Someone wrote…

I’m super excited because I just came out to a friend as genderqueer. Beyond saying it aloud in the car all to myself it is the first time I have said it.

The friend I came out to is awesome. She sometimes dresses up like a dude (for cosplay not crossdressing) and wears any clothes she pleases, no matter who they are marketed to. So she really is THE ideal person to tell.

I feel so good. I didn’t get to talk to her about gender much because there wasn’t much time alone, but I now have someone to TALK to. To get this out of my head and sort through it. This makes it much less scary and much more real.

I AM SO GLAD I’M OUT TO MY FRIEND!!!

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I don’t have a problem being seen as feminine; I have a problem being seen as JUST feminine.

A guy friend of mine recently told me that he thought of me as feminine because I laugh a lot, and use the phrase OMG, and am emotionally expressive.

I feel like he was trying to define me by only half of me.

I am giggly and emotionally expressive, yet at times I’ve also been guilty of male bravado (my obsession with heavy metal and machismo cock-rock bands comes to mind).

I do use the phrase “oh my god” a lot, but then again, I also use the word “dude” a lot.

I feel like, especially if you are female-bodied, androgyny gets interpreted as femininity.

I’ve had the negative experience of: If you have SOME feminine traits , you are considered feminine (by most straight guys), even if you have just as many masculine traits, or an equally strong masculine side.

I feel like straight cis guys see me as feminine just because that’s what they WANT to see.

I just wish there was somewhere where I could be seen as androgynous without the projected femininity.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I’m starting to become jealous of male voices. I don’t have an incredibly high female voice, in fact I’m quite proud of my alto range. But I have many male-people around me who have these low booming voices and I really want one.

I’m not too keen on testosterone and I don’t know if I will ever be. Do you think it’s possible to at least fake a low voice through training myself?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I experienced a lot of dysphoria as a child, and strongly identified as a boy even though I was assigned female at birth. Halfway through middle school I gave up on the short hair, boys clothes, and trying to bind with sports bras. I became fairly comfortable being perceived as a woman over time, but now I’m starting to wonder again.

Did I make myself feel comfortable because I thought I had to? Should I explore my gender more and ask to go by gender neutral pronouns and names? I’ve always felt uncomfortable with both my name and pronouns, and I have an incredibly accepting group of friends.

I’m confused and tired of it, especially since only recently did I go from identifying as straight to identifying as a possibly graysexual panromantic.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

My dad gave me a tie.
I borrowed it for a school trip-thing, and then forgot to return it. I found it, and asked if he wanted it back. He said I could keep it.
It’s the first tie I wore, the first one I tied.
My dad gave me a tie.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I really feel the need to come out, but I don’t quite know what I’d be coming out as. I don’t know how to pick the right word. All I know is I’m not cisgender, and I want that to somehow be recognized.

I feel like I’m stuck between doing nothing, which effectively closets me, or intentionally coming out, and what I really want is to just authentically exist.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I’m finally accepting the fact that I’m probably not cis. It’s hard for me. I have always very strongly identified as woman but right now I really just don’t.

I am pretty ok with that on an individual level. Being ok with myself is something I have been fortunate enough to feel most of my life. That said, I feel like I am lying to everyone around me. My lovely girlfriend, my friends and my family. But what do I do when I don’t have a word for it? When all I know is that “she” doesn’t quite cut it anymore.

I suppose I could just say that. But folks seem to think I’m joking sometimes even when I’m not.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I would do ANYTHING to be perceived as an androgynously beautiful “pretty boy” type. But I fear that there is NO WAY to do this. I am so uncomfortable with “she” and “her” and “[birth name]” and hearing ‘ma’am’ or ‘lady’ literally makes me sick to my stomach.

I am four foot ten (you can’t even imagine how much that sucks…it goes along part and parcel with my gender angst and makes it even harder for me to have an androgynous body because there is NO PLACE for the “female” ass and hip and thigh body fat to go!).

I just wish for the day that I could find a way to be the androgynous boy I feel I am–no matter how much surgery is needed. But with my height, features and family genes, it seems impossible.

If I try to dress in the androgynous style I like, and wear baseball hats (which I DON’T like–too frat boy) and no eyeliner, I’m considered a ‘butch dyke’ when I don’t see myself as a masculine female who likes women.
If I dare to put on eyeliner (in glam-rock David Bowie style, btw) and show my short yet still hipster-y (hate using that word, but had to describe it somehow) haircut and still wear my androgynous clothes, I get “pretty laydee” this and come ons by straight men that make me want to puke.
I just can’t win.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

Gender keeps messing with my head. The more I think about it and learn things, the more confused I get. I feel like so much hinges on perception, but how do I validate my own perceptions when I’m constantly confronted with the perceptions of everyone else.

To me, being genderqueer means I exist as both/neither gender in my mind, and I’m frustrated with people associating that with my body. My expression is what I want folks to listen to.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

The hard part of realizing and accepting your own gender is trying to explain it to people who have never questioned theirs.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I have to be honest, I’m scared.

