Category: your voice


What I needed.


Someone wrote…

I want to live in a world where the gender I’m born isn’t the gender I have to be. So, when the world couldn’t become what I wanted, I made it into what I needed.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 29th, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | 1 comment »

One place


Someone wrote…

I’m genderqueer for the same reason I keep moving from city to city; Being in one place for too long feels unnatural.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 27th, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | 1 comment »

Last night I had a dream


Someone wrote…

I had a dream last night that I had a vagina. It felt… good, weirdly familiar, considering I’ve never actually had one in real life.

I missed it when I woke up. Not sure how to feel about that.

I’ve thought for a while that I must be some stripe of gender-different, but what if I’m just straight up trans after all? I mean, it would mess up my life, a lot, but when I imagine it, I feel… relieved, I guess.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 25th, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | 1 comment »

To date everyone and be everything.


Someone wrote…

The more I think about it, the more I want to PRESENT as an effeminate gay man who is sometimes a drag queen. This really confused my therapist. I don’t know that I want to BE a gay man in the respect that I want to be a man that dates men: I definitely feel queer, and I feel like I don’t want to be man NOR woman. I want to date everyone and be everything.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 23rd, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | 2 comments »

I don’t understand my gender, but I don’t want to change


Someone wrote…

Age and gender are things that are ever on my mind. I appear to most people as a high school boy, and I’m about 10 years past that point. I pass as male most of the time, but there are those occasions 30% of the time where people read me as a really butch lesbian.

I realized that I don’t want to transition. I like my body, and I don’t want to change my voice. It does cross my mind sometimes because I don’t like being misgendered, and every so often, I do wish I had the physical traits of a man, but that changes day to day.

If I were to transition, I feel like it would be only to make it easier on others to read my gender correctly. It would be to make it so there was no ambiguity in my appearance. This doesn’t feel like the right reason to transition. I would resent the permanent changes in my body. This means I have to “come out” often as trans by requesting the correct pronouns and explaining my gender. I don’t mind it most of the time, but sometimes it can get tiring.

All in all I’m me, and sometimes even I don’t understand my gender, but I don’t want to change. :)

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 21st, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Label Limits


Someone wrote…

I’m not sure about my gender, I’m really not. It’s been 20 years and I still don’t really know. I’m AFAB and have always felt okay with the idea of being seen as a woman, but I feel like that label limits me in many ways. I don’t really feel like a woman, but not like a man either. A mix of the two?

But I’m okay with being seen as a woman, and I look and dress femme. So though I feel like my gender is very mixed inside, I don’t know if I’ll ever admit to my feelings that I may be genderqueer because it’s just simpler for other people this way.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 15th, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | 1 comment »

Outfits


Someone wrote…

I don’t even know how to start this

…Um ever since I was in middle school I’ve always had boyish qualities as well as girlish qualities and I’ve never really thought anything of it. All of 7th grade I dressed and acted and had a secret wish to be identified as a boy. But then I got ridiculed and no boys would date me so I put some feminine makeup on and I loved how I looked so I stayed that way physically.

Sometimes I felt more boyish and sometimes more girlish although my physical appearance was always feminine. I feel like that happens to a lot of people maybe? Anyway a few weeks ago I went shopping with my grandma. I went into the men’s section and tried on some clothes. When I looked in the mirror, I looked more masculine than usual but I actually really liked the way I looked so I bought them.

Today, I actually did FtM makeup and put on one of my outfits and when I saw the completed look I felt this overwhelming…joy? I couldn’t help but smile. But then I had to go out so I put on some awesome lipstick and smokey eye and I felt awesome in that too…

I just don’t know what I’m feeling right now and I’m really confused and I don’t know a soul who would understand any of what the fuck is happening and I’m all alone.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 13th, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | 2 comments »

Give me hope


Someone wrote…

I honestly don’t know what I’m thinking about gender right now. Recently, I had almost a mental breakdown with one friend about my sexuality and a heart-to-heart with another friend about me trying to figure out my gender identity. While I had a panic about me being potentially genderfluid but I’m beginning to think that I’m just an androgynous woman who doesn’t care if people see her as a woman, man or little weird thing.

But I’m seventeen and it’s so scary to be myself. I’m beginning to tear up as I write this but I fear that not fitting into the gender binary will just isolate me more from society. I had a long depression about the fact that I’m a (mostly) closeted, black, female-bodied bisexual that doesn’t fit conventional beauty standards and has struggled with self-esteem and body image, and I just don’t want to give people another reason to reject me.

