember you will be okay. Because they are your parents and they love you, they probably won't be too harsh. If they are really mean about certain things don't take it personally, they grew up in a different time and it might be harder for them to change their views, on the contrary, they might be completely okay with it or maybe even know exactly what being gender fluid means. It is important to continue being yourself and learn how to accept yourself. What others think doesn't really matter because honestly...it's not their life and if they don't appreciate you for who you are then that's their problem. Anyways, I wish you good luck!
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Hi I’m only 13 and I’ve only really just learned what gender fluid is but I believe I do conform to it. I am too scared to make any changes to my self such as cutting my hair and wearing the boys school uniform especially. I already where boys clothes and I have a gender fluid friend (he’s a g) both my mums are gay but I don’t think they’ll understand and it keeps me awake at night. As for at school I don’t know what my peers will think. I’m still happy with my female body I just find it easier to talk to boys and can relate I am positive in fluid but I’m afraid of pronouns and changing myself. Can anyone help?
- Darc on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
I’m going through the same struggle. Sometimes I feel extremely detached from my assigned female identity (and dysphoric about my body) but sometimes I don’t think about it and I feel fine with being called a girl. Demigirl genderflux feels right, but I’m afraid that if I came out to people they’d just think I was a “special snowflake” who wants attention.
- Anonymous on Question: If I'm a demigirl am I still a woman?
I as a trans 13 year old have to say health concerns are very important but the same is said for not letting your child bind. It can be the worst torture in the world to look in the mirror so I would say let them bind just regularly ask and check up on them about it. And keep on being supportive! Love the tranny panny Frankie! ?
- Frankie on Question: Binder for 13 year old
Hi Jaden, That's almost literally exactly the same situation I'm in. One of my friends came out to me as bi too last year, and I really want to come out to her. The good thing about our society now, (at least for the most part) is that pretty much everyone can wear "boy's clothes" and people were fine with it. Best of luck.
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
"Ji" pronounced gee (like gee wiz) While not common in America and perhaps not good for the workplace since it's uncommon, in India when you're referring to someone you don't know or someone you respect like an elder or someone with authority or someone you're working for they use the title "ji" regardless of gender. It's also used after people's names like sarah-ji or John-ji when you know their name or are closer to the person. I hope it picks up here because it's truly genderless!!
- Nina on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
One problem is getting someone's attention that you have no name for. 'Excuse me, but you dropped your credit card' works sometimes. But general getting the attention of someone... But 'Excuse me' hollered at a retreating person several times does not always get their attention. We need a new word!
- Bill on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
"You definitely sound like a sir" would be devastating to at least one of my transgender friends. The rest of what you're saying is great, I think, but honestly, just leave off that "you definitely sound like" bit. Most Trans people I know understand that they will be misgendered on occasion and they'll deal with it, but just a quick, "Oh, I'm sorry," and then moving on is vastly preferred than a statement that reinforces whether or not they "pass." Of course, then there's me. I'm non-binary. I'm really not a "Sir" or a "Ma'am." I personally have no objection to either of them, so nobody has to worry about me, but that's not universal. I hope a new term comes up organically.
- Strange on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
I choose to wear button up shirts over a t shirt...but leaving them unbuttoned (does that make sense) I wear a plaid shirt over my regular shirt almost every other day because it does a really good job at hiding my curvy-ish shape.... other than that.... darker shirts also help and make most curves appear smaller.... you can also wear dark shirts with unbuttoned shirts.....and the good news is both of those things can usually be found in the women's section so yeah
- Anonymous on Question: Disguising hips
I'm not sure of my gender identity but I can strongly relate to being genderfluid. I came out to my mom about a month ago... I just told her I wasn't sure whether or not I was a boy or girl and she seemed okay with it at first.... but then she started getting mad at me for wanting to wear different clothes.... she kept telling me I was wrong about the way I felt..... she would come in too my room and say random things that would hurt my feelings.....all of the sudden she wants me to do all these super girly things..... I can't stand it anymore.... she makes me so ashamed of who I am... on top of that after I told her she told a bunch of other people too.... it's been absolutely terrifying having her know... but at the same time I'm glad to not have this huge secret to hide... her boyfriends sons have started making jokes all the time about me being nonbinary and all this other stuff too.... I'm scared and I need help deciding which step I need to take in order to start fixing things...
