Someone wrote…

I love dressing like a tomboy, but I have the body of a girl with largish breasts that intrude on my tomboy loving ways. I love my body, but love my tomboy ways, I feel like I am the epitome of confused.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone asks…

Has anyone had problems going through, say, airport security? I’ve come to expect some “sir-ma’am” nonsense and raised eyebrows over conflicts in my name, appearance and listed sex, but I was surprised to discover that body-scanners don’t like my binder. I was patted down twice, which I found even more invasive than anything else.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Someone wrote…

I have found myself thinking about gender a lot lately. Over the past few years I have gradually eschewed certain things that I once saw as a part of growing up. Shaving, bras and make up are things I looked forward to with earnest, but now don’t fit with my gender. Binding is something I have wanted to do for so long — and I have tried the two sports bra thing — but it is bloody uncomfortable and restricts what shirts I wear.

I am not cis — but I don’t feel genderqueer or androgynous enough to identify otherwise. I get read as female which is okay but sometimes I would like to be read as male or not read at all.

Sometimes it feels like this is all in my head and I’m simply spending too much time thinking about gender. But I know I am not cis.

I feel only the most infinitesimal dysphoria but having a flat chest would please me.

Maybe I should eschew labels and just identify as me.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I sit here and Wish people would call me by my chosen name because all my “binary” name does is tear pieces of my soul away.

Please someone help me in dealing with this pain…

How do you deal with it?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I’ve always gravitated toward men’s clothing (especially t-shirts) due to the comfort factor, but after shaving my head for a cancer fundraiser, I’ve been embracing my masculine side a lot more. It confuses the living daylights out of the kids at the museum I work at, and I can’t help but feel proud when they ask “Are you a girl or a boy?” or when they give me complete WTF looks.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Jacob asks…

I don’t find many posts about conflict in employment or the workplace on this site. I am a gender queer male, and while I am closeted against my will to my friends and family, which is constantly heartbreaking, my real struggles come from my employers.

I currently work at a company that is so bigoted they won’t even allow me to wear earrings-because I am technically a male. Thus makeup, fingernail polish, etc. is severely out of the question.

I’m trying to relocate to a friendlier town, but will more than likely be employed in the construction/manufacturing industry- a field where my true self exposed could lead to violence, or unemployment. I’m just curious how others have struggled, succeeded, or failed in obtaining and maintaining their jobs in our (sadly) rigid and hostile environment.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Someone wrote…

When I was in elementary school, I refused to wear girls clothing. One time I was running through the cafeteria and a teacher called out “Young man, there is no running inside!” I spun around, smiled, and said “Yes ma’am! Sorry!” It never occurred to me to be offended that I’d been mistaken for a boy.

The other day I went clubbing with some friends for a birthday. The club was giving out free drink tickets to girls at the door. I had to go back to get mine, because they didn’t give me one. My friends thought they needed to console me about being mistaken for a boy. I laughed and told them, if I cared I wouldn’t be wearing jeans and combat boots to a club.

I guess not much has changed from elementary school to now. It’s just now I know why I don’t care if I’m mistaken for a man. Now I know why it kind of makes me happy.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

The other day I wore a tie to work. My office is very gay friendly but we’ve never talked about gender. No one said anything about the tie. I can’t tell if this is because it didn’t phase them, or if they were uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I’m a cis-woman that wears “guy” clothes. I say this haltingly, because I don’t think of myself as a cis-woman, but I am definitely not trans*. My friends say I’m too feminine to be anything other than a cis-woman. I’m not though!

I live in-between the worlds of masculine and feminine, but everyone only sees my femininity. I don’t understand why my friends won’t believe me when I say that I’m genderqueer. Not every cis-guy is “masculine.” How masculine does one have to be to be able to claim space in the grey area that is genderqueerness?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Kurt asks…

I know that there are gender neutral pronouns for the more fluid of us, but I was wondering, are there any gender neutral parental names? As in a word my kid would use one day to address me instead of saying mom or dad.
I’ve considered just letting the child decide what they would prefer to call me, which sounds nice, but honestly I’m not sure if I’d be comfortable with either titles.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Someone wrote…

I was shopping for clothes and decided to try something more “dapper”. I tried a shirt that fitted me just perfectly, which is kinda hard to happen when one possesses a nice ‘n’ round belly, as well as a prominent pair of boobs, along with an hourglass-shaped body.

I felt amazing and gorgeous. It seemed that nothing in the world would look as good in my body like that shirt. It was pricey, but I thought it would be worth it…

At home, I put the shirt on again. It looked SO different this time! I still felt great about the way the shirt fitted my body, but in my mirror I found myself “too masculine”. It saddened me, as it seemed like I’ve made a bad deal – paid a lot of money for something that would make me “ugly” (I don’t know why I still feel this way when I present less feminine). Then my girlfriend told me “I looked like a guy, but in a nice way”, that I was beautifully butch-y. So I played with it a bit, wore a suit and tie, and it felt like fun again.