I hurt a little on the inside each time people try to pressure me to wear a dress or straighten my hair, but I’m too scared to tell people a definite no because I don’t want to alienate them. It’s like I wanna scream and rage about my true self being suffocated but I can’t blame them because I’m too scared to even tell them who the real “me” is.

But all of you who are so brave, open, and beautiful about your identities give me hope and the world sunshine, and PLEASE remember that regardless of what others may say.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 9th, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | 2 comments »

Gender hack


Someone wrote…

I aim for androgynous, but I’m often read as male. This wouldn’t bother me, if it weren’t for those moments where something (like my legal name) tells people that I’m supposedly female. They look so put-off it’s depressing.

And then again, I kind of like being a gender hack. Pros and cons.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 7th, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | 1 comment »

All the socks


Someone wrote…

I love that I can hop between the men’s and women’s sections without a thought when online shopping – only problem is that I wish they were all one section so I could look at all the socks or all the watches or all the rings all at once instead of toggling back and forth.
To me, it’s all the same product with little to no distinction between genders.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 5th, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

see feel hear learn


Someone wrote…

I am worried that my privilege makes me discount the experiences of those around me. I want to learn about ways of living that aren’t mine, to hear about the world seen through different eyes and felt through different skin.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 3rd, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

A Comfortable Skin


Someone wrote…

Since I was little, gender had been a kind of issue in my life. Despite being assigned female at birth, I never quite conformed with the expectations.

A moment when I was silenced, which I distinctly remember, was when I was 5 years old, and I came to my mom all upset and told her “mom… I feel like a guy.” Not knowing anything about transgendered or nonbinary people up until this year, my mother affirmed I was a girl and ‘always will be.’

Since then though, I had doubted who I was even more. I constantly found myself trying to confirm to people who viewed me as cisgendered that I was, only because inside I felt I wasn’t.

Up until this year, I had struggled with who I was. Not only did I find out my sexual and romantic orientations, but my gender identity as well. Sort of.

I can only say that I’m not male nor female, but I’m also not agendered, or genderfluid, and that honestly… I’m just me. What I’ve come to identify as more accurately is genderqueer/nonbinary and I changed my pronouns to they/them. And you know what? I’m comfortable with that. I’d always been comfortable in my own skin, but now it’s more than ever.

I’m in the process of coming out, (and also getting my hair cut to a length I like better) and I know it’s a long way to go, but I’ve never felt more relieved to know that I was normal, in a way, and not at all tied down to the gender norms or binary that society tried to force-feed me.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 1st, 2015 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Today was different from the others.


Someone wrote…

Today was different from the others. I was born male, and just recently discovered who I am, and who I can be. I’ve been painting my nails for awhile, but today they were this fantastic shade of purple, and someone asked me, out of the blue, “Are you fucking gay?” There was so much hatred in their voice, so much ignorance. How often these two things go hand in hand.

Today was different from the others. Someone kept saying they wanted me to be their friend, and, because I have a fear of rejection, I was conscious of everywhere my fingertips were, I was trying to keep them hidden. I saw that person later, and they asked me about how often I changed the colors. One of my closest friends told me it was weird, that I couldn’t be what I am, I have to be male, or I have to female. But darling, there is an in-between, and that’s what I am. Some random person was completely accepting of my self expression, and someone I trusted wasn’t. Don’t give up on the world yet, we have the chance to make a difference, one beautiful stranger at a time.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on December 29th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | 1 comment »

So much expression


Someone wrote…

So much expression and creativity, yep, that’s the queer freedom to wear whatever I like, and choose too who I want to be with :)

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on December 27th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

You are Valid


Someone wrote…

Just like there is no age minimum for realizing you are asexual, there is no maximum either. You are never too old to figure out that asexuality is something that feels right to you, and nobody has the right to dismiss your sexuality as “just a natural part of getting older.” Your sexual orientation is valid, you are valid.

Reposted from Asexual Affirmations.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on December 25th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Sides of a brain


Someone wrote…

Every time I read something where the gender binary is specified, an internal argument happens between the gender nonconforming side of my brain and the grammatically correct side of my brain.

“The Department Head will launch his/her Departmental Surveys next Monday at 9:00 a,m.” is grammatically correct, but I want it to read “The Department Head will launch their Departmental Surveys next Monday at 9:00 a.m.” to be inclusive of all genders.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on December 23rd, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | 2 comments »

The local supermarket


Someone wrote…

At the local supermarket, and can’t help but thinking how funny the faces staring at me. Is it something so weird to wear a bit of eyeliner, a black mini-skirt over jeans or an animal print’s dog collar?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on December 21st, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

No big deal


Someone wrote…

I like when people “come out” as genderqueer as if it’s no big deal. I like people who think it’s no big deal. Because it really is no big deal. Some kid “came out” to me today (though it was more a passing statement in conversation than it was “coming out”), and she reminded me that I probably don’t need to think it’s such a big deal.

