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A Happier Moment


Someone wrote…

Last year, when I finally got the guts to shave off all my long hair I remember how happy and free it made me feel, and how it began to close the gap in my mind between how I looked and how I felt I should look.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on April 19th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Embraced


Someone wrote…

For awhile I was playing straight and just fell hard for a queer man who helped me let my queerness back out.

Now I’m plunged into the same level of “huh?” as I had when I was first coming out in my late teens.. So nice to find a space where all the in-between is embraced.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on April 17th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Just….


Someone wrote…

I don’t feel as if my body is wrong, just…incomplete.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on April 15th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | 1 comment »

Shaved


Someone wrote…

I never truly felt feminine or sexy until I shaved my head and started dressing like a boi.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on April 13th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Just Me


Someone wrote…

Who said I have to be a boy or a girl? Why can’t I just be “me”? “Me” is pretty great and “me” doesn’t want to be one or the other.

All my life I’ve been labeled as a girl, and while there isn’t really anything wrong with that, no one asked how I wanted to be labeled, which is really just another issue, there really isn’t a specific label for me. Anything other than “me” just isn’t right. Is it really that complicated?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on April 11th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | 1 comment »

Question: Explaining the FtM Feeling


PeaceLoveTriathlon asks…

What’s a good way to explain the ‘FtM’ feeling? When someone asks, I say that I feel as if I’m trapped in the wrong body,and feel I should have been born a man, but they just get really confused. All ideas very much appreciated. Thanks!

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on April 10th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Heels


Someone wrote…

I was never comfortable wearing heels until I wore them while binding and packing.

Now they feel awesome :)

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on April 9th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Mother


Sun wrote…

I used to wish more and more for the mother role to hold me in my femininity, but recently I have been allowing old feelings to sit with as much grace and integrity in that same space.

I spent much of my younger life in a much more defined genderqueer role of more masculine female, and I know I am both, sometimes more one way, sometimes more the other, but more and more recently, I am both, sitting comfortably in myself without trying to hide or define, to hold on to, or let go. Just being me, in each moment, and its wonderful!!

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on April 7th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Indications


Someone wrote…

Ever since I was old enough to walk and actually express my self through clothes and toys; probably since age 3 or 4, I have always gone to the ‘boys’ section.

Throughout my entire life I have been a tomboy but I have now started thinking about what it all means. All my old tomboy friends started to “grow out” of their tomboy phase around the ages of 10, 11 and 12 but I didn’t. For years I hated being mistaken for a boy but now I prefer it. I’ve begun to envy men when I look at them, I disguise my figure and flatten my chest.

But what confuses me is that I sometimes don’t mind being in my own skin and other times I hate it. What I am getting at is do all those years as a child constantly acting like a little boy indicate my true gender?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on April 5th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | 3 comments »

Taking Value


Someone wrote…

I spoke, as a professional, at a gender conference this last week. Then, in the last session of the conference I got to sit down with a bunch of other non-binary folks like myself. I’m DMAB, old, and bald and I was dressed in the most authentic way I could. I felt absolutely beautiful and whole and everyone in the room seemed equally beautiful. I felt more belonging than ever before in my life.

I left the conference and changed into my daily uniform; the one that makes people see what they’re comfortable with. I’m so tired of being anything other than cis. I didn’t ask for this and I wonder if I’m just too old to ever take any value from it.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on April 3rd, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | 2 comments »

Question: What books were meaningful for you?


Em asks…

My 2-year-old asked her teacher today, “are you a boy or a girl?” I love this time of wondering, of truly not assuming. Sadly, it will be brief. I want to teach her about gender, but the books are all binary (“every boy has a penis” etc).

Toddlers need a place to start, they’re laying a foundation…

how do I teach her the grey? Can I start with black and white? What books were meaningful for you?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on April 2nd, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Marker


Someone wrote…

Not long after I came out as genderqueer, my birth name got real uncomfortable. I’ve finally settled on what I want to change it to, but I mourn the fact that there’s no accurate gender marker I could change to along with it. Part of me wants to hold out until a third gender marker option becomes available so I can change both at once, but who knows when that will be… ?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on April 1st, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | 3 comments »

A better idea


Someone wrote…

I was sure for a long time that I was a girl. Everyone would say, oh you look so nice in that dress, and wow you look so pretty with long hair.

My gender is still a work in progress. I’m no longer sure but I’ve got a better idea. Some days I still can’t decide but that’s alright. I’m living how I want and that is what’s important after all.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on March 30th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | 2 comments »

Duality


Someone wrote…

My life has turned into a sociological experiment. Due to the need to hide my transgender nature five decades ago, I grew up and developed one public identity (male) while privately nurturing another (female).

Recently, I created and developed a public female identity that, online, has many friends. So, in essence, I now have dual public gender-identities. I post on my blog in both identities and have asked readers how they perceive me.

Interestingly, they see an individual — the same person. The only difference they note is the external cloaking of clothing.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on March 28th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Transboy and Proud


Someone wrote…

From the day I was born I always knew I was different.

