Is is incredibly validating to have my statement posted. To me it says: yes this thing you are describing can mean genderqueer if you want it to. It says all we know about you is what you wrote about your gender and we accept you as one of us, the non-binary. It says these things you're feeling are real, not your imagination becoming hyperbolic. It says hey, feel free to be whoever you want. If that person is genderqueer, then welcome to community.
- Me on Thinking about gender

I adore the contrast between the dark colors they're wearing and the shimmering light off the lake... it makes it seem so removed.
- Weaver on Daryian by the lake

I understand your problem, my breasts aren't too large but I compress them with a sports bra and my hips are my only hinderance. They make it hard to find good clothing that fits just right. Problem: Southern foods, but always good.
- AJ on Epitome

I understand fully. Scanners may not like binders, but they positively HATE corsets!
- Girl with a Hoop on Question: Security Problems

I second Mori. Also, it might be good to find some other outlets to affirm your gender...for me this means listening to good music and dressing how I want. That stinks that people won't accept you in that way. Maybe finding other ways to keep your mind in a positive place will help in the meantime. If Mori's suggestions don't work, sometimes one also just has to not listen to the jerks out there, (easier said than done, I know). Their hurtful actions say more about their own problems than about us. The world is full of people who would tear us down...but it is also full of awesome things and wonderful, supportive people. I hope you find more of the latter in your life soon.
- Wiley on How?

I sympathise - for 20 years my breasts have been too big to fit my mental ideas of myself, and (almost) all the advice on disguising them seems to be aimed at small-breasted people. I wear waistcoats (vests in US English) a lot and find they help but don't get rid of the problem.
- S on Epitome

Remember you identify you. Lots more to you than breasts.
- jay on Epitome

My experience is that breasts are a lot easier to disguise than hips. That is, if you want to disguise them at all. Confused... good emotion to remind us that we're alive, human, and everything that makes us wonderful. Hold on to being you--tomboy, largish breasts, etc... Regardless of what you love/hate (and everything in between) about yourself... You are you; and that is beautiful.
- Anonymous on Epitome

loving your style!
- rainbow fish on Meow

The thing about the scanners is that they have to tap a "male" or a "female" button before you walk through; it's apparently so they can measure against a standard body type and check for anomalies/deviations. Which is BS for a wide variety of reasons related to gender, intersex conditions, body-shaming, etc, but oh well. I'm not super bothered by being patted down, so it mostly amuses me--this past week I was passing as male, so they hit the "male" button, but then had to scan me a second time and addressed me as "ma'am", presumably when they noticed my binder and that I was menstruating...I wouldn't have found it funny except it clearly told me I was passing, which was pleasant enough to make up for it. But I agree that overall it's a problem. I think I'd be down for a petition and/or a letter-writing campaign to the TSA bigwigs, let them know all the reasons the current standards of treatment are unacceptable.
- Joss/Ames on Question: Security Problems

Daryian is beautiful. I'd love to see more of them, here and elsewhere.
- Jo on Daryian by the lake

oh god this story really upsets me. I frequently find airports one of the hardest places to be trans*, and often after the stares, comments, and treatment by TSA officials I'm nearly crying. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I got patted down twice. I wonder if there's something trans and gender non-conforming people can do to change the environment at airports!
- radical/rebel on Question: Security Problems

That is a lovely outfit, may I ask where to obtain it's twin?
- Mara on Manly Corset

50% beautiful, 50% handsome, 100,500% pure badass!! :D
- Joss/Ames on indie music

Feeling the same way, just acknowledging it to myself after fifty plus years. I like your idea of identifying as me. Me sounds good. Just me, only me.
- jay on Thinking about gender

sooo coool! amazing style!
- Tim on Devyn

I love this idea. I have too many other important things in my life than to set up the frutstating roadblock in most aspects of my life, that would be caused by publicly identofying my gender that I don't even fully understand. But if the difference is public and private not truth and lie, then that is a liberating thing. I hope that, in a similar manner to how I could not have immagined being out about bisexuality when I first came out to myself, that genderqueer becomes a similarily out part of my life.
- Anonymous on Public and Private

