Who wants to be…

Someone wrote…

I’m a boy who wants to be a girl who is attracted to girls.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on August 7th, 2010 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 54 comments »

54 Responses to “Who wants to be…”

  1. Anonymous

    I am pretty much a girl who often feels like an effeminate boy who likes boys. I don’t exactly identify as a boy– somewhere in the middle, maybe.

    I get so frustrated with the existing modes of gender play that exist within the mainstream. As a boyish girl, I am offered the “tomboy” role. However, this pretty much equates to sports and sloppy clothes and being “one of the guys.” I would much rather be a gentleman than a “guy.” There needs to be a “tomboy” equivalent for girls with epicurean taste who like fancy menswear and good manners.

    Maybe I’ll just steal the term “dandy,” since I have a not so secret lust for all things 19th century fashion related – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dandy


    Anonymous replied:

    I too feel that way only I like all boys cloths, and I am completely discusted with female body parts, their gross


    Another Anonymous replied:

    Wow I feel exactly the same way. Like, word for word. (I also love dandy and fancy menswear :D ) I get really frustrated, and I thought I was the only one since theirs no name for it lol. Its nice to know that other people feel this way too


  2. Shana

    Zomg! I’m a girl who wants to be a boy who is attracted to boys! Ohh and I don’t like being called “tomboy” either. Not at all. I’m not pretending to be a boy, which that implies, I really, truly feel like one.


  3. Shana

    But it kinda sucks cuz most the guys i like are straight and don’t find me attractive cuz i look like a boy. :(


  4. chloe

    i have the same feeling.. i am a boy and sometimes i want to be a girl… jealous because they can wear cute clothing while boys only wearing boring clothing.. yet i am straight.. sometimes i think i am too attracted to girls and i want to be one of them..


    Anonymous replied:

    im a guy wh loves to be a girl. i wear night gowns and take creams and pills to inlarge my breast bt still want a woman


    Anonymous replied:

    Wow i feel the same…i also like the way they can style their hair..lol


  5. freaxy

    I’m a tgirl who is attracted to girls. you’re definitely not alone.


  6. tim

    i’m pretty much the opposite (tboy liking boys). indeed, i think we are quite many people feeling this way. we should have a big date all together.


  7. Nava

    To the anonymous: Please, be a dandy. This has always been my prefered style for my own genderbending ideas.


  8. Comrade Kevin

    I’m a boy who wants to be a girl quite often, even when acknowledging that he is a boy in many ways.

    But I can’t say that while I feel feminine or feel masculine that I easily feel male or female. Both seem like mere words, not identities that feel comfortable to me. I often think, “I wish I were a woman” or “I suppose I am a man”, but I can’t say I can state firmly that I am either.


  9. Anonymous

    I’m a female who wants to be a transwoman attracted to gay men and other transwomen!


  10. Elle

    I’m a boy who wants to be a girl that looks like a boy, and I’m attracted to pretty much every attractive person I meet.


  11. Milo

    I’m an effeminate boy who wants to be a more masculine girl about half the time. I feel gay because I usually act feminine and am attracted to feminine people (bio girls or boys).


  12. Sparrow

    I’m a boy who sometimes wants to be a girl that looks like a boy. I’m attracted to the androgynous range of all the gender/sex spectrums.


  13. Anonymous



  14. Anonymous

    I’m a female-bodied person who goes through feminine and masculine moods, and is attracted most to androgynous persons, gay men, and butch lesbians. Human is my only essential criteria for attraction, however.

    I often wish I had a pill or machine or magic wand that would let my body change to match my inner feeling; to have a penis when I feel like a man and a vagina when I feel like a woman. And nothing at all when I’m feeling asexual.


  15. peat

    At #2:
    I don’t think being a tomboy implies pretending to be a boy. I sure never (actively) preended to be a boy in my tomboy days. It was more about being “just as good” as the boys, running and playing, punching and shoving just as readily as any of them and not caring when girls tried to tell me that is not how girls behave. I was a girl and I behaved like that. If they couldn’t handle it (and some sure couldn’t), though luck. It’s not like I needed their approval.

