Category: questions


Question: Essentially, I want to know more of what Genderfluid is.


Scarlet asks…

I was born male, and have been since I for 20 years and although I am still young, I have been exposed to thoughts like this at a young age. At the age of seven, not knowing any of this, I was quite comfortable in female attire, as a kid would when playing dress up – though at the time, it seemed a little different to me, it felt strange. Even when I was younger, in kindergarten when we had a dress up day for Halloween, my mother and I had a fight about what I wanted to dress up as, I wanted to be a witch, but she insisted I go as a Native American Indian. I was not at all impressed, I remember not being happy at all for the rest of that day.

Growing up I had experienced a rough patch due to personal issues as to how confused I was sexually, though at the age of ten, I found that I had already categorized myself as a label, without knowing too well of what it meant. So I associated as Gay (Homosexual.) and till this day still saw myself that way.

When I was fourteen, I gathered myself to be the typical flamboyant gay, the stereotype in which most of society and media see homosexuals as. Though the thought had occurred to me when a friend of mine asked if could ever see myself as a girl. I pondered on the thought for a moment till a hesitantly but surely answered no, as I thought at the time I was comfortable with who I am.

At the age of seventeen was when I started to have reoccurring thoughts of myself seen as a woman, even had a friend who started to call me she whilst apologising and forgetting of my standard, current gender. My initial reaction was to say, “Whatever, who cares.” along those lines, yet instead I replied with, “I don’t mind, really it’s okay.” this is when i started to question gender Identity. Sticking to binary confines of society’s way of labelling, I was just known as ‘that gay guy.’ Then the thought occurred, I know that physically I am male, but mentally and psychologically, I am female, it is who I am inside, I can feel it.

Three years onward, I have been struggling, finding myself in the worlds between as I battled with myself on the inside. Twenty years old and I have now only now tried to understand the terms Genderqueer (Which I find to be at this moment.) Bi, Tri and Agendered – but I want to understand more about Genderfluid.
I know I can find myself at two points in the road, and can associate with both female and male aspects of my life, yet I find that I physically do not feel male and instead I find mentally and physically I am at war.
I associate so well to being female, but do not hate some male aspects of myself, such as the genitalia.

I am so confused as to where I might stand and find that expressing my issue to a group my help me on my journey to find myself. I want to make sure I understand all the factors taken in and opinions from others so that I know that my decision is not rushed and or brash.

If anyone could please help me understand this, I am still in the process of learning so much.

Thank you.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on December 20th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: sex, sex education, relationships


hilite asks…

Hi. I am 29 and have been in a monogamous relationship for nearly 10 years. Prior to that I was closeted and had basically no exposure to GSMs (Gender and/or Sexuality Minority) or life as a GSM. I literally had no sex education thanks to my Christian high school in Texas and once in my relationship we just figured things out.

However, things have become complex now. And among the things I need, is some basic sex education that is gender inclusive and queer friendly. Scarleteen is great but I’m married and older and I want a comprehensive sex education, not just a topical one (don’t get me wrong, I love what Scarleteen does – I just need something different).

Dan Savage talks about being “good” at sex, I’d like to learn about that. I’d also like more information about orgasms and other types of pleasure.

And in long tern relationships how do ask for what we want sexually in appropriate, reasonable and effective ways…and what can expect in navigating that conversation?

To what extent is it “ok” to do things outside of your comfort zone in order to meet a partners needs?

Do you have any suggestions?

Thank you in advance.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on December 14th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Question: Coming out as gender fluid


V asks…

What have people’s experiences been when coming out as gender fluid to friends and family? I have only this year after a lifetime of anxiety and dysphoria, come to the phenomenal realisation that this is quite obviously who I am and who I was always meant to be.

However, I am very nervous about telling people about it, because I think it will not be as obvious to them.