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
-You could potentially tie a jacket around your waste? Not the most fashionable or long term solution but it might help!-
- Esile on Question: Disguising hips
You can say sir or ma'am. If a caller corrects you say "oh my goodness I'm so sorry- you definitely sound like a sir (or Ma'am)" I get the whole TG issue- but TG folks should take it easy- the operator can only hear you- they can't see you and your awesomeness. Correct the agent and cut them a little slack. The agent should then say- "which pronoun or respectful title would you prefer? I want to make you feel comfortable:" I agree: try saying their names if you can't determine respectful title. If they only spell it for you and you don't know how to pronounce it- try your best to pronounce it. Apologize if you mispronounce it, and say "I like it! or "I'll practice that!" In short try their names, sir or ma'am is a back-up. If you mess up- just apologize and be gracious and a little self-deprecating. The caller will understand.
- Delia QA SPecialist on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Hello, Anon. I'm turning thirteen in a few weeks (close enough) and ever since I was about eight, I always felt wrong being stuck in a male skin. I wasn't like any other boy I'd ever met-- I did strange things, like crossdressing, and it just felt right. My little kid mind just knew to break more stereotypes and be myself no matter what so and it felt great. But, my dysphoria only started kicking in at age 10, when my legit evil step parent started emotionally abusing me like he does to this day. He'd bully me for telling Mom when he did mean things to me at first, but then he started bullying me for doing certain things because I was a boy. That confused me, and I started noticing the signs. I didn't learn of the LGBTQ+ community until I was at least twelve, but I knew something was up. About a week ago, I finally saw what was right under my nose the whole time-- I'm genderfluid. But, that's the easy part. The hard part will be coming out. I'm not sure when to do it (maybe Coming Out Day 2018?), but I'm worried that my Dad will think I'm trying to throw a pity party for myself and crap, or that my EXTREME right-wing Grandpa will find out and... I don't even know! ? So, yes. I'm a lot like you and I'm not sure when to come out. Maybe we can do it together.
- C.H. on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
I am gender fluid and I am not out to anyone, I am underage and I feel really bad not being able to dress the gender I feel. I want to come out but my Mom and Dad don't like gays so I don't know if they would be accepting of me. I don't have any friends that are queer, I don't know who to talk to about this and I'm scared.
- Confused Unicorn on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Hey Jordan, I'm Kat, I'm androgynous meaning I have both male and female characteristics and I was reading your profile and thought we had a few similar interests. I was wondering if you would like to talk sometime maybe over social media if you have it? Kat. x
- Kat on Profile: Jordan
Hey Alex I'm Kat. I'm female and identify as female but I am androgynous meaning I have both male and female characteristics. I really liked reading your profile as I had previously been having the same problems. I was wondering if you wanted to talk, maybe on social media if you have Instagram? Kat x
- Kat on Profile: Alex
The students in my high school class have created a word to fill this need in the English language. Please feel free to use it. Perhaps we can get in into the dictionary to officially bring a gender-neutral “sir/ma’am” into existence. Gent’am - A respectful way to greet a man or a woman This word can be used as a substitute for “sir” or “ma’am,” and is appropriate and honorable for both the young and elderly.
- Anonymous on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
How do I figure out what style fits my body type?
- Anonymous on Question: Tips for masculinizing feminine faces?
I love this... <3
- Ravyn on Your Life
You can use compression shorts! I myself haven't got a pair, but they are meant for athletic purposes and can flatten your hips and butt a little. Since they're meant for movement, they're also comfortable and wont hurt your body. Most of them have a pocket in the front meant for an athletic cup, and this can be used for packing. They're fairly unambiguous too, so asking for a pair probably won't make it obvious that you're trans.
- Callum on Question: Disguising hips
"Honorable Lastname" might sometimes work.
- Anonymous on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Hi, I'm thirteen and recently discovered I'm gender fluid. I know my parents are going to accept this as they support my trans uncle and take me to the Pride Festival, but I am sure they suspect I'm gay. How should tell them I'm LGBTQIA+ but not in the way I think
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
I work at a daycare and we just call them all "friends," which has now transferred over to my adult life.
- Anonymous on Question: Gender-neutral family names
I'm thirteen and i want to wear a binder but my mum won't let me because she said it would make my breasts sag, not that i could care much. Is this true?
- Anonymous on Question: Binders and Sagging?
This is a really old post but as soon as I saw it I had to reply. I always feel more masculine during my period and my dysphoria always gets so much worse. I usually end up wearing a sweatshirt every day of the week and this one pair of baggy-ish pants for a lot of the week too. I will come home at the end of the day and just cry. I am so glad that there's other people I can relate to on here.
