Category: questions

Question: If I’m a demigirl am I still a woman?


I’ve basically just begun my journey of seriously exploring my gender identity and trying to figure who I really am. I’m dfab and I’ve always identified with being a girl/woman, but I guess being just a woman always felt like it was an incomplete definition, like I always felt some kind of otherness in my gender too that was separate?

The label demigirl seems to mesh with a lot of what I’m feeling, but I’m just confused because because I’m trying to acknowledge the part of myself I haven’t before, without denying the part of me that identifies with womanhood.

Has anyone else struggled with this?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on July 1st, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Question: Mum of transgender child needs advise

Slinky asks…

Hi – I’m the mother of a 15 year old daughter. My daughter only 8 weeks ago was in bikini’s on the beach wearing make up and hanging with her boyfriend – all fitting the gender stereotype.
My daughter now has discussed that she may be transgender, quickly followed by a very dramatic hair cut and the borrowing of her brothers clothes and refusal to shave leg or armpit hair.

My response was that we love her no matter what gender she is now or in the future, but that she should take a bit more time before she makes any more sudden changes to her look as she needs to process the feelings she is having. ( I also need some processing time but I didn’t say that to her ) She has linked with school counsellor and met once.

I would be really interested from anyone on this site who can inform and educate me so that I can be supportive to my daughter but also reassured that she isn’t jumping forward to quickly.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 23rd, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 8 comments »

Question: Should I Pretend to be cis for Job Interviews?

Z asks…

I’m having a very hard time trying to find a job.

I’m ftm and pre-T and very short so I definitely don’t pass as male. I’ve been out of work for 3 months, I’ve had 4 interviews, and no offers. I’m considering just pretending to be a cis female next time I have an interview so I can hurry up and get a job before I starve.
That’s how I got my last job but I had to deal with being called the wrong name and pronouns (which is why I don’t have that job anymore, I kind of had a mental breakdown and walked out in the middle of a shift).

I don’t want to deal with that again, but I need money like right now….

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 19th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: What’s my gender? Who am I?

Annie Anonymous asks…

I was born female. I’ve never really been a girly-girl, but I’ve never been a boy either. I hate my breasts, and want them removed as soon as possible. I don’t like being a girl. I fit no stereotypes of being a girl, but I fit few stereotypes of being a boy. I heard the term non-binary a few months ago, and I immediately knew that I connected with that. I’ve heard multiple terms that I know don’t sound like me. Genderfluid, for example. I know that’s not me. I don’t identify with either gender.

The thing is, I’m terrified to transition. I know I want top surgery, but I don’t think I want hormone replacement surgery. I don’t know how to talk to my parents, let alone my friends. I know how much I’d be judged at school, though that doesn’t really matter to me. I don’t really mind pronouns. They don’t really bother me, though I like the sound of they and them and their more than he and she.

I’ve heard the term third gendered, and I think that’s who I am. I feel that I have a gender, but it’s not male or female. I feel like there isn’t a name for it. I hate that I have to go into women’s toilets, or buy clothes from the men’s section, (Girl’s clothes are too pink and frilly, so I wear boys’). I hate that society is so binary.

How did you transition, anyone with similar experiences? Slowly, or all at once? Is there any advice you can give me?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 13th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: Maybe it’s a phase?

Crime asks…

I’m 13 close to 14 and I’ve been questioning my gender for a couple of years now. I was born a female but I’m masculine and dress up like a male. On the other hand though, I don’t think I’m transgender because I’m still feminine and sometimes dress like a woman. I understand that you can be a cross dressing male/female, but there are times where I don’t want to only be called a male, or a female.
So, I’ve come the conclusion that I’m either genderqueer or genderfluid. But, I’m at such a young age, I don’t know if this is just a phase or not. I strongly feel these things about my gender, but I don’t know if I’m too young to make such a big decision for the rest of my life.

There’s nothing stopping me from changing my gender, I just don’t want to regret in the future if I decide to be a female or male. So my question is if y’all could give me advice about choosing your gender(s) and how to chose it wisely so I won’t have any regrets.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 7th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 9 comments »

Question: What Should I do?

