Profile: raphie

You can call me… raphie

I identify as… gender fluid or gender queer or androgynous or some other kind of gender confused personality. i don’t know what i actually identify as and i’m perfectly okay with that.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … i think of it like spanish. i’m the culmination of a series of genders and because at least a tiny tiny portion of it is completely male, the whole thing goes by masculine pronouns. however, i realize that a lot of the times, i’m uncomfortable with both masculine, feminine, and genderneutral pronouns (especially the latter because i’m not used to them and don’t know how to conjugate them correctly whatsoever). thus, i really have no idea what to go by. the ones who understand my gender identity use masculine pronouns while everyone else uses feminine.

I’m attracted to… intelligence and being able to push me around a bit. i like talking and then saying nothing but a whole conversation has been completed. i like when people manipulate me shamelessly and say sorry but will continue to do it a few minutes later, even when i protest. or at least pretend to. i’m attracted to my closest friends because they’re the kind of people who i want to hang out with. i’m attracted to people who can handle me.

When people talk about me, I want them to… treat me like a person, first and foremost. i don’t want them asking me if i have a penis or if have a vagina or if i have some kind of cross between the two. i don’t want people to assume that i’m going to be stone cold or aggressive or feminine or cutesy. i want people to treat me as me and no one else. as nothing else.

I want people to understand… that i’m not going to be able to fit in your box. or anyone’s box. or even the box that i place myself in. i don’t know what i am to the point of nausea sometimes and i don’t know what i am well enough to explain things to you. i want you to know that i’m uncomfortable in large groups of people and when i say random things, i never mean them. i want you to realize that i’m not a boy and i’m not a girl and i’m not both and i’m not neither. i AM the box.

About raphie
i am raphie in all lowercase. i am god and i am animal. i am art and i am artist. i write freeverse poetry because even when i write, i cannot follow rules. i am sixteen and female bodied and i feel like i’m owned by disney world. i have a blog at and i write about lots of random stuff.

» Define yourself. «

Posted by on June 19th, 2011 at 04:00 pm

Category: profiles 6 comments »

6 Responses to “Profile: raphie”

  1. Anonymous

    i’d like to read your writing but your link is broken.


  2. Jessica

    Yes, I also refuse to be defined by coincidences of my birth. Good luck to you.


  3. Andy

    I’d also like to read your thoughts raphie, but the link seems to be broken.


  4. Anonymous

    I know this probably wasn’t intentional, but please don’t paint all non-binary people as confused just because you are personally confused. I am a genderqueer, and I’m entirely certain of it. But I wish you luck in your gender fabulous journey of discovery. I think my 19-year-old self who just started identifying as a genderqueer would be surprised at who I am today (at 22).


  5. Anonymous

    Your section on third person pronouns is both glorious and relevant to my life.
    Thanks for putting yourself out there!


  6. Christopher

    I find you interesting. I am not sure why, as I am rarely sure of anything these days, but I would love to hear why you you like to know people can handle you, and what manipulation has to do with it. I personally am skilled at manipulation, but it requires very little knowledge or effort, and even less understanding of the person in question. It relies entirely on the human condition and being impersonal in the most general sense. I feel that to handle someone or to understand them, you need to be able to know them in a way where your willing to be open to them with yourself and them in turn. I am quite genuinely curious.


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