- Anonymous on Silent Reassurance
Hello everyone My name is Rose or Rob and I am a 15-year-old genderfluid. So ever during the begging of 2017, I started to question my gender.At one point I felt like a boy and then another I felt like a girl.so when I was 14 I discovered the term "Genderqueer" and when I found that out I was like wow this describes me.and so that went on for 3 months until Pride Month. During that time I discovered genderfluidity and I did not know what that meant at the time so I googled it and I saw that it meant "denoting or relating to a person who does not identify themselves as having a fixed gender." and when I saw this I was like this describes me so much.I started to try dress masculine but I couldn't bc I have long hair and other stuff like that so during the new school year I dress as masculine and feminine but I need lots of other things so and some advice from other genderfluid people.So if anyone is willing to help please do and my parents will not buy me masculine clothing so any help will do.
- Rose/Rob on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
I am 53 years old and have been gender fluid all my life. Only more recently have I been able to more fully embrace it since I told my wife and she has been very supportive. She had already noticed my involuntary gender swings over the years and had wondered if I was gay. I'm not but since I'm also attracted to women when in girl mode, maybe in that way I am. I am AMAB and wear things that are all over the gender spectrum and don't let societal gender limitations get in the way. My closet is full of masculine and feminine clothing and my life is much richer and fuller being able to be me. I never feel like any one label suits me since my gender flows back and forth all the time so gender fluid works for me. I also like the term gendermutt. I'm so glad to find this thread since so much online about nonbinary is all by younger people. I think its great that they can more freely express who they are at a younger age because that is something we were not able to do. I notice so many of them use the term genderqueer which is something I can't bring myself to do because the word queer was weaponized against me for so many years when I was growing up. Sure, it would be nice to turn it around into something positive but the sting in that word reminds me of too many old emotional wounds I'd rather forget. I wonder how different my life would be if we all had been more free to express our real selves starting at a younger age?
- Casey Draper on Question: Older but genderfluid
Foods that boost estrogen: sesame seeds, apricots, strawberries, many dried fruits, carrots, kale, celery, tofu, chickpeas, peas, and pinto beans. Foods that boost testosterone: oils like olive and canola, olives, avocados, cashews, almonds, lobster/crab, oatmeal, bananas, low fat yogurt, and kidney beans. For estrogen, its usually plant based food that have phytoestrogens, and for testosterone, its usually foods high with zinc or monounsaturated fat. If you look up 'foods to boost testosterone/estrogen', you will most likely find an article or a list. Also, don't eat too many almonds, because they also contain traces of cyanide, and eating to many can kill you.
- Anonymous on Question: Tips for masculinizing feminine faces?
Thanks so much for that bit of info Josey/Josh. IDK why but this really helpe me when I read this. I'm fourteen and the fifth out of six children in my family, I have completely mentally accepted myself as gender fluid but I really don't feel ready to tell my family because my oldest sister/brother came out as trans assuming our family would accept him... But instead he was constantly abused by our father and died at age eighteen because of it, our mom never accepted him and didn't care when dad beat him. She didn't even care when my brother died. I'm mourning to this day and as scared as ever to come out and I don't think I ever will. I'm scared as shit and I don't know what to do. Please help!
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
I am 70 years old and have been gender fluid all my life. My life has been a struggle since I was about 8 years old. Back then, they didn't call us gender fluid. We were gender identity disorder and some would say homosexual but I wasn't. That was the way it was. When I went into the Army and had my physical, the doctor asked me if I had anything wrong. I told him that on some days I'd wake up and be female and other days a male. He looked at me and said, "Which one are you today?" I told him I was a boy and he told me to get in line because I was in the Army now. I made it thru 22 years but struggled so much. I got married and have continued to struggle, but here I am and now I can finally accept myself as gender fluid instead of some disorder. And yes, I still have lots of times that I feel feminine.
- Mark on Question: Older but genderfluid
Get a build-a-bear. Preferably a rainbow-ish one. Get a voice thing for it and have it be a recording of you saying what you are.
- Ginge on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Absolutely stunning!
- Hannah on Alana
les love boat are pretty unsafe, I heard
- Anonymous on Question: First time buying a binder
I don't know how to tell my mom at all, she does not believe that genders other than cisgender are valid. And everytime she sees somebody breaking a gender role/norm, she gets weirded out. I love my mom so much and I'm scared that telling her will make her think of me a lot differently. Any advice or suggestions??
