Question: Top Surgery Expectations
Beck asks…
I am a female genderqueer of sorts with small breasts. I have no plan to go on T, and I seem to bounce back and forth between wanting big boobs and wanting a male chest. This changes day to day, even hour to hour.
I thought a good solution would be to get top surgery and get some breastforms for when I want them. But now that I’m looking more seriously into it (next year maybe) I’m getting a little freaked out… It’s only been in the past several years I’ve felt this way- I was totally fine with puberty, no problem.
I’m worried that maybe I’m idealizing the male and female forms- that I have unrealistic expectations of how I’ll look. How do I figure out my true feelings?
Please post your response in the comments below.
» Ask Genderfork «
Category: questions 9 comments »
March 20th, 2010 at 8:53 am |
I’m the same way (want top surgery, no plans for T) D: While mostly entrenched firmly in wanting top surgery for a masculine chest, I bounce back between liking my breasts to wanting them gone completely.
I’ve concluded that a masculine chest is indeed what I want. While having breasts is nice sometimes, I find that having them isn’t me. To me, they’d be much nicer if they were something I could take off at the end of the day. I don’t want to throw something so cliched out there, but you yourself know best what you want.
I would take it as a good sign that you ARE wondering about whether or not you idealize male/female forms. You said you were looking to get possible top surgery next year? Put it off :D Explore/play around with gender a little longer to find out what you truly want (and if you never reach a concrete conclusion, realize that that’s okay too :D Frustrating, but ok<3)
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March 20th, 2010 at 12:43 pm |
I’m replying more to the part where you asked if you were idealizing the male/female form.
I have wanted top surgery for a heck of a long time now, because i idolize the sculpted, chiseled male form and I long to look that way. I am not FtM, but I abhor my breasts and want a male-appearing body without being male. I definitely realise now that I have been having an image in my head that is very unrealistic. There was another question on this site which asked if the poster would have defined pecs if they had top surgery and exercised a lot, but was not on T. A few readers replied saying that it was not very likely that it would turn out true to the male form. It gutted me.
Before getting any surgeries, I suggest you discuss thoroughly with the doctor any queries you might have, as they would know best about chest and muscle reformation. There are a few FtM community sites as well, and quite a few have had top surgeries but are not on T, so you can ask them how their chests have shaped. It would totally suck and be irreversible if you removed your breasts to find out that you don’t look how you want to look like and that you preferred having breasts.
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March 20th, 2010 at 1:03 pm |
I understand your feelings.
Personally, I want much bigger breasts.
I feel that if I have them, I could still dress like a guy. But, I’d always have the option of being feminine.
If you get a male chest it would be much harder to ever dress feminine.
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March 20th, 2010 at 5:55 pm |
I’ll have to disagree with Sarah-Sophia; having talked to plenty of MtFs, it seems to be easier to pad up than bind down. The only “feminine” dress that it really prevents is the particularly revealing kind.
Being bigender myself, but male-bodied, I totally empathize with your situation.
You might consider just getting a reduction, find a size that’s easy to bind but also still sufficient to be feminine when the mood strikes you.
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March 20th, 2010 at 7:07 pm |
It’s completely natural to have doubts when you are making such an important, life-changing descision for yourself, and having doubts doesn’t nescessarily mean that your descision is wrong. Eventually they pass and you will know for sure which is the best path for you. Good luck :]
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March 20th, 2010 at 7:17 pm |
I’m female-bodied and genderqueer. I used to be really upset with my chest, which is small but still a challenge to bind flat sometimes. I thought about getting top surgery a lot because I really wanted that lovely male chest–not anything muscular and chiseled, just something without breasts.
At some point it stopped bothering me so much. Who knows if that’s permanent, but right now I just feel like keeping what I got. And if that means that some days I’m a dude with boobs, or an androgynous thing with boobs, then hey, fuck the sex binary!
I’m not saying you will change your mind, or that you won’t. Either way, surgery is a really serious decision. Look around online–there are photos/videos of the chests of folks who’ve gotten top surgeries and how they’ve come out. (The only one I can think of off the top of my head is this transguy on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/accompliceXX He had a do-it-yourself stand-to-pee video.) Maybe that’ll help you get an idea of how you would look to help figure out your expectations.
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March 21st, 2010 at 3:42 am |
I’d see if you can find pictures – or better yet: real life chests – of trans men to see the result. Seeing how post-op chests looks (which just isn’t exactly the same as a bio chest) may give you a better idea of whether that’s what you want.
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April 27th, 2010 at 6:00 pm |
i like flat chests, whether they be regular guy chests or flat girls (tiny tits)
i don’t care if you’re a boy or girl or whatever, flat chests/tiny tits are awesome. like if a boy had tiny tits i’d be all over that.
big boobs are fine, just not my thing. i have tiny tits and although i identify as a boy and would like a flat chest, i’m not TOTALLY bummed out about them, they’re actually sorta cute :)
@ nick – after the scars fade, YOU and any other people who are immersed in the GLBT community may know that your top surgery chest doesn’t look like a bio-guy chest…but to everyone else in the world, you will look completely male, pretty much. nobody really questions a flat chest…sometimes even if the scars are still there!
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April 28th, 2010 at 6:38 pm |
Thank you very much for posting this. I am a genderqueer individual currently longing for top surgery, at the beginning of my research. It’s helpful to know there are others like me.
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