    Now that I’m seeking to be accepted as male, social-wise, I feel like I have more need for whatever feminine qualities I can find within me, so that I can keep on being who I am (just as I was in my tomboy phase) and not just mirror the acts of others.


  16. Regen

    I totally agree with number 14. And I have the opposite problem from Shana–I look too much like a girl to be attractive to the gay boys I like. I identify (most of the time) as an effeminate gay boy. But I was born a VERY female-looking girl. Stupid giant breasts.


  17. emyem

    I want to be the giggly prissy queen who dances Abba in sequin pants all friday night!

    Female-bodied gay boy here,too. But I guess only a few people can see it, since those seem just like girly bimbo qualities… And when fixing my bike or “doing manly things” like that I just feel MORE like a woman, anyway, or like some wannabe-butch.

    Getting confused with all the labels,but finding the term girlfag (and their supportive community) was such a relief for me. I’m not just a pathetic fag hag?! Woo-hoo!


  18. Anonymous

    I know just what you mean…


  19. Maximus

    I am in a male body, but I identify with women, and I’m attracted to the curvy female body, but I like women who identify as men.


  20. Jessica

    I was always offered roles I didn’t want. Oh, so you do this or like that, so you must be a XYZ. No thanks. Am I an effeminate man or a masculine woman? What day of the week is it? I am much more feminine than most men, but when I think of women I admire, very few of them are essentially feminine. Like most people here, if I got my heart’s desire I’d have people accepting me for myself without requiring me to live up to some standard of looks, behavior or sexuality that has nothing to do with me.


  21. Max

    Wow. Reading the above made me feel like a stereotype… Finally! Now I don’t feel so alone. I am–also—a female: boobs, the below parts, the whole nine yards. But I identify as an effeminate male (emo boy wannabe), who likes other males. (I’m a chick who feels like a gay boy, for the people out there not paying attention)

    Sighs. Pride was awful this year. There was a group of naturally gay men working around me, swapping horribly sexy stories, and one yells out, “who wants to see a pic of me last night messing around with Paul?! We were so drunk?!”. They gathered around, and looked disgusted and confused when I come over… Why can’t they see me as not a lesbian, but a dude. It’s freaking Pride, people. They should expect this sort of thing.

    I have yet to meet a gay male who will accept me. Bi males like me. But they don’t “see” me as I see myself. I even tried getting an online personals account showing myself as I am, describeing my ftm issues. Not a one…repeat, not a one, has addressed me in a single letter by a male pronoun. “Hey, sexy chicka… I like your profile…you may try to dress like a guy, but you have a great chest.”

    Hope I don’t get flagged…let me try to word this better.

    I’m just so frustrated. I’ve a few (straight) males to let me tease them with my false male appendage, but I can almost scream. I want to know the feeling of being touched on an appendenge I do not have. I’m tired of people touching my womanly place. I try to ignore it.


    1) Is there anyway to achieve any passable male traits without hormones? Voice training sites. Gaining muscles without steroids. Etc.
    2) FTMs- when taking T, does anyone every achive a sizeable male appendage? More than an inch? If so, how long does it usually take? Was it worth it for you? Does it look as you had imagined it would? And what are the sensations like, as you have expected?

    If anyone else out there has experienced these day to day issues, please write me. I just need a penpal whom I can discuss this with and feel less isolated. cmerril5 at yahoo.


  22. Anonymous

    *whistles along to blur*

    Girls who want boys
    Who like boys to be girls
    Who do boys like they’re girls
    Who do girls like they’re boys…


  23. A

    I am a female-bodied gay boy who likes girls, female-bodied genderqueers/FTMs, and only a few gay cismen. Does that make sense? I’m very effeminate, but I still feel distinctly like a boy. I don’t want SRS (everything down there works fine without being messed with), but sometimes I wish I were a natural male.

    And @Regan (#16): I totally sympathize with your lamentation. Stupid giant breasts indeed.


