An Out-of-gender Experience

Someone wrote…

I’m queer but I’m not gay, I’m trans but it doesn’t show yet. I’m going to be a lesbian, but as transition kicks in I find myself paying lustful attention to men. What am I? Where am I? I seem to be floating outside gender.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on November 12th, 2011 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 9 comments »

9 Responses to “An Out-of-gender Experience”

  1. Izzy

    You’re a human being.

    I went through the same thing without even having taken hormones yet. Sometimes you wake up to things you didn’t see. I stopped trying to put a name to it and just rolled with it.


  2. Jace

    This is so dang good!


  3. Anonymous

    Wherever you go, there you are. I similarly felt floaty recently, and it is rather disconcerting at first…Then I looked back and realized that a lot of what I previously saw as a distinct, (if inaccurate), identity that I held, was actually just another form of floating…and that I had just drifted into another branch of the river.


  4. Aurora

    I am not trans or genderqueer – I am a ciwomon. I am, however, queer. From what I understand, questioning your sexual orientation during transition, whether or not you are on hormones, is extremely common. That being said, there are three times in my life where I seriously thought I was a gay woman… and I spent way too much time freaking out about it. After the third time, when I did start officially coming out as a gay woman, I decided, fuck it. I fuck who I fuck, I love who I love, and I marry who I marry. If you follow the Kinsey scale philosophy, very few people are actually gay or actually straight. Sooo many people, both het and homo, seem to think queer/bi/pan/omni is not a legitimate sexual orientation. Frankly, “straight” and “gay” are more likely to not be legitimate sexual orientations – although all’s fair in love and war, so to speak. Even if you are gay, or straight, or whatever, people frequently fall for someone who is not of their preferred gender. It happens all the time. People need to grow the fuck up and stop telling consenting adults how they should have sex and with whom they should have sex. Sexuality is also very fluid, like gender. It’s entirely possible that you will “go back and forth”, so to speak. Hormones, bodies, life, they happen, and they change. Whether you are trans, ci, female, male, in between, both, neither, whatever. I know this is so much easier said that done (really, I have an anxiety disorder, I literally freak out about *everything*), but try not to worry about it so much. =D


    radical/rebel replied:

    I really love this comment. LOVE IT. It’s time we recognize all of our narratives (gender identity as well as sexual preference) are somewhat constructed and always open to a different ending!

    If our lives are texts, they are always subject to a twist ending. :P


  5. Lee

    I think queer is a great word. It says your sexuality is kind of ‘different’ without indicating your gender, which is one of my biggest issues with more traditional labels, or that of those you are attracted to.
    Sexuality doesn’t really have anything to do with gender anyway.


  6. Anonymous

    You sound like me…


  7. akkadia

    these words make me feel good. happy. thank you.


  8. Thomas

    Aurora is totally right. Sexuality is fluid, so you don’t need to freak out. I have one friend (who I absolutely love dearly) that is always giving me a hard time. She claims to have great gay-dar, but every time she called me a lesbian I’d either deny it or avoid it. yeah, I’d been attracted to females, but I’d only ever dated guys, who I had genuinely liked, so I never felt like i was lying. When I came out as trans she got all excited because it meant she wasn’t totally wrong. there was something off about me. but I still haven’t figured out my sexuality. I’m quicker to admit when I’m attracted to a girl now than i was before, but I can’t say that I’m not attracted to guys anymore, cause that would be a lie.
    A friend warned me that in some cases the gay will follow you. cause he was a previously a lesbian, and is now a gay guy. at first i was kinda afraid that the straight was gonna follow me, then i reminded myself that I only ever acted straight. (I’ve never been a Caskett shipper because I’ve always loved beckett and never though castle was good enough for her.)
    I’ve decided that my sexuality is Schrodinger’s Cat. My sexuality will be determined by whoever i fall in love with.


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