Category: questions


Surgery without T in Germany


LordValdi asks…

Hello. (Here is the excuse for bad English)

I’m a fifteen year old person from Germany. I say person, because I had much confusion and denial with my gender identity. I came out in my school as a ftm, but now I am questioning.

It’s not that I want to be female, but that I feel somewhere else in the spectrum, like agender for example.

My therapist isn’t a great help and since I’m desperate I wanted to ask for advice here.

The main problem is, that here in Germany you can’t undergo any surgery at all without

1.Straightly identifying as male/female
2.Going on T.

Transsexuality is seen as a disease here, and if you identify as anything else, it’s seen as unnecessary to get any medication.
Not that these identities aren’t respected, they sure are, but for people like me, who experience (for example) breast dysphoria, it is kind of a problem. I own a binder, but it presses to strong on my heart, where I have health problems (more below).

I could simply go on T and get the surgery later on, since I came out as ftm, but that (for now) just feels wrong, like a betray to the community even. Also Testosterone would be a danger for my health, since I already have a disease to be taken care of, not to mention all the side effects of the medication I am taking.

In 2017, there is supposed to be a change in law, that changes the law around seeing Transsexuality as a disease but right now my main goal is to get breast surgery, and nothing else. For years I just want them to go away. But how can I get surgery here?

Is this a question anyone can answer?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on February 11th, 2016 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Trying To Be Fem at Seven A.M.


Joel asks…

I am gender fluid. Slowly (but surly) coming out to people. Over the summer I decided to take some big leaps, such as cutting 16 inches off of my hair and donating it. And then shaving one side. I love the hair cut, especially how on my more masculine days I can flip it and look like a flipping male model.

My parents are really liberal (Thank the god I don’t believe in) so I know that when I come around to coming out to them, it’ll be no big deal. So that is not what I am here to ask about.

Seeing as I am gender fluid, some days I feel girly. But with short hair…. well, lets just say it would be cool if I could switch the length at the snap of a fingers every now and then.

I know of plenty of ways to look more feminine on my feminine days, but it all takes a lot of effort. I don’t do well at waking up on time for school the way it is. Let alone 2 hours early for make up and clothes. So what this really long rant really comes down to, is if anyone know of some really easy, quick ways to look more girly with short hair when I have 10 minutes to get out the door and can hardly stand?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on February 3rd, 2016 at 08:00 am

questions | 5 comments »

Question: Binder bulges: this binder doesn’t work?


Elliot asks…

Hi!
I just (finally) got my first binder, a 988. I’m not sure whether I’m wearing it wrong, or it’s the wrong size, or my expectations were out of line but it doesn’t seem to work.

But all the pictures I’ve seen of people wearing one show it really flattening their chests. Even with pushing down and out I either feel like I’m wearing a pushup bra, or I get weird bulges all over the place.

What am I doing wrong? Help?

Yours dysphorically.

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on January 28th, 2016 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Is it Okay?


Someone wrote…

Is it okay to get angry after dealing with people not going with your prefered** gender for a long time?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on January 23rd, 2016 at 08:00 am

questions, your voice | 3 comments »

Question: Confused and feeling alone


asks…

I’m not quite sure what I’m feeling currently and it’s really stressful. I have 2 friends that are trans and they recently got binders. I support them 100% but when they told me about getting binders, I got EXTREMELY jealous of them and I don’t know why. I’ve been born a girl and have always been one but after feeling that jealous, I’ve been questioning myself. My gender and sexuality. I’m not sure if maybe I could be trans or what but this feeling won’t leave me alone and I don’t know what to do…

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on January 20th, 2016 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Question: Will binding effect breastfeeding?


asks…

If I bind will I still be able to breastfeed in the future?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on January 16th, 2016 at 08:00 am

questions | Comment »

Question: Androgynous CIS?


Shortstack asks…

So I have a strong wanting to be androgynous. But like I don’t want cosmetic surgery or anything like that. I just like the idea of wearing male clothing, but I can’t really try that because of my mom and the money. I’m female, and I’m happy being female, but I still want to look male sometimes…I don’t like feel male, I always feel femme and I’m perfectly fine with that. I just don’t know what I am if I’m happy being a female and identifying cis, but yet still wanting to possibly look and dress like a male? My sexuality isn’t in question, but I guess my gender? I just don’t know and am very confused as to what I classify as. Androgynous Cis girl???

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on January 6th, 2016 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: Dilemma!!


