Question: Being Transgender/Doubts and fears

Hayden Reid asks…

Hey so just last week I came out to my dad and step mom and told them I think that I am transgender. Since then I bought two guy shirts and today I got a lot shorter, more masculine haircut. I also just yesterday figured out a name I would like to go by and one of my coworkers started to use it. I felt fantastic being referred to by the name Hayden, with he/his/him pronouns and I got really happy after my haircut.

However, my parents say they are supportive but they are obviously skeptical. A few weeks before I came out, one of my best friends came out as ftm transgender, which I told my parents about. Since I have come out my step mom has on multiple occasions hinted that she thinks I’m delusional and that I’m some sort of LGBTQ hypochondriac.

When my friend came out and posted a video about it on facebook it broke me out of another phase I was going to go through in trying to be girly, I broke it off with a guy I had been seeing and started to research being transgender with all my free time (not the first time I’ve done that).

Is this a common thing for parents to think you are “catching symptoms” of transgenderism online by doing research? Because in my opinion it’s complete idiocy, especially since my small steps to transition are making me feel better and I can also connect things to my childhood.

What are your thoughts?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on September 29th, 2015 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 4 comments »

4 Responses to “Question: Being Transgender/Doubts and fears”

  1. Alan

    Ooh boy. I’d really hoped I was the only one who was going to get that particular variety of nonsense thrown at them, but that’s clearly too much to hope for in this world. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.

    You might want to see if there’s a chapter of PFLAG near you that you could direct your parents to if you think they’d be willing. It’s not always the best thing in the world, but can often be of use. Also, if you haven’t already seen the Gender Spectrum website, I would check that out– they have a number of useful resources.

    Anyways, keep on taking those steps to transition– it sounds like that’s a good path for you to be going down.

    I hope this helps at least a bit, and I wish you the best of luck.


  2. Anonymous

    this is so my mom, always speaking of that “evil” internet that made me think I am trans.
    And that if I`d spend more time on finding real friends (ignoring that I have a few very good ones and they are enough for me!) then on the internet I would not have had this “idea”.

    How often have I heard her say “that you are feeling this way doesn`t mean that it IS that way”, always implying my feelings are wrong.
    She still does not get it totally, although I am five months on T now. I guess she will never learn. I am over 30 and she is old and I just don`t discuss that with her anymore. She will see the changes. I can`t do more.

    So, just do what makes you feel better, it is not your job to please your parents, it is their job to try their best to understand you and help you!

    BUT: I guess I would have my doubts too as a parent, when in short time two good freinds both came out as trans. I remember sometimes taking over habits of good friends because I wanted to stay close to them and show them my love by copying them in some ways.

    Try not to be rude to your parents, but talk quiet and clearly about what you feel and what you need from them to feel better.

    Maybe they can understand that a kid that feels loved by their parents will be in a better position to make well thought out decisions than an angry and sad kid rushing into something just because the parents are against it. Maybe this can be a way to talk to them…


  3. PFLAG Gender Focus

    Denial can be one of many stages that parents go through, unfortunately. Please consider showing them some of PFLAG’s free pdf pamphlets, especially “Our Trans Loved Ones”:


  4. PFLAG Gender Focus

    Unfortunately, denial can be one of the many stages of grief that parents can go through when their kid comes out. Hopefully yours will come around. Please consider showing them some of PFLAG’s free pdf pamphlets, especially “Our Trans Loved Ones”: www DOT straightforequality DOT org SLASH transmaterials
    Good luck!


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