I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m bisexual, and that will never change. But on discovering that, I’ve uncovered a more perplexing labyrinth of lies and confusion for myself. I’ve come out to my friends that I’m bisexual and they’re okay with that, but I don’t know how’ll they react to telling them I think I’m trans, let alone to my parents.
My parents are traditional, with a nuclear relationship and career status. My sisters all have severe health issues, fibromyalgia, and other horrible diseases that are engraved in genetics, and I don’t have that, so it appears that I’m the one that’s “normal”. If I told them now I was a bisexual trans, it would put more stress on them. They love me, no matter what, they told me directly, even if I were homosexual, but I’m not prepared for the questioning. My dad will question every minute detail there is, even though I’m still confused, and my mom will just yell at me until I answer my dad. They both love yelling, but that’s the one things that deteriorates me fastest. But if I respond better to a softer tone, it’ll only confuse them even more which will lead to more questions and yelling.
I’m thinking I should wait until my dad is deployed somewhere and tell my mom since she’ll take it in easier and then be the one to break it to him. I haven’t told my parents my sexual orientation, nor about what I’ve been feeling for the past 6 years.
I’ve told specs of my thoughts to one of my closest friends, since I’ll know she won’t care, and she doesn’t, but there’s another that I know will never let go of it, and rub it in my face until the end of time.
I’m fourteen now, born female, and I don’t like it. I like it when people call me by male pronouns by mistake, but it feels awkward, even with female pronouns. I relate more with my guy friends, in a close, tight group of 7, 5 girls and 2 boys, but they all act the same. I want to wear more masculine clothing and do more things that’s more associated with boys, but my parents won’t let me. Especially my dad. He decides what I wear, so it’s really girly things, but I’ve manipulated him now to wear more what I want, but it’s still really feminine. I want to wear what my tomboy friend wears, since it’s still a little feminine as a compromise, but he won’t allow it. I’ve already decided that when I have enough money, I’ll get my breasts removed (they’re annoying). And even my screen name is Master, instead of Mistress.
I want to tell them, everyone, but I can’t handle what they’ll ask me. Especially my parents. My mom has seriously considered sending me to a therapist for my anger and violence (it’s also genetic, doesn’t helps with my muscular build). So I’m planning on getting to the point where she’ll send me to the therapist, and tell them.
I really need help. I have no relations with other LGBT in real life, but if I start going to recreation centers and conventions for them, they’ll start questioning me. I can’t explain anything to save my life to anyone I know, so I’m asking people I don’t know. What should I do?
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