Right now

Lisa wrote…

I hate where I am right now.

I don’t identify as bisexual, but am strongly attracted to masculinity…not really male, but masculinity. Because binary ideas are nil with me (in fact, a turn off) I don’t identify as gay either.

I adore butch women, but they hate me because I guess I must repent for having had relations with men. I feel like I’m “ruined” in their eyes.

I just want loving people in my life, close to me, so I can share experiences with others and have that intimacy. I wish I were more of a “norm” sometimes so I had some place to go.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on October 20th, 2012 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 10 comments »

10 Responses to “Right now”

  1. Elle

    You could pretend to be a norm, for a while, but it can’t last and I don’t suggest it. You can try to be yourself and sometimes that doesn’t work either. We don’t always have a place to go.


  2. CJ

    Hi Lisa,
    As a non-binary, trans-masculine boi-person, I appreciation your appreciation :P I sometimes feel like noone will be attracted to me because I don’t see myself as butch even though I am quite masculine. And, you know, I don’t actually I’d as a lesbian, etc. etc. I think a lot of people I fall for don’t really understand the trans* spectrum which kinda sucks cuz we’re awesome :P
    Alsoe, psshh don’t let anyone tell you what you should be ashamed of! X


    CJ replied:

    Ewww lots of typos. Phone typing-sorry!


  3. Aubri

    I too am attracted to masculinity. I’ve run into some troubles as well but know there are people out there who will accept and love you for who you are. Don’t compromise who you are to make others more comfortable.


  4. Andy

    If someone actually gives a hoot about who you’ve slept with, then they’re not worth being with. It is pretty astonishing how much prejudice there still is in the queer community, despite having had so much prejudice aimed at us.

    Many people are going to and do love you the exact way that you are. If you let yourself be attracted to people rather than types, then the right person will show up.


  5. E

    “I adore butch women, but they hate me because I guess I must repent for having had relations with men. I feel like I’m “ruined” in their eyes.”

    I thought I was the only one with that problem… It’s one of the reasons it took me ages to come out of the closet, I was more afraid of the gay-community not accepting me than the rest of the world…

    Thankfully I have found some accepting people and I have started not caring about idiots so much, although it can be painful at times…

    In the end, I kinda figured that I don’t want to be with a person who doesn’t accept me anyway. I have never even been with a woman but I don’t care anymore, I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, I know what I like. I have the right to define myself the way I feel comfortable. I can’t force other to accept it but I think they should keep in mind it’s their personal opinions and they have no right imposing them on me no matter how many years they have been gay, they don’t own the title (in my opinion).

    So yeah, it’s tough I guess, but you have every right to an identity as anyone else and to define your own identity!
    Sending a friendly cyber-hug


    Aubri replied:

    “I have the right to define myself the way I feel comfortable.”

    Right on!


  6. Anonymous

    I love this so much. There is so much truth that rings in these statements. I’m right there with you <3


  7. Anonymous

    You just haven’t met the right butches/masculine women yet. We’re out there. All of the women I have dated have been bisexual or exclusively with men before me. They weren’t ruined at all. Just remember it isn’t about you, but their own fears about their masculinity/sexuality. Stop looking for a norm, be yourself and eventually you’ll start meeting the right people.


  8. CYR

    Honey, you’ve just not run into the right crowd of butches yet. I promise that you are not ruined, and I promise that there are so many butch women out there who would love you and accept you. There’s no shame in loving anyone. The queer community should realize that by now.


Leave a Reply

Can I show your picture? If you have a Gravatar associated with this email address, it will be displayed as your photo. If not, I'll just put a picture of a fork next to your comment. Everybody likes forks.

Be nice. Judgmental comments will be quietly deleted and blacklisted. There's plenty of room for those elsewhere on the web.

For legal reasons, you must be age 13 or older to post a comment on Genderfork.

You can use some HTML tags for formatting, e.g. <em>...</em> for emphasis (italics) or <strong>...</strong> for strong emphasis (bold) or <a href="http://(url)">...</a> for links.

Back to top