Beautiful!
- Anonymous on La nymphe Salmacis

I was very girly as a child too. I'm really just figuring out whether or not I'm genderqueer, and my girliness as a child is a huge factor in that. On top of things like painting my nail frequently, wearing a lot of pink and playing with dolls ALL THE TIME, I also wanted the physical aspects of femininty. I wished daily for my breasts to grow, wanted desperately to get my period and wanted infinitely to shave my legs. Yet now I find myself in a different place. I loathe my breasts at the moment and desperately envy those with flat chests. I do not wear a bra (except rarely, a sports bra, but only to bind) and do not shave. I don't even know where I am now, let alone where I will be.
- Seamus on Changing with Time

And, it would be awesome if Salt Lake City were on your outreach radar
- Lane on Kings, Queens, In-Betweens

Really great- if this is a peek, I am excited to see the entire film
- Lane on Kings, Queens, In-Betweens

gorgeous!!
- Anonymous on Beautiful Nowhere

If you want to know how to deal with people using the wrong name, well, I've found it useful to have friends who will correct others on your behalf or back you up if someone doesn't take you seriously. I've cut people out of my life or only talk to them on occasion via email if there appears to be no hope for them. As for the pain of actually being misgendered/hearing the wrong name, I suppose I've tried to deal with it by taking all possible steps to avoid hearing it again (legally changing it, moving to a new place). If that's not possible, make sure you spend plenty of time around people who do use your chosen name and can reassure you that that's who they perceive you as.
- Mori on How?

this is such a pretty and uplifting photo to see. I love it.
- radical/rebel on lencrerouge

- jay on Comfort factor

I absolutely love her, and her videos! She has really assisted me in rethinking and relearning about sex. She is great!
- Emmett on Gender 101 in under 5 minutes

Love the picture, really love the reference. Now if you could just tell me how to find that damn fountain...
- Elle on La nymphe Salmacis

Wow that is brilliant; I'm thinking of getting into teaching myself and am concerned that being a male bodied bigendered individual it could be difficult for me to express my girl side but this gives me hope
- Anonymous on Sweetheart

i mean, there's always some genderbending involved - looking girly but with the shortest hair possible, or like a boy or is it a girl or what...?
- owlet on Comfort factor

the same happened to me! but i actually had cancer... i've always wanted to shave my head, but never had the courage to... when i HAD to for surgery, i also happened to be in a moment in which i was questioning my gender presentation. at that time, my shaved head kind of disclosed my cancer, which was uncomfortable. but i loved so much having a buzzcut, that i decided to keep it. and it's awesome because it goes well with everything, "feminine", "masculine" & mixed clothing!
- owlet on Comfort factor

beautiful. sweet. sexy. hot. handsome. Whatever word you like best... they're all true!
- Anonymous on Meow

oh my, you look so awesome!!
- gwin on Meow

I'll be your friend:)
- Maiax on New friends

love the pose!! I agree, very very attractive c:
- nic on Not so serious

fierce :)
- nic on Vice

AH! jealous of how you are pulling this look off :)
- nic on Shrug

Loving the look!
- Nic on Devyn

a lady called me sir while in line, I just smiled and took it as a compliment. ( I look like a girl but dress like a tomboy. I envy androgynous people) I also hate dressing girly when going to clubs, i rather wear my jeans and t-shirts with comfy vans.
- Nicole on Now I know

In the US, it really seems to heavily depend on what state you're in. If you're lucky enough to live in a more liberal state (or somewhere that includes gender expression in their protected classes), it seems like things are much easier as a whole. That said, I think certain fields of work have less professional attitudes in general and that's a huge problem.
- Aubri on Question: Jobs

this is so great. so so great. radical socks, radical/rebel
- radical/rebel on Devyn

