YourQuestioningAlly asks…

I really enjoy complimenting people on how they look. But, I’m always slightly afraid of saying the wrong thing when trying to compliment an androgynous person. Should I use “beautiful” or “handsome,” are there gender neutral compliments I could use, or should I just compliment people on their style?

I just really like making people feel good about themselves and don’t want to make them feel awkward while I’m trying to do it. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Dezu asks…

I’m frustrated by my lack of knowledge on intersex issues. What are some quality resources I could access?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Anonymous asks…

Is it possible to have a physical relationship while battling dysphoria with one’s own body? I’m worried that even if I find someone I like who doesn’t mind my body, my own fears and discomforts will get in the way.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Bam asks…

I identify as female since that is what I have been doing my whole life, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve started to realize that it’s not quite what I want. I don’t want to push people to switch back and forth between male and female pronouns depending on how I feel, and I was wondering what alternatives or compromises I can make with others?

There is, also, the major issue of my parents. They have been very, very supportive of my sexuality. I came out to them as a lesbian years ago, and my parents have been nothing but happy for me. But whenever it comes to my gender, it’s a bit tricky. I predominantly dress as a male. I wear boxers, my pants sag occasionally, and I try to carry myself male. My mother hates it. She insists that I was born a girl and asks me with concern in her voice if I think I’m a man.

How would I go about explaining this to them lightly and in a way they can understand? Even if my parents are understanding, accepting people, the gender thing seems to freak my mother out.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Mara asks…

How do I answer questions about the fact that I recently started wearing a binder? I don’t really want to explain because that gets really personal really quickly. Any advice to avoid answering without being rude?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Dezu asks…

I was recently working a position that required me to speak to people over the phone. At one point I addressed someone as “ma’am,” only to realize they were biologically male. After stumbling over myself apologizing, it hit me that it was kind of ludicrous and hypocritical for me to be using “sir” and “ma’am,” with how much I try not to make any assumptions (especially binary) about people’s gender.

That being the context, does anyone in this lovely community have any ideas or experiences relating to circumventing this issue, either with alternatives to these binary/presumptuous terms, or simply a way around having to use terms like that at all?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Anonymous asks…

To the genderqueer parents out there: what do your kids call you? Do you just settle for mom or dad, or is there a neutral parent title?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Gemma asks…

Hi, I’ve recently decided that I want to try out using gender neutral pronouns. However, I’m not a fan of the ze/hir. I’ve been trying to look up different ones and I’m just not sure what to use. How do other people choose what pronouns they want to use for themselves?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

kyle asks…

I’ve been thinking I might be an androgyne, but there’s so much information and different ways to be classified that I’m not entirely sure if I am one. I’d like to know how I can figure this out.

I’m biologically female, but I think I can say that I feel ‘without gender’ as I don’t feel like I fit into the same category as women and have never thought myself as a man. I’m fine with having a female body, and have no desire to change it (although, I’m very curious of what it would be like if I was a man). When I see myself in a mirror, I never think ‘woman;’ it feels inaccurate and borderline uncomfortable, even though I have no issue with ‘female’.

I don’t really have any real urge to dress like a man (but it’s fun when I do, and I will if I feel like it or if I have the clothes for it); nor do I feel comfortable dressing overly feminine (although, I sometimes dress very sexy for the bar with no problems). I normally just wear tomboy kind of things. I don’t have ‘girl’ days and ‘guy’ days, like most gender fluid people seem to do, and I’m attracted to men, but curious about women (I’ve never been with one yet, so I can’t say for sure).

I’d like to know how I can explore this further. The only ideas I have to express myself is through dress, but I’m sure there are more ways to explore and feel out my identity than deciding to wear boy or girl clothes (which poses another problem: how do I ‘dress to express’ if I don’t feel like I’m neither a man nor a woman?) I’d like to explore my masculinity and femininity if I have any, but I don’t know how to do it.

If anyone has any ideas, that would be great. 100% beginner here. Any advice will do.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

GeorgeAnne asks…

I want to feel like I can keep my faith while being genderqueer. So many queer sites show me how this is impossible; I am looking for information about how it is possible. Does anyone have any resources or faith communities to recommend?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Anonymous asks…

How can I safely purchase a binder? I mean “safely” in the sense that I am not out to my parents and they would not be happy in the least to find out about this so soon. So, any tips? I don’t have a car and I can’t visit the mall without my mother hanging over me.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Sam asks…

Anyone out there in the Genderfork Community have recommendation for doctors in California? I already have a great doctor for hormones, but I’m getting closer to wanting chest surgery. I’ve looked through the usual suspects like transbucket.com, but it seems the best docs on there for top surgery are on the east coast and, not being a student and without insurance that will cover this (what insurance does, sheesh), traveling and lodging would only incur more fees to those I would already be scrambling to pay. However, I have enough connections in California that I could stay most anywhere with a friend or fam, so this level of travel isn’t a problem.

Thanks and keep on keeping on.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Fox asks…

Can anyone recommend or link me to any photography (or books on) dealing with female masculinity, androgyny, trans* men, genderqueer folk etc?

Photos, photographers, exhibitions, blogs, articles, books — anything!

Also if anyone wants to let me in on how they use photography to frame/express/unsettle/whatever their gender identity, that’d also be great.

Any thing even remotely related would be much appreciated!

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

A reader asks…

 It’s been a year since I came out to my mother, and sixth months since my friends began referring to me by my chosen name and pronouns. I start college soon, and my first year I am really interested in changing my name and developing a treatment plan. But my family made it clear that they are not ready and consider these choices out of the question.

Should I be patient? Or should I really go after the things I want?

If waiting will ease their pain, I’ll try to do it – but if they’ll hate my decisions either way, why should I drag it out?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

A reader asks…

I’m terrified that my gender confusion is a passing phase. Before I come out to anyone, how can I be sure that this is here to stay?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Catcher asks…

I’ve been binding for about six months now and exercising everyday to loose excess body fat, tone up and get a more “boyish” figure. With the top half sorted, does anybody have any tips on disguising hips?

 

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Kei asks…

My Mom and Dad tell me it’s just a phase, but it’s not. My best friends tolerate it, but they don’t understand.

How do you explain to the people you love the most in life that you’re not what they think you are?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

A reader asks…

Sometimes I get very depressed that gender exists at all. It seems society is going in the right direction (what with more acceptance of genderqueer folks and whatnot), especially considering where we are in history, but it still really bothers me. Any suggestions about how I should deal with this?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Tea asks…

How do I reconcile my passion for feminism and my desire to be genderqueer? I support smashing gender roles to pieces and expressing diversity, but I secretly worry I only want to be androgynous because of the daily disrespect and hurtful media messages I get as a woman.

If I identify as something other than a woman – if I were to tell people “I’m neither a man nor a woman, because those words really mean hyper-masculinity and hyper-femininity to me, which are equally harmful, confining and were invented as means of oppression” – am I a traitor to my cause? In saving myself am I abandoning women, or lighting a path?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

L asks…

Where do you get your strength from? The strength to just be you whoever that is day after day in spite of others’ attitudes, assumptions or attacks.

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «