Category: questions


Question: Binding for bigger people?


Lee asks…

How well does binding work for heavy people?

I’m 5’3 208 lbs and unfortunately carry all of my weight in my tummy and breasts.

I’m just starting to explore my gender fully and I really want to start binding but binders are pretty expensive and I want to make sure I splurge and get a really good one instead of buying and sampling a bunch that don’t really work for bigger people.

Any suggestions?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on May 20th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Question: Velcro Binders Vs Tank-top Binders


Someone asks…

I’m thinking of buying a new binder.

So far I’ve only had binders with velcro. For various reasons, I’m now thinking buying one of those tank-top type of things, but I’m a bit apprehensive.

What I like about the velcro binders is that I can adjust them according to what I’m wearing and I can also loosen it quickly if need be. (Over the last nine or so years I’ve only needed to do that once.)

So I guess what I’m asking is, can anyone give me some kind of a comparison on these points? I imagine the tank-top binder as being tight and possibly uncomfortable compared to the velcro binder.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on May 12th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Gendered Language


Veychi asks…

Hey fellow Genderforkers,

Any ideas on how to cope with having to use a heavily gendered language to get through everyday life? My first language is gendered to the point where not even a simple sentence such as “I was” can be formed without choosing a “male” or “female” form, and constantly having to use forms consistent with the only gender I am perceived as really messes with my head, since whenever I speak I feel like my speech further enforces the gender binary and traps me within it a little bit more.

I wish I lived in an English-speaking country simply because the language leaves much more room for improvisation and innovation.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on May 10th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Gender help?


Caitlin asks…

Okay, so I’m a 14 year old girl. I’ve always been a tomboy. When I was younger I always wanted to be a boy. Eventually I grew out of it to a point. I’ve never told anyone I would be happier as a guy.

Lately I’ve been thinking that I actually would be happier as a guy. I’ve always dressed like a guy, acted like a guy, talked like a guy, and hung out with guys over girls. Sometimes I get confused for a guy, but it doesn’t bother me. Really it kinda makes me happy people would see me as a guy over a girl. Honestly I’m tempted to be a guy instead of a girl, but I’m afraid to. I’m afraid everyone around me will push on me that it’s a phase.

My family and friends know I’m a lesbian and they’re fine with it, but I’m not sure how they would react to me saying I’m transgender all of a sudden.

Has anyone got any advice?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 30th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: What Should Girlish Boys Wear?


Someone asks…

I’m a straight, girlish boy who has always dressed like a regular guy (usually in khakis and blue shirts).

I would like to be more open, but in contrast to the well-established tomboy look there doesn’t seem to be a consensus about how girlish boys should dress. I’m middle-aged and work in a place where business casual is the norm, so I need to look fairly professional.

I want to avoid the stereotypical gay guy look because it’s not me. Suggestions?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 22nd, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: Hard time coming out as gender fluid and boyfriend has hard time accepting it.


Anony asks…

Hay everyone ;)

I’m a 16-year old bi and genderfluid girl and I have a boyfriend.

I recently came out to him as genderfluid and he’s been having a hard time accepting me on boy-days. He doesn’t mind me wearing his clothes or just boyclothes I buy but he doesn’t want to treat me like a boy. How can I make it easier on him? How can i make him accept me more?

Also I’m having a hard time coming out to my mom. The first thing she told me when i told her I am bi was “as long as you don’t start dressing like a guy.” Well now I’m just afraid she’ll hate me and not accept me at all. She already gives me dirty looks when I wear my boy clothes ;(

Please help me xxxxxx

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 14th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Question: How to cope?


Someone asks…

This kind of sounds like a really obvious question but:

How do you deal with gender dysphoria?

Recently, it’s been horrid. It started with three people using my birth name in one day, and after that, I’ve noticed every single little misgendering (I’m defining misgendering as any stranger calling me my assigned gender including pronouns and nouns, and anyone I personally know calling me the wrong nouns and, if I’ve come out to them, pronouns). I know about the reminding, like repeatedly reminding people I know to call me the right things in a gentle way that acknowledges their attempts. I know about walking myself through their position, putting myself in their shoes that it’s hard for them to get it right. I know about allowing myself to [internally] call them ignorant when they disregard my needs and simply don’t care. I know coping skills like affirmations and breathing techniques to calm myself down.

