Someone wrote…

The other day I wore a tie to work. My office is very gay friendly but we’ve never talked about gender. No one said anything about the tie. I can’t tell if this is because it didn’t phase them, or if they were uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on May 6th, 2013 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 5 comments »

5 Responses to “Tie”

  1. Anonymous

    I’ve had a similar experience, and I struggle to answer the question, “What reaction were you looking to evoke?” And then subsequently, “Why is it important to get others’ reactions?” I’d be interested in knowing if YOU felt satisfied and comfortable… regardless of your coworkers’/employers’/clients’ responses (or lack thereof).


  2. KimLaroux

    Probably because most of them were fan of Avril Lavigne back when she released her first album and just thought the fashion came back.

    Nah honestly, it is much more accepted that women wear men’s clothes than the other way around. There’s nothing really disturbing about a girl wearing a tie, or a whole suit, for that matter. Just wearing a tie doesn’t really tell them you’re genderqueer.


  3. Alex

    To answer Anonymous’ questions, I suppose I was looking for a reaction, though I don’t know what kind. In the past, at least where I’m from, no reaction has lead to really bad outcomes. That is, it’s more polite not to react because what they are seeing is SO weird and “abnormal” they don’t say anything. I suppose I was looking for a reaction so I could better gaugeSo tomorrow we are test driving cars at luther Hyundai and Kia in bloomington. And them going to some huge neighborhood garage sale in chaska. Do you wan everyone’s comfort level with various gender expressions, because any reaction would be better than none.

    That Minnesota nice culture can sometimes bite you in the ass :)


    Anonymous replied:

    I am from a very conservative area in the South, and so I definitely understand the “saying nothing” as a way of avoiding confrontation. Moving to the Midwest and being hundreds of miles from my “roots,” I’m learning my expectations of people need reassessing. I’m like you… I’d like to hear something… to feel noticed. I am constantly changing my gender presentation… and what seems to happen is that people begin to expect difference. They have begun to accept and appreciate that I’m not femme every day… nor butch every day… Often, it’s a mixture. Their silence has become comfortable, because instead of talking about my clothing or expression, they talk about my ideas, my progress, etc. I work with amazing people, though.


  4. Lynne McMillan

    Perhaps it is not unusual for them to see anyone wearing a tie so that they did not react. Or maybe because they are preoccupied in something that is urgent for them to do at that time. Nothing is wrong if they did not react since any man looks good in their outfit.


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