Category: questions


Question: Chest Reconstruction Surgery


Question: Breast Removal Surgery

WolfieKate asks…

I am a 45 year old lady who is, in the main, happy with my lot in life! I am happily married and have 2 great kids. However my life has been affected for the last 30 years in that I have suffered dysphoric reactions to my breasts since puberty. I am OK with being female, just not a very clear female. I think the lines here are vague, I am happy being female but I don’t identify with much that is female culturally or physically especially my chest. Since they grew they have felt completely wrong, like alien objects grafted to me.

I have had counselling galore and I take medication to make me less unhappy. But none of it works. I am so tired of my chest affecting my life so much. It would be so nice to be free. At 45 I feel as if I deserve a break!

I want to find UK surgeon willing to do a chest reconstruction to remove my breasts. If I were looking for a full FTM change it appears this would be possible eventually but as a woman who wants to stay a woman but no breasts apparently it’s just tough. I feel so frustrated. As if society has decided for me that if I am female I must have breasts! I do not know what to do and at my age I am not willing to back down. Does anyone have experience of how I can start approaching this with surgeons or the NHS. Thanks!

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on September 3rd, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 6 comments »

Question: Halting Biology


Monster asks…

I’m a FAAB gendermixed/transqueer and I just can’t deal with getting periods anymore. I can’t keep this up, the regression back into a depressed pit of gender dysphoria every month, then re-learning how to build myself back up.

Going on T isn’t an option.

Going on pills or shots that will trick my body into thinking I’m pregnant isn’t an option. (because enhanced feminine features is the last thing that will make the dysphoria go away)

Are there other alternatives?

Thanks so much. So greatly appreciated! :D

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on September 1st, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 7 comments »

Question: Neutral dress clothes?


Harley asks…

I’m going to my cousin’s wedding soon, and since I’m agender, I’d like to find something fairly androgynous to wear.

Since I’m also DFAB, and have a somewhat feminine face, a suit or men’s dress shirt and tie would probably work alright. However, I would like to find a more androgynous alternative if at all possible.

Do gender-neutral dress clothes exist, and if so, where can I find them?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on August 14th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 4 comments »

How do I discourage being wrongly gendered without being confrontational?


Someone wrote…

I am an FTM. I work in the public school system. I applied to the job and was hired as male…I wear a name tag that clearly reads “MR.” I conform to many male stereotypes (I bind, I have short hair, I wear mens clothing exclusively) Oftentimes, however, I am either referred to with female pronouns among co-workers or they include my presence in terms like “ladies” referring to a group.

How do I discourage these types of experiences without being rude or confrontational?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on July 21st, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 5 comments »

Question: Longer hairstyles for Genderqueer people


Sophia/James asks…

Hello! I have been considering getting my hair cut short to look more, well, genderqueer. It’s pretty difficult trying to convince others that I don’t identify as one gender, and I still haven’t succeeded, but I probably won’t be respected like that so easily since I’m only thirteen.
I’ve noticed that a lot of genderfluid individuals have short hair, and I’m sure anyone can see why that is convenient.

However, I’m curious to know if there are any longer hairstyles out there that would show me to be more visibly genderqueer? I’m not opposed to having it cut short to look more androgynous, but I still want to know what’s best for me.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on July 13th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: What should I change my name to?


Kayla (for now) asks…

I’d really like to change my name. I have a very feminine name (Kayla) and when I (try to) present as anything other than female, I find the name kind of holds me back.

I’m not out yet to anyone and I’d like to have everything figured out (like what pronouns and name I feel the most comfortable with) before I come out to lessen the confusion. I’d like to use either a gender neutral name or a guys name.

If any of you could give any name suggestions that would be great. I already looked at a bunch of baby name websites and picked out a few, but I’m still not sure.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on July 5th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 10 comments »

Question: The reflexive form of singular They


Someone asks…

I use they/them/their pronouns, and being a bit of a grammar nut, I need to know what the reflexive form of singular they is. “Themselves” sounds waaaaaaay too plural, and “themself” sounds really grammatically incorrect.