  24. Jessica

    I have a habit of looking at the NYTimes On This Day feature – specifically birthdays. The other day it was Loni Anderson… among other things – and here is the relevance – “When I was fourteen, my measurements were 37D-20-32. Now I feel more in proportion at 36-24-36 instead of outrageous. Measurements before second reduction operation: 38E-25-36. After 1995 reduction surgery: 38C-25-36.”

    So I went looking to see how many other people had had reductions more than once. There was one poor woman who said “Hi there, ive had breast reduction twice and i’ve grown back to my original size within the year, any advice could this be a medical condition?”

    Some people, I guess, are just meant to have huge breasts that get in the way and prevent them from doing things.


  25. Regen

    It still really sucks, though. But you’re right. Some things you just have to live with.


  26. Adrien

    Man, I’m so glad that I’m not alone…and it’s easy to feel alone sometimes, isn’t it? I’m a pansexual, female-bodied boy. A gentleman, a Nice Boy. That would be me.


  27. Anonymous

    Another female-bodied(hope it’s temporaly) gay boy here. It’s nice to have a place like genderfork were you can say such thing and not be told “Oh, come on now…” I’m really tired. With that life as “girl” – in others eyes. Fuck this. Even my sister don’t approves, telling me that I’m deluded by myself. What a joke… Really, so happy with all your comments. I’m trying to take easy everything, but sometimes – it’s just overflowing, my deep grief and despair.
    Feel better now, though. Hope you’re too, guys, if you were also tired and sad until coming here. I think in spiritual sense we are people who can understand human’s essence the most.


  28. Jessica

    At least, if we’re all full of shit, we’re all full of the same shit. I am sick and tired of other people wanting me to be full of their shit.


  29. Maximus


    Words of wisdom. I think that defines family.


  30. Anonymous

    Original poster: I’ve heard of people who share similar feelings; they call themselves guydykes. I know I’m a huge girlfag, which is sort of the same except flipped. Wikipedia actually has a nice little blurb about it.


  31. grant

    I’m a boy who was born a girl who is attracted to boys and feels like a girl once in awhile.


  32. Max

    Another female-bodied gay guy here. *waves* I’ve only known for about three months, but everything makes so much sense now. I’m not so much gay as I am pansexual (attracted to cis guys, transmen and sometimes women). It’s so frustrating to be seen as a butch girl every day.


  33. audreytwokills

    i’m a pan-sexuala girl. but i am ok with it i suppose. i have always had a horrible self image, i do not like my female body [and its parts] and growing up i was never told i was pretty, yet now people may say that i am [pretty] and it’s hell.so, i was brought up a girl, and like boys [it’ gets confusing now] but the thing is i would rather be, a boy and this is just ah- hard. i don’t know what to do. and this thing is beating me down.

    help?, adreanaok@yahoo.com


    Jessica replied:

    I have written you a reply to your email. Hope you find the help and support you need here. There are lots of caring and supportive folk here. Good luck!


  34. Elle

    Why, oh why, does Genderfork not have a dating site yet? All I need is for someone to love me for who I am AND to want me for how I’m built, it’s always been one or the other. “You’d be perfect if you were a girl,” or “Why can’t you act more like a man?”


    Jessica replied:

    That sucks. Reminds me of an old Benny Hill line, “Put more men on the job!”

    Sarah will have to speak to the dating angle, but for me, most dating sites have a different feel to what I like about genderfork… Now I’m thinking of a Sheryl Crow line “it isn’t about getting what you want, it’s about wanting what you’ve got.”(My boss calls this having musical Tourette syndrome.)

    How exactly is a girl more perfect than a boy (this person only wants someone they can get pregnant?), and what is different about how men act (Arrogant, aggressive, selfish maybe)? I can act just like anybody if I want to.

    But beyond that… some people, I have observed, attract a certain sort of person – I have seen this in many different people, even people who completely changed their sexual orientation = if you drew bums when you were heterosexual, you will probably draw bums when you’re a lesbian. Not to say that anyone is fated to be in awful relationships, but there is some level of predisposition going on here.

