jay asks…

how do i convince my mom to let me wear a tuxedo to my prom?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

You can call me… Still haven’t found a name.

I identify as… Neutrois, asexual, and I generally don’t otherwise. For the most part I’m fairly fluid, but a few are set in stone.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … They. You can use whatever other GNPs you want, but I haven’t found one I like yet. I noticed I end up using “zey/zem/zeir” in my head a lot, may end up going with that.

I’m attracted to… Curiosities. I want to know everything and pick apart things I don’t understand until I do.

When people talk about me, I want them to… I’d actually rather they didn’t, it makes me nervous when people talk about me behind my back. Unless it’s something like “oh, hey, they asked if you could pick up some milk on your way home” or “they’re working on a project so try not to get ahold of them for the next week or so.” That’s cool.

I want people to understand… I don’t care about understanding – I don’t understand everything. I want them to tolerate. I want people to stop hating things just because they’re different and start accepting that even if you don’t know why a person is some way or don’t think they should be, that they ARE that way and it isn’t hurting you, so why hurt them?

» Define yourself. «

Dandy – 4, originally uploaded by Saint Plan.

Someone wrote…

Once, I held the door open for a man carrying a heavy box, and he smiled at me and said “You are a gentleman and a scholar.” The unexpectedness of this comment made me smile all day, but everyone I told about it wondered why I wasn’t offended that he used a term that implied I was male. I couldn’t tell them that his use of the word “gentleman” was exactly why I found it so delightful.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Despite being called Chewbacca when younger, Dana – whose chin hairs are linked to PCOS – explains, “This is just me.”

, originally uploaded by lkatz.

You can call me… kit, sable, baby blues

I identify as… a person. very queer, very genderqueer, and very indifferent/obsessed, depending on the moment.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I’m seriously considering “ze.” Male pronouns don’t work, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I am female.

I’m attracted to… BOYS!!! as well as anyone transgressively androgynous: femininity in men, masculinity in women, androgyny in anything that moves.

When people talk about me, I want them to… remember that I’m human and that their words carry emotion.

I want people to understand… That I’m really just someone like them. That I’m not going to preface my self-definition with “this might sound strange but…” That gender norms apply to them, too.

» Define yourself. «

Wells wrote…

I live in the South, where sir and ma’am are used in just about every conversation with strangers – so “correctly” guessing the gender of the person you’re talking to is an integral part of being polite down here. People find it really hard to peg me down, however, and most will switch honorifics at least once when talking to me. I pretty much always get sir first, then ma’am, but today I got ma’am first and then sir. Though I felt bad at how flustered that guy got, I just grinned at him while he tried to work it out. It was just so satisfying to get that kind of external acknowledgment that people see me as more than a woman in men’s clothing – that I am actually passing as ungendered.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

, originally uploaded by daystar297.

Ly asks…

I’m in a relationship with a woman 20 years older than me, and for her it’s hard to even grasp the concepts of “butch” and “femme” much less my genderqueer identity. I want to show her my world (she’s very much a part of the hetero world) and explain my identity to her but I don’t even really know where to start. How do you induct someone into a community they have never been a part of?

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «

in bed, originally uploaded by 0hseptember.

Marion wrote…

I sort of came out to my mum the other day. I explained by saying that rather than being female (my biological sex) or male, my gender is foppish dandy. We decided that the correct pronouns for someone who identifies as a foppish dandy are “fe fi fo fum.” It’s not quite accurate, and I’m not sure she understands how much this means to me, but it’s good enough for now.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

Closeup Malcontent, originally uploaded by jantifirlong1.

psuedony recommends…

Gender controversy seems to follow this lady, and I guess I’m so queer I don’t get it. But I love what she has to say about it:

“This is really who I am, and it took a long time to be okay with that… Maybe in high school you, Ellen, you feel discriminated against. Like you don’t fit in and you want to be like everyone else, but not really, and in the inside you want to be like Boy George – well, I did anyway. So I want my fans to know that it’s okay. Sometimes in life you don’t always feel like a winner, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a winner, you want to be like yourself. I want my fans to know it’s okay.”

» Recommend something. «

You can call me… Rin.

I identify as… an actor. A space alien. A sub (mostly). A bigendered polyamorous aromantic pansexual-asexual-autosexual. A multiclass bard-sorcerer. A Shakespeare freak. Mad. Weird. Awesome.

As far as third-person pronouns go, … I don’t expect people to keep up with what gender I am at any given moment, or to switch pronouns accordingly. I’ll answer to any of them, really. (Currently I’m fond of “sir or madam.”)

I’m attracted to… intelligence. Talent. Mad rhetoric skillz. Geekery. Creativity. Snark. Deep voices. Broad shoulders. Guys that are taller than me. Guys that are shorter than me (i.e. most of them). Women of many varieties. Collarbones, ears, eyes, wrists. Crazy colored hair. Boys that look like lions. Girls that aren’t sticks. Ability to keep up witty banter and willingness to stay up until four in the morning and listen to me rant about Hamlet. My friends.

When people talk about me, I want them to… laugh and swap crazy stories.

I want people to understand… that my identity is fluid. Not just my gender identity, but the whole thing. I can be anything at any time. Whatever I’m presenting as today, that’s what I am.

About Rin
I’m a broke theatre student who’s working on starting an experimental Shakespeare company instead of getting a real job. Completely unrelated to anything, I also have a webcomic.

» Define yourself. «

Multiple Me, originally uploaded by sparkiesworld.

The photographer writes, “This shot is about the different faces I project to world and the inner me.

“First, whether we are male or female, it is possible to feel like we have some opposite gendered traits. I certainly feel I have an amount of masculine in me, it is not something that is obvious to people on the outside but I feel it. This is why I have depicted myself as a man yet if you look closely I’m wearing stilettos… The image on the left is me as a school girl… The image to the right is the sexy side of me, the side that is naughty, the side my boyfriend sees. The final shot in the mirror represents the face that no one gets to see, only me and that’s the way it will always be.”

Alexandra wrote…

After a trip to the mall today I walked home with one bag in each hand. In one I have lacy bras and lingerie and in the other, a handful of new boxers. At home I have a boyfriend who thinks I look sexy in either. It’s times like these where I realize how lucky I am.

What’s your experience?

And what are you thinking about gender right now?

A reader recommends…

Janelle Monáe is an amazing musician who has a distinctly queer sense of style. Her first album, Metropolis: The Chase Suite, is a wild trip in a science-fiction universe where the forbidden love is between androids and humans. Her lyrics are smart and engaging, and her vocal range is wild!

» Recommend something. «

Felix, originally uploaded by TearOfIce.

Ginny Athena asks…

What might you suggest as some easy, fail-safe-ish tips/tricks/resources for feminizing masculine faces for this young mtf transwoman? I’ve been extremely encouraged and inspired by this site to try harder to blend my genders, but still have a somewhat crippling lack of confidence and knowledge to comfortably proceed. Thanks in advance! =)

Please post your response in the comments below.

» Ask Genderfork «