Katie asks…

Ok.. so my names Katie and. I think I might be trans??

I’ve always been known as ‘acting like a dude’ and stuff, and in the past year my closet has been filling up more and more with guys clothes too! I like looking and feeling masculine. I really don’t like having boobs either. Sometimes if say, I’m wearing a swimsuit and it flattens my chest it makes me feel a lot more confident. I’m still sort of confused because I might just be an confused tomboy. To be honest I’d much rather be a guy, cis-passing and everything. The one thing I’m not interested is surgery and proper realignment (excluding top surgery!). I’m worried that because of that I can’t be a ‘real’ trans guy, or a guy at all for that matter.

(Also I don’t think I could ever fit a masculine name for myself!) I’m only 13. So is it just better to wait and just see what happens?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on December 26th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 3 comments »

Question: Am I just settling?


Taylor/Emma asks…

So, I decided I am a transgender male about a year or two ago. I also came to the conclusion that transitioning is not for me.

I’m married to an amazing wife, and I also decided to hang up wearing dresses for her. I really loved it, but may have came up with a better solution.

Instead of my constant dialogue of “oh, I wish I were a woman.” I now tell myself that I actually am I woman. I’m male too, but most importantly I am female.

But I was just wondering, is this silly? Am I just fooling myself into being happy or something?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on December 22nd, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Question: Agender??


Lunar heart asks…

Hello! So I was confused for a while about my gender identity. I went through thinking I was Demi-girl, to gender fluid but I’ve come to realise I don’t ever fluctuate in my feelings or masculinity and femininity, or lack thereof. I feel as though I’m in the middle not attached to either binary gender. Does this sound as though I am agender?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on December 21st, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Who Said My Name? (Nobody Yet)


Riley Aiden Alexandr asks…

Ok so I’ll be starting my junior year of high school in the fall. I’m genderfluid and I’ve figured out my preferred name – so happy! – but I need advice on dealing with people.

How do I ask people to call me Riley if they’ve known me as Sarah for two years already?

Also, is there a way for me to ask teachers to call me Riley, without them mentioning it to my parents? I don’t want my parents to know; they don’t even believe in genderfluidity.

And any advice on coming out to my boyfriend would also be appreciated.

Hugs, kisses, and pronouns! xx Riley

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on December 17th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Narrowing It Down


Someone wrote…

I am 14. Can someone who knows a bit more about gender and sexuality narrow this down for me? If so, much appreciated. So…

I am transmasculine (I feel slightly male, but not wholly), but also identify as another gender. Labelling myself as also Agender sounds incorrect to me. I feel as if I DO have a gender, but it is not male nor female, but yes, I DO feel like I’m teetering on the edge of the male-side of things.

So, maybe third-gendered, or I’m a Demiguy?

Also, I like to dress very androgynously, and like to keep people questioning if I’m male or female. I would feel very flattered if someone mistook me for a male, and I would feel understanding if someone mistook me for female, but anyone who straight up said “You are a man” or “You are a woman”, would make me feel uncomfortable.

And, lastly, since I am not male or female, I would not refer to myself as straight or gay. Though rare, I can be attracted to a cis, straight male, but I strongly prefer an androgynous person: Long hair, soft spoken, feminine features, but still born a male, and with a shapeless, male-like body. Preferably, someone like early 1970’s Robert Plant. Haha.

Anyway, is this a type of sexuality?

So, sorry for the rambling. Many thanks to whoever decides to help.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?


Posted by on December 12th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions, your voice | 3 comments »

Question: What would you call me?


androgynous indie rock weirdo asks…

Hello Genderfork Community,

I am pretty confused about what I ‘am’ and would love some feedback on this. I was born a male and have mostly just dated females. Most of these women have been mostly identified as lesbian. I have had a few relationships with trans women mtf and or androgynous to the butch side of women. I am very attracted to masculine women ftm, or just butch ness in general. In 99% of all of my relationships with people I’ve often been considered the more feminine caretaker of the two of us (a few times 3) but am not interested in dressing femme although I have a few times for partners as they were more into it than me – I’m willing to play with that but I’m not so much into chasing that particular individual gender role. Make sense? Sometimes I feel like a female mentally but would not like to visually look like one as androgyny is more who I am.

As an artist I’m mostly into female identified and created work as an influence on my own. I don’t have very many male friends and or influences.

What would you label me? Some of this I have not told anyone else and am a bit (very) confused.