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Really hard telling who, your parents or friends? Yes it is very hard to tell people. I don't know your age but if you are still in school and under 18 years old, maybe you need to wait a bit. All of us go thru changes in our lives. In the meantime, you might see if you can find someone to talk about it with you that you would feel comfortable with. The final decision has to be yours and only yours.
- Mark on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Hey Im Genderfluid and im just a kid and its really hard telling them... help?
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
My comment won't help, but why are the first two commenting about hair and picture of all things... Also, I've also been having a "sick" heart. It's a weird feeling that can't exactly be described, except for being sick... Just realised those are from 6-7 yes ago... I've also had change of breathing. Not being able to run as much as I usually do. And the bone above my chest feels... "Bruised" ...
- Anonymous on My heart feels sick.
Gender Fluid is a new term in my lifetime. I've been gender fluid all my life and can tell all of you that life has not always been easy. It's not like I decide the day before that I will be feminine tomorrow. I go to bed, the brain starts working on that and I can't sleep well. The next day, I am feminine. I've had to fight it off more times than I wanted to. I was in the Army for 22 years and had to be a mocho man and a lot of times I fought with myself. I would get depressed at times as I couldn't come out like you can today. I had to deal with it. No, I am not gay. But I am pansexual. I just want to get this off my chest as I know many of you take a lot of crap about it. We aren't deviants. We are gender fluid.
- Mark on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
My Liege indicates that you are in fealty to them which is very much not the same as just addressing them. I would suggest Good Gentle as a neutral form of address.
- Anonymous on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
I hear My Liege is a fairly neutral thing to call them (tho I'm looking for a better word to use that's not a mashup of those two words since My Liege is kinda... already made?)
- Anonymous on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
I want to come out to my mom for about a week now, but I don't think that she would accept it. And I was thinking that maybe I just wouldn't tell her, but I want to start wearing more masculine clothes sometimes and I've wanted a more androgynous haircut for a while. I've just recently started accepting that I truly am not a girl, not all the way atleast. I just wish that explaining this to my parents could be easier.
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
I like the idea of Per. Especially if it became a norm. Working at a library, honorifics are what I use to speak with patrons. "Hello Sir" "Ma'am, please quiet your phone" "Miss, you forgot your card... MISS?" The last one being an attempt to get someone's attention from a distance. "Hello Per" "Per, please quiet your phone" "Per, you forgot your card... PER?" In groups it is much easier to find a gender non specific. And I love the way Comrade is nearly ideal in purpose and use... But would end up being inappropriate in the setting of public service.
- Raye on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
This has been an interesting thread. I came to it looking for inspiration for a term of address for a sci-fi setting. I wonder whether "Ji" could work. From Hindi/Punjabi it is usually a suffix. E.g. Mamaji, Papaji, Babaji etc... respectful terms for mother, father and 'father, uncle, priest' (I think). As Ji I already gender neutral it could be used on its own. More info.. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/-ji Example: Thank you Ji. Excuse me Ji...
- One on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
My name is also Dani and I'm pansexual and genderqueer. I just thought that that was a really fun coincidence! Hope you're doing well <3
- Dani G. on One Year
In this case, it could be Dear Patron......... something to contribute 'Yes' or 'No' to your request of fundraising. Thankyou
- dp mantha on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Hey Mac! I had to reply to this. I'm AFAB Genderfluid, generally not masculine. My birth name is McKenna, and it's frustratingly feminine. I'm very young, and I think they won't understand, but I've been sure for 2 years. Anyway, I believe my parents will be accepting but confused. My sister is pan, is going to a queer summer camp, and has lgbtq+ friends, and they're fine with it all. I once asked my mom if she believed there was third genders. She said she knew about Androgynous, Agender, And Genderfluid, but she didn't know about others. If I were you, I'd try that, and if they are accepting, then go ahead and do what feels right! I hope everything goes fine! Remember that you are valid, and stay safe! /Mack/
- Mack on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
I always thought "parent" was genderless.
- Jessica on Question: Gender-neutral family names
Genderless parents are normally referred to as 'rens'. For example: "I'll have to ask my ren" or "I love my renny"
- Anonymous on Question: Gender-neutral family names
I totally understand the whole "not 100% a girl." Ever since my hair has grown out, people refuse to except my NB gender. When I had short hair and would sometimes dress as a man and sometimes as a woman, there was no problem. But now that I look very feminine, suddenly I am making everything up and it's just a phase.
