Question: Older but genderfluid

Sophie asks…

I recently (last year) identified as genderfluid, but here’s the thing – I’ve just turned 61! I’d love to know how many ‘older’ genderfluid people you have on this site, as I have so many questions. As much as I love hearing from and about the many beautiful younger non-binary people in the world, for those of us who only got here later in life (although recognising now that we’ve always been that way), it can feel pretty confusing. I was born male, and have presented as male throughout my life, so one of my big questions is how I can ‘feminize’ myself, so that the half of me that is female can show herself a bit more?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

Posted by on February 28th, 2017 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 7 comments »

7 Responses to “Question: Older but genderfluid”

  1. R

    I think all those things describe me as well; I’m 62, AMAB, been dabbling with nonbinary identity issues for, oh, 15 years or so. Was married for a while to a very affirming bi woman, and oh my did that ever work. For a while. She’s now identifying as lesbian, so i’m not in her demographic.

    I write, often from a female character’s point of view. I find that helpful.


  2. Glenn

    Dear Sophie: I’m 66 now. I have found my identity over the past 15 years as well. I tried going out as a woman but realized that I didn’t want to hide my male side, … as much as I didn’t want to hide my female side, either. So I’m presenting as kind of both. I still use male pronouns, but that’s mostly for convenience while we get the language straightened out.
    I often (more often than not) wear ‘womens’ clothes in public these days. This includes jewelry (earrings, bracelets, necklaces), and often nail polish (fingers and toes). I wear dresses, skirts & tops, or tunics with leggings and boots. I have kept my beard (short but not shaved off), which is mostly gray now. I have lost most of the hair on top of my head, but I usually wear a hat of some kind. I don’t wear face makeup or a bra or breast prosthetics, because I am not trying to present as a woman. I shop at consignment shops and tall women clothing catalogs. Stitch Fix sent me a box and I kept 3 out of the 5 things.

    And … I’m having a blast doing it! It helps that I live right next door to Cambridge, Mass., so this environment is way supportive. I get spontaneous compliments almost every time I go out (“I like your outfit.” or “I like what you’re wearing,” or “Those are great earrings!” etc.). I go food shopping, to the bank, the post office, public meetings, etc. I even have a client who says it’s ok if I show up for work in a dress. I have never gotten any flack. I’m writing a book about my experiences called “a man wearing a dress.” You can see an image of the cover on my web site, Just click on the Books menu.


  3. Eola-Ystwyth

    49 y/o here, but feeling like 25. One year into my nonbinary, queerfemme adventure. I’m of a masculine physique and have no intention to blur the lines with hormones or surgery of any kind. I like the way my body is and don’t experience gender dysphoria or wished to have been born in a different way. Hard as it’s been to come out at my age, I don’t think it would have been possible before, either because of lack of resources and the different mentality prevalent in society. I love skirts, eye makeup (not foundation) and wear exciting clothing, stuff that I couldn’t even relate to in the past, due to internalised transphobia and the self-acquired shame that all males are required to carry as their personal masculine ‘ID’. I’m way past all that and enjoy the freedom that has brought to my experience to embrace my feelings. Aberystwyth (Wales) is a friendly and fabulous place to explore one’s gender I have to say. We’ve got the university on one of our hills, and the population here is quite young, all of which brings an open, cosmopolitan air to an otherwise conservative, rural coastal town. I too love to receive compliments on my clothing or newest haircut, even when I know that there will always be those that don’t understand what I’m doing. To date, I have to say I’ve been fortunate for not experiencing any verbal or physical transphobic attack.


  4. cathexis

    Am 57 and genderqueer. Some of us used to be called Kaikai in the older times. We were often shunned as we didn’t fit into the binary genders of butch or femme. Things have greatly improved in the lesbian communities that I’ve been with. Taking T for gender dysphoria which is helping with my mood and attitude.


  5. Michael

    I’m 55, soon to be 56, and I just opened up yesterday to my wife about being genderfluid. She was amazingly supportive. I’m born male and some days I absolutely fit the part. Many days, however, my feminine attributes want to be expressed. I feel like I’m at the start of a very exciting, somewhat scary journey. One day at a time.


  6. Mark

    I am 70 years old and have been gender fluid all my life. My life has been a struggle since I was about 8 years old. Back then, they didn’t call us gender fluid. We were gender identity disorder and some would say homosexual but I wasn’t. That was the way it was. When I went into the Army and had my physical, the doctor asked me if I had anything wrong. I told him that on some days I’d wake up and be female and other days a male. He looked at me and said, “Which one are you today?” I told him I was a boy and he told me to get in line because I was in the Army now. I made it thru 22 years but struggled so much. I got married and have continued to struggle, but here I am and now I can finally accept myself as gender fluid instead of some disorder. And yes, I still have lots of times that I feel feminine.


  7. Casey Draper

    I am 53 years old and have been gender fluid all my life. Only more recently have I been able to more fully embrace it since I told my wife and she has been very supportive. She had already noticed my involuntary gender swings over the years and had wondered if I was gay. I’m not but since I’m also attracted to women when in girl mode, maybe in that way I am.

    I am AMAB and wear things that are all over the gender spectrum and don’t let societal gender limitations get in the way. My closet is full of masculine and feminine clothing and my life is much richer and fuller being able to be me.

    I never feel like any one label suits me since my gender flows back and forth all the time so gender fluid works for me. I also like the term gendermutt.

    I’m so glad to find this thread since so much online about nonbinary is all by younger people. I think its great that they can more freely express who they are at a younger age because that is something we were not able to do. I notice so many of them use the term genderqueer which is something I can’t bring myself to do because the word queer was weaponized against me for so many years when I was growing up. Sure, it would be nice to turn it around into something positive but the sting in that word reminds me of too many old emotional wounds I’d rather forget.

    I wonder how different my life would be if we all had been more free to express our real selves starting at a younger age?


Leave a Reply

Can I show your picture? If you have a Gravatar associated with this email address, it will be displayed as your photo. If not, I'll just put a picture of a fork next to your comment. Everybody likes forks.

Be nice. Judgmental comments will be quietly deleted and blacklisted. There's plenty of room for those elsewhere on the web.

For legal reasons, you must be age 13 or older to post a comment on Genderfork.

You can use some HTML tags for formatting, e.g. <em>...</em> for emphasis (italics) or <strong>...</strong> for strong emphasis (bold) or <a href="http://(url)">...</a> for links.

Back to top