Detransition, retransition
Charlotte brings up the topic of detransition, which is often followed by retransition. Video responses touch on reasons why some might take this option while others couldn’t bear it.
In honor of recently deceased sportswriter for the Los Angeles Times, Mark Penner/Christine Daniels.
Posted by XylophoneGender on December 5th, 2009 at 08:00 am
Category: video 5 comments »
December 5th, 2009 at 11:03 am |
I absolutely understand the reasons you are talking about in terms of why people detransition and retransition. I think it acknowledges that we are impacted and identify as so many things and there is, for many of us, a distinct flow and shift of priorities in our lives depending on where we are at and what is going on. If I am living alone in a city with no friends or resources or even a place to hang out and have coffee and am at a place in my life when I don’t have anyone to really engage in emotionally and intellectually, you can be sure I will adjust my life accordingly until I find those supports again. Not gonna’ lie.
Additionally, I think that people keep learning and growing and if someone transitions, they may realize it only reinforces more gender rules that they are not comfortable with, and so they proceed to detransition or transition in a new direction. For instance, if someone wanted to transition specifically from MtF or FtM, they may then realize that they want instead to identify as Trans – no M or F.
I think this is the dark side of politics and activism. Like, it’s awesome to fight for people’s rights to live in a way that feels right for them – as long as they don’t turn around and do something that could be perceived as threatening political gains. Know what I mean? Ultimately, what a person decides to do should be what works best for them. It is then up to them, at whatever point they are at, to decide if they are able to press through the resistance, or step back to find their footing.
Regardless, I think people should be supported in their process of figuring it out and living as authentically as they can. Even if it means temporarily or permanently, partially or fully detransitioning.
Thanks for posting.
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May 9th, 2010 at 7:45 am |
I am a transwoman who passes very well and transitioned three years back. I have lived happily with a nice man and had the support of my family except my father though not intially.
Now, my relationship has gone south due the fact that I am seriously thinking about retransitioning back as I feel that i have had to give up a lot of happiness to be who I am and it is really not worth it being Trans sacrificing everything else
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May 9th, 2010 at 7:47 am |
i dont know wht to do. i have evaluated all things that will come my way if I do transition back to be a man. I dont look anything like a man. I had some surgeries but no SRS yet. How does one decide which way to go? I feel the need to align my body and my soul is needed but for many many years I concluded there was no reason to align them. I dont know wht to do.
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May 16th, 2010 at 1:40 pm |
At the time i was diagnosed as transsexual, i was at the end of my rope. I was living as a woman before i even knew much of anything about GID. The primary etiology of my detransition involved encounters with therapists who were clueless about how to treat the condition. Other therapists ran mills and if you could not afford their services you were pretty much left for dead. Other so called professionals point blank were afraid of the potential of having such freakish clients and would straight up say “you are better off dead.” Oh you should sue them! With what? My not so pretty face that was crushed in when i got raped?
So in the light of a corrupt treatment scheme ( regaurdless of the ISOC), those of you that found good therapists should consider yourselves very lucky. Hooray, you made it, you avoided getting shafted.
But for those of us that got screwed over by these mediocre few “professionals” the exclusion is totally and absolutely devastating. Especially in areas away from big cities. Then on top of it, you get labeled as a “wannabe / loser” by those once considered to be esteemed peers (other ts individuals). So in the end, these realities become exclusions that are very effective at undermining both peer support and the core faith of ones being. And you lose everything you had before in the process.
Once the damage is done, willingness to trust is as rare as a gold brick in a ghetto.
So go ahead exclude, shun and reject all of those not as fortunate as you. Your special, you know everything. You made it.
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May 18th, 2010 at 3:49 pm |
Well, I have been living full time as a woman now for over three years. I pass well due to my FFS. I still work for the same airline company as a captain. My co-workers accept me and most of them are really nice to me. So all is well.
Or is it? I have come to realialize that although the puzzle of me being a man doesn’t fit nicely, the puzzle of being a woman, that is a transgendered woman, doesn’t fit either.
What is bothering me is the dilemma of being honest versus going stealth. I prefer to give my whole self and be open about who I am, but that means that everybody keeps on refering to me as a man. That eats away my confidence as a woman. Because nobody really believes that I am a woman I get so much self doubt. Otherwise, living in stealth is very lonely and fearful of being outed. Also living in stealth feels like I am withholding part of myself, not being a whole person, and that doesn’t suit me.
Also what is bothering me is that I come to realize that I must honestly admit that I don’t have so much a female identity at all. I just like everything female, but I don’t feel female in my core identity. I love playing the gender role, but it is acting just like when I was acting to be male. My identity still feels more male than female, maybe 60% to 40%, although not it is not constant either.
And what I really hate is my disconnect with my past. Building a new life is very lonely. The old life wasn’t. But now the connection with my past is basically severed. I don’t want to end up living in the past and neglecting building a future
Last winter I came very close to getting the SRS, but I cancelled it just weeks before the operation. It was rescheduled, and I did cancel that one too. Much doubt about whether I would regret it stopped me. I am happy I left that option open.
I had to stop using hormones in preparation for the operation. That has caused quite a shift because my body was getting back to life. So far, I had been on autopilot, a bit depressed even by the suppression of the testosteron. Now I opened up more. More doubts: is my attraction to being a woman fueled by my male testosteron or is it really my identity? If it the first reason, then having an SRS would surely be a disaster.
Now, with all the doubt my gender is not stable anymore. I have worn my male clothes again some days in the weekend. Funny, how that feels like crossdressing as a man this time! It also felt like all my problems as a transsexual went away, after which I felt very very normal, just a boring man in stead of a georgeous, but fake, woman.
So, I really don’t know what to do. I have the option to detransition, although I will have soft lines in my face. Or I can stay put, or continue. My feelings about it are far from stable. Some days I really want to quit and just be a man again, although I know I will feel confined. Other days I enjoy being free to express myself as a woman and remind myself that I don’t want to be a man anymore. So I use caution. I have found a new therapist, an independant one, to help me answer these questions. If I ever get an answer. Having doubts forever is also an option.
Daisy
The Netherlands
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