- Rachel on Profile: Sam
I am 17 and I am going through the same thing. I was born female but I have never really felt that just female fit. I cut my hair short once and I dressed like a man some days and like a woman others and people accepted it. Now that my hair is longer and I look more "traditionally" feminine. It's been harder for me to explain to people that I am non binary. They think it's more for attention than my actual identity. But when I had short hair they acceptsd my change between male and female looks. I don't get why people won't now. Is it just because I don't fit what they think non binary should look like? idk I am confused and don't know what to do and I don't quite know why I am telling you all this. I guess your experiences are just similar to mine and make me fee validated as someone who is also non binary.
- Rachel on Profile: Max
Hello! I am writing a generic fundraising letter to a number of businesses for a high school boosters group. I do not know the names/titles of the individuals who will be receiving these letters. In the past, I have always said, "Dear Sir/Ma'am," which seems a little friendlier and more respectful than, "To whom it may concern." However, gender neutrality is important, so I found myself wondering what to say. Reading through the comments, I am wondering if it would be reasonable to say, "Dear Sir/Ma'am/Mx." What do you think? Thank you!
- Beth on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
I'm 55, soon to be 56, and I just opened up yesterday to my wife about being genderfluid. She was amazingly supportive. I'm born male and some days I absolutely fit the part. Many days, however, my feminine attributes want to be expressed. I feel like I'm at the start of a very exciting, somewhat scary journey. One day at a time.
- Michael on Question: Older but genderfluid
What kind of foods would boost t?
- Blake on Question: Tips for masculinizing feminine faces?
Thank you so much for this post. I feel like I've known about these things for a while now but can't really make my mind accept them and practice them. now's the time. thank you for the encouragement :)
- insureance rates in Blue Springs, MO on Profile: Aster
If one was to attend a renaissance faire, what would be acceptably old-timey formal pronouns? ( Instead of Lord and Lady or Sir and Madam)
- Chogiwa on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Max, if you haven't already, ask your sisters if they think your parents 'know'... and (if you haven't already ;) ask your sisters if they 'knew' ...
- Fran on Profile: Max
I don't understand why we feel the need to label people or put them in a tick box. The government are really bad for putting us in boxes for their reports. This is something that needs to change and the labels be dissolved.
- Clw1066 on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
When writing a letter to someone who you are unsure of their gender I always put "Dear sir/madam," or "Mr/Mrs Johnson". That stops you sounding presumptuous. I work in the public sector and what I tend to do is avoid mentioning any terms for gender and once I know their name, just use that. The best way to go about it is to tell them who you are so they can reply with who they are. Most of the time their name will tell you all you need to know.
- Clw1066 on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Hi Harley! I´m 13, and genderfluid, and pansexual! Kind of a weird coincidence, huh? I would say to have an argument ready. Explain why you feel this way. Have evidence to back it up. Parents don´t take their teenage children seriously, but if you have a strong bank of knowledge and explanations ready, they will realize that you are aware that this is who you are. Your identity is valid, and you are lovely. Good luck! I believe in you! ~ Emerson
- Emerson on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Hi Caro! I´m 13, and after coming out to my parents, they WERE supportive, but warned me that me being gender-fluid might indeed just be a phase. But I´ve been struggling with this since I was 10. I am gender-fluid, and I really doubt that will change. So here´s my advice: You are old enough to know yourself(although people may tell you otherwise). If you know you are gender-fluid, you ARE gender-fluid. Your thoughts are 100% valid. Like the lovely Scrat said before, if your parents aren´t supportive, find people who are, who love you for you, and surrond yourself with them. You can do it! I believe in you! ~ Emerson
- Emerson on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
Hi Alex! I just figured out recently that I´m gender-fluid, and I was having a very hard time with it, but I am doing better(yay)! I already came out to my crush(who identifies as queer and has a nonbinary girlfriend) after Dance class, and she was very supportive, and told me that was incredibly brave of me to tell her when I was visibly nervous, which made me smile. I´m coming out to the rest of my friend group tomorrow, I´m a little nervous but they will all be very accepting. My half of my friends are part of the LGBTQ+ community, so I feel a little calmer, but its still scary as frick. I hope coming out went well for you. Wish me luck! Stay strong! I believe in you! ~ Emerson
- Emerson on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
This is very interesting. My concern is with cover letters for job application. In this case you want to use an honorific to imply respect, you don't want to presume to use their first name, and Mx can be interpreted by the recruiter as a typo. :/ Certainly a gamer term is not appropriate in that situation.