It’s not because my friends and family are not accepting and open-minded, they are. But they will still be confused. The thought of gender as a binary concept is still so ingrained in everyone’s minds; I almost feel like it would be easier to come out as trans* because then at least I would kind of be one single definable thing…

The thought of explaining it over and over again to everyone I talk to, with the emotional wounds from 22 years of repression and denial still ripe, feels insurmountable.

How come you haven’t said anything sooner?
How come you didn’t realise sooner?
Are you sure you’re not just exaggerating your tomboyishness?
How are we going to know when you’re a man or a woman?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on December 1st, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: Recent Trans* male realization. Looking for some insight and advice.


Jay asks…

So this is all kind of new to me so I’m going to try do this in a way that’s easy to understand I guess…

I am currently 16 and I was born female.

Recently though I’ve felt really conflicted about my gender, I feel very male on the inside and I keep asking comparing everything to “If I was a guy”

This was actually brought on by my sexual preference, it’s very hard for me to explain but the best way for me to explain it is to say “I’m gay for guys but as a guy.”

Over the time I’ve been thinking about all of this, it’s the best way I can think of to explain how I’m feeling.

I’ve read up on trans* gender and gender dystopia to try gain understanding but I feel like I’m faking it, almost like I’m lying to myself but it feels right at the same time. I don’t know if the feeling is just because of my recent discovery or because I might be wrong but I didn’t even know trans people (besides transvestites) were a real thing until I googled my feelings on this.

I just want to know if this is normal or not because I’m starting to panic about this and I feel gross in my own skin and bras freak me out all of a sudden.

I don’t know if this is some sort of self realization but please any advice or help. ANYTHING at all will be greatly appreciated

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on November 21st, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 5 comments »

Question: Coping with the wrong pronoun?


minefloozle asks…

I’m really sorry to be a downer, but I’m looking for some coping strategies. In the past couple of months I’ve begun slowly telling people that I’d like gender-neutral pronouns (I don’t want to come out on facebook because I’d like to get a job in science research), and while they’ve all been lovely about it, everybody keeps forgetting.

I’m too uncomfortable to correct them–I don’t want to be annoying, and it happens so much!–but it’s gotten to the point where some days I can’t hear the words “she,” “ladies,” etc. at all without feeling sick, no matter who the words are directed towards. How do you deal with casual misgendering?

(I’ve also just recently realized my gender identity, so there’s a lot of internalized doubt there already.)

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on November 17th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Clothes Stores


Monster asks…

Do you have a favorite place to buy gender-neutral clothes? Somewhere that isn’t a hundred dollars for a shirt?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on November 13th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: What am I


Monkey asks…

This may be a bit of a ramble, and may be a little disconnected. I fear my thoughts are a bit disorganized.

I’ve met a woman that identifies as genderqueer and I’m really in to her. Until I met her I hadn’t really heard the term before, but learning about it has made me confront uncertainties I’ve always had.

I don’t know what I am. I always thought you were a man or a woman and that was the end. I am physically a male, I like it that way, I don’t have a problem with being called he or him. But from the day I was born, I was sensitive.

I like guy things, and I like girl things. I quickly learned that liking girl things earned a man nothing but pain. When I was a child I used to wear my mother’s negliges. I got caught once and my father beat me so bad that I am shaking as I type that last sentence, because after 35 years I’m still scared of someone finding out.

I never wanted to be a woman, I just like pretty things. I love cars and weight lifting, and I spent some time training in muay thai. I like helping my friends shop for dresses, not so I can score, but because I love helping to make something beautiful.

I’m sexually attracted to female bodies, but the women I like tend to act more “manly” I wish I knew more gender neutral terms.

I’m a man, but I act too much like a woman or fag to be a man. I don’t want to be a woman.
I don’t know what I am. Some how queer feels right, but do I even have a right to that word. Am I just confused? If I’m genderqueer but outwardly a straight male, do I “come out”?

All I know is I don’t fit. The way women and men are described, or gay and straight, or any of it, I don’t fit.