I guess I need other people’s opinions on this to allow myself to use “themself” without cringing.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 27th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 7 comments »

Question: German gender-neutral language


Someone asks…

Does anyone have any information on gender-neutral language/pronouns in German?

I’m about to move to Berlin for a year, and I’m not happy about the idea of having to gender myself by using masculine or feminine nouns, or my friends by using masculine or feminine pronouns.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 19th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 8 comments »

Question: binding


Jace asks…

Hi, my breasts are set very low on my chest + I bought a binder that’s just a bit too big (I’m in between sizes and I figured going big would be better and less damaging), and as such, my breasts usually … fall out of the binding area. Because of that, I usually wind up “binding down” and I’ve read that that can hurt and damage your breast tissue + it hurts my breasts.

So I was wondering, is there any way to “lift” my breasts up inside the binder so I don’t wind up binding down? I try to fix it by laying down and pulling my breasts up and towards the side while in the binder, and it lasts for a little bit until I have to move my arms/chest around too much.

Thanks!

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 13th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: Gender Neutral Language Issues?


Syd asks…

I am just beginning to discover my gender identity and I’m leaning towards identifying as somewhere around gender fluid and using they/them pronouns for now (FAAB).
I requested that my closest friend use they/them pronouns for me and she swore up and down that those pronouns are plural and she can’t use them because it won’t make sense. Is there any way I can show her that my pronouns are in fact correct?

Also, I have a terrible habit of calling everyone “girl” all the time, and I have so many non binary friends that it’s becoming problematic. Not to mention that I need to provide my friends with an alternative so that they stop calling me “girl” as well.
But what can I replace it with? I’m 19, so I want to keep it young and very casual without being gender biased.

Any help would be so appreciated! x

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 7th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 6 comments »

Question: I admitted to my bf that I’m bi, but how can I admit that I’m androgynous? What if this really is just a phase?


Olli asks…

Recently I’ve come to terms with both my sexuality and my gender identity. Androgyny just feels so right, and I feel it as a huge weight in my chest that needs to be indulged. I want to buy boy clothes and I can’t stop thinking about the life I want to live as androgynous.

If I was single it wouldn’t be a problem.

But I’m not.

I’m with a cis straight guy and I like him so much, maybe even love him. It took me a long time to finally tell him I was bi, and he took that fairly well. When he asked me if there was any other bomb I needed to drop, I was too afraid to admit my gender identity. I love spending time with him; there’s so much I want to do with him, and I’m afraid that if I indulge my androgyny I could scare him away.

I feel like if I told him, he would try to accept it because he wouldn’t want to lose me. But as time goes on, I’m sure he’ll realize it isn’t want he wants.

If he would accept my androgyny and we would be together, I would be so happy. If we’re friends I would be so glad, though sad that things couldn’t have gone differently. But if I lost him completely I would be so devastated.

I don’t want my true self to be rejected. Besides, what if I’m wrong? What if this really is a phase? I could ruin something great by indulging in something that might not even last my whole life.

This uncertainty and suppression torments my soul.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on June 3rd, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 4 comments »

Question: How do I ask not to be referred to in this way?


someone asks…

Lately, some of my coworkers, when addressing another female coworker and I, have been addressing us as “ladies”.

Some days I don’t even notice but other days it gets on my nerves. I’m not really “out” with my gender and don’t want to be. How do I ask not to be referred to in this way?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on May 30th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 4 comments »

Question: Nipple Piercings and Binding


someone asks…

I’m contemplating getting a nipple piercing, but I also wear a binder on and off, and I’m concerned that I won’t be able to do so while it’s healing. Does anyone know if this is possible/have any experience of what wearing a binder with a piercing is like?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «


Posted by on May 22nd, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: shaving legs


Rusty asks…

I consider myself female but agender, and I don’t like shaving my legs because it brings up a lot of negative memories about my body being gendered and objectified. I also don’t like having hairy legs because I get publicly ridiculed and hairy legs remind me of the same thing shaved legs do.

Does anyone else have this issue? I’m kind of obsessed and constantly uncomfortable.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on May 6th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 6 comments »

Question: They?


