Increasingly I’m not sure I feel strongly ‘male’ or ‘female’ in terms of what society attributes to both constructs. I’m also confused about what it means if we agree that both are merely constructed by society. Does feeling like neither make me genderqueer or gender-nonconforming? Do those titles hold if I continue to identify as male (by default)? Does calling oneself ‘genderqueer’ while living life with mostly cisgender privilege belittle the troubles faced by transfolk?
It can be pretty complicated, at least for us who don’t perfectly fit in one of the traditionally accepted gender roles of man and woman. I’m not a fan of complicated things. Wish this gender thing was looser.
“Attention all potential models, photographers, and rebloggers: There is currently no backlog for high-quality, artsy photos that tell an interesting story about gender. So please send a picture of yourself or your gender creative friends ASAP, or submit a photo that you found somewhere else on the web (giving credit to the source). I look forward to hearing from you!”
I identify as… at the moment, androgynous ambisexual gothic transhuman. Identity subject to change without notice. Not applicable where prohibited by law.
As far as third-person pronouns go, … I more or less take what I can get; “he” and “she” make me equally uncomfortable, none of the neologisms come naturally enough for me to be OK with having people use them to refer to me (though I love using them in my writing), and I can’t stand getting in fights with people about “they” (yes, it is widely used as a third-person singular, just GET OVER IT). My preference is for the Finnish ‘han/hanet/hanen’ (how cool is it to have a language where personal pronouns are gender-neutral *by default*?) but about the only one I will not accept is “it.” (Seriously. It happened once. Not pretty.)
I’m attracted to… femmeboys, dommegirls, and anyone whose sextype I can’t immediately mark. Goths and other people living outside the socially permitted spectrum of self-expression. Knowledge, wisdom, creativity, and moxie. Also? Monogamously married to a beautiful goth femme with an attitude.
When people talk about me, I want them to… I prefer when people talk *to* me rather than *about* me. Tell the truth, check their privilege and prejudice, and take a pass on the social gamesmanship. Know what they’re talking about, and develop their own opinion instead of buying one off the rack.
I want people to understand… you are the only person who gets to define who and what you are, who lives in your body and thinks with your mind, who decides what rules to follow and when to break them, and who ultimately knows what’s best for you. Learning everything you can will allow you to act and react more effectively; allowing yourself to fall into comfortable patterns of thought is mental suicide. Challenge yourself and challenge society.
About Xauri’EL
I am a mendicant student of the arts in a life-long quest for fame and fortune, identity and meaning, or maybe just pie.
Submitted by Carter Lei, the model and photographer.
“I am FTM, but sometimes I like to be a little bit girly, still with male pronouns. I am currently trying to afford a binder. They’re so expensive, and my mother would never let me.”
You can call me… whatever you like, but who is to say I will answer?
I identify as… Danielle, the smart, funny, bright, tall, out-going, creative, controlling (at times) and outrageously delicious chocolatey treat. ;)
As far as third-person pronouns go, … she, he, it, whatever makes it easier for folks to sleep at night.
I’m attracted to… shiny things, shiny people, good vibes, the color green, beards, tools, metals, bacon, BOWTIES…I could go on forever.
When people talk about me, I want them to… really know what they are talking about.
I want people to understand… that sexuality cannot be limited and neither can gender. We must continue to learn and understand the different ways that others choose to identify themselves.
“I feel most myself when I wear a glitter goatee — but I often worry that people think I am being silly or worse, being mocking. This photo was taken at Big Trees Forest Preserve, a place that feels like home and beauty and safety.”
I have a disability in my arms which makes it difficult to slip a binder on. I already have one (and can’t afford another) which I can get on and off because it’s a lighter spandex, but it doesn’t completely flatten my chest. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could wear or add to it to flatten more? I’d rather not do ace bandages, they hurt me everytime I try and use them.
As far as third-person pronouns go, … use whatever you want. They are all applicable.
I’m attracted to… intelligent women.
When people talk about me, I want them to… realize that what they say about me only proves their ignorance. I couldn’t care less what you think about me.
I want people to understand… being a part of the LGBT community doesn’t mean you are less of a person. Everyone has a right to be happy and be the person they want to be. I pay taxes, have a career and own a home. So what if I want to be gender-less.
About Zeek
I was born in Pittsburgh, PA in the late 1970’s. I grew up as most Yinzers do, an avid Steelers fan. Later, I studied English writing at the University of Pittsburgh. Currently, I am celebrating my 13th year working for the University Library System as the Operations Manager of the Library Collections Storage Unit. Imagine something like Home Depot, but filled with library materials. Yes, I drive a hydraulic forklift. Awesome! In my spare time I like to play video games, softball, and go to music shows.
“As many of you may know, it’s hard to find nice clothes that fit. Luckily I found a great tailor in Bangkok that made me this suit with no questions or comments or qualms about my gender. I’m currently in the running to win a new suit from them – help a genderqueer out by clicking http://bit.ly/suit-me to get to the photo on Facebook and clicking LIKE on it. Thanks so much.”
I recently moved to a small town from a larger city, and whereas even before I felt like I stood out for being a female-assigned-at-birth but gender ambiguous person in a fairly diverse city, I stick out like a sore thumb here. Strange looks and general unfriendliness seems to be the norm directed to those deemed even slightly “abnormal”. This probably mirrors so many of my fellow Genderqueer’ers realities, but I’m having a hard time adjusting. I don’t really have a specific question but felt the need to share my disappointment in this, and how some of you may deal with the day to day of other’s unkind judgements.