    Those people whom I have seen most successful in fighting these predispositions were those who recognized the symptoms of their own behavior and took an active role in changing them.

    Also, some people shouldn’t be with anyone else. I have a sister like that. She agrees, BTW.

    My only real advice that’s worth anything is: if you concentrate on yourself, on becoming 110% of who you are, 110% alive and aware of the present moment – involved in other peoples’ lives outside of yourself, you’ll be surprised by love someday. Relax. And if it never does happen, hey, you will have had a wonderful, memorable, useful, rewarding and exciting life.


    Elle replied:

    I doubt we’ll see a Genderfork dating site anytime soon, and as much as I like the idea I don’t know if it’s a good one or not. Part of the coolness that is Genderfork is the lack of pressure, the calm friendly attitude of be yourself and don’t get judged for it. Plus, with a forum in the works and hopefully a clothing store on the way, I’m sure the hardworking staff is overwhelmed as it is.

    I just find it frustrating to see profiles, pics, and comments from all sorts of heartbreakingly beautiful and heartwarmingly cool people who claim to want partners with a combination of qualities I have and knowing I’ll never ever get a chance to meet them.

    Dating, relationships, love, the whole thing is difficult for everyone. It just seems a little harder for trans or queer people. And just to complain a bit more (I’m allowed :P ), it’s even harder for trans/queer people living in a rural part of a conservative state with a very low population density.


    Elle replied:

    (forgot to add) Thank you Jessica for your concern and supporting comments. Again, that’s probably the thing I love the most about Genderfork.

  35. brad


  36. Anonymous

    I am a man who wants to be a woman i have this longing for it but i got know one to tell about it


  37. SnapperJack

    This site has just put the biggest smile on my face :D I too feel like at least part of me was meant to be a boy. My name is Jackie, I am biologically female. But before I was even born everyone thought I was going to be a boy. Hence the name, Jack. Despite feeling like a boy however, I am also extremely feminine in my ways. I’m not sure how much of this comes down to personality, but I certainly feel far more like a “gentleman” than a dude or guy.
    I’m not entirely sure exactly what I look for in partner but here are some thoughts. It would be nice if someone could just understand me for me. I tend to feel most *at home* around my (girl) friends because I feel I can play the “male” role in contrast to them. In addition, I love “feminine” qualities, far more than masculine ones and I feel this is where I most belong.
    I also seem to go for “quieter” traits in a male – the soft, shy, introverted types… I believe this may be linked more to personality although interestingly I don’t have such a problem with more dominant or outgoing traits in girls… I’m thinking this may be because I see a louder guy as in some ways more masculine and therefore as a threat to my own sense of masculinity?… Any thoughts?
    I am quite lost at the moment in regards to my gender and how this fits in with relationships. If anyone can relate to any of what I’ve said or if I can help you please feel free to email me – jackieheath1@hotmail.co.uk
    Thanks and at least we can provide comfort to each other :)


  38. Anonymous

    I feel slightly like that.
    I’m a teenage girl, and I have this really odd thing where I’m attracted to gay boys. Not just boys that act like they’re gay, but gay boys. Sometimes I actually dream of being a gay boy. Is this something I should be very worried about?


  39. Lauren

    I’m 18 and have felt for years that I would rather be a gay guy. As a girl, I’m not all that attracted to guys. But the prospect of being a gay male excites me. I’m not tomboyish, and feel I would be a somewhat effeminate guy. Not only that, but I have a kind of ‘Gay envy’ – I hate (and at the same time love) watching anything that has a gay relationship portrayed in it, I think because it makes me feel jealous!