MasterRK9 asks…

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m bisexual, and that will never change. But on discovering that, I’ve uncovered a more perplexing labyrinth of lies and confusion for myself. I’ve come out to my friends that I’m bisexual and they’re okay with that, but I don’t know how’ll they react to telling them I think I’m trans, let alone to my parents.

My parents are traditional, with a nuclear relationship and career status. My sisters all have severe health issues, fibromyalgia, and other horrible diseases that are engraved in genetics, and I don’t have that, so it appears that I’m the one that’s “normal”. If I told them now I was a bisexual trans, it would put more stress on them. They love me, no matter what, they told me directly, even if I were homosexual, but I’m not prepared for the questioning. My dad will question every minute detail there is, even though I’m still confused, and my mom will just yell at me until I answer my dad. They both love yelling, but that’s the one things that deteriorates me fastest. But if I respond better to a softer tone, it’ll only confuse them even more which will lead to more questions and yelling.

I’m thinking I should wait until my dad is deployed somewhere and tell my mom since she’ll take it in easier and then be the one to break it to him. I haven’t told my parents my sexual orientation, nor about what I’ve been feeling for the past 6 years.

I’ve told specs of my thoughts to one of my closest friends, since I’ll know she won’t care, and she doesn’t, but there’s another that I know will never let go of it, and rub it in my face until the end of time.

I’m fourteen now, born female, and I don’t like it. I like it when people call me by male pronouns by mistake, but it feels awkward, even with female pronouns. I relate more with my guy friends, in a close, tight group of 7, 5 girls and 2 boys, but they all act the same. I want to wear more masculine clothing and do more things that’s more associated with boys, but my parents won’t let me. Especially my dad. He decides what I wear, so it’s really girly things, but I’ve manipulated him now to wear more what I want, but it’s still really feminine. I want to wear what my tomboy friend wears, since it’s still a little feminine as a compromise, but he won’t allow it. I’ve already decided that when I have enough money, I’ll get my breasts removed (they’re annoying). And even my screen name is Master, instead of Mistress.

I want to tell them, everyone, but I can’t handle what they’ll ask me. Especially my parents. My mom has seriously considered sending me to a therapist for my anger and violence (it’s also genetic, doesn’t helps with my muscular build). So I’m planning on getting to the point where she’ll send me to the therapist, and tell them.

I really need help. I have no relations with other LGBT in real life, but if I start going to recreation centers and conventions for them, they’ll start questioning me. I can’t explain anything to save my life to anyone I know, so I’m asking people I don’t know. What should I do?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 4th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions, your voice | 1 comment »

Question: Am I Demiflux, Demifluid, or Genderfluid?

Gabe asks…

Hello, my name is Gabe (not my real name). I am for sure panromantic. I am still confused about sexuality, though I am most likely Demisexual. I am also confused about my gender. I have been going by genderfluid, but upon researching more about gender, I have started questioning it.

I have come upon the terms “Demiflux” and “Demifluid” I was beginning to think, I may be one of those. When I fluctuate between being female, male, both, or neither, I still feel a small tiny bit of male inside. (I was born as a female. I am not out to anyone about anything, yet) I was thinking I was a Demiboy. But I feel a small part Boy, sometimes the rest is female, sometimes I feel like both. It may not make sense, but sometimes half of me is boy, the other half is boy and girl? I am unsure and new to these terms, so I’m not sure what I am.

I also wanted to ask, can a genderfluid person be demiboy and genderqueer/genderfluid at the same time?

Can genderfluid fluctuate between demiboy, female, male, both, etc. Thank you very much!

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 1st, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: How to Change my Voice Pitch

Eli asks…

so I’m 15 and dfab (designated female at birth) and I’ve been having trouble with my gender for a year or two now. at first I thought it was like some internalised misogyny going on but sometimes I really feel like I’d be happier being a boy but other times I’m pretty chill with being a girl.

