Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 30th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Archive for November 2008
I don’t think I’m ever going to have a “gender identity.”
I’m unspecified, neutral.
I’m not M or F, not even any kind of X or GQ; I’m N/A.
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 30th, 2008 at 08:00 am
My husband is a transman. Most of the time, it barely registers with me at all–it’s not an issue. Sometimes, though, I resent it intensely, because so much of our life is focused around his gender that mine is forgotten.
Biologically, I’m female, and we have a daughter who I birthed. I don’t feel like a woman, though, and certainly not a girl. Were it less charged, were my family less conservative, were my circumstances different, I would transition, maybe–but to what? I’m not sure that I feel like a man, either, nor a boy, but something entirely other, something that isolates and “others” me, even from those I love.
I’m told, sometimes, that I’m too angry. Angry about irrelevant things, angry about things that I can’t control. Of course I’m angry, though. Wouldn’t you be angry if you were wrong in ways that could never be made right? Wouldn’t you be angry and resentful if others who were wrong could be made right, however arduous the procedures?
Sometimes I think that my anger is just a way to avoid acknowledging how sad and alone I feel most of the time. I feel like my words are weightless and hollow, evaporating on my lips.
What do you identify with?
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 29th, 2008 at 08:00 am
There’s a small part of me that adores cute shoes and would not hesitate to spend hundreds of dollars for a single pair. But then there’s a large part of me that would never, ever wear those shoes.
I think my inner butch is oppressing my inner femme. Either that or I prefer wearing comfortable shoes.
Anything like this in your life?
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 28th, 2008 at 08:00 am
I keep thinking that nature has a yet-undiscovered natural method of human gender transformation. Natural gender transformation exists in plants, fishes, annalids, cephalopods, and insects. The human mind has a capacity for overwhelming desire to change gender, but does not have as yet the knowledge of how to effect biological gender change as it exists elsewhere in nature.
But I do believe the human brain contains the latent capacity. I keep searching for the key to that passageway. It is my vision quest. My purpose driven life. The reason I am here. More than anything I wish to bring relief to those who suffer.
What do you think?
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 27th, 2008 at 08:00 am
You can call me… Gavin
I identify as… a boy who sometimes likes to dress in girls clothing.
As far as third-person pronouns go, … I wish people would just use ‘he’ all the time.
I’m attracted to… Feminine men, long hair, cheekbones, humor, weirdness.
When people talk about me, I want them to… listen to my words instead of focusing on my appearance.
I want people to understand… That just because I sometimes wear girls clothes, doesn’t mean that I’m a girl. That it hurts when they throw me in with the ‘ladies’. That there are more than just two genders. And also, that I don’t blame them for being confused, since I’m confused myself.
I’m 22 years old, work in a hardware store in Texas. This place is the epicenter of all things close-minded and old-fashioned. I was born in Oklahoma. I’m engaged to a very beautiful boy. My best friend was also an FTM and I didn’t even know it for the longest time. I like chocolate and my hair color changes a lot (blue right now.) I enjoy the Sims and walking outside in the park.
» Define yourself. «
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 26th, 2008 at 10:00 am
I’ve always told myself ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I don’t give a shit.’ It was as much a defense against the ‘I-want-to-be-called-zem’ crowd, as it was against ‘man or woman or DEATH” crowd. But really, I was never in that situation where it was personal or really mattered.
A while ago I started seeing a friend who is pretty androgynous (or transfolk, genderqueer, or whatever it’s called by whomever this week). That first night, when they kissed me, everything changed.
Gender-wise, I don’t one a shit one way or the other. People are just people. Only now I get a chance to not give a shit with some rather extraordinary company.
What’s your experience?
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 26th, 2008 at 08:00 am
Straight people are certain I’m not genderqueer, “just” a man in touch with his feminine side. I think I’m a feminine side who’s lost touch with its man.
What’s your experience?
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 25th, 2008 at 08:00 am
My name is “Miss K”.
My preferred third person pronouns are inconsequential. I’m happy to be referred to as however people perceive me. Honestly, it’s not an issue for me. It never has been. But it is a *huge* issue for some differently gendered people, so please try and be sensitive. Words can enslave.
I identify as transgendered. I’ve slid around the various traditional definitions of the spectrum. When I was younger I considered myself a male to female transsexual. As a transvestite, I’ve presented myself as extremely, aggressively sexually feminine at times. Now I just feel vaguely, cozily in between. An androgynous yo-yo at rest.
I’m attracted to Deborah Harry and David Bowie. I don’t dig hyper-exaggerated masculinity but other than that, hey, if it has a pulse, hey ho let’s go! That sounds awful. I’m not really like that, honest.
When people talk about me, I want them to stop talking *about* me and come and talk *to* me. I know that my gender fluidity does confuse and interest people. When I perform with my band, I often find that people who know me from my blog, or my flickr stream or other social online manifestations have been to see me and then just melted back into the night. I wish they’d come and talk to me. I’m a nice person to have a drink and a chat with I think. But if you can’t come and talk to me, please please talk about me. As the divine Oscar said, “the only thing worse than being talked about is *not* being talked about”…
I want people to understand that different doesn’t mean excluded. Transgendered people are frightening to so called “normal” society as we present a confusingly “wrong” third way in a strict and unbreakable binary of male / female. So they like to pigeonhole us into the acceptable roles of sex-workers, entertainers, junkies, whores and misfits. Depicting us as marginal figures, excluded, divided and conquered. Not so. Watch out for us as the third wave is coming. It’s here. We’re here.
About Miss K
I am “Miss K”, an artist, writer and musician who has been referred to (by myself among others) as “a transgendered z-list celebrity”.
Much of my notoriety comes from having been a member of transgendered punk rock band Six Inch Killaz. We cut a swathe through the polite wilderness of the 1990s London music scene with our often terrifying sound and presence. Nowadays I’m half of electronic rock duo Deathline which is going very nicely thank you. Our first album will be out soon to purchase physically or as a download.
I write fiction and draw comic book stories. You can check out my latest stuff on my weblog the draGnet. I’m particularly proud of a linked series of semi autobiographical short fictional pieces, The Transformer Cycle and my soon to be published graphic novel Askance Glance.
In “real life” i co-own and run a small London based web company called The Guild.
» Define yourself. «
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 24th, 2008 at 10:00 am
People tell me, “Ah, genderqueer. That’s just something that some female-bodied people try during university. People in academia. Trendy people who aren’t caught up in real trans experience. It has to do with theory, not reality. It’s pretentious. It’s lightweight. They’re just screwing around with gender norms immaturely, trying to smash what just needs a little reworking.”
I wonder how many people would identify as being genderqueer if someone just sat with them, just started talking about that experience. I bet a lot would.
More than you’d expect.
Of all kinds.
What do you think?
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 24th, 2008 at 08:00 am
Meanwhile, back in Soviet Leigh’s Ideal world… (Not really Soviet) Everyone can wear or do whatever they like in terms of femme, butch, masculine or feminine behaviours. They can alter their bodies surgically or cosmetically. They can mix it up, improvise, create new forms, whatever. And nobody raises an eyebrow. Whether they have external or internal reproductive organs is no more significant that if they have an inny or an outy for a belly button. You can be totally feminine, should you wish, and have a penis and that’s not even something people think of as incongruent. Everyone is what we call Transgender, but they don’t, if you are masculine and have a penis that’s just coincidence. Tomorrow you might change you mind and dig out your femmy box of clothes from the wardrobe and wear those for a bit. And then you might get bored and go back to your stretch dress over cargo pants style, but you keep the lipstick because it’s mint flavoured and puckering it takes your mind off smoking.
And marvelously when it comes to the one you fall for it turns out people actually don’t mind playing with genitals much the same as their own. People have a preference, but sex isn’t everything and people generally get by. People who really don’t like their genitals can get them changed by surgery, but most people don’t feel the need. Those who do don’t really get comments, just as today no one comments if you have pierced ears or an appendix scar. Some people menstruate and can get pregnant. Those who don’t and can’t might be considered luckier but that’s all. It has nothing to do with how you are allowed to behave, what jobs you can do or what you are expected to look like.
What’s your ideal world look like?
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 23rd, 2008 at 08:00 am
(shed for fears)
My fingers bleed.
I don’t know who i am
I don’t know what to say.
I am different
and have to meet myself
for what feels like
the first time in a long time.
I battle with the boy
The boy within
who can’t seem to see
I am he
as much as i am me.
I cant sleep for the fear,
my heart murmers
and strings pull deep
inside of me.
as i rest
I am displaced
lost and weary.
and be free.
He cries silent
heart and mind and body and soul
He makes me whole
He is beside me.
Cloaked and daggered
he weeps tears
for all the years
he has spent
in the dark
He is me
and together we sit
In the darkness we cry.
– Jacqe Matelot
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 22nd, 2008 at 08:00 am
I’m very happy being male, but I frequently get frustrated with societally-enforced of strict gender roles. I think a lot of times people just don’t want to bother putting forth the effort to understand a person, and prefer the easy preconceptions gender binaries allow them.
What’s your experience?
Posted by Sarah Dopp on November 21st, 2008 at 08:00 am