  40. Fai

    I am a 15 year old, I would put my gender as well but I’m not to sure what it is yet! I was born female, and I somewhat identify as female. I love wearing dresses and high heels! The only thing is, I wish I had a… male part. I feel like I am, truly, a gay guy who likes to cross-dress, trapped in a girls body. I have been told by many people how pretty I am, and how much of a girly girl I am. I like guys and girls, both masculine and femme. I came out to my family and friends as a femme lesbian, mostly because I wanted to be recognized as gay, even if it was the wrong type… I’m not sure if I’m making any sense. I feel like if I were to have a breast reduction, sex change, and be recognized as a gay guy I would be much happier with my self. But, as many have mentioned, I’m not sure if a sex change would give me the results I am hoping for… For the longest time I thought I was the only one, and today was the first day that I had enough courage to see if there was anyone out there that felt the same way I do! I literally cried in relief when I found this site! Thank you all so much! <3 – Fai


  41. Myself

    I don’t know what to think, maybe I’m just silly and childish, maybe it’s just med student fever, the more I research the more I apply it to myself. I’m a 16 year old female born and raised, but when I was young I would “casually” ask why some people are born girls, others boys and if anyone could ever be both. In school when we were separated by gender my heart would clench in fear and anxiety and I would shamefully hide behind the girls wishing we could all just intermingle with one another.

    I accept that I’m a girl, I like having breasts, I like my curves, I don’t mind my vagina but I sometimes I do wish my chest was flat and I had a male body shape, I think I would be more comfortable with myself if I had a penis.

    I am effeminate, I like musicals, shopping, make-up and girls clothes but I also feel and act like a boy. I live with my 17 year boyfriend in a small flat and when I’m at home I often were his clothes, sometimes I mix and match boy and girl things, we’ve been together for 4 years, friends for 5 and he likes me to be myself.

    I don’t have a sexual preference, I am attracted to good looking people but personality is more important, my boyfriend is my best friend.

    I don’t want to be labeled HE or SHE, HIM or HER, I just want to be me. Do you think I should start taking testosterone if I still feel like this in a few years.

    I know I haven’t explained very well, I tend to ramble when I write.


    tigr replied:

    Don’t worry about rambling :) letting your thoughts out is part of getting them into order and making sense out of them, I think! And I feel you about “just wanting to be me”; same here…

    If you ask me, you should take hormones if and only if you want the effects they have — in the case of testosterone that would be things like beard / body hair, deepening voice … in any case, move at your own pace, take the time you need, figure things out as they come along… there is no one “right” way to be; find the one which works best for you. (Maybe that involves taking hormones, maybe it doesn’t.) And do talk with people, even if it’s only in a place on the internet like genderfork.


  42. B

    I’m a 19 y/o boy who feels like a girl AND a boy, who looks more like a boy but wants to look more like a girl. I am tall, hairy, I have broad shoulders, and my feet are big, so I feel very stupid trying to be androgynous when I’ll just look campy or trashy. I have always thought about estrogen and what it could do to my outward appearance, but I don’t think I would want to get any surgeries done. I feel like a big mess and I want to healthily express my gender without feeling like a freak.


  43. Vel gayboy

    B, be yourself, you already are androgynous or gynandrous person, as it is most important how you feel within yourself. No, you are not neither campy/trashy nor stupid for being androgynous/gynandrous. I have a similar story only am (unfortunately…not really unfortunately because age is only a number, nothing else, if you feel young in spirits) older. As to body hairyness, try some Nair depilations, Nair really does the job, just be very careful if using it for first time. Use a lot of moisturizers for your face, body, a lot of perfumes to enhance your androgyny/gynandry.
    Many especially bisexually or gay to bisexually oriented top men like androgynous/gynandrous persons of either sex, especially androgynous/gynandrous gay boys (above 18 y.o., of course), if you are yourself gay or bisexually oriented.

    Love you all, genderforkfolks!


  44. Evi Allon

    My name is Evi Allon, 23, Stewardess Swiss Airlines. Tomboy love doesn’t have skin colors. I’m looking for a Tomboy as my fiend. If you’re inetersted, then write me in eviallon@yahoo.com


  45. Jayce

    For a while now, I have been wanting. I’ve been wanting to fit in. Wanting to be loved. Wanting to have people who understand me.
    Wanting to know who I truly am.
    I now know that I am loved. I know I fit in. I have so many more friends than I deserve. I now know who I am.
    The answer is simple:
    I am me.


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