I also know that they think that my gender is “inconvenient.” I also know that the majority of them don’t care, won’t care, or won’t ever understand no matter how much they care. I also know that there is no way to be properly gendered every time, as a non-binary person who will never be okay with the f/m boxes that SO many people only know about. I also know that I am not okay with coming out to random strangers right off the bat – why should I have to put my entire identity right out in the open when I don’t even know them? It’s violating.

So I have no idea what to do. How do I cope with this? It’s unbearable, and since there is no way I can have people stop misgendering me on a daily basis, how can I deal with it?

Thank you so much. <3

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 12th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Question: What’s my gender?


Charlie asks…

So, I’m Charlie. (Not my born name, but I use this for both privacy of my real identity & if I was to go by another gender fluid name, this would be it.)

I still don’t quite know how to label myself. I was born a girl, but a lot of time (though not always) I wish I was a (gay) man. But it gets a bit more complicated. Sometimes within the wishing of being a man, is sometimes wishing to be a cross dressing man. (By the way, I’m pansexual)

I always go by woman pronouns & always dress as a woman, but mainly because I don’t know how my family would feel if I dressed as a man. On top of that, I feel my girly features would outshine my female features in my “guy moods”. I know this makes me seems gender fluid, but I feel I have more than just 2 genders. I think I have a female & male combined gender, which is why I think I’m trigender, but there’s still my “cross dresser” mood.

If anyone can help with finding a label for myself, please do!! I have no idea how to identify myself….

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 6th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 4 comments »

Question: What Could you Wear to Look Genderless?


Jasper Lucien Brett asks…

What would you dress like, or what clothes would you wear if you wanted to look genderless?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on March 23rd, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Support and Answers


Parker wrote…

I was assigned the female gender upon birth and it’s just never…felt right. And when I was younger I understood that I really wasn’t a girl but a boy trapped in the wrong body. Over the years I have experimented with different things and found that I’m way more comfortable with myself when I’m posing as a male rather than female. Ive been labeled as “Gender fluid” and “Gender queer” which is partially right I guess. In the future I’d like to make the transformation from Female to Male, but I’d need my family’s support.

My sister’s the only one I’ve ever told about my true identity and have no clue as to even come out to both sets of parents. My mother has made hints for me which I’ve picked up on and once she asked me if I was really a boy, but I didn’t think she was serious.

Right now I just really need some support and answers to how I can come out to my family about this.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on March 18th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions, your voice | Comment »

Question: Moving Through the Gender Spectrum


Kat asks…

I’m an 18 year old gender-fluid person from England, and I’m having a bit of a crisis.

I was assigned female at birth, but mainly dress as a male or androgynous. I recently found some old make-up from when I was a child, and tried some of it on and frankly I look like a clown.

I really want to embrace my female side, but I’m too scared, as reactions from all the people around me have literally been ‘but you’d look silly’ or ‘it’s a stage’.

I came out to everyone as gay and gender-fluid, but apparently people have a problem accepting me as my birth gender? I find this an ironic reversal of the all-too-common non-acceptance of people changing from their birth gender to their true gender, and would like some help from people who are gender-fluid or have good advice, on how to appear more feminine, and how on earth make-up works?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on March 13th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: Dysphoria


asks…

I need some kind of way to explain this to… well, myself, really:

What does gender dysphoria feel like?

Because I know what it feels like. But I can’t find any possible way to describe how it feels. I need to know that there is some kind of language to describe this, because if there is, then I’m not the only one experiencing it. If someone else describes something and I get it, even if I only kinda get it, maybe that means I’m not a alone.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on March 7th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: How do I Come out to my Family?