Thank you so much for posting. This rings so true for me. I've been out of the closet as pagan and as bisexual for years. I am nervous about telling people I'd prefer to be considered pansexual. I'm absolutely terrified to come out as genderfluid. The primary reason is that I present as cis-female, and have for the thirty years I've been alive. I'm happily married to a heterosexual cis-male. I don't want to permanently alter anything about my appearance. I'm so afraid that that means I am not allowed to identify as genderqueer, or genderfluid which is the term I personally prefer. I don't really mind being referred to with traditionally female pronouns, and I'm afraid my friends and husband will either not believe me or be offended if I express that I want to dress and smell male sometimes. I'm very grateful for all the people who posted on here.
- Anonymous on In-between worlds

To be blunt, you will probably have to change fields if you want to have a chance at having co-workers who treat you with respect. If construction/manufacturing is your only option then you should try to find a job a bigger corporation with non-discrimination policies, that should at least keep people from openly harassing you.
- Taylor on Question: Jobs

I'm transmasculine and I've worked in manufacturing and home-improvement store retail and I didn't have too many problems with the former but the customers at the latter drove me crazy with their insensitive, rude, and ignorant comments and assumptions about me based on my gender presentation. I was also sick of my manager blowing me off for training on power equipment when every other guy who asked was trained within the week. (After 2 months of that I finally located the one other guy in the whole store who could train me.) My coworkers though didn't seem to care that I was male-presenting as long as I got my job done (one was even semi-educated on trans issues and asked me about my pronouns). I ended up moving out of the country...now I can't really understand adults talking about me, and I work with young kids who don't care either way. I dread ever going back to the U.S.
- Mori on Question: Jobs

Hi Jacob. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all that. I'm female-bodied and genderqueer and worked for a corporation in a male-dominated job where I was constantly belittled for being female. I ended up walking out in a fit of rage when my boss started yelling at me. He was treating me like crap because he didn't want a girl working in a garage, and he won. I had three bosses in that time, and one just didn't train me and one assumed I wasn't strong enough to lift tires and such. The other one just harassed me in subtle ways and passed pornography around to the guys I worked with. Sometimes I let comments slide, and sometimes I'd express myself calmly - for example, one time I was talking to someone about consent and not using the word 'pussy' or 'whore' as an insult, and they were more receptive than I expected. Sorry that's not very uplifting, but I felt good about staying true to myself and dealing with verbal abuse for six months in order to learn about cars and have a job I knew I deserved. Some people just don't know any better, and I really believe that them treating me badly was their problem and not mine.
- Rusty on Question: Jobs

Wild and wonderful - a personification of elemental power!
- Clare on Vice

I love everything about this.
- Ryan on Vice

So true. I think the scale might be broken.
- Ryan on Infinite

Woah, nice calves!
- Ryan on Gender Queer #1

I like your profile, I dig your values and interests, I love your articulate comments, and I hope one day we have the good fortune to meet and have a long conversation.
- Ryan on Profile: Carol

I think you look great!
- Ryan on Yvonne

I love this and I can powerfully relate to it. My sex is male, my appearance is male, and I'm comfortable with that and even like it for the most part. But I'm really uncomfortable with thinking that my gender is male or that other people see me as cis-male. I don't want to be overtly feminine, I just don't want to be limited by other people's definitions of masculinity. I'm tired of people telling me that being sensitive, compassionate, gentle, nurturing, and empathetic are qualities that men shouldn't have, or that I specifically shouldn't have because I'm otherwise masculine. I'm not interested in "normal" masculinity, and quite honestly, I find it disgusting. Does this make me genderqueer? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that out. Regardless of how one defines "genderqueer", I think there's still a space in the hearts of most people here to love and validate your sense of gender the way you find liberating and fulfilling. I, for one, feel affirmed after reading your comments by the fact that I'm not the only one struggling with this, that I feel "on the fringe" of even a fringe subgroup like genderqueer. I hope my willingness to share can help you feel affirmed, too.
- Ryan on In-between worlds

I've always wanted to be called Guardi by my kids.
- Anonymous on Question: Daddy used to be a mommy

