Starting to Wonder
Someone wrote…
I experienced a lot of dysphoria as a child, and strongly identified as a boy even though I was assigned female at birth. Halfway through middle school I gave up on the short hair, boys clothes, and trying to bind with sports bras. I became fairly comfortable being perceived as a woman over time, but now I’m starting to wonder again.
Did I make myself feel comfortable because I thought I had to? Should I explore my gender more and ask to go by gender neutral pronouns and names? I’ve always felt uncomfortable with both my name and pronouns, and I have an incredibly accepting group of friends.
I’m confused and tired of it, especially since only recently did I go from identifying as straight to identifying as a possibly graysexual panromantic.
What’s your experience?
Category: your voice 3 comments »
June 6th, 2013 at 1:17 pm |
Gender is confusing and tiring. Conforming to anything foreign to yourself is a struggle. Be anything you want to be, identify any way you want to identify. Myself, I identify as human and I don’t do labels. For me, when I first discovered transness, I was all over it. It was new and different and made me forget what I didn’t like about myself and replace my dissatisfaction about me with hopes of being new and different. Well, a lot of that was hooey, and most of the rest an odd mix of dysphoria and paranoid sociology.
Eventually I am coming out of the other side and I have nothing to prove. I don’t require anything of anyone and how they perceive and identify me is their problem, not mine. I do demand respect and I do not conform. I don’t conform to transfolk expectations any more than to cisfolk expectations.
When you start perceiving the world as gendered, you impose a binary upon it that is entirely unnatural and artificial. My advice: don’t impose it on the world and don’t impose it on yourself.
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June 7th, 2013 at 8:38 am |
This sounds a lot like my experience. At 40 something, I finally stopped and took a closer, more honest look at my gender identity and found that I had been suppressing my male side a lot over the years, though it had been present when I was younger. Now I’m working to give both sides time and space and value in my life, I identify as bigender and that works for me, but it’s hard to communicate to others.
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June 7th, 2013 at 8:38 am |
I’ve started to switch back and forth between gender presentations after feeling some level of gender dysphoria for about ten years. I’ve found that trying things out, putting them into practice and getting that experience, has been crucial to figuring out what I really want. It’s hard to know whether the changes you’re considering will feel right just from imagining or daydreaming about it – it might feel different in real life than it does in your head. So my advice, for what it’s worth, is go for it, but be honest with friends and family that you’re exploring.
Sometimes I think keeping it all in your head (and/or on the Internet) can amplify the anxiety over these decisions. I think about gender less now than I did when I kept it all to myself. You could also talk with friends and family (or a counselor) about it, and share your feelings without committing to any social changes like name and pronouns. Good luck, and I hope it goes well for you!
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