Question: Being Transgender/Doubts and fears

Hayden Reid asks…

Hey so just last week I came out to my dad and step mom and told them I think that I am transgender. Since then I bought two guy shirts and today I got a lot shorter, more masculine haircut. I also just yesterday figured out a name I would like to go by and one of my coworkers started to use it. I felt fantastic being referred to by the name Hayden, with he/his/him pronouns and I got really happy after my haircut.

However, my parents say they are supportive but they are obviously skeptical. A few weeks before I came out, one of my best friends came out as ftm transgender, which I told my parents about. Since I have come out my step mom has on multiple occasions hinted that she thinks I’m delusional and that I’m some sort of LGBTQ hypochondriac.

When my friend came out and posted a video about it on facebook it broke me out of another phase I was going to go through in trying to be girly, I broke it off with a guy I had been seeing and started to research being transgender with all my free time (not the first time I’ve done that).

Is this a common thing for parents to think you are “catching symptoms” of transgenderism online by doing research? Because in my opinion it’s complete idiocy, especially since my small steps to transition are making me feel better and I can also connect things to my childhood.

What are your thoughts?

Please post your response in the comments below.

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Posted by on September 29th, 2015 at 08:00 am

Category: questions 12 comments »

12 Responses to “Question: Being Transgender/Doubts and fears”

  1. Alan

    Ooh boy. I’d really hoped I was the only one who was going to get that particular variety of nonsense thrown at them, but that’s clearly too much to hope for in this world. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.

    You might want to see if there’s a chapter of PFLAG near you that you could direct your parents to if you think they’d be willing. It’s not always the best thing in the world, but can often be of use. Also, if you haven’t already seen the Gender Spectrum website, I would check that out– they have a number of useful resources.

    Anyways, keep on taking those steps to transition– it sounds like that’s a good path for you to be going down.

    I hope this helps at least a bit, and I wish you the best of luck.


  2. Anonymous

    this is so my mom, always speaking of that “evil” internet that made me think I am trans.
    And that if I`d spend more time on finding real friends (ignoring that I have a few very good ones and they are enough for me!) then on the internet I would not have had this “idea”.

    How often have I heard her say “that you are feeling this way doesn`t mean that it IS that way”, always implying my feelings are wrong.
    She still does not get it totally, although I am five months on T now. I guess she will never learn. I am over 30 and she is old and I just don`t discuss that with her anymore. She will see the changes. I can`t do more.

    So, just do what makes you feel better, it is not your job to please your parents, it is their job to try their best to understand you and help you!

    BUT: I guess I would have my doubts too as a parent, when in short time two good freinds both came out as trans. I remember sometimes taking over habits of good friends because I wanted to stay close to them and show them my love by copying them in some ways.

    Try not to be rude to your parents, but talk quiet and clearly about what you feel and what you need from them to feel better.

    Maybe they can understand that a kid that feels loved by their parents will be in a better position to make well thought out decisions than an angry and sad kid rushing into something just because the parents are against it. Maybe this can be a way to talk to them…


  3. PFLAG Gender Focus

    Denial can be one of many stages that parents go through, unfortunately. Please consider showing them some of PFLAG’s free pdf pamphlets, especially “Our Trans Loved Ones”:


  4. PFLAG Gender Focus

    Unfortunately, denial can be one of the many stages of grief that parents can go through when their kid comes out. Hopefully yours will come around. Please consider showing them some of PFLAG’s free pdf pamphlets, especially “Our Trans Loved Ones”: www DOT straightforequality DOT org SLASH transmaterials
    Good luck!


  5. Lilly

    If your parents don’t get it….its on them not you. I sincerely hoped nobody else was stuck in positions like this. As a transfemale in a Christian home….well….i get a lot of shit. My mom is the worst…i have had to move out 2 times and at 17 am almost self suficcent and am close to cutting my mom out of my life because she takes every chance she can to shove the whole “trans is sin” nonsense down my throat. But dont let anyone tell u who u aren’t. Just be u.


    Anonymous replied:

    My mom is constantly telling me that I am wrong about how I feel any time she can possibly bring it up. I am a younger trans guy and she will constantly say rude things out of the blue just to see if it upsets me. I already get enough hate from almost everyone I meet…I only came out to her about a year ago, I’m hoping that she’ll come around and support me eventually


    Anna/ ALix replied:

    Hey Anon. That really sucks. If you want your mom to stop saying really rude things than you are probably going to have to talk to her about it. Try and get her to see that things that she says are really hurtful. other than that you can make sure that you have a group of friends that support you entirely. remember, you can cut friends out of your life if they don’t support you. GOOD LUCK


  6. Anonymous

    I remember when I first start suspecting that I might be a trans guy, I totally freaked out and kept trying to prove to myself that it was nonsense. I went through a whole girly phase, which included buying dresses by choice for the first time in my life… it only made me feel so much worse.. but I kept thinking that it would be so much easier if I just kept everything a secret…but it wasn’t worth how much emoitional pain it put me through. Almost everyone in my everyday life understands that I am not a girl and most people are kinda supportive actually, which was really relieving. My mom really just doesn’t get it, she will say that if I would’ve trans I would’ve known at a younger age (which is completely untrue), or she’ll point out that I still own a dress, or she’ll blame it on the internet or one of my friends that just so happens to be LGBT. She would rather find any excuse for what I’m feeling rather than accepting that’s just the way I am… but I’ve made myself stronger and I’ve chosen to not take offense to the words she says because she just isn’t going to understand no matter how much we argue. I am so grateful for the people in my life that have been supportive and I will continue to carry on just the way I am.


    Lilly Garcia replied:

    bobby, im sorry your mother is like that, im living in a shitty situation myself since I came out, and my community has hatefully acknowledged that im female, which I can deal with. however, my family is trying to force me to be their son….like really? a parent cannot accept their daughter(or in ur case, son) because they simply are unable to understand. I get the same shpiel from my parents all the time, the whole” you don’t own dresses” or maybe ” you don’t wear makeup or dress girly” which I always scoff at because I do dress girly, and even my hair is feminine. however, congradulations on being yourself and doing what many teens have to do, and that is be themselves and harden their hearts to their own family, keep being you, and eventually they will come around but if they don’t, no sweat of your back, it isn’t a you issue, its a them issue.


  7. PaulPaula

    You are extremely courageous and have my utmost respect and, I am sure, the respect of everyone here. Never be afraid to be your real self, and be very proud of whom you are. Regards.


  8. Anonymous

    I’ve been pretty sure I’m a trans guy for the past year or so and nobody at my school knows… recently I got a girlfriend and I really care about her and it didn’t feel fair that she doesn’t know…. I’m telling her soon and I know she’s gonna break up with me…but if I don’t tell her now it might hurt even more when she finds out. this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do… and i realized that this is one of the reasons that people have to know… any advice or tips that could make the situation any less painful? -Bobby


  9. Paula

    You are so brave and courageous and have my utmost respect. Never ever be afraid to be your true self. xx


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