- Will(ow) on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Wow. Vindication! For many years now I have had gender-switchy moods from time to time. Often when I am under the stress pump but not always. I'm in my late 60's with a lovely and tolerant wife and new age 20's daughter. My daughter understands, my wife does not although is passive tolerant about it. I can wake feeling more fem today or revert to strong male persona. As a result, working with tolerant wife, I've created a space where I can dress "comfortable" as androgynous, and do so most days. It puzzles people when out and about, is that a he or a she, until I speak in my male voice. Only when on holding office or at a family funeral do I dress overtly male. But mornings can be a pig to not over do it. It's not strong enough to go transwoman and lose my dear wife of 43 years.
- TJ on Gender mood swings.
K lindo ?????
- Anonymous on The X in Latinx
I think there must be thousands of people who feel the way you do. Although you didn't directly say so, I'm guessing that your gender presentation (to the world) is masculine, but inside you feel more mixed. At the same time, you don't feel alienated from mainstream society, so being part of a "fringe" group is not appealing. (Hopefully I got that right). And you already mentioned lots of things that are important to you, that you don't want to lose. Unfortunately, girlish boys living in the United States face major social obstacles whether we are 4, 14, or 54. Some of us have settled on "boy on the outside, girl on the inside" as a compromise between social acceptance and the way we really want to present ourselves. That can apply to clothing, and also to attitudes and everyday actions, like being kinder, gentler, and more polite than the average guy. No matter what our age, we can let our feminine side shine through by listening and helping more than any ordinary guy would. And though we might not wear skirts and dresses, maybe we can be a little more colorful than the average dude. As for politics, I also live in a "red state", but there are still lots of people here who think there's more to life than bourbon and bowhunting. Spending time with forward-thinking, positive people has made quite a difference for me. The "open and accepting" churches are one place they hang out and dream up good works.
- David on Long before "that" existed...
Breasts are one of the major cues people use to guess a person's gender, so it's certainly understandable that your child wants to eliminate that source of confusion. Assuming that the surgery is done competently, I don't see any downside (other than the typical surgical risks). There are good reasons to stop with "top" surgery and not have the "bottom" surgery. First, it's not the main factor in misgendering (and if need be, one can wear a packer). Second, genital surgery can result in significant loss of sensation, tender spots, and complications such as fistulas. Third, if one is intimate enough with someone to allow access to that area, it's probably wise not to hide the fact that one used to be a girl.
- David on Question: Parent is unsure
So glad I found this question! Female genderqueer is definitely something you can be; I feel this way too, although I didn't have a word for it before, so thanks for that. I'm female, and I feel female, however there's also a nagging sense that I'm simultaneously not female in an indefinable way. I usually describe it as "not entirely female." P.S. I also struggle with the question of whether I'm attention seeking or following the trend at the moment any other thing that would invalidate my evolving sense of my gender. I don't think I am, because I don't think I would put this much thought,time and effort into something that I wasn't more invested in than that.
- Drew on Question: Female Genderqueer
In those situations, I find that "thank you" and a smile is entirely sufficient without any title. But then again, I live in California. I know the Sir/Ma'am thing is much more culturally expected in other parts of the country.
- julie on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Hey everyone! Really pleased to have found this post! I feel your struggle, I've been trying to get a grasp on my gender identity for 12 years or so now and still can't find the words or actions to take? I'm a faab, feel a constant internal sense of male while I feel a small internal shift to female in certain Situations, like if I'm with a friend or gushing over a girl or I'm listening information to an old song/gig that takes me back to a particular time. I'm mostly fine with my body in most senses (minus the feeling of one missing sexual organ at times) and have struggled expressing my masculinity all my life because I'm very fem looking, softly spoken and gentle as a person. It's lead me to feel like I'd need to medically transition to achieve this at least. But I like having long dark (died black hair and looking andro I guess. So to speak, I would also feel pressure to have my breasts removed I think if I took T which I don't want to do as I see them as a part of me. I also am unsure if I would want all its side effects such as the increase body smell and receding possibility along with facial hair permanency (which at times I'd love) can't lie. Though I think I'd also feel like I had to comply to another role of being male if I transitioned (which I would struggle with) as it's stands I feel I have much more freedom in terms of expression in general i guess, like especially clothing and emotional expression as a faab. I'm also a bit flux when it comes to partners so am unsure how this would work once I started looking like a guy and having to act as one in all senses sexually (which I'm most parts I'd love) but again I also like to embrace my female side to a small percentage :) not sure if any one else can identify or has similar experiences with there gender identity but I'd love to hear other experiences! Keep well and best wishes to all, Thanks for reading :)
- Stobartjay on Question: Am I Demiflux, Demifluid, or Genderfluid?
