“It’s complicated.”

Someone wrote…

Some days I wish I could set my gender on Facebook to “It’s complicated.”

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on May 14th, 2010 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 14 comments »

14 Responses to ““It’s complicated.””

  1. Anonymous

    Or something like that : http://www.flickr.com/photos/notunlike/691857198/ :)


  2. alex lock

    he he


  3. Mak

    Fantastic! Me too.


  4. Samson

    Hah! “Like.”


  5. Milo

    Yeah, Facebook sucks sometimes. I leave my gender blank, and it keeps bugging me to fill it in. Apparently my profile “may be confusing.”


  6. Anonymous

    Love it. Agreed. Also, the link in the comments.


  7. B

    @Milo: Really? I’ve had my gender blank for ages, and FB has never bugged me about it.

    If you leave your gender blank, FB uses “they” and “their” in all its automated messages. I think that’s at least a step in the right direction, but it would be nice if they put other genders on there.

    The only reason I could think why they would think they shouldn’t is if people thought it would be trendy or whatever to put themselves as non-binary. Sorta like the whole “party bi” concept. *Shrugs*


  8. Anonymous

    I got the “confusing” warning from Facebook but I haven’t been bothered by it in ages.


  9. tea

    The ‘confusing’ warning will disappear if one clicks the ‘go away’ link in it. And yes, the fact it uses singular they for pronouns is really quite nice.


  10. Anonymous

    I have my gender set in SGO as “It’s Complicated.” I proudly display it front and centre on my profile.


  11. kendall

    I have sgo too, I need to update it I think, when facebook revamped I lost it off the from and centre


  12. kendall

    I just tried to change my name from Kate to K

    I will be using x’s to bleep out letters to keep myself anonymous

    I said:

    “I currently file my taxes as Kate x Kxxxxx, and I attempted to change it to simply K Kxxxxx,
    I find it ridiculous that there are people on my friend “Tinker Rxx”‘s list named: “xxxx ProfessorEvil xxxx” and “xxizzzanxx Shadowlight” obvious pseudonyms and clever made up monikers to confuse the masses or to be inside jokes with friends. My ex even changed his to “Animus” but that I can’t be K Kxxxxx when I am going through really awful gender dysphoria and considering to begin transitioning to male, It’s bad enough that I am confronted with the gender binary in every aspect of my life, my therapist said perhaps I should live gender neutral while I decide..to hell with society! So I’ve tried to take the good doctor’s advice. I know if I were to get the surgery and begin hormone therapy I would have to live as a man for at least a year, but that is still very daunting, so living as just not a girl is my goal, I am often crippled by the hesistation in people’s voices when they say “Sir, do you know where Spadina station is?” And I answer and they say “I’m sorry..ma’am!!!” and I feel absolutely gutted upon their realizations. I feel I am basically being told to choose boy or girl, everyday of my life, including “male” or “female” on your site, and not being offered “other” which I would pick…as lately I do not feel more strongly one than the other. I am often both or neither.
    If I go through with changing into a man, I would be changing my name to Kendall, Right now at least I am trying to encourage people to call me K because I am still uncertain I am hoping that when I change my name to K, people will ask why and I will be able to tell them openly and honestly of my choice, but I also have people on my list who are against that kind of lifestyle. I don’t even want to be K x Kxxxxx because I don’t know what my male middlename would be yet. I am trying to come out as trans a little bit at a time to those who matter most to me and I decided that a compromise to both my masculine and feminine sides would be to simply go with an initial until I figure it out, but I was denied, and feel so much more futher alienated, than simply being the genderqueer dyke who can’t make up their mind as to whether or not they want to be defined by testosterone or estrogen. I understand that being a single letter would limit the odds of my friend’s finding me, but I doubt there are really that many looking to begin with. It’s alright if you can’t change it, as I may be changing it again once I get my head on straight, but I thought that I would message admins. just because I feel failed by the system, and that I honestly believe that being able to control my name, what people call me, ultimately, how people see me would allow me to have some breathing space and clarity about myself, and possibly make a great impact upon my gender exploration. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
    – K Kxxxxx

    **I figure going by K when I am gender neutral is best, I don’t want to be KAY though simply K for now. Also If I were K K Kxxxx that would look totally racist, so I can’t be both Kate and Kendall Kxxxx you know? It’s frustrating.


  13. Anonymous

    I’ve had that exact same thought.


  14. Anonymous

    Like! :D


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