All my doing

Someone wrote…

I’m reacting to two posts. The one on discomfort, and the one by the straight woman who is frequently asked if she is gay because she is a tomboy. I relate to both. I am frequently uncomfortable and I think a lot of that discomfort is my own doing. I’ve always been a tomboy, and though I think I’d like to be more masculine in appearance, I can’t quite stop thinking about what others will think. I wonder how a new presentation will affect my relationships. Right now, I can play the simple, slightly bemused, “looks are below me” card. But if I deliberately put more effort into looking masculine, that won’t work.

And so I wonder, is the straight tomboy speaking for me, too? I’m not positive I’m gay, but I’m not positive I’m straight. I’m just uncomfortable. As with the woman I’m responding to, I haven’t found many people that look like me. Nor, to be honest, people attracted to people that look like me.

And so I am uncomfortable, confused, and caught in the middle. And it’s all my doing.

What do you see as your own doing?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on January 5th, 2009 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 2 comments »

2 Responses to “All my doing”

  1. stii

    when you say you can’t stop thinking about what others would say if you made your appearance more masculine, i understand that (although it’s appearing more feminine – or sometimes less masculine – for me). i don’t quite know how to express that part of myself anyway, but I think even if I did I’d still feel inhibited from doing anything about it. it’s difficult, though, so perhaps you’re being a little hard on yourself when you talk about your discomfort being your own doing.

    and for what it’s worth, I’m attracted to people who look like you, and I know I’m not alone.


  2. Andy

    It’s not all “your doing”. You are who you are. Some people will always find a reason not to like you, and you know what? That’s not your problem.

    I firmly believe that people have far, far more choice about their religion than their gender, and yet most people are perfectly respectful about others’ religious choices. Why not gender?


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