Question: Dysphoria
asks…
I need some kind of way to explain this to… well, myself, really:
What does gender dysphoria feel like?
Because I know what it feels like. But I can’t find any possible way to describe how it feels. I need to know that there is some kind of language to describe this, because if there is, then I’m not the only one experiencing it. If someone else describes something and I get it, even if I only kinda get it, maybe that means I’m not a alone.
Please post your response in the comments below.
» Ask Genderfork «
Posted by Freiya on March 7th, 2015 at 08:00 am
Category: questions 3 comments »
March 8th, 2015 at 5:34 pm |
KH‘s description of dysphoria feels particularly well-worded to me. My bodily dysphoria isn’t as strong as hers (more of a continuous “ewwww” that can vary from an imperceptible whisper to “EW EW EW” on particularly bad days than a consistent “OMFG WRONG”), and I don’t always associate the way I feel my body should be with a gender (I’m agender and feel that my chest should be more or less flat, but I usually only associate that flatness with masculinity in social contexts, and I associate being read as masculine with having control over how people see me).
Social dysphoria is a bit trickier to describe for me. I tend to distance myself from people who read me wrong as a way to cope with it/feel less of it. It basically makes me feel like people don’t see me (or don’t want to see me because who I am confuses/scares them) and are constructing an imaginary person based on their expectations and layering that over the reality of who I actually am. Which kind of makes me feel like I don’t exist, or my existence is less solid than the existence of binary/cis people.
[Reply]
March 9th, 2015 at 9:34 am |
Thank you.
[Reply]
March 11th, 2015 at 9:49 pm |
For me dysphoria is like alienation an depersonalization, I see my reflection in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself. Before my surgeries my body gave me the creeps, I wanted to get rid of it, it was a prison, a disguise I couldn’t take off, I cut myself trying to get it off. My female name sounded like an insult to my ears, no one knew who I was, like if those around me wanted to mold me because they couldn’t understand what I really was, my mother didn’t knew her son.
I get lonely because I know that lots of people will be unconfortable with me, but lying about who I am for others confort makes me feel a traitor and even lonelier because I wouldn’t really be with another person and with myself neither.
The world wants people to wear masks, even cis people suffer for wearing masks, for people like us is even more evident, fighting for even having a name, a gift that is given to a person just because of being born…
Well, that’s my experience, kind of depressing, but I think you will identify with a thing or two, just don’t do same as me, don’t harm yourself.
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