Even if…

Someone wrote…

I’m facing the reality that even if your friends are accepting, and you know that gender ambiguity should be fine, it’s your partner’s opinion that can turn your life upside down.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on March 26th, 2011 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 8 comments »

8 Responses to “Even if…”

  1. Anonymous

    It’s the words from those that are nearest and dearest that have the most power to hurt or heal.


  2. Jessica

    You sure hit that nail on the head. My partner is alternately supportive and hostile – not just to me, but to the whole concept of transgender, or at least the concept of me being transgender. It makes something that isn’t easy very, very difficult.


  3. Clare

    What you have to bear in mind is that your partner could well be thinking
    1. Are you Gay?
    2. Therefore – will you be leaving me?
    3. Are you going out looking for relationship/sex with others?
    4. Am i going to be really embarrassed in public?

    If one or al of these are in the background, causing a problem, they will have to be addressed – and you will have to be completely honest about what your transgender identity means to you. For me its art and style; i have beena long time married and am not about to be stupid and give that up. Total honesty is the key with your partner


  4. Anonymous

    This is my current situation in a nutshell.


  5. Elle

    It kind of breaks your faith in humanity for a while.


  6. Jack

    i am experiencing the same thing right now. the pain is pervading all areas of my life. it’s a difficult thing to come to terms with. my question to myself is “can you really love someone and the relationship just not work out?”
    good luck, my gender varient friend!


    Jessica replied:

    “can you really love someone and the relationship just not work out?” Yes, it can. I have known several couples whose love for each other didn’t fix what was wrong with their relationships. And I have even seen it the other way, where there was no love, but the relationship just worked out. Go figure.

    “The pain is pervading all areas of my life…” Boy, have I got that T-Shirt. There have been things in my transition that harmed my relationship with my partner of +33 years. That hurts. The only thing that hurts more is refraining from transitioning… Sometimes I feel like the contortionist who was tested by PT Barnum:

    “OK, stand up, sir and relax. Now put your right leg behind you head (the man did). Put your arms up your back and grab hold of your leg (the man did). Now lift your other leg.” The contortionist exclaimed “I can’t do that, it’s impossible!” He failed the test. Mr Barnum said he was in the business of the impossible.

    In transition, it’s going to hurt. Sometimes you get to choose who gets hurt and sometimes not. But like tears, not all pain is bad.


  7. Anonymous

    I was lucky enough to find this out last night. It hurts.


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