1) Nonbinary labels are being created all the time, feel free to create your own if you don't like the ones you see; you can always change it later. 2) Try on Mascfluid for size: A gender that is fluid in nature, and restricted only to masculine genders. Alternatively manfluid or boyfluid. 3) Perhaps Mascflux/manflux/boyflux: A gender where one feels mostly or all male most of the time but experiences fluctuating intensities of male identity. 4) If you are torn between 2 and 3, you can even do Mascfluidflux / manfluidflux / boyfluidflux. 5) This genderfluidsupport tumblr page has a long list on different labels that might inspire you as well; it also includes many non-fluid genders for others who are interested in labels.
- Anonymous on Question: What label to use for my gender?
For several years, your kid has been binding their chest every single day, despite the weather or comfort issues. That is showing diligence, determination, and a hatred for a part of their body that appears to be unrelenting. If they change their mind later in life, there is always breast augmentation. Why force someone to suffer through something they obviously despise about their body? I understand that parents worry, but being supportive requires taking steps of faith that you do not always fully understand. Given you aren't the one with the hatred of your body, you couldn't possibly grasp a full understanding. If you believe this to be a body dimorphic issue, have them go to a therapist who specializes in that particular issue first. Get the therapist to sign off that this isn't that particular issue. Whatever you decide, do it out of love not desperation or fear. <3
- Franc on Question: Parent is unsure
somehow the whole 'dysphoria' topic goes over your head. To OP: I'd say that the iud is a better option especially if the pills makes the dysphoria worse. A number of my trans friends have gotten it. The first month or two was tough but it gets better.
- Anonymous on Question: Birth Control & Dysphoria
Let your kid have surgery. They're old enough to know what they want, and being able to start college having had surgery will without a doubt make life easier for them. The summer before college is also a great time to do it because recovery does take a while, and they may well want to do internships/research/jobs in subsequent summers that recovery would make more difficult. I had top surgery when I was 16 and (now several years later) have absolutely no regrets about having done so.
- Alan on Question: Parent is unsure
@picking flowers, I also like e/em but somewhere I read that this is problematic because e sounds like he if you drop the h. Maybe that poster was British? I really like ey, since it avoids that issue (for Brits) and has the advantage of incorporating the last sound of "they" which many people like already as a gender neutral pronoun. All around think em is awesome... feels natural to me...I think it's cool that half of "they" and "them" are used to make the singular. Eir ....well, I keep trying, but I can't say it naturally in a sentence. Is it pronounced like the air we breathe, or half of "their"? When I try a few trial sentences I'm having trouble saying it naturally. Another idea might be to use "ey's" (perhaps spelled eys). For example: On the way to the store, Ey fell and broke eys clavicle." I'm not a fan of the singular they, not because of grammar but because of some confusion and misunderstandings I've been experiencing as more and more people in my circle of friends have started using it. For example, here's something a friend said to me--with the names and locations changed to protect the innocent: "I'm not sure Zander and Janet are together anymore. They had moved to Poughkeepsie together because of Janet's job. Zander hated it there, and now they moved to Ohio." I was like, wait, WHAT, who moved? If this had been an ey or e pronoun it would have been clear. And granted, the speaker should have taken the time to say that Zander moved to Ohio, while Janet stayed in Poughkeepsie. But it's a fact that people speak quickly and sloppily, and a distinction between singular and plural pronouns can be very helpful in aiding comprehension under less-than-ideal circumstances. There's a great precedent for a singular gender-neutral pronoun: The Swedish "Han." From what I hear it's working very well there...
- Interested in Ey/Eir/Em on Question: gender neutral pronouns
Okay but now I really want to see someone call a prince "Your Royal Highnor" vis a vis "actor/actress" XD
- Annie on Question: gender neutral terms of affection for friends
I just discovered this website while searching around the web for gender neutral pronouns, and started reading the different profiles. I was amazed when I read your profile, because it is almost exactly how I would describe myself, including the name Jay (I go by Jill but I have taken to Jay in my mind as a great gender-neutral alternative). I too am agender and currently express in what is seen as a feminine way, though I prefer androgynous expression for myself. I just thought this was incredible. If you read this, I hope you enjoy knowing that there are others with similar identities in the world.