The problem is, while I don’t have a super high voice, it’s recognisably feminine, I can make it go down a pitch or two of I try but it’s still pretty high. I wanted to know if there’s any way I can make my voice deeper or have the ability to go deeper without testosterone.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on May 28th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 5 comments »

Question: Binding for bigger people?

Lee asks…

How well does binding work for heavy people?

I’m 5’3 208 lbs and unfortunately carry all of my weight in my tummy and breasts.

I’m just starting to explore my gender fully and I really want to start binding but binders are pretty expensive and I want to make sure I splurge and get a really good one instead of buying and sampling a bunch that don’t really work for bigger people.

Any suggestions?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on May 20th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Velcro Binders Vs Tank-top Binders

Someone asks…

I’m thinking of buying a new binder.

So far I’ve only had binders with velcro. For various reasons, I’m now thinking buying one of those tank-top type of things, but I’m a bit apprehensive.

What I like about the velcro binders is that I can adjust them according to what I’m wearing and I can also loosen it quickly if need be. (Over the last nine or so years I’ve only needed to do that once.)

So I guess what I’m asking is, can anyone give me some kind of a comparison on these points? I imagine the tank-top binder as being tight and possibly uncomfortable compared to the velcro binder.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on May 12th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Gendered Language

Veychi asks…

Hey fellow Genderforkers,

Any ideas on how to cope with having to use a heavily gendered language to get through everyday life? My first language is gendered to the point where not even a simple sentence such as “I was” can be formed without choosing a “male” or “female” form, and constantly having to use forms consistent with the only gender I am perceived as really messes with my head, since whenever I speak I feel like my speech further enforces the gender binary and traps me within it a little bit more.

I wish I lived in an English-speaking country simply because the language leaves much more room for improvisation and innovation.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on May 10th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Gender help?

Caitlin asks…

Okay, so I’m a 14 year old girl. I’ve always been a tomboy. When I was younger I always wanted to be a boy. Eventually I grew out of it to a point. I’ve never told anyone I would be happier as a guy.

Lately I’ve been thinking that I actually would be happier as a guy. I’ve always dressed like a guy, acted like a guy, talked like a guy, and hung out with guys over girls. Sometimes I get confused for a guy, but it doesn’t bother me. Really it kinda makes me happy people would see me as a guy over a girl. Honestly I’m tempted to be a guy instead of a girl, but I’m afraid to. I’m afraid everyone around me will push on me that it’s a phase.

My family and friends know I’m a lesbian and they’re fine with it, but I’m not sure how they would react to me saying I’m transgender all of a sudden.

Has anyone got any advice?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 30th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: What Should Girlish Boys Wear?

Someone asks…

I’m a straight, girlish boy who has always dressed like a regular guy (usually in khakis and blue shirts).

I would like to be more open, but in contrast to the well-established tomboy look there doesn’t seem to be a consensus about how girlish boys should dress. I’m middle-aged and work in a place where business casual is the norm, so I need to look fairly professional.

I want to avoid the stereotypical gay guy look because it’s not me. Suggestions?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 22nd, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 6 comments »

Question: Hard time coming out as gender fluid and boyfriend has hard time accepting it.

Anony asks…

Hay everyone ;)

I’m a 16-year old bi and genderfluid girl and I have a boyfriend.

I recently came out to him as genderfluid and he’s been having a hard time accepting me on boy-days. He doesn’t mind me wearing his clothes or just boyclothes I buy but he doesn’t want to treat me like a boy. How can I make it easier on him? How can i make him accept me more?

Also I’m having a hard time coming out to my mom. The first thing she told me when i told her I am bi was “as long as you don’t start dressing like a guy.” Well now I’m just afraid she’ll hate me and not accept me at all. She already gives me dirty looks when I wear my boy clothes ;(

Please help me xxxxxx

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 14th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Question: How to cope?

Someone asks…

This kind of sounds like a really obvious question but:

How do you deal with gender dysphoria?