VERY HOT and FABULOUS!! :D
- Joss/Ames on Vice

This. Is. AWESOME.
- Lul on Vice

Thank you! For the hair thing and these nice words. :-). I have to say it again...I want to have sex with your hair....
- Anonymous on Profile: Snack

oh wow. you look and sound awesome.
- rainbow fish on Yvonne

Skyrim in Sephora + Color Coordination + Green == Awesome In my experience conflict is a game that requires two players, thus it is pretty easy to avoid. Refuse to play the game. Be tolerant in the face of intolerance. Respond to anger with gentleness rather than defensiveness or avoidance. Be open minded. Don't assume that it is your job to teach and another to learn; that is a closed, offensive position which will invite conflict and keep you from being able to connect others who view things differently. True openness is unexpected and surprisingly disarming. =)
- Taylor on Profile: Snack

Hi! Here in support! I identify as genderqueer/genderfluid, and I use 'he', 'she', and 'they' for pronouns. There are also more gender neutral pronouns to choose from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-neutral_pronoun
- Jacqueline on Profile: Eli

trouble is those who don´t know mostly think they know and refuse to learn... You seem to know AND to be willing to learn more, thats great! And I LOVE YOUR HAIR!!!!!! How did you get the colour like that? I mean..I tried green sometimes, but I always ended up looking like a frog...you look great!
- Anonymous on Profile: Snack

Not to be too forward, but this person is really good looking :) I'm digging the outfit/beard combination.
- Anonymous on All black

Thank you for sharing. -David ps. Good last paragraph!
- David Arnn on Profile: Snack

I am from a very conservative area in the South, and so I definitely understand the "saying nothing" as a way of avoiding confrontation. Moving to the Midwest and being hundreds of miles from my "roots," I'm learning my expectations of people need reassessing. I'm like you... I'd like to hear something... to feel noticed. I am constantly changing my gender presentation... and what seems to happen is that people begin to expect difference. They have begun to accept and appreciate that I'm not femme every day... nor butch every day... Often, it's a mixture. Their silence has become comfortable, because instead of talking about my clothing or expression, they talk about my ideas, my progress, etc. I work with amazing people, though.
- Anonymous on Tie

I invented the word 'Madé' which my kids call me. It sounds a bit like ma and da, it reminds me of my grandma who was Mardi, and references creation. Took a while to convert, as they were 7 and 10 at the time. But now it's quite natural:-)
- Jack on Question: Daddy used to be a mommy

I get quite self-conscious browsing in smaller stores, large ones let you blend in a bit better. (I'm fem-bodied) Topman do small/slim sizes, but I've been turned away from the changing rooms on the men's floor when I wanted to try on a men's shirt. That felt embarrassing. :/
- m on Question: Shopping with confidence — and using changing rooms.

Perhaps it is not unusual for them to see anyone wearing a tie so that they did not react. Or maybe because they are preoccupied in something that is urgent for them to do at that time. Nothing is wrong if they did not react since any man looks good in their outfit.
- Lynne McMillan on Tie

I don't see what's wrong with "parent," aside from being a bit more formal than what you'd expect a kid to say.
- fluffy on Question: Daddy used to be a mommy

To answer Anonymous' questions, I suppose I was looking for a reaction, though I don't know what kind. In the past, at least where I'm from, no reaction has lead to really bad outcomes. That is, it's more polite not to react because what they are seeing is SO weird and "abnormal" they don't say anything. I suppose I was looking for a reaction so I could better gaugeSo tomorrow we are test driving cars at luther Hyundai and Kia in bloomington. And them going to some huge neighborhood garage sale in chaska. Do you wan everyone's comfort level with various gender expressions, because any reaction would be better than none. That Minnesota nice culture can sometimes bite you in the ass :)
- Alex on Tie

You wouldn't happen to be in NY next week? Shooting a fashion editorial that you would be perfect for. Send me an email if possible you could be here. Curtis Davis UrbanSocialites Magazine
- Curtis Davis on beautiful faces

Hi Are you in NY? Shooting a fashion editorial next Monday May 13 and would love to book you for it. Email me at adamgroupproduction@gmail.com Thanks Curtis Davis Fashion Director
- Curtis Davis on Pearls

Probably because most of them were fan of Avril Lavigne back when she released her first album and just thought the fashion came back. Nah honestly, it is much more accepted that women wear men's clothes than the other way around. There's nothing really disturbing about a girl wearing a tie, or a whole suit, for that matter. Just wearing a tie doesn't really tell them you're genderqueer.
- KimLaroux on Tie