Please someone tell me what I am.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on November 9th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 6 comments »

Non-traditional labels


Someone wrote…

Part of the fun about being genderqueer is coming up with non-traditional labels. My go-to ones are gendermixed and transqueer (which also take the form of transmixed), but I’m a huge fan of andro-sparkly, gender flexible, gender non-traditional, and sugar masculine.

What are your favourites?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on October 4th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Feminine but not quite?


Izzy asks…

I don’t feel 100% feminine but I don’t really identify as being androgyne, agender or masculine in any way.

It’s fairly hard to express and it’s really only something I’ve started thinking about relatively recently so I’m not sure how my identity will shift or what I’ll end up feeling comfortable referring to myself as.

I regard myself as mostly feminine but it just doesn’t feel quite right – I realise that this falls under the genderqueer umbrella; is there a specific term for individuals who feel the way that I do?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on September 29th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Chest Reconstruction Surgery


Question: Breast Removal Surgery

WolfieKate asks…

I am a 45 year old lady who is, in the main, happy with my lot in life! I am happily married and have 2 great kids. However my life has been affected for the last 30 years in that I have suffered dysphoric reactions to my breasts since puberty. I am OK with being female, just not a very clear female. I think the lines here are vague, I am happy being female but I don’t identify with much that is female culturally or physically especially my chest. Since they grew they have felt completely wrong, like alien objects grafted to me.

I have had counselling galore and I take medication to make me less unhappy. But none of it works. I am so tired of my chest affecting my life so much. It would be so nice to be free. At 45 I feel as if I deserve a break!

I want to find UK surgeon willing to do a chest reconstruction to remove my breasts. If I were looking for a full FTM change it appears this would be possible eventually but as a woman who wants to stay a woman but no breasts apparently it’s just tough. I feel so frustrated. As if society has decided for me that if I am female I must have breasts! I do not know what to do and at my age I am not willing to back down. Does anyone have experience of how I can start approaching this with surgeons or the NHS. Thanks!

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on September 3rd, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 11 comments »

Question: Halting Biology


Monster asks…

I’m a FAAB gendermixed/transqueer and I just can’t deal with getting periods anymore. I can’t keep this up, the regression back into a depressed pit of gender dysphoria every month, then re-learning how to build myself back up.

Going on T isn’t an option.

Going on pills or shots that will trick my body into thinking I’m pregnant isn’t an option. (because enhanced feminine features is the last thing that will make the dysphoria go away)

Are there other alternatives?

Thanks so much. So greatly appreciated! :D

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on September 1st, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 7 comments »

Question: Neutral dress clothes?


Harley asks…

I’m going to my cousin’s wedding soon, and since I’m agender, I’d like to find something fairly androgynous to wear.

Since I’m also DFAB, and have a somewhat feminine face, a suit or men’s dress shirt and tie would probably work alright. However, I would like to find a more androgynous alternative if at all possible.

Do gender-neutral dress clothes exist, and if so, where can I find them?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on August 14th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 4 comments »

How do I discourage being wrongly gendered without being confrontational?


Someone wrote…

I am an FTM. I work in the public school system. I applied to the job and was hired as male…I wear a name tag that clearly reads “MR.” I conform to many male stereotypes (I bind, I have short hair, I wear mens clothing exclusively) Oftentimes, however, I am either referred to with female pronouns among co-workers or they include my presence in terms like “ladies” referring to a group.

How do I discourage these types of experiences without being rude or confrontational?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on July 21st, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 5 comments »

Question: Longer hairstyles for Genderqueer people


Sophia/James asks…

Hello! I have been considering getting my hair cut short to look more, well, genderqueer. It’s pretty difficult trying to convince others that I don’t identify as one gender, and I still haven’t succeeded, but I probably won’t be respected like that so easily since I’m only thirteen.
I’ve noticed that a lot of genderfluid individuals have short hair, and I’m sure anyone can see why that is convenient.

However, I’m curious to know if there are any longer hairstyles out there that would show me to be more visibly genderqueer? I’m not opposed to having it cut short to look more androgynous, but I still want to know what’s best for me.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on July 13th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: What should I change my name to?