Recently, it’s been horrid. It started with three people using my birth name in one day, and after that, I’ve noticed every single little misgendering (I’m defining misgendering as any stranger calling me my assigned gender including pronouns and nouns, and anyone I personally know calling me the wrong nouns and, if I’ve come out to them, pronouns). I know about the reminding, like repeatedly reminding people I know to call me the right things in a gentle way that acknowledges their attempts. I know about walking myself through their position, putting myself in their shoes that it’s hard for them to get it right. I know about allowing myself to [internally] call them ignorant when they disregard my needs and simply don’t care. I know coping skills like affirmations and breathing techniques to calm myself down.

I also know that they think that my gender is “inconvenient.” I also know that the majority of them don’t care, won’t care, or won’t ever understand no matter how much they care. I also know that there is no way to be properly gendered every time, as a non-binary person who will never be okay with the f/m boxes that SO many people only know about. I also know that I am not okay with coming out to random strangers right off the bat – why should I have to put my entire identity right out in the open when I don’t even know them? It’s violating.

So I have no idea what to do. How do I cope with this? It’s unbearable, and since there is no way I can have people stop misgendering me on a daily basis, how can I deal with it?

Thank you so much. <3

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 12th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Question: What’s my gender?

Charlie asks…

So, I’m Charlie. (Not my born name, but I use this for both privacy of my real identity & if I was to go by another gender fluid name, this would be it.)

I still don’t quite know how to label myself. I was born a girl, but a lot of time (though not always) I wish I was a (gay) man. But it gets a bit more complicated. Sometimes within the wishing of being a man, is sometimes wishing to be a cross dressing man. (By the way, I’m pansexual)

I always go by woman pronouns & always dress as a woman, but mainly because I don’t know how my family would feel if I dressed as a man. On top of that, I feel my girly features would outshine my female features in my “guy moods”. I know this makes me seems gender fluid, but I feel I have more than just 2 genders. I think I have a female & male combined gender, which is why I think I’m trigender, but there’s still my “cross dresser” mood.

If anyone can help with finding a label for myself, please do!! I have no idea how to identify myself….

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 6th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 4 comments »

Question: What Could you Wear to Look Genderless?

Jasper Lucien Brett asks…

What would you dress like, or what clothes would you wear if you wanted to look genderless?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on March 23rd, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Support and Answers

Parker wrote…

I was assigned the female gender upon birth and it’s just never…felt right. And when I was younger I understood that I really wasn’t a girl but a boy trapped in the wrong body. Over the years I have experimented with different things and found that I’m way more comfortable with myself when I’m posing as a male rather than female. Ive been labeled as “Gender fluid” and “Gender queer” which is partially right I guess. In the future I’d like to make the transformation from Female to Male, but I’d need my family’s support.

My sister’s the only one I’ve ever told about my true identity and have no clue as to even come out to both sets of parents. My mother has made hints for me which I’ve picked up on and once she asked me if I was really a boy, but I didn’t think she was serious.

Right now I just really need some support and answers to how I can come out to my family about this.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on March 18th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions, your voice | Comment »

Question: Moving Through the Gender Spectrum

Kat asks…

I’m an 18 year old gender-fluid person from England, and I’m having a bit of a crisis.

I was assigned female at birth, but mainly dress as a male or androgynous. I recently found some old make-up from when I was a child, and tried some of it on and frankly I look like a clown.

I really want to embrace my female side, but I’m too scared, as reactions from all the people around me have literally been ‘but you’d look silly’ or ‘it’s a stage’.

I came out to everyone as gay and gender-fluid, but apparently people have a problem accepting me as my birth gender? I find this an ironic reversal of the all-too-common non-acceptance of people changing from their birth gender to their true gender, and would like some help from people who are gender-fluid or have good advice, on how to appear more feminine, and how on earth make-up works?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on March 13th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: Dysphoria


I need some kind of way to explain this to… well, myself, really:

What does gender dysphoria feel like?

Because I know what it feels like. But I can’t find any possible way to describe how it feels. I need to know that there is some kind of language to describe this, because if there is, then I’m not the only one experiencing it. If someone else describes something and I get it, even if I only kinda get it, maybe that means I’m not a alone.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on March 7th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

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