- Anonymous on Profile: Jay
This girl online has taken to calling me little one, and little bean fren P
- Anonymous on Pet names
Honestly, when I'm trying to get a member of wait-staff's attention, I just say, "excuse me," or "hi, pardon me, but..." I simply don't use gendered words at all.
- Evan Alexander James on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Uhhh, my biggest concern that brought me here is gaining someone's attention. Like, if you work in a setting where you don't know people's names (e.g., coffee shop, salesperson, customer service), and need to gain his/her/their attention. Do you say, "you" with a gesture, "you there"? This is a legit question.
- Anonymous on Question: Alternatives to "Sir" and "ma'am"
Not to question your identity or anything, but I'm curious as to why you identify as cisgender. You don't really sound cisgender, you sound a little more genderqueer.
- Anonymous on Profile: Khonsu
Using bandage is very unhealthy and unsafe NEVER USE BANDAGES FOR BINDING
- Anonymous on Question: Binder help!
Radiant, phenomenal, delightful, extraordinary, genuine, heavenly, incomparable, mesmerizing, precious, ravishing, tantalizing, vibrant, zestful.
- Kyler on Question: Genderqueer Compliments?
Thank you I already started this with one friend but now I can help more people understand thx you so much
- Anonymous on Question: Coming out as gender fluid
love this look !!
- Val on Classic Autumnal Style
honestly don't see the point in stressing over gender. everyone should just let people have their own one and not treat people differently because of it. it should be irrelevant to everything. people also shouldn't get offended if someone mistakes their gender, just politely correct them. And someone tells you their pronoun, don't be an asshole about it. Suck it up and use it, at least in front of them, its just plain good manners. Like calling someone by their name, you wouldn't call someone called Rory something else just because they don't "look like a Rory".
- Ana on Gender is Overrated!
yes, men can certainly be femme :)
- Jonathan on Profile: harri
I never developed my musculature and I am Gender Fluid ("M to F") so I decided to emphasize my feminine side a few years back, without explicitly "crossing" the gender. I tend to dress in "masculine women's clothes." I feel women's clothes fit better my body type, I just buy them noting that I am flat chested, so I buy things that look good on flat chests, and I never stray too far into the fem side. I have bought a lot of clothes over the Internet, in US and Asian websites, as well as in person at US stores. So I can give you a few pointers: As Jules mentioned there are three categories for pant lengths, tall, regular or short. On top of that you may have "Curvy" and "Petite" which basically just means that hip measurements are larger relative to the length of the pants. Pants' lengths are usually limited to 3 sizes, because women-style trousers tend to be "skinny" or show more ankle anyway, so the exact length is not so critical as with a man's dress pair of pants. For 34 inches inseam, that is really tall by women's standards. In my experience, "Short" pant length corresponds to 29 inches inseam (I'm a size 12 "short"), according to some sellers going by US Standard sizes. Note that only a few big-box sellers actually hold fast to those US Clothing Standard numbers (typically Sears/Kmart, JC Penneys, so there is a lot of variation compared to say "Forever21," not to mention some Asian seller online. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/US_standard_clothing_size I strongly suggest getting a tailor's tape measure, and if possible one that has a centimeter scale as well as inches. Why? Because with all the confusion over international size standards, a lot of online sellers especially in China and Europe and other places, have started posting charts with sizes in centimeters - and that is a really useful piece of info when buying online. Now. let's say you're not sure if you are really an American Size "8" - I suggest never assuming you're an 8, unless you actually have bought a size 8 pair of women's pants or shorts in that brand, and size 8 really did fit. Otherwise, (I'm assuming you are "M to F") consider your hips will be smaller than expected, and your "waist" larger than expected (read below). So from now on you have two different sizes to learn, one for tops and one for bottoms. So when looking in any charts provided, you have to discard any correlation to "Waist" because that "Waist" they're talking about is the Natural Waist (measured near the belly button), which would only be useful if you're buying women's high waited pants, women's skirts or a man's kilt. Basically for M to F people, their natural waist will always be larger than expected in the charts. Instead, when buying women's medium/low-waisted pants or shorts try to gauge the size of the pants by looking at your "Hip" measurements. That's the only useful number, really. The only exception to the rule is that every now and then, women's je[…]
- W on Question: Pant Sizes?

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