Kayla (for now) asks…

I’d really like to change my name. I have a very feminine name (Kayla) and when I (try to) present as anything other than female, I find the name kind of holds me back.

I’m not out yet to anyone and I’d like to have everything figured out (like what pronouns and name I feel the most comfortable with) before I come out to lessen the confusion. I’d like to use either a gender neutral name or a guys name.

If any of you could give any name suggestions that would be great. I already looked at a bunch of baby name websites and picked out a few, but I’m still not sure.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on July 5th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 13 comments »

Question: The reflexive form of singular They


Someone asks…

I use they/them/their pronouns, and being a bit of a grammar nut, I need to know what the reflexive form of singular they is. “Themselves” sounds waaaaaaay too plural, and “themself” sounds really grammatically incorrect.

I guess I need other people’s opinions on this to allow myself to use “themself” without cringing.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on June 27th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 7 comments »

Question: German gender-neutral language


Someone asks…

Does anyone have any information on gender-neutral language/pronouns in German?

I’m about to move to Berlin for a year, and I’m not happy about the idea of having to gender myself by using masculine or feminine nouns, or my friends by using masculine or feminine pronouns.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on June 19th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 8 comments »

Question: binding


Jace asks…

Hi, my breasts are set very low on my chest + I bought a binder that’s just a bit too big (I’m in between sizes and I figured going big would be better and less damaging), and as such, my breasts usually … fall out of the binding area. Because of that, I usually wind up “binding down” and I’ve read that that can hurt and damage your breast tissue + it hurts my breasts.

So I was wondering, is there any way to “lift” my breasts up inside the binder so I don’t wind up binding down? I try to fix it by laying down and pulling my breasts up and towards the side while in the binder, and it lasts for a little bit until I have to move my arms/chest around too much.

Thanks!

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on June 13th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: Gender Neutral Language Issues?


Syd asks…

I am just beginning to discover my gender identity and I’m leaning towards identifying as somewhere around gender fluid and using they/them pronouns for now (FAAB).
I requested that my closest friend use they/them pronouns for me and she swore up and down that those pronouns are plural and she can’t use them because it won’t make sense. Is there any way I can show her that my pronouns are in fact correct?

Also, I have a terrible habit of calling everyone “girl” all the time, and I have so many non binary friends that it’s becoming problematic. Not to mention that I need to provide my friends with an alternative so that they stop calling me “girl” as well.
But what can I replace it with? I’m 19, so I want to keep it young and very casual without being gender biased.

Any help would be so appreciated! x

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on June 7th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 7 comments »

Question: I admitted to my bf that I’m bi, but how can I admit that I’m androgynous? What if this really is just a phase?


Olli asks…

Recently I’ve come to terms with both my sexuality and my gender identity. Androgyny just feels so right, and I feel it as a huge weight in my chest that needs to be indulged. I want to buy boy clothes and I can’t stop thinking about the life I want to live as androgynous.

If I was single it wouldn’t be a problem.

But I’m not.

I’m with a cis straight guy and I like him so much, maybe even love him. It took me a long time to finally tell him I was bi, and he took that fairly well. When he asked me if there was any other bomb I needed to drop, I was too afraid to admit my gender identity. I love spending time with him; there’s so much I want to do with him, and I’m afraid that if I indulge my androgyny I could scare him away.

I feel like if I told him, he would try to accept it because he wouldn’t want to lose me. But as time goes on, I’m sure he’ll realize it isn’t want he wants.

If he would accept my androgyny and we would be together, I would be so happy. If we’re friends I would be so glad, though sad that things couldn’t have gone differently. But if I lost him completely I would be so devastated.

I don’t want my true self to be rejected. Besides, what if I’m wrong? What if this really is a phase? I could ruin something great by indulging in something that might not even last my whole life.

This uncertainty and suppression torments my soul.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on June 3rd, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 4 comments »

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