Constructs
Someone wrote…
Increasingly I’m not sure I feel strongly ‘male’ or ‘female’ in terms of what society attributes to both constructs. I’m also confused about what it means if we agree that both are merely constructed by society. Does feeling like neither make me genderqueer or gender-nonconforming? Do those titles hold if I continue to identify as male (by default)? Does calling oneself ‘genderqueer’ while living life with mostly cisgender privilege belittle the troubles faced by transfolk?
What’s your experience?
Posted by Freiya on August 31st, 2012 at 08:00 am
Category: your voice 10 comments »
August 31st, 2012 at 9:00 am |
I hope you get some response to this; I’m in much the same situation and have been facing a lot of the same questions. I’m not so much male, but don’t know that my strong feminine leaning means I necessarily identify as female either. I often don’t know if I “count” as genderqueer or part of the trans community without making some big statement about it, but it feels really important to identify that way for my own peace of mind. I sometimes feel like I’m using genderqueer as a placeholder for “my gender is intense and confusing, and I’m not quite sure what to call it or what to do about it.” Any thoughts would be welcome…
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August 31st, 2012 at 9:39 am |
“Does calling oneself ‘genderqueer’ while living life with mostly cisgender privilege belittle the troubles faced by transfolk?”
The fact you’re worrying about this means you’ve got nothing to worry about. privilege is nothing to feel guilty about, just something to be aware of. The way I see it is that we’re ultimately going to be opening up the options for cis people as well as trans people.
Gender is messy and it’s crap that acknowledging your feelings is seen as radical and that you have to represent a community. Society is rubbish at gender. The fact that having a bit of less-serious gender stuff going on chucks you into the “trans” box with all the implications that comes with is wrong IMO. There’s definitely a grey area between cis and trans, as there is with most dichotomies in life (think of pansexuals, and demisexuals- don’t fit in either side of the divisions). I think that’s something the community could do with addressing. Maybe we need to open a Greek dictionary again.
(I’m feeling rubbish and that was a bit of a ramble and if I said anything horrible or ignorant please be gentle on me).
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August 31st, 2012 at 11:18 am |
keep your hands off my identity and I’ll keep my hands off yours :)
Thats all there is to it. Oppression comes when anyone tries to put you in a box you didn’t choose for yourself. No one, trans or cis, has a right to withhold or hand out these purposely flexible labels.
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August 31st, 2012 at 6:40 pm |
the way i see it, nothing- biology, dysphoria or lack thereof, desired names or pronouns, adherence to gender norms- determines your gender identity but you. some people seem to have a sense of their gender identity even apart from those things, but it seems like plenty of people, myself included, don’t. of course, as you astutely point out, that doesn’t mean society won’t go ahead and treat you as whatever gender they perceive you to be, and that may mean you have a degree of cisgender privilege. but i say as long as you’re aware of that and don’t speak for all trans people or whatever, no one, in my view, has a right to tell you how to identify.
ps. in my case, i’ve decided to pursue (at least some degree of) medical transition because i’m dysphoric, not because i “feel like a man”. that’s not to say that other people don’t have that sense, it’s just that i don’t. perhaps i will when i’m further on in transition. but for now i’m just trying to figure out what i need to feel comfortable in my body, not worrying too much about how identify, and being conscious of the privileges i gain and lose along the way. that’s just to point out that even people who medically transition can feel similarly.
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September 1st, 2012 at 2:14 am |
I truly know how you feel. It is hard to have stronger female feelings in a male body. Keep your head up! You will find someone that accepts your true being.
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September 1st, 2012 at 4:36 am |
“Increasingly I’m not sure I feel strongly ‘male’ or ‘female’ in terms of what society attributes to both constructs. I’m also confused about what it means if we agree that both are merely constructed by society”
In my own confused wanderings through the gender-scape I’ve recently had that same thought. I am a female, but how much of that is just the conditioned label I’ve had placed on me my whole life? Sometimes, often, I feel male. But is what I’m feeling really male? Perhaps that is a universal instinct/urge/feeling, but has only been stereotyped to men. Perhaps, on the inside, people are generally the same, and gender is a purely physical manifestation.
Did you know that some Indian tribes officially identified 6 different genders?