Thanks for listening to me,

Androgynous indie rock weirdo

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on December 11th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | Comment »

Question: Birth Control & Dysphoria


Tove asks…

I’m a non-binary AFAB person with an angry reproductive system. This week I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst, then referred to a gynecologist who thinks that I’m not responding well to the Nexplanon progestin implant I’ve been using for birth control for the past two years.

Taking the daily pill triggered my dysphoria, and I’m afraid of the side effects of copper IUDs and the Depo Provera injection. I’m in pain right now, but my quality of life has been better overall since moving from the pill to the implant.

Would any period-having folks mind sharing their experiences with birth control? What works best for you? How do you balance reproductive health and mental/emotional health?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on December 5th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 6 comments »

Question: Underwear


Gabriel asks…

Hi there!

I identify and have recently begun to come out as agender. I am male and have trouble picking out underwear. I’m wondering if you have any recommendations for websites or stores that sell more “femmy” or feminine underwear for males? Or maybe something that helps bind your bulge (rather than enunciate it).

Thanks so much!

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on December 1st, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Coming Out… again


Matthew/Melisa asks…

So, back in July of 2015 I came out to my mom. She’s the first person in my family I’ve told that I was gender-fluid. I kinda bungled the explanation, and asked her not to tell anyone else. But, as of now, it’s been almost 3 months, and she hasn’t said a word to me about it. The house is emptying, since my sister went to college and my brothers moved out. I want to bring it up again, because now that the house is empty I can crossdress, at least around the house, without fear of consequence, but my clothing options are limited to what my sister has left behind and what my trans friend has that fits me. My mom said she would support me, so is there any way for me to bring up being Gender-Fluid again without shoving it in her face? Or should I just wait another year before I go off to college?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on November 27th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Help with what to come out to mum as.


Kay asks…

Hi, I’m Kay and I’m confused as hell.

I’m a female makeup artist, who thinks I’m like 70/30 female to male. Maybe less male, maybe more. Maybe labels like Female and Male don’t matter and are a contrived notion. But I love being female, I love my curves and my girls and giggling with them about men and sex…but I also feel there’s a healthy side order of male living in here too. Maybe everyone has that but I’m not so I’ve yet to find a label I think fits my situation, and I guess that’s why I’m here, to learn more from you beautiful enlightened people about gender and what I am.

I’ve been openly bisexual since 18 with my friends, haven’t told my family because I’ve never had to, it’s none of their business and they wouldn’t care. If and when I fall in love with a woman I’ll tell them. My mum brought me up to believe love is love so I know it wouldn’t be an issue. “Mum I occasionally like to sleep with women” isn’t really a conversation I’ve felt the need to have though. Although it’s probably about time.

Just needed to say all this to someone really. I want to talk to my mum about it but I just wish I had a clear thing I could say mum I’m this ….

She’d be able to understand that. She’s a liberal hippy at heart. I guess I’m worried that explaining it the way I just have to you all would make it sound a bit wishy washy airy fairy, when actually it’s been on my mind a lot recently. It’s something I need her to understand. But how can she when I don’t?

I feel a bit silly asking about this really, when there are so many out there facing real struggles and facing danger. It kind of feels like a stupid problem, but it’s me ya know? Who I feel I am inside. I’m close with my mum. I tell her most things. I want her to know me. The I’m bisexual part will be so much easier because it’s a clear label she gets. She supports the lgbt community.

I’m rambling. Sorry.

You’re all strong, beautiful and awesome sauce.

I’d like to buy you all a pint x

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on November 17th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

Question: Do I sound like I’m demifluid?


Someone asks…

Hi. I have been exploring my sexual and romantic orientation and have finally settled that I am aroace.

I decided I would explore my gender too. I was born female. I don’t really feel female or feminine often. But I don’t really feel male or masculine… but I do randomly feel like dressing up or down. I don’t really care that I’m called “she” but sometimes I do have top dysphoria.

I am thinking that I’m demifluid. Does that sound right?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on November 11th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | Comment »

Question: How can I cope with close people coming out before me?


asks…

My friend came out as trans out of the blue and just before I wanted to, so now I feel like if I come out people will think I’m copying them. How do I cope with coming out when others around me are as well?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on November 7th, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 2 comments »

Question: Appearing Androgynous


Alexa/ Alex asks…

Is there a way to make myself androgynous without cutting my hair short and wearing very masculine clothing?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on November 3rd, 2015 at 08:00 am

questions | 1 comment »

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