I'm a boy who wishes she wasn't... SO i get all my clothes from girls shops - although being married with a family i cant go as far as to present as a girl. I don't think that i have got any 'boy' clothes for 20 years. The helpful word is lagenlook - this means clothes with layers so you can have tunics ( AKA dresses ) over trousers. Look at brands OSKA and Sarah Santos. I recently got a hareim skirt which looks ( as one leg is black and one 'plaid' like baggy trousers) Not shown that one to the family yet :) The biggest difficulty is sizing I'm a 39 inch waist which can fit size 18/20/22 UK but often the rise is too small because of the boy parts i hate Tops which are fitted need to be 3x or 2x - baggy ones can be a bit smaller I frequently wear something elastic round the tummy part to keep it in line - I'm not fat but lacking breasts the tummy can be the most protruding part. A little padding at the top - without saying 'look at my boobs' would be nice. I have almost no body hair so i like to fairly low cut fronts - with a lace camisole perhaps. knickers and shoes are a problem if you want them fem - but www.shoesofprey might be the answer Lots of Love R
- Rachel on Question: What's the dress you wish existed?

I've had a similar experience, and I struggle to answer the question, "What reaction were you looking to evoke?" And then subsequently, "Why is it important to get others' reactions?" I'd be interested in knowing if YOU felt satisfied and comfortable... regardless of your coworkers'/employers'/clients' responses (or lack thereof).
- Anonymous on Tie

I like Maddy :)
- Anonymous on Question: Daddy used to be a mommy

such an inspiration. a divine spirit. FAB
- michael on Yvonne

Maybe this is far-fetched, but what about "Dommy", the mix between Mommy and Daddy?
- Cat on Question: Daddy used to be a mommy

where? "Photography by Keith Morris with Hannah Mann", or what do you mean? (I can only see one person on the photo -- presumably you?)
- tigr on Saat(C)hi and Saat(C)hi

I think it may also be important to distinguish here between gender identity and gender expression, as I get the impression Madusa Hirsel was explaining. If you identify as a cis-woman, you can express that part of who you are in basically endless ways. Women in general come in all sorts of packages, so to speak...That is to say, women are women in all sorts of ways. Likewise, you can be a genderqueer person in all sorts of ways too. I mostly bring this up because sometimes it seems that women who are being women in non-traditional ways feel invalidated because they don't fit the stereotype, and in the same vein, trans* people (trans men, genderqueers, etc...) feel like they can't possibly be trans* because they "aren't doing it right" or "aren't trans*-enough." Both of these situations are kind of sad. I believe that no one should have to express themselves a certain rigid way to "qualify" as a gender.
- Wiley on In-between worlds

You could always just pull a "To Kill a Mockingbird" and let your kid call you by your name, as Scout does to Atticus. It's not the same, but it is another option, and definitely would be more personal.
- Wiley on Question: Daddy used to be a mommy

The best I've come up with is "parent", unfortunately :-/ (Though that could get shorted to "Parry" or "Renty" or similar for affectionate use; if I ever end up likely to parent I'll think about it some more.)
- kaberett on Question: Daddy used to be a mommy

I am so sorry that you've got stuck with people who are this keen on gender-policing. You don't have to be "masculine" to be genderqueer. You don't have to be "masculine" to be a trans dude. Some of the highest femmes I know are trans dudes; feminine gender expression is exactly as valid for all genderqueer people, regardless of whether they were assigned male or female at birth. Nobody else gets to tell you whether you're "trans enough" (which is a toxic concept in and of itself). I hear you and I believe you and I support you. ♥
- kaberett on In-between worlds