Boink asks…

I know that the best practice with regards to pronouns is to ask the person in question which pronoun to use or avoid using pronouns altogether. That being said, I have noticed (in my very limited experience) that “they” is quickly becoming the de-facto standard gender-neutral third-person pronoun in the English language.

Seemingly few people object to using “I” and “you” respectively as the standard gender-neutral first- and second-person pronouns, so I was wondering what people’s thoughts were on “they”.

Would anyone disagree with being referred to as “they”?

Are there any disadvantages to adopting “they” as a standard part of the language, similar to “I” and “you”, and being done with the issue of third-person pronouns?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on May 2nd, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 5 comments »

Question: Birth control and T


Vinegar asks…

I’m not FTM, but I am genderqueer. I would like to take testosterone, or natural
t-boosters/estrogen suppressors for the secondary masculine sexual characteristics, but I’m on birth control. I can find NO experiences online to help me figure out if that is even possible.

Does anybody have any experience with this? (Discontinuing birth control is not an option, currently.)

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 24th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 7 comments »

Question: Explaining the FtM Feeling


PeaceLoveTriathlon asks…

What’s a good way to explain the ‘FtM’ feeling? When someone asks, I say that I feel as if I’m trapped in the wrong body,and feel I should have been born a man, but they just get really confused. All ideas very much appreciated. Thanks!

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 10th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 6 comments »

Question: What books were meaningful for you?


Em asks…

My 2-year-old asked her teacher today, “are you a boy or a girl?” I love this time of wondering, of truly not assuming. Sadly, it will be brief. I want to teach her about gender, but the books are all binary (“every boy has a penis” etc).

Toddlers need a place to start, they’re laying a foundation…

how do I teach her the grey? Can I start with black and white? What books were meaningful for you?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on April 2nd, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Does anyone have any experience with gender-openness in ‘Bear’ bars?


Someone wrote…

To expound, I’m a FAAB (female-assigned-at-birth) ambigender genderqueer (meaning I identify as in-between/a blend of male and female), who also identifies as part of the “bear” community – I’m chubby, (very) furry, kind of boyish, and love men (I mean, I love all genders, including men, lol).
I’ve also historically gotten along with men who identify as bears.

But sadly GQ/transphobia is not limited to heteronormativity – there are some lesbian, gay, and bisexual cis-folk who see gender-variance as a PITA, or worse, setting back the gay rights movement with its sheer absurdity (sad, but I’ve heard it).

So riddle me this: I’m new to Seattle, and the Capitol Hill region is pretty rife with bear culture, and, thusly, bear bars. I’d love to stop in, make some bear-friends (and, ideally, more, but not holding my breath…), and bear-it-up, but would my outward female-ish(?)-ness cast me as a ‘goldilocks’ (a colloquialism for female-friends-of-bears), or would I just come off as an impostor/intruder/wannabe?

Does this question make any sense?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on March 22nd, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions, your voice | 3 comments »

Question: Boyfriend starting T, causing him to pull away!


Julia asks…

I’m currently dating a wonderful FTM guy who is about to start taking testosterone. Things have been going great! I fully support him and he appreciates it. However, two weeks ago, he made his official appointments to start T and ever since then he has been pulling back a lot.

He’ll get stressed, and normal “mushy” behaviours that are usual for us will make him all of the sudden feel pressure, when before, he was definitely the more romantically aggressive one.

He says he’s not sure what’s up but it started when he made those appointments and things got “real” for him. He also says he worries about changes with him to come and doesn’t want our relationship to sour bc of it and have that bad association with his T process. Up until now though, we’ve had no issues and his fears have been the only thing to CAUSE any issues. However, when I say I understand and I’ll give him some space, he flips and is back to being overly mushy again. A few days later, it’s a 180 flip the other way and back again. The recurring cycle hurts me and is hard bc I feel like must walk on eggshells bc I never know how he will react.

Has anyone experienced this? Is it really stress due to start T? Will it pass? What can I do to help? Should I just let him alone and just be a friend?
Thanks!

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on March 17th, 2014 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

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