Glared at.

Someone wrote…

My friends don’t understand my abhorrence for public restrooms. I guess when you don’t get glared at just for going to pee, you don’t really know what it’s like.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on September 2nd, 2010 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 10 comments »

10 Responses to “Glared at.”

  1. Beck

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for voicing this. My friend rolled her eyes today when I excitedly told her that my school has a gender-neutral washroom. I expect my other best friend to make some inane comment about my identity.
    Having cissexual friends who refuse to learn more about gender really really sucks sometimes.
    I’m so glad I have found this washroom. Now I can pee in peace and change for gym without feeling ridiculously self-conscious.


  2. freiya

    i completely relate to this, i actively avoid public restrooms because of the looks and general awkwardness of it all. If i absolutely have to go, i have been known to go into a coffee shop and buy a drink just to use their loos becuase they often just have a unisex one ( i now know which ones do in my town just in case! )………


  3. marcy

    Some days I wish I had the balls to walk up to the urinal, lift my skirt and do my thing….


  4. kendall

    In grade 1 I had to have my mom come to the school cause I was kickin’ & screamin’ about using the girls room, they caught me in the boys and thought I was going to perv on the guys or be perved on, I used the stall but wouldn’t go back to the girls bathroom, and it got into this big deal…flashforward 15 years and my ftm friend is all, I can’t use the girls room cause its not who I am, but I don’t want to be beat up by bikers for using the mens, So I went in the mens too, and no one died.
    I use the mens if the girls is busy, my bladder doesn’t care where I pee, portapotties are unisex often and that usually makes me much more squirmish because well, sometimes theyre full AND dont have sinks


  5. Keanan

    I’ve never been a fan of public bathrooms. Now my discomfort has to do with getting comments and stuff. I was in Europe and one of the bathroom attendants freaked out when I went into the women’s room (my mum had to tell him that I’m female bodied). I’ve received comments before or people thought they were going into the wrong bathroom but I haven’t been kicked out or anything (I’m lucky I reckon). I usually just stick my chest out more when I’m not binding (it kills me but it’s what I have to do sometimes). Going into the restroom with a cis friend helps though because people are less likely to question you.


  6. A

    I don’t mean to belittle people who feel discomfort or fear going into public washrooms, and I’m sure it’s absolutely dreadful, but… Sometimes, I *wish* I could feel that. I don’t pass nearly well enough to even get noticed. I almost wish that someone would call me out as a boy using the girl’s washroom, instead of reading me as female yet again.


  7. Eliot-Anna

    I hate public rest rooms! It makes me cringe having to pick a gender, or worse just to default to what I think people are most likely to think of me as. I know when I was back in college the Queer group on campus pushed really hard and got some gender-neutral bathrooms set up in the dorms. That was so much better.


  8. Leigh

    A thousand times “yes” to this.
    I’m currently in college and the dorm showers are terrifying to me. I find myself waiting until like three in the morning so I can shower in privacy, away from awkward glares.


  9. Jessica

    There’s a special horror showering in a public shower and turning around to have people look at you scandalized, confused, aroused, fearful, revolted and angry – in a kaleidoscope of conflicting emotions.

    From the back, people thought you were type A and when you turn around, they have to reassess, and then they have to reassess again. They hate this. They take it out on you. You should not be here. You should not be in their world. You are an Anathema thrust into their universe and they want to banish you.

    It hurts. And it serves no purpose.

    The only part of me that really wants to be transsexual is the one that wishes I had a body I could be gloriously proud of naked in public. But the adult in me knows that I will never achieve that because 1) wrong genes 2) it’s too late and 3) it would require more effort on my part than I will ever expend.

    So, I’m going to be proud of me anyway and when I see those kaleidoscope stares, I’ll forgive them and pity them for their weakness and the tenuous hold they have on what is real and what is important.

    Like Steven Stills said: “Love the one you’re with…” The only one you’re always with is yourself.


  10. Regen

    There are a number of colleges that I’ve found in the United States with gender neutral bathrooms in all the dorms. They do this, interestingly, not out of respect for differences but because the students are lazy and don’t want to walk down the hall to the other bathroom. This made me laugh and my mother cringe :D


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