I have been “interviewing” my friends. Non-gender confused people, the whole lot of them. “Are you a boy or a girl? Mentally. Psychologically.” “How do you know?” And you know, the conversations always end with them confused and shrugging. They don’t know. Perhaps our gender confusion stems only from THINKING too hard about it.
But then these are just musings. And I’m sure any trans person would strongly disagree.
I don’t mean to offend anyone. I don’t have any answers. But I suppose I can add my questions to yours.
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September 1st, 2012 at 6:20 am |
for me it is the same question these days. I know for sure that I am not, have never been and will never be a “woman”, but I feel like my beeing socialized female by my parents forces me to choose. Like, if I am no woman, I must be a man. But what makes a man? And what is so much better about a man than about a woman? Where is the difference? Why do I think so bad about women? I don`t really think bad about them…but why do I NOT want to be one of them??? All these man / woman things…this bipolar system has become so strange to me the last two years…I don`t see the why anybody should have to choose…why those two categories exist? I would not need them. But then…if there were none of these boxes, how would I express my standing outside of the boxes???? Maybe this is what “genderqueer” means, that I try to deconstruct the binary or that I try to step out of it and try out new systems….
Another thing are the bodydysphorics. That I hate these breasts and that I want more hair and that I would feel much better with a “masculine” bodyshape….well, I call it masculine because I do not see any sense in the terms male and female…everybody can be or is already male AND female inside…
this is confusing….
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September 2nd, 2012 at 11:53 pm |
I have asked the same questions. About a year ago I started identifying as gender queer and have more recently been going with gender fluid. I’m male assigned at birth and grew up viewed as such but never felt it to be true. It’s hard to say that I am one gender identity when my thoughts and actions change based on mood and circumstance. I believe gender to be a social construction as opposed to hardwired, but with socializing and the majority accepting their gender roles couldn’t one say they do exist (although varied in each category)? Gender is so messy…
I’m largely given cis-privilege and although I enjoy having privilege I feel it discounts my identity, that people don’t see me for how I am. Most everyone assumes me to be male which wears on me over time. I’m aware of the oppression that many queer people face and I sometimes find myself wishing I had that struggle too just so that my identity would be recognized. I realize that my wishing for this struggle comes from a place of privilege where I’m fortunate enough to not be persecuted openly, but being ignored and discounted isn’t great either.
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September 4th, 2012 at 8:51 pm |
From Anonymous:
“I have been “interviewing” my friends. Non-gender confused people, the whole lot of them. “Are you a boy or a girl? Mentally. Psychologically.” “How do you know?” And you know, the conversations always end with them confused and shrugging. They don’t know. Perhaps our gender confusion stems only from THINKING too hard about it.
But then these are just musings. And I’m sure any trans person would strongly disagree.”
I’ve noticed the same thing. I used to assume that all non-genderqueer people had a distinct internal sense of their own gender, independent of the body. But based on conversations with friends and family, it seems that for a lot of cisgendered folks, body and social experience are the be-all and end-all of gender identity. It’s more like the way I identify with my Italian ancestry. It’s meaningful to me, but that meaning comes from my life experiences and family history (and my genetics to the extent that they’ve affected those things), not any internal sense of being Italian.
My guess is there’s a spectrum; some people have stronger internal gender identities than others. Most of the time, someone who’s pretty neutral will end up falling into the cisgender camp because there’s no incentive to go against social norms, or even think about it much.
Thinking about all this also made me realize that despite being very gender-fluid mentally, I have a cultural identity as a woman, stemming from my experiences navigating life as a woman. It’s stereotypical stuff like all-girl sleepovers and exchanging compliments on clothes, plus more serious things like safety strategies and discussions on combating discrimination. It’s as much of an emotional “home base” as my actual hometown. On the other hand, guy stuff feels kind of alien, even when internally I feel masculine.
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September 11th, 2012 at 2:52 pm |
Interesting question, and I love that you’re asking it. A slice of personal philosophy regards the last line: it can, but that’s not to say it’s wrong. As a transsexual man I think it’s important to acknowledge that the potential is there, but that gq and gv identities can really, honestly help individuals, and can be just as real as cis or other trans identities can. I know I went through a period of identifying as gq before coming out as ts (acknowledging that this will not be the path all gq people will take) and that, for me, was an important step in my life.
The fact that you’re asking the question suggests that you’re socially sensitive, and I genuinely believe that this is a good thing and wish more people considered different life circumstances in this kind of way. Good on you mate.
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