I often get wrapped up in the advocacy and labels and dysphoria, and forget that it’s no big deal to be who or what I am.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on December 19th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

The world is not easy


Liz wrote…

I don’t really know what to do now that I’ve come to this revelation.

I’ve been sitting in my room all day, drinking hot chocolate, and cataloging old memories…

I remember the first time my mother let me pick out my clothes at the store. I was eight years old, and my little nimble fingers with their pink nails quickly latched on to the brown t-shirt with the little skateboards on it. I went home with a pleated skirt and a lace covered top.

I remember when I was nine, and before a shower I would spend hours in the bathroom contorting my hair to short boy cut lengths so that I could feel better about myself. When I was eleven and early on set puberty made my chest begin to swell, I would wear tight undershirts to flatten myself out. When I was twelve and the boys I played with at recess told me that I was no longer one of their own…

I realized that the world was not easy.

I began wearing tight sports bras to flatten out my chest and hide my feminine curves. I lowered my voice. I entered into sports and spent most of my time alone because no one in my small southern town understood why this preacher’s daughter acted the way she did.

My mother and I fought at every turn. The most vivid memory I have of this time in my life was when I was ten, and cast as a male god in a greek play for my advanced elementary class. I hadn’t even requested the part; the role was complex and my teacher knew I was the only one who would be able to memorize it in time for the performance. My mother was furious, and tried to get me to wear a crown and necklace combo of flowers that she had made her self.

When I refused and declared that “manly gods do not wear flowers in this play”, she slapped me, called me a defamatory name for lesbian, and ran out of the room. I overheard her screaming at my father in the hallway that something was wrong with me, and that if I wanted to be a man, then she could not be my mother.

I fought her until I was fifteen. On the day that I gave up, I’d come home from the mall with new shorts, the long and baggy kind. She burned them in the backyard. While I was crying, she gave me an ultimatum: if I didn’t stop this “pretending to be a boy crap” I’d be shipped off to a christian boarding school the next semester. So, I decided to bury whatever I felt that made me not want to be like the girls around me, and be as feminine as my mother wanted me to be.

I let my mother buy me dresses. I wore pink. I quit a few of my sports team. I made my voice a little higher. I started dating guys. I painted my nails glittery colors. I learned the art of makeup and how to sculpt my face into whatever my mood of the day required. Some days, I even enjoyed the feminine thrill of lace and flowers, and others, it just felt.. wrong. But I still did it for the sake of peace and safety.

These memories are not ones that I visit often. They’ve only been brought to the surface by the words of one of my dear friends. They came by my room last week to talk to me about what they called a, “gender crisis.” They started to tell me their story, and they didn’t get very far into it until I realized how my own story mirrored their own.

I didn’t mention my own struggles, but I did hug and love and cry with them. They left with a smile and quick kiss on my cheek and a, “thank you for accepting and respecting me,” and then I was left with my own thoughts.

I realized, that even though I’m in college and far away from the home that repressed me, I still don’t express myself in the ways that I always naturally wanted to do. I feel as if I’ve conditioned myself in order to survive, and now I struggle to be true to who I am. I’d say that most days I feel comfortable with the way I outwardly express myself. However, there are some days, many times when I’m forced to “dress up” for a formal event, that I feel… wrong, having to slip into a dress that on some days I think is wonderful, but on some days looks odd, awkward, and wrong hanging off of my shoulders.

I feel as if I should do something, but I’m not sure what. I feel as if I should say something to the world around me, but I’m not sure how. I feel as if I want to be something else, but I’m not even sure I understand why.

It’s times like these I understand once again that the world is not easy.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on December 17th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | 4 comments »

A self made man


Ash wrote…

I am a trans man who is accepting of all gender identities and expressions. However, sometimes I feel like I am being unintentionally misogynistic because I do identify as male and enjoy the “traditionally” male aspects of presentation. I’ll wind myself up until I’m in tears because I feel like my identity and expression puts off a hypocritical vibe, since I’m not comfortable with looking “femme” myself. I do what is comfortable for me, but I feel like I’m still enforcing gender essentialism.

Any other guys have this problem?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on December 15th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | 2 comments »

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