Jacob asks…

I don’t find many posts about conflict in employment or the workplace on this site. I am a gender queer male, and while I am closeted against my will to my friends and family, which is constantly heartbreaking, my real struggles come from my employers.

I currently work at a company that is so bigoted they won’t even allow me to wear earrings-because I am technically a male. Thus makeup, fingernail polish, etc. is severely out of the question.

I’m trying to relocate to a friendlier town, but will more than likely be employed in the construction/manufacturing industry- a field where my true self exposed could lead to violence, or unemployment. I’m just curious how others have struggled, succeeded, or failed in obtaining and maintaining their jobs in our (sadly) rigid and hostile environment.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Kurt asks…

I know that there are gender neutral pronouns for the more fluid of us, but I was wondering, are there any gender neutral parental names? As in a word my kid would use one day to address me instead of saying mom or dad.
I’ve considered just letting the child decide what they would prefer to call me, which sounds nice, but honestly I’m not sure if I’d be comfortable with either titles.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Lain asks…

I used to act in stage plays back when I was Cis presenting. I would love to get back involved in shows, but now as a masculine presenting gq woman I am cautious to get back involved. Which gendered parts do I audition for? While I would probably feel more comfortable in a masculine role, my voice sounds less than masculine and costuming could get to be quite interesting as I have a very feminine body type under all the men’s clothing. I have faced this dilemma in contemplating going back into dance as well.

I guess what it will come down to is me auditioning to whichever roles I feel drawn to regardless of gender and just go for it.

Has anyone ever been through similar situations? Anyone have advice?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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GrideBroom asks…

I need a wedding outfit that looks like the product of a David Bowie and Dolce&Gabbana collaboration.

I know I don’t want a dress and I don’t want a men’s suit. I purchased a white women’s suit that is fitted that I’m happy with, but I need something to go under it. I like the top half of a lot of wedding dresses but I don’t like the dress part.

Does anyone know where I can find clothing that looks formal but has a punk edge and is somewhat gender neutral? I’m starting to think I will have to design it myself.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Wiley asks…

Does anyone know of an androphilic version of the gender identity “boi?” I know that the identity is rather unique to the lesbian and transmasculine community, and that desire is a fairly integral part of the identity, so I’m not even sure this word would have such a cousin. I was just wondering if there is an androphilic counter part floating around which I haven’t heard of.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Aurora asks…

As I’m sure many of you have heard in the news, recently a transwoman convict was granted a gender reassignment surgery. From what I understand of the situation, this is being paid for by the state because she is in prison, and someone I know on Facebook stated that she didn’t think this was right because the surgery wasn’t fixing a condition that was “life-threatening.” I disagree with this, and I cited the suicide and hate crime rates in the trans community. What are some (constructive) thoughts and opinions on this debate, and what are some ways to counter the “gender reassignment surgery isn’t fixing a life-threatening condition” argument?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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[Editor's note: This question may be referring to this news.]

cenozoic asks…

I’m a genderqueer-transmasculine person and I’m looking to travel overseas for an extended period. What countries are embracing of gender variant people? What countries should be avoided?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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asks…

I’m applying for jobs for the first time since coming out as gender queer (I worked for the same company for the past five years, but I recently moved).
I have a hard time knowing how to dress and/or present myself for interviews. I want to be myself and get hired at a company that will accept me, but all my straight/cis friends tell me I need to “dress like a girl” or “try to look normal” if I want anyone to hire me.
Any advice?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Velebita asks…

Most androgynous clothing skews towards the masculine. I’m trying to work out some new ways to go in the other direction (I’m a designer working on a fashion collection/art project.) Specifically, if you have or have wanted to shift towards a more feminine presentation, what would the perfect garment look like?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Someone asks…

Has anyone come out at their place of employment as non-binary (genderqueer, androgyne, etc)? If so, how did you do it and how was it received? Did you ask for different pronouns?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Someone asks…

I’ve wanted to change my name to something more gender neutral my entire life. As a kid I always asked to be called by different boys’ names. Now that I’ve grown up, I’ve lost the courage to ask that of my peers. How do I even start to socially transition to a new name?

Please post your response in the comments below.

>>Ask Genderfork<<

Someone wrote…

How can I continue to be a Dad and become the woman I feel I am?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

My partner likes crossdressing, which is awesome and sexy and empowering and wonderful. But my partner only wants to be seen as one gender or the other, to pass in either direction. I want to be allowed to love and embrace the spaces in between, but they find those parts – those points where there’s neither perfectly male nor perfectly female – really disorienting and unfitting and weird and not what they want to see. What do I do?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

How do you navigate aggressively gendered spaces, like gym locker rooms? I want to get in shape and work out, but no gym near me has a single-stall bathroom.
I’d just exercise outside but sometimes it’s cold, rainy, etc. I can pass in street clothes, but to work out you generally wear less and need to breathe.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Someone wrote…

I’m transmasculine, in the process of transitioning. I’ve recently found that in bed, I really dislike gendered language and names (both anatomy and personal). Does anyone have ideas/suggestions for body part/pet names that are gender neutral?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

John Moore asks…

Could people recommend any novels featuring genderqueer characters or themes? Thank you :D

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Karen asks…

I utterly belong to this community. I am in my 50′s and would like to meet androgynous, gender-ambiguous people of similar maturity (whose day-to-day experience is closer to mine than the 20-something year olds featured here who all seem quite wonderful–just very, well, young).
Where do I go?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Wiley asks…

Hey there!

It’s already July, and as usual, I am scrambling around trying to come up with genderneutral/genderbending Halloween costume inspiration. (I am pretty crafty, so I usually start early and go all-out.) I could go as something trite like a ghost or a skeleton, but those are very run-of-the-mill. I could also stick to the staples of going as a concept/item like a bunch of grapes, but I am sick of being inanimate objects/concepts to avoid being strictly a man or a woman; just because I want a neutral costume doesn’t mean I am less of a person.

Anybody got ideas?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Anonymous asks…

I am studying abroad in London this fall, and I was wondering what the atmosphere is like for someone who is blatantly gender nonconforming. Are people generally accepting/ambivalent? What’s the public restroom situation like? Are there any places I should avoid going unless I’m passing either way really well?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Riley asks…

What does it mean when someone doesn’t feel like they match their gender do to sexual inexperience? I’m 25 and a male-bodied virgin. I’ve had sex with boys. I’ve enjoyed it. As a child I enjoyed dressing up as a girl, fantasized about being a girl and in some cases being the female heroine in cartoons geared towards girls (sailor moon). I still desire and occasionally dress as a girl now (in secret).

Everyone I know says there is nothing inherently feminine about me. That I come off as a complete guy. My lack of sexual experience makes me feel different. I feel huge amounts of anxiety even thinking about approaching women. I don’t even know if I would like sex with a girl.

Sometimes I think I am a girl. Other times I’m not sure. When I’m angry or upset is the only time I identify as having “male” qualities. I don’t know what to do. I sometimes wonder if I have a gender at all… Has anyone else ever felt like this? What does this mean?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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