Matthew/Melisa asks…

So, the title should explain it all. I am a gender-fluid guy-to-girl (don’t know if that’s the correct expression) and have yet to come out to my family. This puts me in a bit of a tight spot, because I enjoy to crossdress when I am Melisa, but only get to when my sister isn’t home (although if she was listening she’d already know but whatever).

My mother, while religious, is okay with the LGBTQ+ group, but I don’t know how they’d react to a binary gendered son. Currently I’m on the brink of coming out, like it was a long jump off a cliff I can’t climb back up and my toes are off the edge. Can anyone provide that final push?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on February 27th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 4 comments »

Question: Binding Pain


Someone asks…

My first ever Underworks binder arrived in the post today. When I put it on, it felt like it was hurting my actual breast tissue. I’ve seen a lot of talk about chest pain, back pain, breathing trouble, etc. But nothing much about pain in breasts themselves.

Is this just inevitable? Or does it mean something is wrong?

My chest is really small already, so it feels like there is almost no fat around to spread out the pressure. The pain is concentrated in the middle of the breast, where the nipples are (but it’s internal pain, not surface/skin pain).

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on February 21st, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 4 comments »

Question: A Lack of Discomfort


Kass asks…

I’ve heard dysphoria defined as “discomfort or distress” at one’s assigned gender, but is that a prerequisite for being genderqueer? I’m beginning to think that I might not be 100% the gender I’ve always thought I was, but I’m not really “distressed” about it. I’m not uncomfortable with my assigned gender–but I’m also becoming less and less uncomfortable with exploring other gender identities in addition to it.

I haven’t had these feelings for very long, but could they be legitimate clues to me not being the gender I thought I was?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on February 17th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 4 comments »

Question: Backpacks for not-male


Q asks…

I’ve looked absolutely everywhere for a backpack – school is starting in two days – and nowhere can I find a decent backpack that isn’t made for “businessmen.” I need something strong, supportive, with lots of pockets, including one for a laptop, but every pack I’ve seen is for huge men. When I try to wear these, it kills my neck and looks ridiculous.

I’ve looked at Swiss, Kenneth Cole, and Samsonite mostly, but only the cheaper, less durable, and less practical backpacks (JanSport, Herschel) seem to fit me properly.

The few packs I’ve found that might work only come in purple, or with pink and lime lining, which is out of the question.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on February 11th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 8 comments »

Question: What was your process to discover your gender?


Kris asks…

Hey guys. So… I don’t know how to word this so sorry if it comes out really strange…

I am a person who is very deeply questioning my gender and I’m starting to think I might be transgender. I’ve never talked to a transgender person before about being trans, though, and I’m feeling totally lost.

My question is, for older people (like mid 20s and up) who didn’t know their whole life they were trans, what was your thought process that you went through to figure out where you found your gender to be? What kind of questions did you ask and what process did you go through to find your answers?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on February 7th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 4 comments »

Question: How Do I Get My Family To Accept My Gender Fluidity?


Jai Wolfe asks…

So, coming up soon is the anniversary of my coming out as gender fluid to my parents and siblings… My older sister, and the friends that I’ve come out to since have understood and been amazingly supportive, but the rest of my “in the know” family has gone on using my old name and pronouns.

Those things feel like shackles now, and I can’t take it anymore. Does anyone have advice in how to make them take me more seriously on this matter?

Nothing I’ve tried has worked. I want them to stop calling me he, and start calling me Ni. I want to really be me around those I know still love me. Also tips for finding good neutral clothing would be amazing. Thanks all you beautiful people. Muah!

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on February 3rd, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Question: Binding as a Genderqueer person


CJ asks…

What is a good way to start experimenting with chest binding? I’m genderqueer and the only change I’d like to make to my gender expression is to bind my chest.

I was wondering where a good place to start would be?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on January 30th, 2015 at 10:00 am

questions | 6 comments »

Question: Privately funded top surgery in the UK


Elliot CR asks…

Has anyone had top surgery done privately in the UK? I’m looking for surgeons in the London area who are happy with carrying out the procedure privately on non-binary people.

Also, does anyone know if you still need to see a therapist letter beforehand?

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks a lot in advance.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on January 12th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 6 comments »

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