A self made man

Ash wrote…

I am a trans man who is accepting of all gender identities and expressions. However, sometimes I feel like I am being unintentionally misogynistic because I do identify as male and enjoy the “traditionally” male aspects of presentation. I’ll wind myself up until I’m in tears because I feel like my identity and expression puts off a hypocritical vibe, since I’m not comfortable with looking “femme” myself. I do what is comfortable for me, but I feel like I’m still enforcing gender essentialism.

Any other guys have this problem?

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Posted by on December 15th, 2014 at 08:00 am

Category: your voice 3 comments »

3 Responses to “A self made man”

  1. Anonymous

    I’m FTM and enjoy traditionally male and female presentations, but if I only liked traditionally male things or presentations, that would not (I hope) be a comment on how others should or can present themselves. You don’t have to be a representative of someone who presents as more genderqueer if that is not who you are. The best example you can be is of yourself, and be vocal about the range of choices that everyone can make for themselves.


  2. Anonymous

    Hey Ash,

    I would like to share a little. I’m a non-binary person. Any honest gender expression of who you are is valid. There is never a need to justify, explain, or apologize for who you are. All that matters is that you are a decent human being and that you treat others with decency and respect. If dressing femme is not your thing, that’s valid. It’s just as valid as another wearing a blouse, sparkly purple skirt, and tights.

    A big problem for the good majority of us is that we were forcibly crammed into one gender box. Some of us are feeling the pressure to conform to a new one. Others of us said f* it, I’m going to be me and not worry about what others think. I am personally in the last category. I wear what I want and what I like. I don’t wear femme things. It isn’t because I see femme things as lesser – it is simply because the things designated as femme are not my thing. I hope this makes sense. Clothes do not a gender make. They should be treated as a palette for gender expression.

    All gender expressions are valid. The most amazing thing is that even the clothing that people gender, such as the aforementioned blouse, tights, purple sparkly skirt, and business suit are not inherently feminine or masculine.


  3. Anonymous

    Hey Ash,
    Forgive me if this comes off as patronizing. When I get caught up in analysis paralysis The most helpful antidote for me is curt speech:

    Try to Ground yourself in your answers to the following questions:

    1.) Is your self expression done with the intent to prevent others from doing the same for themselves?

    2.) Is your gender presentation anyone else’s goddamn business but your own?

    3.) Do you feel this way out of fear of being disowned or shamed by others?

    4.) Does discomfort give a person the right to invalidate another’s gender identity?

    About the hypocrisy thing: Abstract ideals of behavior do not have bodies, do not have jobs, or feelings, or worries. They don’t have bad days. They don’t have desires or guilty pleasures. They’re not corporeal. They don’t have to deal with being human. but you do. Cut yourself some slack.


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