I don’t know how is it gonna be when I try to wear it again, outside the comfort of my room. But I decided that every time I start to overthink, I’ll try to ignore those oh-you-look-too-masculine thoughts and focus on how I felt in that shirt in the first time.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

There has been only one place I have not come out. It is an educational environment where I teach occasionally.

It is hard to say why I have not come out in this place. I have certainly given a lot of excuses. My sweetheart finally convinced me that I should give it a go, that nobody was going to judge me, that many were going to love it, that I would be happy. So I did… Well, almost.

I am a very femme MAAB — think lots of pink, miniskirts, tights and pretty dresses — I’m not quite in dresses yet at this place, but lots of tunics, leggings, nail varnish and earrings (well I always had those, even in this place), ballet flats, my signature Flower by Kenzo and my tiny, corseted waist. Nobody has said a word, except to compliment me.

My sweetheart was right, and I am free…

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Lain asks…

I used to act in stage plays back when I was Cis presenting. I would love to get back involved in shows, but now as a masculine presenting gq woman I am cautious to get back involved. Which gendered parts do I audition for? While I would probably feel more comfortable in a masculine role, my voice sounds less than masculine and costuming could get to be quite interesting as I have a very feminine body type under all the men’s clothing. I have faced this dilemma in contemplating going back into dance as well.

I guess what it will come down to is me auditioning to whichever roles I feel drawn to regardless of gender and just go for it.

Has anyone ever been through similar situations? Anyone have advice?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Someone wrote…

How is it that I can go from being overjoyed for someone telling me my gloves are elegant one day to being too scared to wear my leggings and miniskirt the next?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

Last week I’ve started identifying myself as genderqueer, though it will take some more time for me to “come out” with my family and friends.

I’ve just realized that it took me almost my whole life to learn to listen to my “real self.”

Even as a kid, I didn’t understand how to behave, how I could possibly be and express myself – since I didn’t feel neither like a man, nor like a woman, I couldn’t pick any gender. I was stuck and gave myself up in order to survive.

Now I know I don’t have to choose if I don’t want to.

Although I’m sure I’ve made the right decision (if being the way you are can be seen as a decision), I’m ridiculously scared all the time. I’m scared of ending up losing the ones I love. I’m scared people won’t accept me or take me seriously. My partner knows what’s going on and has been incredibly understanding this whole time. Nevertheless, I’m terrified.

Shouldn’t finally getting to know yourself a little more liberating?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Para wrote…

Where is the line between wanting to be treated as a man, and wanting to be treated with the respect that men receive? As a woman, and as someone beautiful? Wanting not to have a gender, and wanting not to be confined by them?

I don’t know what gender is, and I don’t know how to ask without being rude, but I think I need to know….

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

GrideBroom asks…

I need a wedding outfit that looks like the product of a David Bowie and Dolce&Gabbana collaboration.

I know I don’t want a dress and I don’t want a men’s suit. I purchased a white women’s suit that is fitted that I’m happy with, but I need something to go under it. I like the top half of a lot of wedding dresses but I don’t like the dress part.

Does anyone know where I can find clothing that looks formal but has a punk edge and is somewhat gender neutral? I’m starting to think I will have to design it myself.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Someone wrote…

I (faab) stood in front of my mirror yesterday in my tanktop and cut my hair ends. I turned my back to the mirror to see if I cut a straight line. I saw the hairs that had fallen down on the skin on my back, on my neckline. This was such a happy moment, it looked like I had my own manly backhair. I walked around with a grin on my face for the rest of the day!!

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

Some weeks ago, i attended a show in my neighborhood. i went there by myself, and ended up having to come back home alone at 4 am. Since the gig was only a block away from my house, i decided to go by walking.

As i walked, i started to feel a bit insecure for being a “woman” alone in the street in the middle of the night. I was dressing real butch, so i thought – what if people couldn’t perceive me as a girl when they saw me? i put my hood on, hands in my pockets, and started to walk more “manly” – shoulders up, controlling my hips. No one actually crossed my path, but i felt (and it kind of saddens me, since it seems you can’t be safe being a female) a bit more secure by doing this.

My gender presentation varies, so i don’t feel like i “am” really that androgynous. in some occasions, people have already misgendered me as a boy – but this time was actually the first i actually TRIED to pass.

So far, i haven’t told this story to anyone, but i secretly enjoyed that moment a lot!

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

Until recently, I didn’t question the binary, but always felt a bit uncomfortable, but I didn’t know what I was uncomfortable with. I was assigned female at birth, enjoy dressing as a girl, and most of the time I act feminine, but I don’t feel just female.
The discovery that not everyone perceives gender as binary has really freed me up inside, even if it hasn’t changed much about how I act.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?