Question: Coming Out
asks…
How did you come out to your parents and loved ones?
Please post your response in the comments below.
» Ask Genderfork «
Posted by Freiya on April 22nd, 2016 at 08:00 am
Category: questions 2 comments »
2 Responses to “Question: Coming Out”
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April 23rd, 2016 at 10:18 pm |
As bi:
randomly told mom one day in the middle of another conversation. she said OK. asked her to tell dad for me so I wouldn’t have to. later she told me dad said OK. the opposite of a big deal.
As trans/GNC:
A much worse closet all round. Felt terrible. Had planned to tell mom first [because she doesn’t live with us] then dad and older brother, but plans don’t always work out. Drove home from school one day and realized I couldn’t take another day of it, absolutely no way. It would have to be today, even though it’s difficult.
[it’s never been easy for me to do talks like this. Maybe it’s hard for everyone. I keep waiting for a “good time”, but with something like this, there isn’t really a good time, and even if I find one, I don’t always find the courage. At the end of the day, you learn to make do with something imperfect. Anyway.]
Since it was basically do or die, I went ahead and told dad and brother at the dinner table. They asked me how I was doing and I said bad, I was under a lot of stress… told them about some other bullshit, some difficult school project or something, but they knew it wasn’t the real problem, and I told them, remember when I came out? well, I found a new closet, I’m genderfluid [or whatever word I used], and they said OK. [I cried a lot, then texted all my friends.]
Mom came over a day or two after that, I guess maybe dad told her I was having a tough time [and I was; I went back to therapy soon after this] and I told her I was GNC [less fanfare] and she said OK.
That was about a year or two ago and they had no idea what this meant. I was still figuring out what it meant too, so it’s OK. Mom has gotten better and learned a lot about what it means to be trans. Dad and brother, not so much, but they live peacefully with me. I was always the weird one, I guess, so this is another weird wrinkle to my life.
At father’s day last year as usual I thanked dad for putting up with my embarrassing gay ass throughout my life and mentioned that he’s a real champ for dealing so well with not one but two closets… he said something I’ll never forget. “Who cares? A closet’s just somewhere you put something before you’re ready to use it.”
The next step is for them to all use my new pronouns, which wasn’t part of the initial coming-out. [I hadn’t changed yet] Coming out is a long process, multi-step, and I wish it could happen all at once. But it doesn’t, so I learn to live with it.
Are you hoping to come out soon? Good luck. I was lucky, and knew I would be safe, but if you’re not so sure, I hope you make a plan for if it goes poorly.
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April 26th, 2016 at 7:54 am |
I got a card from the dollar store that had some kinda boy band on it? Called Big Time Rush? Anyway the card was for an 8-year-old boy’s birthday, and it said: (front) “It’s Big Time Cool!” [image of said tweeny boys]; (inside) “Just Like You! Happy Birthday!”
So I took a Sharpie and did some crossing-out and editing. I handed my mom a card that said “It’s Big Time Gay! Just Like Me! Happy Coming out! I’m Bisexual and Non-Binary Transgender Sorry Mom and also Jesus.” Then I threw rainbow confetti at her and hid behind my companion and had him explain everything while I quietly had a panic attack.
It was fine. She immediately began looking up support/therapy groups in my area and put the card next to her bed (she tried to put it on the mantel and i was like MOM NO).
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