I’m a transman, and I recently turned 21 so I’m old enough to go to bars. I love dancing with people, male or female, and I guess I was naive to assume it would all be ok for me. I’ve realized that a lot of straight guys assume I’m a girl when I dance with them, sometimes in a very, let’s say “intimate” way, then comes the moment when they find out I’m a guy (either from me or a friend uses male pronouns).

The last time that occurred nothing serious happened, but the look on the guys face… it made me realize that if I party in the wrong place I could get killed. I really could get killed. But I like partying and I do it responsibly and I’m not trying to “trick” anyone, so why should I be punished for it? I just want to have a good time like anyone else.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I love dressing like a tomboy, but I have the body of a girl with largish breasts that intrude on my tomboy loving ways. I love my body, but love my tomboy ways, I feel like I am the epitome of confused.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I have found myself thinking about gender a lot lately. Over the past few years I have gradually eschewed certain things that I once saw as a part of growing up. Shaving, bras and make up are things I looked forward to with earnest, but now don’t fit with my gender. Binding is something I have wanted to do for so long — and I have tried the two sports bra thing — but it is bloody uncomfortable and restricts what shirts I wear.

I am not cis — but I don’t feel genderqueer or androgynous enough to identify otherwise. I get read as female which is okay but sometimes I would like to be read as male or not read at all.

Sometimes it feels like this is all in my head and I’m simply spending too much time thinking about gender. But I know I am not cis.

I feel only the most infinitesimal dysphoria but having a flat chest would please me.

Maybe I should eschew labels and just identify as me.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I sit here and Wish people would call me by my chosen name because all my “binary” name does is tear pieces of my soul away.

Please someone help me in dealing with this pain…

How do you deal with it?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I’ve always gravitated toward men’s clothing (especially t-shirts) due to the comfort factor, but after shaving my head for a cancer fundraiser, I’ve been embracing my masculine side a lot more. It confuses the living daylights out of the kids at the museum I work at, and I can’t help but feel proud when they ask “Are you a girl or a boy?” or when they give me complete WTF looks.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

When I was in elementary school, I refused to wear girls clothing. One time I was running through the cafeteria and a teacher called out “Young man, there is no running inside!” I spun around, smiled, and said “Yes ma’am! Sorry!” It never occurred to me to be offended that I’d been mistaken for a boy.

The other day I went clubbing with some friends for a birthday. The club was giving out free drink tickets to girls at the door. I had to go back to get mine, because they didn’t give me one. My friends thought they needed to console me about being mistaken for a boy. I laughed and told them, if I cared I wouldn’t be wearing jeans and combat boots to a club.

I guess not much has changed from elementary school to now. It’s just now I know why I don’t care if I’m mistaken for a man. Now I know why it kind of makes me happy.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

The other day I wore a tie to work. My office is very gay friendly but we’ve never talked about gender. No one said anything about the tie. I can’t tell if this is because it didn’t phase them, or if they were uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I’m a cis-woman that wears “guy” clothes. I say this haltingly, because I don’t think of myself as a cis-woman, but I am definitely not trans*. My friends say I’m too feminine to be anything other than a cis-woman. I’m not though!

I live in-between the worlds of masculine and feminine, but everyone only sees my femininity. I don’t understand why my friends won’t believe me when I say that I’m genderqueer. Not every cis-guy is “masculine.” How masculine does one have to be to be able to claim space in the grey area that is genderqueerness?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I was shopping for clothes and decided to try something more “dapper”. I tried a shirt that fitted me just perfectly, which is kinda hard to happen when one possesses a nice ‘n’ round belly, as well as a prominent pair of boobs, along with an hourglass-shaped body.

I felt amazing and gorgeous. It seemed that nothing in the world would look as good in my body like that shirt. It was pricey, but I thought it would be worth it…

At home, I put the shirt on again. It looked SO different this time! I still felt great about the way the shirt fitted my body, but in my mirror I found myself “too masculine”. It saddened me, as it seemed like I’ve made a bad deal – paid a lot of money for something that would make me “ugly” (I don’t know why I still feel this way when I present less feminine). Then my girlfriend told me “I looked like a guy, but in a nice way”, that I was beautifully butch-y. So I played with it a bit, wore a suit and tie, and it felt like fun again.

I don’t know how is it gonna be when I try to wear it again, outside the comfort of my room. But I decided that every time I start to overthink, I’ll try to ignore those oh-you-look-too-masculine thoughts and focus on how I felt in that shirt in the first time.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

There has been only one place I have not come out. It is an educational environment where I teach occasionally.

It is hard to say why I have not come out in this place. I have certainly given a lot of excuses. My sweetheart finally convinced me that I should give it a go, that nobody was going to judge me, that many were going to love it, that I would be happy. So I did… Well, almost.

I am a very femme MAAB — think lots of pink, miniskirts, tights and pretty dresses — I’m not quite in dresses yet at this place, but lots of tunics, leggings, nail varnish and earrings (well I always had those, even in this place), ballet flats, my signature Flower by Kenzo and my tiny, corseted waist. Nobody has said a word, except to compliment me.

My sweetheart was right, and I am free…

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?