I always been playin with guys and when I was with some mates who didn’t know my names, I introduced myself to them by a male name. I felt so weird when I tell someone my real name or my sex.

I also hate it when my parents tells people “oh this is my daughter” I’ve always wanted to be a boy. I don’t care what people would think about me. I’m a transboy and proud.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on March 26th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Definitions of fear


Someone wrote…

Fear.

Of the unknown ahead of me: I have decided that this is the year I make my stand and stop hiding the beautiful woman i can be inside of the male body I inhabit. Not entirely sure how that’ll be accomplished or where that will take me. Little bit scary, that.

Of how people will react to the way I choose to present myself to the rest of the world: never been possessed with an abundance of self-esteem to begin with, so venturing out into the world while trying to present myself as a gender I have not been socially conditioned to be, and have few of the generally accepted physical attributes of is also a bit scary. Will I be accepted? Yeah, in some places by some folks, I’m sure. Will I be laughed at? Probably. But I’ll just need to do my best to deal with that. Will I be physically attacked or assaulted? Hope not, but i know this still happens more often than most folks realize. So I will do my best to be safe, and i will put up a hell of a fight if need be.

Of never “really being a woman”. Is it enough to have the self-perception that you are female? Is it enough to wear the clothing that society considers to be feminine? Do I need to have surgery to get all the way there? Or is that still just artificial? Will I always still “really” just be a man because of the way I was born? I perceive myself as a woman, and i am attracted to women – can I call myself a lesbian? Or am I really just a man trying to appropriate a culture I can never really be part of?

Of dying alone. Of never being able to fully achive self-acceptance, and therefore being unable to fully accept the love and affection of another.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on March 24th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | 2 comments »

Does anyone have any experience with gender-openness in ‘Bear’ bars?


Someone wrote…

To expound, I’m a FAAB (female-assigned-at-birth) ambigender genderqueer (meaning I identify as in-between/a blend of male and female), who also identifies as part of the “bear” community – I’m chubby, (very) furry, kind of boyish, and love men (I mean, I love all genders, including men, lol).
I’ve also historically gotten along with men who identify as bears.

But sadly GQ/transphobia is not limited to heteronormativity – there are some lesbian, gay, and bisexual cis-folk who see gender-variance as a PITA, or worse, setting back the gay rights movement with its sheer absurdity (sad, but I’ve heard it).

So riddle me this: I’m new to Seattle, and the Capitol Hill region is pretty rife with bear culture, and, thusly, bear bars. I’d love to stop in, make some bear-friends (and, ideally, more, but not holding my breath…), and bear-it-up, but would my outward female-ish(?)-ness cast me as a ‘goldilocks’ (a colloquialism for female-friends-of-bears), or would I just come off as an impostor/intruder/wannabe?

Does this question make any sense?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on March 22nd, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions, your voice | 3 comments »

A single word


Someone wrote…

It’s funny how a single word can bash one’s self image across rocks. A casual “Ma’m” that took me minutes to realize was meant for me. Just when I thought I blended in with the other boys, and forgot about what I was. It’s as if the world has to include painful reminders to snap me back to reality each time.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on March 20th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Not your label


Someone wrote…

I’m not female, I’m not male… I’ve always loved my body, liked the flattering curves. I still enjoy myself and honestly I don’t really understand what’s going on right now. I’m a lesbian, and I’ve always liked girls. But lately I don’t feel like one, I don’t want a sex change (though somedays I just wake up and fight with the suffocating urge to be male.) But in my head I’m not male or female.. I’m human, somedays I wear lipstick and low cut shirts, others I cover up my chest and wear baggy jeans. I think words like male and female are silly, especially when it comes to how people dress. Because by saying that someone is dressing like a boy you are admitting that you have succumbed to the pressuring way our culture sees people. I am me, not female nor male. I am a spirit trapped within a body. A body I love, a body I hate..

I am so many things, but I’m not your label.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on March 18th, 2014 at 08:00 am

your voice | Comment »

Question: Boyfriend starting T, causing him to pull away!


Julia asks…

I’m currently dating a wonderful FTM guy who is about to start taking testosterone. Things have been going great! I fully support him and he appreciates it. However, two weeks ago, he made his official appointments to start T and ever since then he has been pulling back a lot.

He’ll get stressed, and normal “mushy” behaviours that are usual for us will make him all of the sudden feel pressure, when before, he was definitely the more romantically aggressive one.

He says he’s not sure what’s up but it started when he made those appointments and things got “real” for him. He also says he worries about changes with him to come and doesn’t want our relationship to sour bc of it and have that bad association with his T process. Up until now though, we’ve had no issues and his fears have been the only thing to CAUSE any issues. However, when I say I understand and I’ll give him some space, he flips and is back to being overly mushy again. A few days later, it’s a 180 flip the other way and back again. The recurring cycle hurts me and is hard bc I feel like must walk on eggshells bc I never know how he will react.

Has anyone experienced this? Is it really stress due to start T? Will it pass? What can I do to help? Should I just let him alone and just be a friend?
Thanks!

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on March 17th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

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