When I first came out as genderqueer, I was told the same thing - that I'm too femme to be genderqueer and I just wanted attention. That fear/doubt kept me basically closeted for 10 years. So, here's my take on this. There is an inner and an outer aspect to gender. The inner aspect has to do with your relationship with yourself and your body. The outer aspect is performative. It has to do with the way you present your gender and your body to others and the way you're perceived. Your inner and outer gender do not have to match. Your inner and outer gender should both be comfortable for you to live in. You should never have to be shamed or put down for expressing, talking about or experimenting with any aspect of your gender. IMO, your relationship with your own gender and your own self should always take precedent over other peoples' opinions of same. You know yourself better than they could know you. The only person you have to listen to is yourself. Building a good relationship with yourself and your inner gender is important for your health, mental and physical. Other peoples' perceptions are a sort of minefield we all have to navigate. I have a lot of trouble with this part of it. But what I try to do is ask myself, does this make me happier and why? I have very long hair, which is a large contributor to people misgendering me. But I really like my hair, so I'm keeping it. Sometimes presenting as cis makes me feel more comfortable in social situations. But I've recently realized that femininity is like defensive camouflage for me, which goes back to being bullied as a child for not being feminine enough. That makes me unhappy, so I am struggling to think of ways to present more androgynously, while keeping things about my appearance that I like. The main thing I'm trying to say is listen to yourself and trust yourself. And, also, anyone who is shaming you or trying to talk you out of being genderqueer should have their hurtful and/or bullying behavior pointed out to them. If they won't acknowledge that they're being jerks, stop hanging out with them. Having a supportive and understanding community makes a huge difference!
- Medusa Hirsel on In-between worlds

I really like the idea of letting your child come up with a gender neutral title. That could turn out really personal and unique, and also probably really cute.
- Lane on Question: Daddy used to be a mommy

dont surround yourself with idiots...
- Clare on Elegant Gloves

This is exactly how I would describe myself (both the original post and the comments). I'm glad I'm not the only one. I wish we could somehow get each others emails without making them public so we could support/help each other.
- Leo on Figuring it out

oh yeah. oh, oh yeah. radical smugness radical/rebel
- radical/rebel on Not so serious

It should say above, with Hannah Mann.
- Jess Rose on Saat(C)hi and Saat(C)hi

I have this as well, and struggled with it for YEARS when I identified (or tried very hard to identify) as female. This will sound dippy, but since I've come out as bigender, I see all the more 'handsome' attributes - broad shoulders, face fuzz, thick limbs - as sort of a divine nudge in the direction of my real identity. I'm glad you embrace your fuzz. You are just gorgeous.
- Orselina on Yvonne

very VERY attractive.
- Orselina on Not so serious

wow, thanks for saying so! :)
- g on Profile: g

Good Beautiful Day Eli. today you can be you today I can be me today we flow with grace today we are fluid beings I understand. -David
- David Arnn on Profile: Eli

You look Beautiful.
- David Arnn on Flexing

Wonderful! It is the little things. What is super great is that this person took a minute and thought. :)
- David Arnn on Make my day

so pretty! this is so pretty. I totally want to meet the person behind this photo. radical self-love, radical/rebel
- radical/rebel on Yvonne

Being acknowledged can be scary. Wear what makes you feel happy, even if that changes from moment to moment!
- Ainsley on Elegant Gloves

Stunning!
- Ainsley on Yvonne

I love your description of all the things you gravitate toward. Made my day :)
- XylophoneGender on Profile: g

You probably know this, but you are gorgeous.
- Anonymous on Yvonne

Go you! I have also recently started identifying as genderqueer more publicly. In my experience so far, it's a mixed bag of reactions, but very much worth really owning my own identity. I hope it ends up being the same for you. Be gentle with yourself, and just feel whatever you're feeling on this new journey.
- Jacqueline on The Start

Now that's an heartwarming story. You have an amazing teacher. =)
- KimLaroux on Make my day

I've posted something about this (twice) on the forum, too, actually. Don't let labels define you or restrain you from doing what you want-- neither the "female" label that people tag you with, nor the "genderqueer" label you've accepted. Instead, do what feels best for you. You many even be able to get a relatively genderless role if you're doing more mythical plays (where you can be an elf, a pixie, or a goblin, for instance). You don't have to come out as trans* to ensure your comfort. You can simply tell the director that you don't like wearing dresses, for instance, or that you prefer to play male roles. Good luck!
- Cat on Question: To be or not to be -- a girl